His Lullaby Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  Toby shook his head. “Willa cried for two days when Owen went the first time. Calla was impossible. She called Uncle Sloan’s sat phone eighteen times in one day. Trust me, you’re not the only one.”

  Feeling slightly better, she offered him a small smile. “Thanks.”

  He started to shake his head when the door opened and Cole entered with the man right behind him.

  He wore a beautiful black, wool coat over a sharp, three piece suit in rich navy. His hair was a steely gray that matched the straight mustache decorating his upper lip. He smiled and the lines deepened around his warm, black eyes.

  “You must be Addy,” he said in a deep, rumbling voice. One lean hand was extended. “Jim Grant.”

  Addy slipped her palm into his and gave it a firm shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Grant. Thank you for driving out.”

  “Of course!” he said like it never crossed his mind not to. “Cole and I go way back.” He released her hand and touched the gold buttons on his coat. “So, I hear you’re in need of some legal advice.”

  Addy nodded. “Yes, and I will pay you for your time.”

  Jim put his palm up. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let me hear what needs hearing and we’ll go from there.”

  Nervous enough to chew steel, she led everyone to the parlor.

  “Can I take your coat?”

  Cole took it from Jim before Addy could and draped it over his forearm. “Why don’t we take care of this and make some coffee? Black with two sugars, Jim?”

  Jim nodded. “That’ll be it.”

  Cole patted Toby on the arm in passing and motioned him to follow.

  Toby hesitated. His blue eyes locked with Addy, silently asking.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered.

  With a dip of his head, he followed his dad out of the room.

  “Great family right there,” Jim said as he lowered himself down on the sofa.

  Addy took the armchair across from him. “Are you married?”

  “Was.” He smoothed a palm along the burgundy line of his tie. “Worked too many hours and missed too much of what was important.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He waved the same hand. “My own fault. But that’s not why we’re here. Tell me what I can do for you, Addy.”

  Maybe it was because he was trying to help or maybe because she’d already told the story twice before in the past few days, but it all came rushing out of her with too much ease. She left none of the important details out and made sure not to rush or ramble. Jim said nothing as he sat back and listened. One leg was draped over the other and occasionally, his foot would twitch, but he was still otherwise. When she finished, his shoulders rose with his deep inhale. His nostrils flared. He shifted on the cushion.

  “That’s a big bag of cats you’ve got, Addy,” he remarked at last.

  “Can you help me?” she asked when that was all he said.

  He ran his fingers over the hairs along his upper lip and eyed her thoughtfully. “What is it you want exactly?”

  “To not lose my kids,” she blurted without an ounce of hesitation. “I don’t care about the rest. I don’t want his money or to press charges. I just want a divorce and custody of my kids.”

  “I have to be honest,” he said slowly. “I haven’t practiced family or divorce law in years. I may be rusty, but I would need to do more research. Cole mentioned a missing person’s report and some allegations made against you?”

  Addy shook her head. “I never saw the report—”

  “I did.” Toby moved into the room. “It painted her as unstable and a danger to herself and Sean.”

  “My son,” Addy said when Jim looked perplexed.

  “I see.” He bent his head to the side and observed her. “And are you? Unstable and a danger to yourself or your son?”

  “Of course she isn’t!” Toby snapped.

  Reaching over, she took the hand balled at his side. “It’s okay. He needs to ask.”

  Toby looked no less thrilled, but he kept his mouth shut.

  Relieved he wasn’t going to push, Addy turned back to the other man. “I’m not. I would never put Sean in danger.”

  Cole arrived with four mugs on a tray holding sugar and cream. There was also a plate of her cookies on the side, which she had a feeling was Toby’s doing. It was all set on the coffee table.

  Jim took his and sipped it thoughtfully. Cole took the spot next to his friend as Toby settled on the arm of Addy’s chair, his hand still clasped in hers.

  “I see your coffee making abilities have not improved.” Jim cast Cole a teasing frown. “Still strong enough to wake the dead.”

  Cole chuckled. “A bad habit I picked up from you while we were cramming for finals.”

  Jim shook his head. “Those were the days.” He set his mug down and focused on Addy once more. “Addy, I really want to help you, but I honestly can’t think of a single way to do that that won’t blow back on you. As it stands, you’ve deprived your husband five years of one child’s life, four years of another, which he doesn’t even know about. He could easily turn around and use that against you in court and the judge would see fit to agree, especially when there isn’t a shred of evidence that he was ever abusive to you or that he’d done any of the things you say he did. A fifteen year old and a nineteen year old is only illegal if someone reports it, but as wrong as it is, you married him. Willingly or not, the courts won’t care. The point of the matter is that you two slept together, you got pregnant, and he did the right thing. Then you took his kid and ran.”

  “But that isn’t what happened,” Addy protested, her heart thumping too fast in her chest.

  “I know that and you know that, but prove it. That is what the courts will want you to do, prove that he was abusive. Prove that he raped you. Prove that he’s the monster you’re claiming he is. That is why it’s so important that women come forward in situations like this. There is a process, a procedure, hospitals and the police go through to make sure the victim gets the justice they deserve. True it doesn’t always happen that way, but not doing anything only helps bastards like him go on to do it again to someone else.”

  “So, what are you saying, Jimmy?” Cole asked. “Is there nothing we can do? What are our options?”

  “Turn yourself in and hopefully he—”

  “No!” Toby’s fingers tightened around Addy’s. “She’s not the criminal here. She’s got nothing to be sorry about and she sure as hell doesn’t need to ask that fucker to go easy on her. Think of something else or I’ll handle this situation myself.”

  “Toby!” Cole’s warning tone cut through the room. “That’s enough. We will think of another way.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help,” Jim murmured, looking genuinely remorseful.

  “So … that’s it?” Addy whispered.

  “Well, I can definitely file for divorce, but the minute the paperwork goes through … it’s all pretty much out in the open. He could come at you with kidnapping charges if he really wants and endangerment if he can prove you really are a danger.”

  Unable to stand sitting there any longer and be told all the ways she could lose her kids and go to jail, Addy shot to her feet. Her nerves wavered, making her feel nauseous and empty. Her knees wobbled, but she locked them into place.

  “Excuse me. I need to check the oven,” was all she could manage as she detached from Toby and hurried out of the room.

  She made it into the kitchen and out the backdoor before Toby caught up to her.

  “Addy, wait.”

  Ignoring him, she dropped down on the steps and pulled her knees up to her chest. The wind seemed colder as it blew against the house. It clawed at all her exposed flesh with vicious hunger, none of which she could feel past the raging chill radiating from deep inside her own body.

  Those eighteen hundred and twenty five days she’d spent at the mercy of a spoiled, violent man were days, months, and years she couldn’t possibly get back. Nia a
lways said their past made them the strong women they were today, but Addy didn’t feel strong. She felt hopeless and lost, and terrified. It was the sort of fear that had paralyzed her those five years when she hadn’t been allowed out of the house, not even the front porch without supervision. It was sixty months of being denied her own baby for longer than a few hours. By the third year, she had given up all hopes of ever escaping. She had even begun to accept that that was her life and fighting was useless. Even if she had told anyone what he was doing, how she was treated, no one would believe her. Why would they when her own parents hadn’t? Jonathon was a hero and she was some girl who got pregnant at fifteen. His dad was a Member of Parliament and her dad was his biggest supporter. She’d had no one and nothing and no idea how to get out.

  But she had. It had taken her a year to save enough, to pilfer away clothes for her and Sean, to memorize the alarm code and the best way to reach the highway without getting seen from the house. It had taken her years to convince them they’d broken her, to make them lower their guard. And for what? All of that and she would lose everything all over again.

  The step creaked next to her and Toby lowered himself down gingerly. He kept his injured leg extended while the other one sat bent. He lay his cane down on the porch and turned to face her.

  “We’ll figure this out,” he promised her.

  Addy shook her head. “I should never have done this. I should never have put my kids through this.” She scrubbed roughly at the traitorous stream of tears that refused to quit with the back of her hand. “We were fine here, away from everyone. I had Sean and Hanna … why did I think I deserved more than that?”

  “Addy…”

  She jerked away when he tried to touch her. “I blame you as much as I blame myself.”

  “Why?” He didn’t sound angry, but there were slivers of hurt in the question.

  “Because you waltzed into my life, even though I told you to stay away and you made me believe I could be happy. You had no right to give me hope, Toby. You should have left me alone.”

  “So you could sit out here in the middle of nowhere alone for the rest of your life?”

  “But I would still have my kids!” Her voice rose with her anger and frustration. “I wouldn’t have stupidly put myself out there only to have it all come apart.”

  “You couldn’t have sat in ignorance forever. Eventually—”

  “You don’t know that. I managed for five years without a problem.”

  He nodded slowly. “Okay, fine. What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I wish I’d never met you? Well, I won’t. Meeting you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

  It broke her heart, but he was her best thing, too. He’d given her more than just his affections. He’d given her son his smile and her daughter someone who understood her, and he’d given Addy the first ever taste of safety. If she were honest with herself, he’d given them more by walking into their lives then she could possibly thank him for.

  But the hurt and self-hatred was too strong, most of which wasn’t even aimed at him. Truthfully, she wasn’t angry with him at all. She didn’t blame him. How could he have possibly known just what he was walking into?

  “My entire world was turned upside down the minute you walked into my life.” She swiped the cuff of her sleeve beneath her eyes, gathering makeup and tears. “You should have kept walking.”

  “Maybe,” he murmured quietly. “But that was unlikely to happen.”

  Sniffling, she turned her head to peer at the man seated next to her. He was looking off in the direction of the barn, blue eyes narrowed in deliberation. His jaw was set in a firm line.

  “Why?”

  He met her gaze with a flick of his irises in her direction. “Because I love you. I’ve probably been in love with you since that first day, and lord knows I love those kids. There ain’t a damn thing in this world that’s going to change that.”

  The low, earnest murmur pummeled her chest in a succession. Each one drove straight in between her ribs to clasp around her thundering heart. Her breath became an expanding balloon, growing bigger with every second until she was certain she’d explode with the pressure. No one, except her own children had ever said those words to her. Not even her parents. She honestly never believed anyone ever would.

  “I love you, too,” she whispered back.

  His features softened. “Enough to keep me?”

  She felt herself smile. “Yes.”

  He exhaled. “Good, now, what do you say we go back in there and find a way to fix this?”

  Addy nodded. “I’d like that.”

  With her hand in his, she let him lead her back inside. Jim hastily rose to his feet when they walked in. His dark eyes met Addy’s.

  “I apologize for—”

  Addy shook her head. “You were only telling me the truth.”

  She regained her seat.

  “There is something.” Jim splayed his hands. “No one knows. You could always just go back to the way things where.”

  The thought was tempting. It had even crossed her mind. It would be so easy to simply slip back into hiding, to maybe even pack up and go somewhere else. But even if she stayed, no one in town ever questioned her presence there. Macy had made sure they accepted her as one of their own. She’d made it possible for Addy to have a life. She really didn’t want to give that up. Plus, it was time. As much as she kept fighting it, Toby was right, eventually nothing ever stayed hidden and she was so tired of running.

  “No, I’d really like to get that divorce, please.”

  Jim stayed long enough to go over the process with Addy. He told her the risks and the possible outcomes, both good and bad. Then he finished his coffee, told Addy he’d get the paperwork to her by Monday and walked with Cole out the door.

  Toby stayed behind, perched on the armrest while Addy gathered the dishes off the coffee table and set them in the tray. She could feel his eyes on her, scrutinizing her every movement with rapid intensity.

  “Addy?” he murmured at last, and only when she started to lift the tray up to leave.

  She stopped and turned to him. “Yeah?”

  He rubbed his palms on his jeans. She wasn’t sure if it was just a reflex or if his leg was bothering him.

  “You’re not doing this because of me, are you?”

  Addy straightened. “What?”

  “I mean, the idea of you belonging to another man makes me crazy, but…” He broke off to rake five frustrated fingers back through his hair. “This has to be what you want. I can’t have you hate me—”

  “Is this because of the things I said?”

  “Partially, but that’s why you need to be sure this is something you’ve thought about and you’re doing because it’s for you. No matter what, I’m not going anywhere, but it’ll kill me if you hate me later because you think it’s my fault.”

  Guilt lodged a volleyball sized fist deep in the cavity of her chest. Self-loathing pooled in her stomach, making the muscles wrench.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I never should have said those things. I didn’t mean them the way they came out. But even then, I shouldn’t have…” She licked her lips. “This is something Nia and Macy have been telling me to do for years, and I knew that they were right but all I could think was why? I was safe. He can’t find me. I’ll keep my head down and I can just live my life in ignorance. But I can’t. God, I don’t even know how I managed this long. How did he not find me by now? How did the school not call the police? I don’t even understand half of this. All I can think is I got so damn lucky, but eventually, that luck was bound to end, right? It may not get any easier from here, but at least I’ll no longer be his prisoner.”

  The intensity in his watchful gaze did not lessen. If anything, it seemed to pulse with a new sort of watchfulness, a wariness that made her heart flip.

  “No,” he whispered at last. “It won’t be easier, but it sure as hell won’t get harder.�
��

  Addy frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Blunt fingers reached for hers. They curled around her hand and pulled her to him, to the V between his parted knees.

  “I mean, I won’t let it.” Fingers unfurled and both hands lifted to settle on the curves of her hips. “Those kids aren’t going anywhere and neither are you. Now kiss me. I’m not going to see you for three nights and two days.”

  Her confusion dissolved into amusement. Her palms curled into his shoulders. The heat of his skin rose through the thin material of his top. It swept around her in a tangle of temptation and a pang of need so powerful it was impossible to ignore. The scent of him washed away what little sense she had remaining and she swayed deeper into his arms. Her neck bent and she seized his mouth with hers.

  Toby groaned. The sound vibrated between them in a rumble of pure lust. His fingers cut bruises into her hips through the material of her jeans. She felt the rage of his need burn her, draw her closer, a moth to an open flame. Any moment, she expected to catch fire and turn to ashes, but all that happened was her slowly roasting alive while he devoured her senses.

  One hand slid down and gripped her thigh. It was lifted and parted and she was made to straddle his good leg. The apex of her throbbing sex settled on the hard cords and her vision blurred.

  “Like that?” he taunted when she whined. “You have no idea how badly I want to take you to bed right now. How badly I want to get between your legs and stretch you open with my cock.”

  Addy gasped. Her core gave a hungry clench.

  “Toby…”

  Her tormentor smirked. “How’s that for not holding back?”

  Breathing hard, Addy nodded. “I like it.”

  His features darkened. “Yeah?” His palms squeezed her ass, just hard enough to make her entire body shudder. “Good, because I plan on following through when I get home.”

  Addy moaned. “Can’t wait.”

  He kissed her again hard. He sucked on her bottom lip and nipped with his teeth. She cried out and sagged in his arms. Her nipples were hard and her panties wet. Her hip rolled against his thigh and he snarled.