Tainted Lives

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Grow up!’ he snorted. ‘You don’t reckon she wants to be under the same roof as you, do you?’

  ‘Yes! I think she bloody loves the idea of lording it over me in me own house!’

  ‘Well, I’ll tell you for nothing, she doesn’t!’ Vinnie hissed. ‘Who’d want to see your sour face morning, noon and night? You’ve never had a nice word to say to the poor cow.’

  ‘It’s more than mutual, isn’t it? You think I like listening to her going on about her precious fucking daughter-in-law? Let’s not pretend she’s made an effort with me and I’m the big, bad bitch who’s thrown it all back in her face. I really tried.’

  ‘Bollocks!’ Vinnie sneered. ‘You never gave her a chance. She might have a gob on her, but she’s sorted if you don’t rub her up the wrong way.’

  ‘I don’t give a toss what you think of her.’ Carina pulled her gloves on. ‘All I wanted was a bit of time with you – on our own. But obviously you couldn’t care less, so don’t bother telling me what I can or can’t do. Move!’

  Before Vinnie could argue, there was a loud crash in the dining room. Pushing Carina out of the way, he ran down the hall. Pam was lying on the dining-room floor with shards of shattered china all around her, coffee spreading out across the polished wood like diluted blood. Rushing to her, Vinnie kneeled down and patted her cheeks.

  ‘Pam! What happened? . . . Pam!’

  Getting no response, he yelled back over his shoulder for Carina to come and help. Hearing the muted roar of her car starting up followed by the crunch of gravel under tyres, he hissed ‘Shit!’ under his breath. Getting up, he ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

  Vinnie paced the A&E waiting-room floor for an age before a nurse came to tell him that they were keeping Pam in the observation ward overnight. She had suffered a minor stroke and would need to be monitored, but she was conscious now if he wanted to see her for a few minutes.

  Going into the cubicle, Vinnie saw that Pam’s eyes were closed. Approaching the bed cautiously, he gazed upon the face he knew so well and felt a jolt of real sadness. He had never seen her without her trademark make-up before. She looked ancient, her skin paler and far more wrinkled than he’d expected, her almost transparent eyelids laced with an intricate fretwork of fine blue veins. For the first time ever, it occurred to him exactly how long she had inhabited this body – and how close she was to reaching its use-by date.

  Knowing instinctively that Pam would rather die than be seen without her slap, Vinnie turned to leave.

  ‘Oi!’ she croaked weakly. ‘Where you sloping off to?’

  ‘I thought you were asleep.’ Going back, he drew the visitor’s chair up close.

  ‘Well, I’m not, so you can stop for a bit, can’t you?’

  ‘I’m only allowed a few minutes, so don’t go getting me into trouble.’

  Turning her head towards him, Pam reached for his hand and gave it a weak squeeze. ‘Gave you a scare, didn’t I, love?’

  ‘Too right!’ Vinnie joked to cover his emotions. ‘You know your Glen’s going to blame me for wrecking his floor, don’t you? Couldn’t you have drunk the coffee before you dashed it all over the shop?’

  ‘Send him to me if he says owt,’ she murmured, her words slurring as the left side of her mouth began to twist. ‘Me head don’t half feel bad, Vin. Ask them nurses to give me summat, will y’?’

  ‘Yeah, all right, but you just wait there.’ Getting up, Vinnie frowned with concern as he backed towards the curtain. ‘Don’t let me catch you up dancing when I get back, or there’ll be trouble!’

  Dashing from the cubicle, he ran to the nurses’ station to get help.

  ‘Doctor is sending your mother for a scan,’ the ward sister told Vinnie, bustling him aside as a team of nurses and technicians surrounded Pam’s bed. ‘She’ll be going to the ICU from there, but I’m afraid you won’t be able to go with her. Leave your number at the desk – we’ll contact you as soon as we know what’s happening.’

  ‘What’s wrong with her?’ Vinnie glanced nervously over the sister’s shoulder. ‘I thought she was all right. The nurse said it was just a little stroke.’

  Leading him away from the cubicle with practised firmness, the sister explained that Pam had suffered a second, more serious stroke. It had affected the speech centre of her brain and probably caused scarring to other areas, but they wouldn’t know the full extent of the damage until they had done the scan.

  Leaving his details with the receptionist, Vinnie wandered outside. He felt helpless, and more than a little guilty. Glen had trusted him to take care of his women, and what had he done? Lost one, and nearly killed the other.

  It was almost eight now and completely dark. Standing to the side of the doors, he lit a cigarette and leaned his head back on the cool glass to think about how to break the news to Glen.

  The peace was immediately shattered by the siren-blaring arrival of an emergency ambulance. As if materializing from thin air, several nursing staff raced out of a door that Vinnie hadn’t noticed. Their movements looked eerie in the strobing blue light as they whisked the drip-attached stretcher case out onto the tarmac and rushed it in through their invisible door, leaving a gruesome trail of blood behind.

  Grimacing, Vinnie finished his smoke and took his mobile from his pocket. Time to get things in order before he ended up like the poor sucker on the stretcher.

  Carina sounded decidedly cagey when she answered, raising his suspicions about her whereabouts.

  ‘Look, I don’t give a shit what you’re doing,’ he said. ‘I just thought you’d best know I’m about to ring Glen to—’

  ‘Why?’ She cut him short. ‘Are you trying to drop me in it, or something?’

  ‘No, I’m letting him know his mother’s in the MRI.’

  ‘Why? What’s happened?’

  ‘Like you didn’t hear the crash.’

  ‘Yeah, she dropped her cup. So what? Did the silly bitch scald herself, or something?’

  ‘No, she had a stroke,’ Vinnie said, anger making his voice surprisingly even. ‘And another after we got here, so they’re keeping her in.’

  ‘Oh, my God,’ Carina gasped. ‘Is she all right?’

  ‘No, she ain’t. That’s why I’m ringing Glen. I thought I’d warn you first, though, ’cos he’s gonna ring you soon as he puts the phone down, and there’s no way you’re dropping me in it if he finds out you did a runner. I’ll say you’ve switched your mobile off ’cos you’re in the hospital, so you’d best do it and get your arse home. I’ll get a cab. Pick me up at the corner so we’re together if Al and Joe have got there first. Ten minutes – and don’t even think about fucking me about.’

  Cutting the call dead, he rang Glen and explained what had happened.

  ‘I’m just waiting for her,’ he said when Glen inevitably asked for Carina. ‘She’s having a word with the nurse. No, there’s no need to come back. There’s nothing you can do. She’s in safe hands, and me and Carina will come straight back if anything changes.’

  Running to the taxi office when he ended the call, Vinnie jumped into the back of a car that was just returning to base. Directing the driver to Glen’s house, he promised him an extra tenner if he put his foot down.

  Climbing into Carina’s car ten minutes later, he filled her in on Pam’s condition as they drove up to the house.

  Al was waiting on the steps.

  ‘Glen told me to come and get the low-down,’ he said. ‘Joe’ll be back in a bit, so make it quick.’

  ‘Anyone want a drink?’ Carina asked, hanging her coat in the hall and sloping into the living room without looking Al in the eye.

  ‘Scotch.’ Al followed her. ‘You all right? You look a bit peaky.’

  ‘It’s the shock.’ Vinnie covered for her. ‘We didn’t know what was going on. One minute we’re having a brew, the next Pam’s keeling over.’

  ‘She was fine earlier,’ Al murmured, sighing deeply. ‘A stroke, eh? Wonder what brought that on?’
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  ‘She wasn’t fine.’ Vinnie took the drinks from Carina and handed one to Al. ‘But you know Pam – she wasn’t going to say anything that’d stop Glen getting on. She said she had a headache so I made her a brew. I was just going to give her a painkiller and send her for a kip when she collapsed.’

  ‘Easy to forget she’s getting on, isn’t it?’ Al mused, twirling the drink thoughtfully. ‘Glen was proper worried. Wanted me to go to the MRI and sit with her.’

  ‘No point. They’ve taken her to intensive care and they won’t let you in. They said they’d ring if anything changed.’

  ‘Let me know as soon as.’ Downing the drink at the sound of a car, Al peered out through a slit in the blinds. ‘It’s Joe. You’d best come and lock the gates after us, Vin. We’ll do a quick scan first, make sure no one’s hiding out in the grounds.’

  Frowning, Vinnie followed him outside. ‘What’s going on, Al? Glen don’t usually lock the gates.’

  ‘This could get heavy if Glen don’t sort it,’ Al warned him cagily. ‘Lewis is a beast. First thing he goes for is women and kids, but you won’t see him coming ’cos he sends his crews out to make sure he’s got a clear runway. If he gets in and finds her on her tod,’ he motioned towards the house with a nod, ‘he’ll fuck her up. We understanding each other?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Good. Now give us one of the gate keys off the ring. We’ll do checks when we’re passing.’

  Vinnie wondered how much of the story he wasn’t being told as he helped Al and Joe search for intruders. The precautions seemed a bit over the top for what he had been told, and he wasn’t sure he liked being planted here like a spare plank waiting for the axeman.

  ‘Don’t start,’ Carina snapped when Vinnie strode back into the living room. Lurching off the couch, she crossed to the fireplace and grabbed the bottle of Scotch.

  ‘How much have you had?’ Vinnie asked when she sloshed a large measure into her glass.

  ‘Four.’ She waved the glass at him. ‘And this makes five. Five big ones!’

  ‘Well, that’s your last.’ He snatched the bottle. ‘Enjoy it.’

  ‘Piss off!’ Tilting her head back, Carina narrowed her eyes drunkenly. ‘You can’t tell me what to do. This is my house now. I don’t even have to let you stay if I don’t want. I can just kick you out.’

  ‘Like to see you try,’ Vinnie snorted, pouring what was left of the bottle into a glass and sitting down. Crossing his legs, he watched Carina weave her way back to her seat.

  ‘So, what you been up to?’ he asked. ‘Found another mug to screw behind Glen’s back, have you?’

  Pointing an unsteady finger at him, she smiled knowingly. ‘You’re jealous, aren’t you, Vinnie-winnie? You think I’ve got a new man and it’s pissing you off.’

  Vinnie chuckled softly. ‘You really should lay off the loopy juice. It’s addling your brain.’

  ‘Aw, get stuffed,’ Carina sneered, leaning forward, her breasts spilling over the top of her Lycra vest. ‘You can’t fool me! I know you hate Glen for taking me away from you. What d’y’ think he’d say if he knew what you’ve been up to behind his back, you naughty boy?’

  ‘You’re talking shit,’ Vinnie retorted, angered by her mention of Glen. ‘Yeah, he’d take a pop at me if he knew I’d been there first, but it’s nothing to what he’d do to you.’

  ‘He loves me,’ she muttered, slumping back.

  ‘For now, maybe, but if he finds out what you’re really like he’ll get rid of you like that!’ Vinnie clicked his fingers sharply. ‘Don’t kid yourself, darlin’,’ he went on cruelly. ‘There’s only two women Glen’s ever loved – his mother and his wife.’

  ‘I’m his wife.’

  ‘I don’t see no ring on your finger.’

  ‘What d’y’ call this?’ She waved her new ring at him.

  Sighing, he shook his head. ‘Look, pack it in. I didn’t want a stupid argument about who loves who, I just want to know where you took off to today.’

  ‘None of your business,’ Carina told him sullenly. ‘It’s family stuff.’

  ‘Didn’t know you had any.’

  ‘Everyone’s got someone. Even you.’

  Vinnie didn’t say anything. He never spoke about his family. What was there to say? That his mother had battered him senseless as a child for daring to look like his runaway father, then got rid of him when he was big enough to fight back, forcing him to grow up the hard way? Nah. That was no one else’s business. And if he’d learned one thing, it was that when you started letting people know your secrets they inevitably aimed the poisoned arrows of your confidences right back at you.

  ‘My mother’s a bitch,’ Carina was saying now, more to herself than Vinnie. ‘A greedy, selfish bitch. And she’s got the nerve to lay guilt trips on me because I’ve moved on and she’s exactly where she’s always been – on her fat, lazy arse, sticking booze down her neck.’

  Vinnie was intrigued. Carina had never mentioned her mother in the whole time he’d known her. If he’d actually thought about it he’d have sworn she came from a privileged background. She was the spoilt kind – the sort who’d had everything handed to her on a plate all her life and still expected everything for nothing: the contents of her latest man’s wallet, for example.

  Swinging her gaze up from the depths she was sinking into, Carina saw Vinnie looking at her and made a conscious effort to drag herself back to the present.

  ‘Why did you go off me, Vinnie?’ she asked.

  ‘I was never on you,’ he replied, his rough edge mellowing with each mouthful of whisky – but not enough to make him forget that he was supposed to be avoiding exactly this. ‘We fucked, it was fun – end of.’

  ‘It was more than that.’ She was becoming tearful now. ‘You know it was. There’s always been something between us.’

  ‘Don’t talk crap. It was never real.’

  ‘Yeah, it was. You were jealous when I got with Glen, admit it.’

  ‘To be honest,’ Vinnie said coolly, standing up, ‘I didn’t give a shit.’

  Following him unsteadily as he went into the dining room, Carina said, ‘You’re a liar. I know you want me, you just don’t want to tread on Glen’s toes.’

  ‘You’re not wrong there,’ he agreed. ‘But I still don’t want you.’

  Pulling a bottle of vodka out of the cupboard, he twisted the cap off with his teeth. Pouring some into his glass, he offered the bottle to Carina.

  ‘Thought you said I’d had my last?’ She gazed up at him coyly.

  ‘Of the Scotch, yeah.’ He sloshed some into her glass. ‘But I’m hoping this’ll shut you up.’

  ‘Don’t like hearing the truth, do you?’

  ‘And what would that be?’ Bored now, Vinnie downed his drink and refilled his glass.

  ‘That you do like me.’

  ‘Never said I didn’t. I just don’t feel anything.’

  ‘No one asked you to.’

  ‘So what’s your point?’

  ‘I thought we both just wanted a bit of fun?’

  ‘Unfortunately,’ Vinnie said condescendingly, ‘your idea of fun involves being possessive and careless, and that don’t interest me.’

  ‘What if I promise not to get heavy?’ Stepping right up to him now, Carina held his gaze for a moment. Then she sank slowly to her knees.

  Thinking she was going for the kill, Vinnie reached down and pulled her back up.

  ‘Forget it! It ain’t happening.’

  ‘Don’t panic,’ she giggled, showing him her empty hands. ‘I was only putting my glass down. Makes everything so much easier, don’t you think?’ Taking the bottle and glass from him, she put them down too. ‘Why don’t you just relax, Vinnie?’ Smiling sexily, she looped her arms around his neck.

  Closing his eyes wearily, Vinnie reached up to pull her clasped hands apart, but as soon as his hands connected with her flesh he had a vision of Sarah and got an instant hard-on. It wasn’t lost on Carina.

 
; Thrusting her hips against him, she trailed her tongue up his neck and circled the tip of his ear lobe.

  ‘See,’ she whispered. ‘I knew you wanted me. Come on, babe. We’ve got the whole house to ourselves, we can do whatever we want and no one would ever know. I need you . . . Glen could never do me like you do.’

  Before he could stop himself, Vinnie had lifted Carina off her feet and laid her on the table. Eyes closed, he pushed her skirt up around her waist and tore her panties down. Thrusting himself into her, he rode her hard, seeing with every stroke Sarah’s face, Sarah’s breasts, Sarah’s everything . . .

  ‘Come upstairs,’ Carina whispered when he collapsed onto her minutes later.

  Vinnie went stone cold at the sound of her voice. What the fuck was he playing at? Not only had he fallen right into her trap, he’d done it right in front of the uncurtained patio doors when Al had told him they could drop by at any time to check that everything was all right. If Al and Joe had seen them at it, they’d dip Vinnie in concrete and drop him off the side of a cliff without a second thought. Pulling himself from Carina without a word, he zipped himself up and walked away.

  ‘Vinnie!’ she called after him, propping herself up on her elbows. ‘Where the hell are you going?’

  ‘Away from you,’ he called back. ‘That won’t happen again, so just leave me the fuck alone.’

  ‘Yes, it will!’ she yelled as he strode from the room and up the stairs. ‘Yes, it will, Vinnie! You know it and I know it, so there’s no use pretending! Did you hear me, you bastard . . . ?’

  Sliding back down flat on the table when she heard the door clicking shut on the floor above, Carina closed her eyes and hugged herself as the cool tears slid down her cheeks and into her hair.

  27

  In the kitchen the following morning, the atmosphere was strained. Sober now, neither Vinnie nor Carina wanted to be the first to speak for fear of causing an argument that would likely get out of hand.

  Vinnie was furious – with Carina for getting her own way, and with himself for letting his dick rule his head, putting him into an even more precarious position with Glen.