Rocks and Stars

by Sam Ledel

  “Hey.”

  I pick my head up and open my eyes. I don’t see anyone, then turn to look behind me. Joey walks up to the far side of her car, which I hadn’t even noticed was parked next to Emily’s.

  For a second, all I feel is panic, which sends an excruciating throb through my foot and up to my knee. “Shit.” I grimace, stumbling slightly.

  Thanks to her long stride, Joey rounds both of the cars between us quickly. “Whoa, easy.” She helps me straighten back up. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” I mumble, the pain subsiding just as quickly as it came. “Thanks.”

  She nods at my crutches. “The robot arms suit you.”

  “I hear they’re all the rage in Europe,” I say. “Decided to bring the trend stateside.”

  Thanks to a lot of willpower and several CSI marathons to distract myself, I’ve actually managed to follow Emily’s orders and not talk to Joey for the last twelve days. It helped that I wasn’t really able to leave my apartment much since rolling my ankle. But after I didn’t respond to her text the first day when Emily placed my phone in the fridge, Joey sent me another message two days later, asking if I was going to be at practice. I waited two hours to respond, eventually only saying yes. I was pretty sure she’d taken my shortness as a cue to leave me be. And since I’d been sidelined the last few days of practice, we hadn’t talked at all. Which, to say the least, was weird.

  I shift my weight, then say, “I’m, um, just waiting for Emily.”

  Joey nods. She’s watching me, and I can tell that she wants to talk about it. I don’t blame her. Of course, she’s curious to know why I’m ignoring her, especially right after we started talking again. I would want an explanation, too.

  I take a deep breath. “Listen, Joey. I know I’ve been kind of AWOL lately.” She doesn’t say anything, just moves to lean against the car next to me. “And I’m sorry about that. Thinking about it, if I were in your place, I would be pretty confused and hurt if one of my friends just stopped talking to me. Twice,” I add with a cringe.

  Joey nods. “Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.”

  I can’t help but laugh at her very Joey response. “Yeah, well, I should…well, I should be more honest with you about why I haven’t talked to you at practice or anything.”

  “Mm-hmm,” Joey says, crossing her arms and eyeing me carefully.

  For a moment, I consider telling her. I consider telling Joey that she and I aren’t just friends, which makes everything between me and Jax complicated. I consider telling her that I still think about that kiss. But if I spend more than a moment on those thoughts, I start to think too much. And I can’t give into those memories now that I’m with Jax. I consider telling her how confusing things are. And that things only get more confusing when she and I are around each other.

  “Kyle?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You were going to tell me something?”

  I blink, realizing I haven’t actually spoken yet. “Sorry.” I adjust my weight onto my right leg. “The reason we haven’t been talking. It’s, well, it’s because of Jax.”

  Joey raises an eyebrow. “Jax?”

  I nod. “Yes. I mean, she’s not, like, making me not talk to you or anything. It’s just that, well, things always seem to be a bit tense when the three of us are together, and it was suggested to me that maybe you and I take some time apart, since I am, you know, with Jax.”

  It’s quiet for a moment, the only sound the scraping of cleats behind us signifying the girls have made their way over to the parking lot.

  “Is that it?”

  Confused I ask, “Is what it?”

  “That’s why you stopped talking to me?” She reaches out, running a quick finger along my collarbone, “Why you stopped wearing the necklace? There’s no other reason?”

  I swallow. Again, the urge to tell her overwhelms me. What if I did admit all of those things? I gaze up into her light blue eyes. What if I told Joey that part of me wishes I was brave, like her? What if I told her the truth?

  “No,” I finally say, looking down. “There’s no other reason.”

  Joey stands up. “Okay. I get it.”

  “You do?”

  Joey looks down then, scuffing her cleats along the asphalt. “Sure,” she says softly. Then she pauses. “Though Jax, I have to admit, isn’t my favorite person.”

  I chuckle. “You don’t say?”

  She laughs and shrugs. “Is it that obvious?”

  “Only most of the time,” I say, smirking.

  “Hey, you two.”

  Our conversation is interrupted when Emily opens up the trunk of her car. She piles her soccer bag and some cones into it before slamming it shut.

  “Hey,” Joey and I say in unison.

  “Ready to go, Kyle?” Emily asks, giving me a look that I know means I’ll have to spill about this later.

  I turn to Joey. “I’d better go.” Then I reach for my crutches. Emily clicks the car unlocked, and Joey pulls the passenger door open for me. “Thanks,” I say before slowly falling not-so-gracefully backward into the seat.

  “Very nice,” Joey says once I finally get my seat belt on.

  We exchange grins as she hands me my crutches. Emily opens up her driver’s side door then slides in. “All set?” she asks, starting the engine.

  “Yep. Thanks,” I say again to Joey.

  “No problem.” Then she leans down so that she’s eye level with me. Emily fiddles with the radio when Joey lowers her voice and says, “Call me when your babysitter lets you out again.”

  I stare at her for a second, then her face breaks out in a smile and she stands up, shutting the door. Emily puts her car in reverse. It’s quiet except for the pop music as we pull out onto the road. Then Emily finally breaks the silence.

  “I heard that.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  “You know, I would have had that shot today if Katie hadn’t blocked my view.” Joey hands me another beer from the fridge.

  “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

  “Hey,” she says, hip pushing the fridge door shut. “I’m serious. You’re good, but not that good.” Her eyes twinkle, amused.

  I shrug, then say, “All right then. I’ll be sure to use my freshly healed left foot next time. You know, to go easy on you.”

  We cross the living room and drop down onto one of the cushions on Emily’s couch. The apartment door stands open, and Elaine and T. stand just outside the doorway, calling into Haley’s open apartment across the hall. Haley, who moved in over the summer, has created a communal gathering space at our apartment complex. Now Emily shares the hosting burden each time we get together. Music from Haley’s drifts over to us with the brisk November air coming through the open door. Initially, I pitied the notoriously uptight swim team members who had to live next door when these team parties began, but Emily insists that with a healthy schedule of freshly baked cookies, they let our get-togethers slide as long as things don’t get too loud.

  Emily sits with Callie, Sarah, and a few other upperclassmen out on her patio. There’s laughter coming from Emily’s bedroom, where Mary and the new freshmen have been watching cat videos on the Internet for the last hour. I take a sip from my beer and stretch my left foot out to rest on the coffee table in front of Joey and me. Joey crosses one ankle over her knee, and I shift to lean against the arm of the couch, facing her.

  “Hard to believe another season is almost over,” I say as Katie runs in from the hallway to grab another drink from the fridge.

  “I know.” Joey stretches out one arm up onto the back of the couch. “Before we know it, we’ll be juniors.”

  I nod and we both stare at the TV for a little while. Emily has the old movie channel on with the volume off. As a result, the characters in the mobster flick speak vehemently but silently at one another in black and white. When the movie cuts to commercial, there’s an advertisement for holiday decorations.

  Joey clears her throat. “So, are you goi
ng home once finals are over?”

  I nod. “I think so. Since I wasn’t home over the summer, I’d like to be there for a few weeks. Kevin mentioned that my parents aren’t home much. And I don’t want to leave him alone again, especially over Christmas.”

  “Such a good big sis.” Joey smiles.

  “Well, I don’t know about that.” I look down, fiddling with the bottom of my blue button-down. “I still feel bad about the summer. I think Kevin’s had a rough time this semester. And my parents…well, my family isn’t great at the whole communication thing.”

  Joey tilts her head. “Never would have guessed.”

  I give her knee a bump with mine. “All right. That was a fair shot.”

  She grins and takes a drink. My eyes flicker down to her lips for a moment, but I force them back onto the TV when she meets my gaze.

  “Um, any New Year’s plans?” I ask her.

  Her fingers play with the rim of her beer as she says, “Actually, there’s this group of people from my economics class getting together in Dallas.” She shrugs. “They’re pretty cool. And sometimes it’s nice to hang out with people who aren’t on the team, you know?”

  I don’t really know, but I nod anyway. “That sounds fun.”

  “Yeah,” she says. “We’ll see.”

  Our eyes meet over the tops of our respective beers. Then I feel two hands snake over my shoulders and down my chest.

  “Hey, babe,” Jax whispers next to my ear.

  “Hey,” I say, clearing my throat. Joey shifts away from me on the couch. I didn’t even realize we’d inched closer to one another over the last ten minutes. Nor did I realize how cold I would feel when she excused herself to leave.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Jax and I pull up in front of Emily’s house. I rub my hands together and tug my coat closer to me, then undo my seat belt in the passenger seat. The street outside is bright: every house on Emily’s block awash in holiday lights lining the two-story roofs and front lawns. Jax turns off the engine and reaches across me into the glove compartment.

  “What are you doing?” I ask as she pulls out a flask. “How long have you had that in there?”

  Jax smirks, then takes a long gulp. “Ease up, Kyle. God, you think I just pulled out a weapon or something.”

  I frown as she takes another drink. “Jax, we’re going to a party. There will be alcohol there. It’s New Year’s Eve, for crying out loud.”

  She holds up the flask in a toast to me. “Exactly.” She lets out an exaggerated “ah” and wipes her mouth after another sip.

  My mouth hangs open, frustration fizzing up inside me. But I can’t find any words, so I just reach to open my door. Jax grabs my arm, pulling me back. “Hey,” she says, the flask recapped. She tucks it into the inside pocket of her black pea coat. “Jesus, Kyle, I’m sorry. I just…” She releases my arm and looks past me to the homes outside. “I just thought I’d loosen up a little bit. We are going to a party at Emily’s house, after all.”

  “Yeah. Emily.” I cross my arms in a huff. “My best friend.”

  “Your best friend who doesn’t like me.”

  I roll my eyes. “Jax, I told you all of that blew over. She doesn’t hate you.”

  “She doesn’t like me either.”

  I sigh. Jax isn’t completely wrong. But when Emily invited me to her party back in November, she actually told me to invite Jax. She told me there was no better time to get to know her, telling me it would be an opportunity for them both to turn over new leaves with one another. However, as I watch Jax adjust her meticulously drawn eye makeup in the mirror, I’m not sure how that will go now that my girlfriend is the equivalent of two drinks in before we even reach the front door.

  “Ready?” Jax turns to me. I hesitate and she leans forward, grabbing me and pulling me into a kiss. “Hey, relax, Kyle. I’ll behave.” She winks and we both get out of the car. I take a deep breath, stepping onto the front walkway. Jax rounds the car and takes hold of my waist as we walk up and ring the doorbell.

  Callie opens the front door. “Hi, guys!”

  “Oh my God, hi,” I say with Jax holding tight to my waist still. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

  Callie smiles. She looks wonderful in a blue dress with black tights. It always makes me double take seeing my teammates outside of practice or game attire. “Emily invited me,” she says, stepping back to let us inside. “A few other girls are here, too. Mostly our year,” she says to me.

  “Great,” Jax says as Callie closes the door behind us. “Where’s the bar?”

  “Jax.” I tug on the sheer black blouse she reveals as Callie takes our coats to hang up in the corner of the entryway.

  Callie laughs. “There’s a bunch of stuff in the kitchen.” Jax follows Callie and they move into the crowded living room filled with people I recognize as Emily’s parents’ coworkers, along with several people I went to high school with.

  “Jax,” I call after her.

  “Yeah?” she says, and I already see the sparkle in her eyes courtesy of whatever she had in that flask.

  “Just…let’s have fun, okay?”

  Jax walks back over to me. “But not too much, right?” She kisses me hard. I’m blushing when she strolls back through the living room.

  “Kitchen’s that way!” I call out, pointing to my left. Jax turns and throws me two thumbs up, then disappears around a corner.

  “Hey, about time you showed up.” Emily skips over to me through a throng of people in the open living room. Alex follows behind her, and he wraps an arm around her shoulder once they’re in front of me. “It’s already ten thirty,” Emily adds.

  “Hi, I know. Sorry.” I pause. “You guys look great.”

  Emily beams, flattening out her black dress that shimmers under the house lights. Alex is in slacks and a blazer, his beard trimmed close to his face and his hair slicked back. Together they look like the top of a wedding cake from the 1960s. Emily adjusts her red-rimmed glasses and nudges my arm.

  “You look great, too, Kyle.”

  “Yeah,” says Alex, nodding approvingly. “Leather pants. Props for pulling them off.”

  I shift my weight, looking down at my outfit. I pick at the sleeve of my forest green button-down. “Thanks. The pants were Jax’s idea.”

  Emily quirks an eyebrow. “Where is she, anyway? I thought she was coming.”

  “She’s here,” I say, scanning the room. “I think she’s in the kitchen.”

  “Wasting no time.” I give Emily a look for her comment, and she holds her hands up. “Sorry, sorry. New year, new leaf.” She pauses, patting Alex on the chest. “Come find us in a little while, Kyle. My aunt has a hot game of charades going on in the dining room.”

  I grin. “Sounds good.” Emily hugs me, then heads off with Alex back into the crowd of people. I brush some hair away from my face then wander through the double doors leading into the kitchen. I say hi to a couple of people I recognize and grab a beer from a tub of ice on the counter when I hear my name.

  “Kyle?”

  When I turn around, Beth is standing with a few of my old Tornadoes teammates at the other end of the kitchen. And she looks exactly the same. Her light hair is in a mermaid braid that falls to one side of her freckled face. She’s wearing leggings and a deep red dress that makes her eyes shimmer.

  “Oh my God,” I say, setting my beer down on the counter.

  “Oh my God is right.” She smiles. “How are you?” She pulls me into a hug. I stare, awestruck, when she steps back.

  “I’m…I’m good,” I finally say. “How are you?”

  “Great,” she says.

  I nod slowly, taking everything in. Beth. My high school crush is actually here. Standing in front of me again after, how long has it been?

  “God, what is it now, almost two years?” She answers my question for me. “Funny how time goes so fast.”

  My words fumble, coming out in short bursts. “What are you…how did you…why are you
here?”

  Beth chuckles. “Well, Liz keeps in touch with everyone from the Tornadoes,” she says, gesturing to one of my old teammates who nods at me, then continues her conversation on the other side of the counter. “And she mentioned that Emily was throwing a party. I thought it might be fun, figured a few people from the old gang might be here.”

  “Yeah,” I say, taking a sip from my drink. I feel like I’m in a dream, standing here with Beth again.

  “I see you’re still friends with Emily,” she says, moving a little closer as laughter roars from the living room.

  “I am. We actually play together at Meadowbrook.”

  “No way.” Beth takes a sip from her glass of white wine. “That’s so fun.”

  I smile. “What about you? You still playing?”

  “I am.” She nods and tilts her head back to Liz and a couple of our old teammates. “The four of us actually play together out in Boulder.”

  “As in Colorado?”

  Beth laughs. “That’s the one.”

  “Wow. That’s amazing.”

  We share a smile. I take another drink when Liz comes and grabs Beth by the elbow.

  “Oh, looks like it’s our turn up at charades,” Beth says, turning back to me. “It is so great to see you again, Kyle.” She pulls me into another hug.

  “You, too.”

  When she pulls back, she squeezes one of my hands for a moment, then hurries out past the double doors. I stand watching the spot where she stood, trying to process the last ten minutes. Beth: the girl I couldn’t get enough of back in high school. The girl who stirred something inside me I didn’t even have a name for. The girl who started all of this. Here again. But this time, I didn’t swoon. I didn’t sigh at the mere touch of her. I take a sip of my drink and can’t help but smile at how far things have come.

  “Who was that?” Jax sidles up next to me. Her eyes are unfocused and she leans one arm against the counter.

  “Who?”