For Always

by Janae Mitchell

  "Nobody could replace you. I've missed you!"

  "Yeah, I can tell," she said sarcastically.

  I laughed. "I'm sorry. There's been a lot going on." If she only knew. "And we are down in Savannah with Max. He had a heart attack."

  "Oh, no! Is he okay?"

  "Yeah, he should be fine." We continued to talk while I finished eating breakfast and made plans on her to come stay with us for a week next month. "I can't wait! We'll have so much fun!" I was truly excited, yet a little nervous at the same time.

  She fussed at me before we hung up. "When I text you, you better text me back. And if I don't call you, you better call me. You copy?"

  "Ten-four." Talking to her had lifted my spirits. We had been inseparable for so long, then I moved and we had barely talked to each other. It's weird how friendships could change so quickly. We talked for a few more minutes before we hung up and I finished eating.

  "I'm gonna bring Beau back today."

  Grandmama turned to look at me. "Ya need to wait 'til we can see Max again. If somethin' goes wrong, I want him there."

  "But I can't wait any longer. He's been there for several days already and I can't stand the thought him being there another minute."

  She leaned across the counter and looked at me over her glasses. "What if ya can't bring him back? Ya have to think 'bout that ‘cause it's a possibility. And I don't want ya gettin' your hopes up and feel like you've lost him all over again."

  There were so many things I wanted to say back to her, telling her she was wrong, that I was gonna get him back, but I chose to just keep my mouth shut. Sometimes silence is the best option. So I just nodded, making her think I thought she was right, which I usually did, but not this time.

  As I got up to put my plate in the sink, I devised a plan. "I'm gonna go take a bath."

  "That sounds good. Maybe it'll help ya to relax some," she said as she raised her eyebrow at me. She could always sense when I was wound up. And right now, doing something I was just told not to wound me up pretty good.

  I just smiled at her and went upstairs, feeling more nervous with every step I took. I rarely defied Grandmama, and when I did, I dreaded every minute of it. I didn't want her to be disappointed in me. Or maybe it's because I always thought she'd know somehow and I'd get caught. Guess I'll be testing that right now.

  I grabbed the radio that was in my room and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I cranked it up so it wouldn't be so quiet and turned the bath water on, but didn't put the stopper in so the water would run out. When I thought it had run long enough to fill the tub, I turned it off. I dried out any splashed water that was in the tub and sat down, rolling the towel up and putting it behind my head. I knew I had to get comfortable, which this tub was not. I scooted down so I was lying on my back, which felt some better. I propped my feet up on the wall and started to meditate. Once I went through all the steps for separation, I found myself hovering over my body. I would never get used to that feeling.

  I immediately started thinking about Beau and felt myself traveling. It wasn't a second later that I was emerged into total darkness, not being able to see or hear anything. At first I panicked, thinking something had gone terribly wrong, but then I remembered where Beau was. I couldn't believe I had actually gotten in here, which made me ecstatic and frightened at the same time. That's one thing Max wasn't sure about. Since the Darkness wasn't a definite location, he didn't know if I'd be able to project into it or not. But I did it, and the putrid smell that was invading my nose was proof of that.

  Being in pitch black darkness scared me to death. I couldn’t see or hear anything around me, but had that feeling that I was surrounded by people—surrounded by something. I tried to relax, pretend I was somewhere else. I shut my eyes to block out the mysterious blackness with the familiar blackness of the back of my eyelids. When I finally started to calm down, my thoughts returned to Beau.

  Suddenly I was filled with a joy I hadn’t felt in several days; I felt him. "Beau?" I reached out trying to grab onto him, but remembered I couldn't. This was the part we hadn't thought out completely—how to bring him back.

  I stopped, relaxed, and thought about nothing but him. He was here; I could feel him. I focused on his spirit, like I was drawing his into mine. This was it, I was so close. I thought I even heard him say my name. This was it! Then suddenly I was being pulled away, pulled away. "No!" I was thrown back into my body and it felt like my heart had been ripped out in the process.

  I was back in the bathtub. "Malyn, I told ya to wait! What're ya thinkin'? Ya have to be monitored when ya do that! What if ya were gone too long? You heard what Max said!" She kept yelling at me as I started to cry, still lying in the tub. When I didn't say anything, she helped me up and walked me to my room. "You better never disobey me again, Malyn." That was all she said as she wiped my tears and left me in my bed to cry myself back to sleep.

  I didn't wake up until after three o'clock and was afraid to go back downstairs. I hated her being upset with me. But I knew I had to face her sooner or later, so I might as well get it over with. I found her sitting on the front porch reading a book. I sat down next to her, sharing silence with her for a few minutes before she sat her book down and looked at me.

  "I'm sorry," I told her. "I just…" I didn't want to start crying again, but my tears had always had a mind of their own.

  She reached over and patted my arm. "Malyn, I know all this is hard on ya. I know it is." She sat back and sighed, looking out at the alluring neighborhood. "I've always worried 'bout how your abilities would affect your life as ya grew older. And I've always been thankful for Max, that he's been here to help us—help you. If it hadn't been for him…" She shook her head and was quiet for a minute. "I always worried 'bout someone findin' out, thinkin' ya were crazy. People makin' fun of ya." She laughed. "I never thought my worries would turn out like this—you fallin' in love with one of 'em."

  "I'm sorry."

  "It's not your fault. Ya see what ya see and feel what ya feel." She turned in her chair so she was facing me. "My main concern is you gettin' your heart broken beyond repair. As distraught as ya were when he disappeared, and as upset as ya were earlier today, I can tell ya still have hope. It may come to a point, though, where there's no hope, and if that happens, I want ya to be able to hold it together. I don't want ya to be so into him that if ya lose him, ya lose yourself."

  I nodded. "I care too much about you and Max and my friends to let that happen," I said, trying to convince myself that I meant it.

  "I know you're strong. I just want ya to stay strong no matter what happens." She patted my arm again. "Let's go get somethin' to eat. I know you're probably starvin'."

  And she was right. No matter how bad a situation got, I was always able to eat.

  * * *

  Max was still groggy from his surgery, so they limited our visit to just a few minutes so that he could rest. As it turned out, he had more than just a procedure done today. As soon as we walked out of his room, I shut his door and immediately turned to Grandmama. "Why didn't he tell us so we could be here? What if something went wrong?"

  "Bypasses are done all the time now days. He probably just didn't want us to worry, waitin' here all mornin' 'til it was over."

  We continued to walk down the hall toward the stairs. "As soon as he's better, I'm gonna ring his neck."

  "You and me both, honey, you and me both."

  Once we got to the car, I debated on how to word what I was about to say. "Um…"

  When I didn't go on, Grandmama looked at me. "Um?"

  "Um, when we get home, I want to try again. I want you to help me." She started to say something, but I just kept on talking. "I know it will be okay because I've already been there and back." I looked out my window, remembering how it felt to know I was so close to him. "I just have to figure out how to bring him back with me." She sighed, but didn't say anything. "Are you gonna help me?" I laughed and added, "That way I don't have to
think up a new way to be sneaky." Her head snapped around at me and she gave me a look. As my laughter faded, I asked, "Do you have any suggestions on how to bring him back? I felt him, but it's so dark and empty there." I shivered without meaning to. "I couldn't see or hear anything. I don't even know if he knew I was there. I thought I heard him, but I’m not sure."

  "If he loves you as much as you love him, which I'm sure he does, he knew."

  * * *

  Once I finally got Grandmama to come upstairs, I laid down and started trying to relax. I was doing great until she interrupted my process by asking, "How will I know if somethin' goes wrong?"

  "What could go wrong?"

  "I don't know." She was quiet long enough for me to get relaxed again before she asked another question. "How long ya want me to wait before I shake ya and bring ya back?"

  "I don't know, five minutes maybe?"

  "Okay." She looked over at the clock. "Five thirty-eight, ya better be back by then."

  "Give me until five forty and stop asking questions or I'm never gonna be able to leave to begin with."

  "Sorry, I'm just nervous. This is Max's territory, not mine."

  "I know, but we can't wait on him. I'll be fine." I smiled and took a deep breath, hoping I was right.

  She was finally quiet enough for me to begin the process. When I felt relaxed enough, I started separating myself from my body, starting with my hands and working down to my feet. Even though I had done this a couple of times now, it still felt weird, especially when I was completely out of my body and could look back at myself. Once I was free, I knew my time was ticking down, so I immediately thought of Beau, and before I knew I had even went anywhere, I was there. I was in the Darkness.

  I hated it. No matter how much I reached out trying to grab ahold of something, anything at all, there was nothing. Arriving here and having most of my senses taken away had thrown me so off balance, I had to focus again to try and find Beau. At least I could still feel, maybe not physically, but I knew he was there. I reached out, knowing I wouldn't be able to touch him, but I knew I'd be able to feel him. I focused on his face, the dimples that always teased me, his smell, his touch. I imagined I was holding him tight, and him holding me back, not letting each other go, like we were becoming one. I was so wrapped up in how good he felt that I almost forgot that I was here to rescue him. As I refocused on the task at hand, I just hoped that it would work.

  As I retreated back toward my body, I did it slowly, trying to pull Beau with me. I couldn't see him, and had no clue what he was thinking, but I knew he knew I was here. All I could do now was embrace him with my spirit, soak his love into my soul, and hope it connected us enough so that this would work because it's all I knew to do. Please Lord, let this work.

  I held onto him the only way I knew how and forced myself to return back to my shell and my very anxiously awaiting grandmother, hoping he was still in tow. I heard her say, "Thank goodness," which surprised me because it didn't feel like I was back in my body yet. I quickly opened my eyes and was shocked to see myself still lying on the bed looking at Grandmama.

  I wasn't in my body—Beau was.

  "What the—"

  "I'm so glad ya made it back," Grandmama interrupted him, reaching over and patting my body's arm. "I was almost ready to pull the plug and give ya a good shake."

  I looked back at myself and the look on my face was unreadable. My arm reached up and was feeling my face and my hair, and when my hand rested on my chest, my body sat up and looked at Grandmama completely bewildered.

  "For the love of all that's holy, Nellie." He jumped up, and when he did, he saw me standing at the foot of the bed. "Malyn!" He reached for me only to grab air. Now he knew how I always felt.

  Grandmama suddenly realized what was going on and her eyes almost popped out of her head. "Beau?"

  He turned to face her and nodded my head. "What's goin' on?" It was weird to hear him talking with my voice.

  Grandmama got up and walked to where I was standing, reaching out and sticking her hand inside my stomach, which made me feel like I had ate something that was out of date. "Malyn," she whispered, then looked at Beau. "She's here, ain't she?" She sounded like she was about to panic. Beau just nodded again. "Thank goodness. Now, how we gonna fix this?"

  Beau laughed nervously. "I hope ya ain't askin' me." She just looked at him, and I could tell she was thinking, but he must not have thought that because he stopped laughing. "Are ya askin' me?"

  She shook her head. "Malyn, tell him how to do it. Tell him how to get outta your body so ya can get back in it."

  As I looked at Beau to explain what he would have to do, he looked rather preoccupied. He was looking down at the floor smiling, which was very out of place considering the circumstances. "What are you doing?"

  He looked up at me, still smiling. I couldn't stand having to look at him in my body. I wanted to see his smile, not mine. "Your thoughts."

  "My what?"

  "Thoughts. They're still in here." He smiled even bigger at me, which made want to cringe. I could only imagine what thoughts of mine he was thinking. Then his smile faded and he just looked at me. His stare was so intense that I could almost see his blue diamonds shining through my own eyes.

  Grandmama leaned forward and put her head in her hands. "As soon as you're through snoopin' in her brain, we need to get y'uns switched back." She leaned back and looked at him. "I don't know how long she can stay like this."

  He broke his stare and looked at her, but didn't say anything. He sat back down on the bed and looked at the floor again.

  Wonder what thoughts he's going through now? I'm sure I'd find out soon enough.

  When I realized he was just going to sit there, I told him to lay down and try to relax. It took him a minute, but he finally laid down. I went through the steps that I did to separate myself from my body. I hoped that since it wasn't actually his body that it would be easier for him. After I explained the process to him, I stepped back, thinking it may help him relax.

  We waited almost thirty minutes before I finally saw his hand come up out of mine. The plasma ball had been on since before I had left to go bring him back, so I was anxious to see how it would affect him as he separated from me. I had stayed away from it, not sure how it would affect me. But we had to have it on, or when I brought him back he would have went right back home and possibly back to the Darkness. So I watched intently as each of his body parts rose from mine, hoping the ball would work, but not until he was completely free of my body.

  As he lifted himself up off the bed, he immediately became solid, just like he always did. I was so glad to see him again that I just wanted to run and hug him, but remembered I couldn't. Not yet.

  "Hurry, Malyn, get back in there," Grandmama ordered.

  No sooner I thought it, I was back. And as soon as I felt my body again, I jumped up and threw it at Beau. "Oh, my word, I missed you!"

  He squeezed me tight. "I missed you, too. How long have I been gone?"

  I leaned back and looked up at him. "Too long." Oh, mylanta, I had missed him.

  "Six days," Grandmama said, reminding me she was in the room.

  "For goodness sake! No wonder I started losin' it there at the end. That place may not physically torture ya, but it sure can make a man go batty."

  "I'm just glad you're back and that you're okay."

  Grandmama stood up and added, "Me, too," as she stole a hug from him. "And you weren't the only one goin' batty," she said as she nodded her head toward me, grinning, and walked out the door.

  "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did and lost my temper like that."

  "That's okay."

  "No, it ain't.” Then panic crossed his face. “How’s Henry? Is he here?”

  “No. You all disappeared at the same time.”

  His face fell. “Think we can get him back, too?"

  I shook my head. "No, I didn't think I'd be able to bring you back. And I doubt I would've if I didn't l
ove you so much. I had to focus on that, and luckily it worked. But I barely know Henry, so I doubt I could do it."

  He grabbed me and held me tight again, slowly rocking back and forth. I could've stood there like that forever, but he interrupted it. "When I ended up in your body…"

  "Yes?" I coaxed.

  "When I was in your body and…in your thoughts, I not only knew your thoughts, but could feel 'em, too." I was a little frightened at where he was going with this. "Even when I'm like this," he held out his arms, "I can't feel like that. I don't even know if I've ever felt like that." He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I felt your love." My heart swelled, letting me know exactly what he was talking about. "Just so ya know, I love ya that much, too."

  I laid my head on his chest and smiled. I had my Beau back.

  Chapter 29

  GIFTS

  Malyn

  I couldn't believe it was only two more weeks until summer break was over. The summer had went by way too quick and I was dreading starting my senior year at a new school, especially since I despised the only other people I knew besides Beth. LeLe was coming to visit next week, so I hoped she would be able to take my mind off of it all. And if not, Beau always had a way of being able to take my mind off of things.

  He said that being in my body after coming back from the Darkness had been the strangest experience ever. Not just physically, but mentally. He said I had so many emotions rolling through me that it had almost made him dizzy trying to keep up. He didn't tell me about how he had felt my feelings toward Jace until after we got back home.

  "I know ya loved him, and that ya still do, sorta. I know it's different now, though, and I understand it better. But I still don't trust him," he made sure to add. "He has no respect for our courtship. None at all."

  I scooted myself up in the hammock, cuddling up as close as I could against him. We had only been back from Savannah a few days, but it felt so good to be back home. As beautiful as it was down there, and as much as I liked seeing Max, that place had worn me out. Max got to go home from the hospital and promised he'd call if he needed us. Even though she didn't say anything, I could tell Grandmama was still worried about him. He said that as soon as he was back to one hundred percent that he'd come up and visit again for a few days. I knew she'd hold him to it.