Battlefields: Everyone has battles

by Werner Klopper

  He turned red, just like he’d done when he was barely fourteen. He should’ve handed all those homophobic letters to Todd. Why didn’t he?

  As he turned, he saw that his mom had one in her hand. Damnit! He should have burnt them.

  “Mom! Why are you going through my drawers? Don’t I deserve some privacy?”

  “Adam.” Her voice quivered. They call you—” she barely managed to get the word out, “a faggot.”

  He turned cold and walked toward. her. She was already in tears. “Just as well I am here to rescue you.”

  Darlene covered her face and cried some more.

  “Mom.” What more could he say to her? “I asked you before. Exactly why are you here?”

  Her crying stopped as if on cue. Now he was going to get it.

  “I’ve been praying for you for quite some time now, especially after you told me about the crow incident. It is such a bad omen.” He tried to interrupt her, but she was on a roll. “I know about your past, may God forgive you. The Lord spoke to me and told me to visit you. Never underestimate the power of prayer.”

  He barely managed to keep his composure.

  “Mom. I am fine.”

  “No Adam. You are not. These letters are the proof.”

  “They’re just words. I am fine, I assure you.”

  But there was no stopping her now.

  “My dearest boy, have you been to the church yet? I notice that there are quite a few in the town. The Lord spoke to me and told me I must take you to church this weekend.”

  Adam had finally had enough, yet he still tried to be polite.

  “Let’s talk later.”

  “But my dear boy, I still want to—”

  “Let me show you to your room,” he interrupted her abruptly.

  He showed his mother the spare bedroom.

  “You have to excuse me, Mom, but I have to take a shower.”

  “But it’s only half past five!”

  He ignored her, in case she was going to pray for him for going to shower too early and went into the bathroom where her perfume still lingered.

  He turned on the water. As he stood under the warm, running water, postponing their inevitable conversation as long as possible, he realized that Darlene was here to continue her biblical torturing. The last thing Adam needed was his mom continuing to control and bully him against his so called ‘sinful lifestyle’.

  He dried himself and returned to the kitchen where she was still moping as she looked around.

  He showed her where the utensils were, but he should have expected her reaction. “Adam, I will have to go to the supermarket to buy you some food. There is scarcely enough for an ant here!”

  This was the moment he’d been looking for and he responded without the slightest feeling of guilt or remorse.

  “Cheers, Mom! I’ll be back before two. Make yourself at home. And please don’t go through my other drawers.”

  He heaved a sigh of relief as he reached his car. He stopped at the local coffee-shop and bought himself a Seattle’s Cappuccino. It was his favorite flavor, soothing his raw nerves. He laughed as he added cinnamon and honey. There was a rumor that cinnamon flavored sperm tasted yummy, which is why he always added an extra shot of the stuff.

  God, the things his mother reminded him of…

  He had a small breakfast, feeling slightly guilty about leaving his mom in his apartment, but managed to shrug it off.

  He arrived at school before everyone else.

  This was the morning of surprises. Yet another one awaited him. John Stone waited outside of the office.

  “Good morning John,” he managed by the way of greeting.

  The boy was sulking as usual.

  “Morning.”

  Adam unlocked his office door.

  “I am glad to see you here. But why are you here so early?”

  He shrugged. “I guess there’s nothing better to do.”

  What a nice way to start a conversation.

  “I thought you might bunk this session?” he ventured as he unlocked the door.

  John brushed his fringe from his eyes. “Well, maybe . . .” He didn’t complete his sentence.

  “Maybe?”

  He spoke so softly that Adam almost didn’t hear him.

  “Maybe I . . .” He barely managed to get the words out, “want to talk to you.”

  Wow. Okay. Progress!

  Adam dropped his bag on the floor. He still had the second cup of cappuccino in his left hand and searched in his right pocket for the keys to his drawers where the files were.

  “Maybe it’s in your left pocket,” John gestured.

  “Ah. Thanks.” Adam found the key and opened his drawer.

  John slumped down in a chair before Adam could offer him a seat. Adam put his bag on his desk and sat opposite John. He couldn’t imagine what his mom would say if she saw him with this disheveled kid.

  Adam became annoyed now. He even started having doubts about moving to Bozeman. And then there was Sheriff Johnson’s revelation and Darlene’s unexpected visit, almost like a hurricane. So the last thing he needed right now was an arrogant, unresponsive boy.

  Adam looked John squarely in the eyes. The boy probably saw that Adam was not in the mood for games as he shifted in the chair.

  “Did you speak with Sherriff Johnson yesterday?” Adam asked.

  The boy hesitated. “Yeah.”

  “So? What did you say?”

  “I told him I’m innocent.” He slumped back as if challenging Adam. “Do you think I am innocent?”

  “I don’t know you well enough, John. I am not here to judge.”

  “Then what are you here for?”

  Adam chose his words carefully. “I think you need care; love from your parents.”

  “Not much chance there.”

  “How come?”

  “That fucking trailer is like a prison. I can’t take it anymore.”

  Finally some response!

  “Which is why you are looking for acceptance in other places.”

  “You mean my friends?”

  “If that’s what you call them, yeah. You most likely befriended them in order to belong somewhere, like some kind of family, brothers perhaps. A brotherhood. I’m sure that’s what they call themselves.”

  Suddenly there was contempt in John’s eyes.

  “Oh yeah! What do you know about them?”

  “I know that they are a bad influence. They use young boys like you to intimidate.”

  John listened intently. After contemplating his response, finally spoke.

  “Right. You have all the answers, Mr. Wise-ass. How would you feel if your mom drank twenty-four-seven?”

  Adam couldn’t imagine his mom ever touching a drop of alcohol, even after several sessions of praying.

  “Do you receive many visitors in the trailer?” Adam ventured.

  “Visitors?” He laughed scornfully. “These dudes pay, daddy’o!”

  John frowned. Okay. Some more head-way.

  “So your mom—”

  “I don’t want to discuss her anymore. I hate her.”

  “Hate is a strong feeling that people end up regretting. It’s also the easy way out, John. We have to talk about exactly why you hate her and—”

  But John would have none of it.

  “Don’t throw this all on me. She put me in this position.”

  He decided to take a safer option and steer the conversation back to the gang.

  “What did you do to gain membership to the gang, John?”

  “I killed a cat and drained the blood in front of some old church.”

  “That is a harsh way to gain membership.”

  “I had to, for fuck’s sake. I am all alone, Adam! These guys protect me from the things my mom is supposed to protect me from! This is what The brotherhood is all about! Don’t you understand? I also know this is not supposed to be funny, but you should have seen those church ladies praying outside their church for weeks!” H
e finished with a snarky grin.

  Adam grinned. “My mother would have been one of those ladies.” He quickly corrected himself. “But how can one even begin to understand this kind of demented brotherhood where sacrifices are needed to gain approval?”

  John jumped up and stormed at the wall. “You don’t understand! Nobody fucking understands!” He started punching the wall violently. Then he turned toward Adam as if he was going to attack him.

  “John, stop!”

  But John kept coming, spewing more aggression than he anticipated. Just as Adam expected to be punched, John vented his anger toward the wall again.

  “This is for my pissed, fucked up mother!”

  Another punch against the wall. “And this one is for those assholes paying for her services!”

  He kept on punching. “And this one is for my father who fucked off and abandoned us!”

  John’s fists were red and bloody already.

  “This one is for me having to look after the fucking grownups!”

  “John . . . calm down.”

  But there was one final punch. “And this one is for the gang who . . .” He started crying. “The brotherhood—who is supposed to care for me, but . . . I am just another slave boy.”

  Then John collapsed and started crying uncontrollably, curling into fetus position, sobbing.

  Adam touched John’s shoulder. “Calm down, buddy.’

  John’s scream was so inhuman, Adam had to restrain him when he tried to charge again.

  “I will never be fucking free!” John let out a long cry of anguish and finally collapsed into Adam’s arms. Adam allowed the sobbing boy to scream again. He tried to console him and helped him to sit up.

  “Are you okay now?”

  John sobbed some more, then quieted down. Adam waited for a long time until the boy looked up at him.

  “It’s like a fucking prison.”

  Adam understood prisons. His own mother had always kept him in a prison, after all, and he wasn’t yet free. Now he was trying to free this boy from his mother’s prison. It was just two different kinds of prisons.

  “You can be free John.”

  “But how?”

  “I am going to help you. I promise you.”

  “But how can you help me? We only talk!”

  “Mt counsel will help you to make some tough decisions.”

  “You don’t understand how dangerous is it, Adam. Those guys are—”

  “If you cooperate, the police will protect you and your mom. I will talk to them. There are witness protection programs in extreme cases.”

  John shook his head as if this wasn’t the solution.

  “I promise you it’s going to be all right. I will help you. But I can only help you if you cooperate.”

  Then the school bell rang.

  “You will have to go to your class.”

  “I can’t”

  Adam offered John his handkerchief.

  “Of course, you can. Go and wash your face.”

  John took the handkerchief, wiped his face and blew his nose. He wanted to return it to Adam, but then looked at the mess.

  “Sorry.”

  That was the first real positive response Adam had during the past half an hour.

  “Don’t worry about that. Go back to class. I will see you again during your regular session today. Deal?”

  John sniffed.

  “Whatever.”

  John got up and approached the door, but abruptly turned around.

  “You know what? You actually don’t look like a faggot and you don’t behave like one. The guys were wrong about you.”

  He opened the door and turned around again as if he wanted so say something more, but decided against it and walked out.

  Adam had no choice. He had to arrange a meeting with Mr. Black.

  During first break, he managed to get an appointment, stressing the urgency of the meeting with Loraine.

  When he finally met Mr. Black, he became aware of the constant ringing of the phone and the many distractions the principal had.

  “John and his mom need help desperately. The boy seems to be ready to talk and to give the police some information about the local gang, but we will have to approach it with caution.”

  Mr. Black seemed to be impressed.

  “Well done,” he said. “Glad to see you’re making some progress. Let’s see what happens. I will make the necessary arrangements.”

  “Thanks Mr. Black.”

  “One more thing. Is John’s mom in danger?”

  Adam nodded. “I think so. His mom is an alcoholic.”

  Black nodded. “And we know about the prostitution.”

  “She needs to go to rehab.”

  “Please write a recommendation and email it to me. I will talk with Sheriff Johnson and study the programs we have available.

  Sheriff Johnson. Suddenly he wished that he could see him again, give the information to him first-hand, but he nodded instead.

  “Thanks, Mr. Black.”

  As he walked back to his office, Adam thought about his mom’s visit. This seriously detracted him from his plans to start a new life.

  That afternoon after school, he took a different road home. He postponed the awful moment when his mom would confront him with even more questions.

  As he drove, he noticed the lease sign again on a building. Adam hesitated. From the outside, it seemed like an old warehouse, but he wouldn’t be able to get in. It was locked up.

  On his way back to his apartment he also passed the sheriff’s station. He thought about it for a while, then decided to say pop-in.

  Todd was in deep conversation with a colleague when Adam was shown in. He showed genuine surprise, but also delight.

  “Welcome, Adam.” He ended the conversation with his colleague—then led Adam into his office and poured him a cup of coffee.

  “Thanks.” He took it—their fingers accidentally brushing. “I thought I had my fill of coffee today, but perhaps I do need some more caffeine after everything that’s happened since morning.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’m talking about the John Stone case. I’m sure the principal spoke to you?”

  Sherriff Todd nodded.

  “Also, my mom popped in for a surprise visit.”

  “Oh my god!”

  Todd smiled. He had a perfect set of teeth and Adam wondered again what it would feel like to kiss that full mouth.

  “So how long is she staying?”

  “I wish I knew.”

  The sheriff chuckled as if he understood. “Moms. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”

  “Also, I’m looking for a place to set up a practice. I have to start somewhere, build up a client base; begin seeing people, that kind of thing.”

  “Aha.”

  Todd scratched his chin, but didn’t say anything, except, “There are some places up for lease. I know the real estate owner in this town.”

  “Speaking of lease. There is a place up for lease near Buxom Road opposite the park. Do you, perhaps, know the owner?”

  Again, that illuminating smile.

  “I could pull a few strings for you.”

  Wow. He wished Todd could pull some other strings too. Physically.

  He made a quick call to a colleague and then got up—his crotch just visible over the desk. Todd glanced at his watch.

  “I can get away for an hour or so.”

  “I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

  “Nah. No inconvenience. Let’s go before I change my mind.”

  That was easier than he thought!

  “So how are we going to get in?”

  “Stephen is on his way as we speak to unlock the place.”

  It took them ten minutes to reach the property. An old man with grey hair was waiting for them. He handed over the keys.

  “Thanks, Stevie.”

  Sheriff Johnson unlocked the door.

  The place was larger than he thought
, and completely empty. Every footstep sounded like a drumbeat through the empty rooms.

  The more Adam looked around, the more he liked the place. This was perfect! There was even the possibility to create a basketball court!

  As Todd entered the largest room, Adam became intensely aware of his sexy ass. He looked like a baseball player. As he passed him, Todd brushed his crotch against Adam. He imagined chasing and tackling Todd in a football match. He could already feel the sheriff’s hard masculine body against his, fulfilling all the promises the quick brush had created. He wondered how it would feel if their bodies slipped over the grass and the mud as he landed on top of Todd.

  “Adam.”

  Adam did not hear Todd’s voice the first time.

  “Hey, bud! Venus trying to contact Mars.”

  “Right now I’m on Pluto,” Adam laughed, but the joke was lost on Todd.

  Adam continued to walk through the old warehouse, already dreaming up plans for renovations when Todd interrupted his thoughts.

  “Can we address the elephant in the room?”

  Adam frowned. “What elephant?”

  Todd gestured as if he didn’t want to put it into words again. “You know. My counseling session?”

  Adam tried to steer clear of the subject.

  “The moment I am settled in.”

  “Why that long?” He sounded disappointed.

  “I can’t operate properly with my school work and my mom’s visit.”

  “That’s a bummer!”

  “I am sorry.”

  “So I suppose I have to go home now.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “Can we at least talk?”

  It was now or never.

  “Todd.” How could he put this gently? “I have been giving this a great deal of thought after our last conversation and . . .”

  He didn’t know how to continue.

  “And?”

  He heard motorcycles passing the building; probably the gang that John belonged to.

  “I am a psychologist. I want to help people. I want to help you because I sense some confusion.”

  “There’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”

  “But we need to talk about the exact nature of the problems you and your wife are having.”

  “Boy, do I need to talk about it.”

  Adam searched for words. “The thing is, I think . . .”

  How was he going to say it?

  “Speak, buddy.”

  Fuck. It was now or never.