Battlefields: Everyone has battles

by Werner Klopper

  “I like you.”

  “I like you too, Adam. You know that.”

  “Which is why I won’t really be able to help you.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I cannot get involved with my patients on a personal level. It will have to stay professional, so our personal feelings can’t play a role.”

  Todd interrupted Adam. “But I’ve told you. You are the reason for my confusion.”

  Oh fuck. Just what Adam had feared.

  “So you’re saying it is my fault?”

  Todd shook his head.

  “My wife and I had problems long before you even arrived on the scene. Our break-up is not because of you.”

  “But I don’t want to complicate your issues further. I don’t want to be responsible for you leaving your wife.”

  Todd contemplated Adam’s response for a while. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he nodded reluctantly.

  “Then help me to understand.”

  “To understand what?”

  “That I am from Pluto and you are from Venus.”

  “Wow. Slow down, Todd, you’re beginning to confuse me.”

  “I heard that there is a saying amongst gays that straight guys come from Pluto, and that there is no way the gay and straight planets shall ever meet.”

  “You’ve got it wrong.”

  “How come?” asked Todd.

  “I know it may sound corny. But remember, Todd, if you reach for the stars and you fail to get to them, you will still land on the moon.”

  “Well. Migration is always possible,” Todd replied. “And if that sounds corny, then tough luck! But that’s the way I feel!”

  That broke the tension between them.

  “I suppose a Green Card in the Gay Department could work. That is, if you really want it,” Adam said.

  “Can I apply today?”

  “I would sincerely hope so, in a order to speed things up!”

  They laughed somewhat nervously. Then Todd turned serious again.

  “So help me to understand.”

  “To understand that you are actually gay. That bisexual is a convenient word to hide behind,” Adam responded.

  “Exactly.” Todd was searching for words. “This new feeling I have . . .” His voice turned soft, almost sad. “The feeling I have for you.”

  “Yes?”

  “I would like to try to . . . explain it to you.”

  “But first you’ll have to explain something to yourself, Todd. Are you bisexual or gay, Todd?”

  Todd wrung his hands nervously.

  “That’s what you’re going to help me with.”

  Adam desperately wanted to touch Todd, to console him, to tell him that he loved him; but not if this was a professional discussion between a psychologist and his patient. He just couldn’t. He became aware that he was beginning to sweat, but he tried to remain composed.

  “Todd.”

  He looked anxious, as is waiting for Adam to approach.

  “You have no idea what’s it like to be gay—even in today’s more tolerant world, and especially in a small town. On top of it all, you are the sheriff, Todd, for god’s sake!”

  Todd just stood there, vulnerable and looking lost.

  “Are you sure you’ve never been attracted to other men?”

  Todd thought for a while. “Well. Perhaps I was. I just didn’t want to admit it. And none of those guys were remotely like you.”

  Oh, if Adam could only put his arms around this big, handsome man. He tried to remain objective, not allowing his feelings to take over.

  “Do you realize what it means to ‘come out’, Todd?”

  Todd looked at Adam.

  “I have always been aware of all the obstacles, so I decided not to go there in the past. But when I saw you . . .”

  Adam knew Todd wanted to touch him. He could see the feeling in his eyes, the tension in his muscles and the desire in his eyes. But nothing happened.

  “Adam. As I am sitting here looking at you. It feels as if I have known you all my life.”

  Please, please touch me, Adam thought against his own better judgment. How Adam wished that he had met Todd earlier.

  “Doesn’t make coming out any easier, Todd.”

  “I know that no matter how big the obstacles or how difficult it may be . . . it will be worth tackling. And I know, with your help, I will be able to handle it.”

  “Don’t kid yourself, Todd. It’s not as easy as that.” Adam’s voice was harder than he’d anticipated.

  “Then make it easier, Adam.”

  Adam stared at him. He couldn’t control himself anymore. He wished he could walk over to this large, macho man and take him in his arms. To feel his muscles tighten against him. To stroke him; to kiss him; to console him; to tell him that everything was going to be all right. He wanted to explain to Todd that he needed him as much as he needed him; that for the first time, he understood what it meant to be in love.

  He also knew that Todd wanted him to make the first move. But the moment wasn’t right. Not like this. Not here, not now.

  Adam got up and tried not to look at Todd.

  “You will have to excuse me, but I have work to do.”

  He could see the disappointment in Todd’s eyes. For a while Todd didn’t speak, just stared at him.

  “I understand.”

  God! This man was perfect for him . . . if only he could drum up enough courage to disavow the patient-psychologist relationship anymore; or the fact that Todd didn’t need therapy or any further explanation. That, his feelings were enough.

  They were just two men meant for each other, who were falling in love.

  “Thanks so much for coming here today.” He looked at what was to be his new office and tried to keep his voice even. “This is exactly what I wanted. I will talk to the owner.”

  He tried to brush past the sheriff, but Todd put out his hand and touched him gently on his shoulder. It was electrifying. Adam could feel his erection rising quicker than he could ever remember, but he tried not to look at Todd—because if he did, he would give in.

  Todd let go of Adam, then finally he spoke softly. “Thank you for talking to me. This helped more than you could ever imagine.”

  “How did it help?” Adam enquired, trying not to look at the growing crotch again.

  “It convinced me how I feel about you.”

  He squeezed Adam’s hand. “See you around.”

  “See you.”

  “And Adam . . .”

  “Yes, Todd?”

  “I never knew that a man could be as fucking sexy as you.”

  Chapter Six

  The following day Adam could still not get their conversation out of his mind, so finally, in desperation, he decided to take a break from his daily problems and go shopping.

  As a gesture of goodwill, he bought his mom her favorite dark cherry chocolate; also to appease his guilt. After all, she did drive a few hundred miles to see him.

  The townsfolk had now become used to him and many greeted him.

  “O, hi again!” smiled Beth. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this!”

  While he continued shopping, he became aware of somebody following him, but he brushed it off as one of the townsfolk who was just curious about what he was buying.

  “Have a nice day,” the checkout lady smiled as she handed him his receipt.

  As Adam strolled out of the store, he noticed two men loitering in the parking area.

  In order to reach his car, Adam had to cross the road. Suddenly three youngsters in an old Ford Sedan drove past, honking. One of the men snatched the biggest grocery bag as they screamed, “Fucking faggot! Get outta here, you fucking coward!”

  They all had long hair and sported multiple tattoos.

  The milk bottle splashed all over the pavement. For a few moments he was too shocked to move. He decided not to show fear or anger, even though sweat poured down his face.

  Some of the townsfolk
approached him, offering to help, but Adam shook his head.

  “I’m okay, thanks.”

  Adam picked up what was left and marched back into the shop to re-do his shopping.

  He was dead tired when he finally got back home. All he wanted to do was unpack his shopping bags, take a shower, have a glass of wine with his mom and then go to bed. But when he opened his front door, he heard laughter.

  What the hell?

  Then Adam got the surprise of his life. A young, but formally dressed man sat on the couch next to his mom.

  Darlene got up.

  “Oh! Hi, Adam.” She smiled nervously. “You’re back early.”

  “Hi Mom.” He managed to glance at the stranger. “I had to do some shopping.”

  “Well. As you can see we have a visitor.”

  “Uhu?”

  He could already sense some antagonism. Then the surprise came.

  “Adam, this is Pastor Ken.”

  Shit.

  “What?”

  He should’ve known! His mom invited the pastor over, probably for a serious religious pep talk. Typical. Adam, in a moment of craziness, thought to lighten the situation; say something like—Barbie’s ex-husband Ken! He sure as hell didn’t look like Ken with that knobby nose and that tummy.

  Pastor Ken forced a smile and held out his hand. He sounded overtly formal.

  “Hello, dear Adam. How nice to finally meet you. Your mother has told me so much about you.”

  “I bet,” muttered Adam, but he bit his tongue to stifle the other words that came to mind. “Good evening Pastor Ken.”

  Just as the pastor was about to speak, he interrupted him. “So what are we praying for tonight?”

  Darlene nervously indicated that he should be more approachable.

  “Come now, my dearest boy. Don’t be so defensive.” She got up. “I’ve decided to invite Pastor Ken over, so the invitation came from me. Don’t be angry at him.”

  Adam managed a stiff smile.

  “The pastor said that he hasn’t seen you in church at all.”

  Before Adam could respond, the pastor interrupted.

  “So how are you, Adam?”

  Talk about patronizing.

  Adam chose his words carefully. “I am fine and am adapting well, thanks for asking. And no, I am not much of a churchgoer.”

  There was a slight twitch around the pastor’s mouth.

  “I see.” He looked at Darlene.

  Silence.

  “Your mother told me that you are struggling with many issues.” Then the condescending smile again. “Just know that I am here for you.”

  “How reassuring, thanks pastor, but I don’t need any help at the moment.”

  “So how are you dealing with your problems?”

  “I am managing.”

  That was the chance the pastor was waiting for. He walked over and touched Adam’s shoulder. Adam shrunk away.

  “In that case, shall we pray?”

  Adam looked at his mother. “Mom. What have you told the pastor?”

  Darlene looked tense. “Nothing my boy. Just a bit of history. Remember—pastors are like psychologists too. They need a bit of background.”

  Adam lost his temper.

  “Well, I don’t want to provide any more background. My life is private!”

  “Adam!” there was the stifling pastor again. “There are—”

  “Sorry to interrupt you, pastor, but I am going for a shower. I suggest you and my mother pray for me while I’m in the bathroom.”

  It was as if the devil took hold of Adam and he banged the bathroom door. He stripped off his clothes and opened the water jerkily, almost as if in a gesture of defiance.

  It took a while for the anger and nerves to subside. And because he had no control over it, he started thinking of Todd’s sexy ass when he’d been unlocking the warehouse door the previous day.

  As he started soaping his body, Adam recalled his daydream of chasing Todd around the baseball field; of tackling him in his dreams as they both tumble over each other on the grass.

  Wishful thinking again.

  Adam looked at the water streaming over him. His cock now stood to attention again like to salute the memory of Todd. He felt like Pavlov’s dog! The slightest indication and his mouth watered.

  His mom and the pastor were now completely forgotten. Or perhaps it was a deliberate act of defiance against their authority and dreadful interference.

  He soaped himself over his flat belly and then down his hairy thighs, the shower gel giving a smooth sensation over his cock as he started stroking himself. He couldn’t help himself.

  He replayed the baseball tackle over and over in his mind as Todd, now completely naked, landed on top of him. He felt Todd’s breath on his neck, tickling his hair. Todd had grass and mud stains all over his face.

  Adam was as horny as he’d been when he’d picked up Shawn. He couldn’t restrain himself any longer. He continued jerking himself off—now beyond control, increasing the rhythm with every thought about the sheriff, especially after their conversation yesterday. The hot water soaking his body felt like Todd was touching him. He tried to stifle the groans coming from his throat, but had no more control over it. With his left hand he opened his sphincter and slid his wet finger inside, almost making himself come.

  And he remembered the glimpses of Todd’s huge cock in the showers, his powerful abs, and curly hair on his chest, the stubble on his chin. If that were pressed against his own cock, he would come within seconds.

  He now started feeling that wonderful, familiar glow as waves of pleasure started growing in balls. His rock-hard cock seemed to grow bigger with every stroke. He remembered the way Todd walked with the muscles of his arms bulging, the moment Todd had touched him yesterday and the bulge in his pants. The intense warm feeling of orgasm boiled up until he had no more control over it. And then he came.

  “Fuck Fuck!”

  Only then did he remember his mother in the lounge with the pastor! He tried to control his groans like he used to in school.

  Once he finished jerking off, he groaned softly as the orgasm subsided.

  Suddenly there was a knock on the bathroom door.

  “Adam! Are you okay?”

  There was an awkward silence as he had to stabilize himself against the wall. The pleasure slowly subsided.

  “Adam?”

  He swallowed and tried to speak normally.

  “I’m fine, Mom.”

  Yeah, indeed, just like old times.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sure.”

  He waited for a long time before turning the water off. Then he heard the front door closing. The pastor had probably given up and left.

  If only he knew what happened in the shower.

  As Adam dried himself, still thinking of Todd, his cock was still sensitive from the intense orgasm. He put on his boxers and stared at himself in the mirror, trying to see himself as Todd saw him.

  Actually, not bad-looking.

  He exited the bathroom and moments later shouted, “I’m going to bed, Mom. See you tomorrow morning.”

  “Sleep tight, my boy.”

  That had been easier than he’d expected.

  Minutes later he opened the door. The apartment was quiet.

  When he finally went back to the lounge, his mom had already retired to her bed. At least there was going to be a few hours of peace and quiet.

  He got into bed, still thinking of Todd and the way he’d pleaded with him yesterday to help him.

  “I love you, Todd,” he said as he stared at the ceiling.

  He finally dozed off as the church bell struck ten.

  Adam’s biological clock woke him early the next morning at five o’ clock. He didn’t go jogging the previous night, so he had to get rid of all the built up energy. He still had some energy left after the shower session! But the events of the past week still haunted him, especially John’s prob
lems and the incident at the grocery shop. Would Mr. Black be able to help John’s mother?

  Adam had suggested that John be transferred to a special school. He wondered how Mr. Black would respond to that.

  During the day he phoned the owner of the building he wanted to lease. The lease was more than he had anticipated, but he had no other choice. He would have to dip into the funds his father had left him.

  But his main concern was Todd. Try as he might, he couldn’t get him out of his mind. Adam gently touched the cross his mother had given him. He always pressed it against his heart when he was stressed. As he felt the cross between his fingers, he heard a ticking sound against the window pane.

  Adam walked to the bedroom window and opened the curtains. A crow was tapping against the glass.

  Then, abruptly, it flew away.

  As he stared at the disappearing crow, his heart started pounding. He noticed the same Ford Sedan on the street—probably with the same culprits inside. The driver leant out of the window, malevolently staring up at Adam’s window. Just as well he didn’t go for that jog after all.

  Adam got dressed and made himself an espresso but couldn’t get those damn gang-men out of his mind.

  His mother was still asleep, or at least pretending to be. Maybe she was still upset with Adam for not accommodating Pastor Ken.

  It would be better to go to work early. Lorraine had just unlocked the room when he arrived at the principal’s office.

  “Please wait inside the office. He is on his way.”

  He nodded and took a seat.

  Adam looked at the walls. All Mr. Black’s degrees and achievements reflected an educated and proud man. It was obvious that he had been an athlete in his younger days; he still had a runner’s physique.

  Adam quickly texted John; reminding him of their appointment this morning. A few minutes later the principal walked into the office. Adam was still looking at all the family pictures and did not hear the footsteps.

  “Good morning, Adam.”

  “Oh! Good morning, sir. Lovely family pictures you have here.”

  He smiled. “Oh yes. My family means everything to me.”

  Adam thought for a moment. “Pity not all children can say this.”

  Mr. Black took a seat. “That’s what we have to discuss.”

  Adam sat down opposite him. “I’m listening.”