His Love

by Jennifer Gracen

  Toni’s father was a doctor. A surgeon. But she’d never actually seen him operate or anything. Watching Gavin tend to a nervous patient, calm and collected and bringing smiles from the girl in pain… a soft kind of warmth flowed through Toni, surrounding her heart and squeezing it. She was more than impressed by Gavin; she was proud to be with him, to be his date, to be his… whatever she was.

  It was more than pride buzzing through her. It was… well, something else, but what? Affection? She blinked at the thought, stunned. She’d never felt anything for the guys she’d dated. She didn’t let herself. It was easy to keep men at a safe emotional distance when she didn’t have real feelings for them. So this… no, she couldn’t feel anything deeper for Gavin. It wasn’t okay. He was leaving. That was why a fling with him had been such a good idea in the first place. No expectations, no demands…

  He walked back to Toni, brows furrowed, and said, “She needs stitches, she cut herself pretty deep. Sean can’t leave. So I offered to ride with her in a cab to the nearest hospital, just to get her safely to an ER. I’m so sorry…”

  “Don’t be ridiculous!” Toni cried. “You’re helping her, that’s a wonderful thing. Go, go!”

  But he hesitated, still looking at her. “I could leave you here, come back for you after, and I know you’d be fine. But the truth is, I’d rather you just come with me. If that’s all right with you. I mean, we won’t stay long, I just want to get her there and—”

  Toni quickly kissed on his mouth, then grabbed her tiny handbag off the bar and hopped off her barstool. “I’ll go hail a cab. You bring her out front.”

  *

  Two hours later, they were seated at a small Greek restaurant a few blocks from the hospital, having a late meal. After taking Taylor to the ER, they’d sat with her for half an hour before she’d insisted they go enjoy the rest of their night and that she’d be fine. She thanked Gavin profusely and hugged them both, sending them on their way.

  “I have a confession to make,” Toni said over her Greek salad.

  Gavin ripped a piece of pita bread in half, his brows arched. “Sounds interesting. Please, absolve yourself, my child.”

  She giggled as he dipped the bread into the bowl of tzatziki in front of him. “Watching you in doctor mode… you were very impressive. I was impressed.”

  His brows lifted even higher. “Really.”

  “Yup. You’re, um… you’re an impressive guy, you know.” Her face turning pink, she bit back her grin and speared some lettuce and feta.

  He chewed, mulling over her words. They ate in comfortable silence for a minute before he said, “Siobhan dumped me because she wanted me to be a plastic surgeon.”

  Toni fumbled with her fork, almost dropping it into her salad. He knew it was likely because he never spoke of Siobhan, and he certainly hadn’t offered any details of the breakup before. She looked at him with cautious surprise. “I’m sorry, what?”

  He blew out a weary breath. “I’m in general practice. I work in a small family practice in Dublin. Decent pay, lovely patients most of the time. Pretty standard.” He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes distant. “But boring, to her. Not quite prestigious enough. But being a doctor’s wife in itself had some sort of prestige, I suppose, so she stayed. Until I was offered an internship with a high profile plastic surgeon in Cork. I turned it down flat. She was furious.” He stared over Toni’s shoulder, caught up in memories. She watched and waited in patient silence.

  “And when I told her what I really wanted was to be a pediatrician?” He said the last word with mock horror, eyes wide. “Nearly blew her head clear off. No prestige in that, no big money, no social rise, no swank.”

  Toni smiled softly. “You want to be a pediatrician?”

  “Aye. I’ve always loved kids; when I did my first rotation in pediatrics, I knew one day I’d pursue that. Always meant to.” He peered at her. “I’m curious… you seem to like the idea. Do ya?”

  “Yes.” Her smile bloomed wider. “I think it’s wonderful. And kind of adorable, too. I bet you’re great with kids. You’re kind, gentle, patient… I bet you’d be great at it.”

  Emotion welled up inside him, closing his throat. He could only stare at her. What he’d have given for Siobhan to say that even once, much less mean it. Toni meant it, her sincerity was obvious. A pang squeezed his heart, deep and resonant.

  He blinked, cleared his throat, and said, “Thank you for that.”

  “So are you going to pursue it now?” she asked.

  He kept staring at her. She had no idea how much the things she was saying meant to him, the significance…

  “Gavin?” She looked at him, face crinkling. “Hello?”

  “Sorry. Sorry…” He reached for his water and took a long swallow. “Aye, I start the transition in September. I’m excited about it, actually.”

  “That’s fantastic!” She raised her glass of Riesling in a toast. “To your dream coming true, then. To your success. I wish you all the luck in the world.”

  “Thanks so much,” Gavin murmured, and lightly tapped his glass to hers. “Sláinte.” And as he sipped his drink, staring across the table at Toni as she smiled sweetly and went back to her salad, he realized he’d fallen in love with her.

  Chapter Eleven

  ‡

  Gavin reached into the bowl of popcorn with one hand and held the remote in the other, channel surfing aimlessly. Anna and Wren had left for work, Joe had gone out for a bike ride, and he was waiting for Toni to get home from work. During the week, she usually got in around six-thirty; they’d have dinner together, then hang out. Sometimes they went for a long walk on the beach, sometimes they went out to the Nest, sometimes they stayed in and watched TV or a movie… but every night, they’d end up in her room, having hot, urgent sex like he’d never had in his life.

  The two of them together… it was explosive. As soon as they got near each other, much less started to kiss, it went from zero to sixty in about ten seconds. Groping recklessly, pulling off clothes, panting… they couldn’t get enough of each other. Then they’d cuddle for a while, talking about light, easy things. But every weeknight, he went back to his room to sleep. That boundary worked for her, so he didn’t push it. It just made him savor the weekends, when she’d let him stay the night. He loved being wrapped around her, holding her close, listening to her breathing turn slow and deep as she fell asleep in his arms, and waking up with her in the morning.

  He couldn’t believe it was Wednesday already. The days were flying by. It’d been such a good holiday so far. He took walks or borrowed Joe’s mountain bike to explore the beach, or the town, looking into shops and finding places to enjoy the American food. Being on his own suited him fine, but Anna was his companion most days, since she was home during the day and worked at night. And the steamy nights with Toni… they went too fast. She filled his head during the day, when she was gone.

  The front door slammed, breaking him from his reverie with a start. Toni stomped in, looking pretty but harried, and dropped her bag by the stairs with a thud.

  He sat up straighter on the couch. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” she bit out, flopping onto the loveseat. She yanked her hair out of its messy ponytail with a heated huff, then pulled it back and redid it. Anger radiated off her in waves. Even beneath her sleeveless ivory blouse and red silk pants, he could see the lines of her whole body were tense. She wasn’t just ticked off, she was livid.

  He aimed the remote at the flat screen and turned it off. “Long day?” he asked carefully.

  “I fucking hate my job,” she growled. “I hate everything about it. I hate my bosses, those pretentious, condescending asshats. I hate the clientele. I hate that I’m doing tedious paperwork and basically being paid to smile, wasting my time there when I know more about art than most of the people who walk through the door.” She took a deep breath and hissed. “I didn’t spend four years at Georgetown working my ass off for an art history degree only to fetch coffee and take shit
from these snobs. And by that, I mean both my bosses and the clients. I should be working in a museum, or a much better gallery, or…” Her voice trailed off and she squeezed her eyes shut. “Oh, my God. I am so sorry.” She took a deep breath as her eyes opened and fixed on him. “I just came in here like a ranting lunatic. I must sound like such a raving bitch right now.”

  “Well, not a bitch. And it sounds like you’ve good reason to be rantin’ and ravin’.” He held out a hand. “C’mere.”

  *

  With a sigh, Toni moved to sink onto the couch beside him. He angled her slightly, brushed her long ponytail aside, and dropped a kiss on each bare shoulder before he started kneading the muscles in her neck. “Christ, you’re tense.”

  “Yup.” She whimpered softly. “That feels wonderful.”

  “Good. Relax. Take some deep breaths.”

  She did as she was told. After a few cleansing breaths, and the way his big, strong hands worked on the knots in her neck and shoulders, she began to feel better.

  “You’re a godsend,” she murmured, letting her eyes slip closed as his hands worked magic. “Can you do that for, like, the next three hours?”

  He chuckled softly and dropped another kiss on her shoulder, then kept massaging her knotted muscles. “I’m sorry you had a shite day,” he said. “But you’re home now. By the beach, with a man who thinks you’re brilliant and lovely. So sit back, relax, and let me find some fun ways to get your mind off your day.”

  “Well, you’re the one who’s brilliant.” She grinned. “So I bet you can figure out a way or two to distract me.”

  “That’s right. Told ya from the start, sweetheart. I’m a sure bet.” He worked the tension out of her shoulders, his powerful yet gentle fingers working continuous magic. After ten more minutes, she eased back against his chest, gripped his chin, and brought his mouth to hers for a sumptuous kiss. He cradled her in his arms, deepening the kiss until it flamed white hot.

  Later, when they were tangled and sweaty in her sheets, and she lay languidly against him, he said, “Can I ask you somethin’?”

  “Sure.” She loved the way his fingers trailed with slow sweetness up and down her back, playing along her spine.

  “You have a degree,” he began. “From a top school, I might add. You know your stuff. And ya now have a few years’ experience, right? So if you hate your job so much, why stay there? Why not get another one?”

  “It wouldn’t be so easy,” she hedged.

  “Nothing that’s worth it usually is,” he said.

  “Ouch. But yeah, that’s true.” She sighed and shifted so she could better look at him while they talked. “I’ve thought about the kind of jobs I’d like to have, something to start a real career… but most things I want to do require an advanced degree.”

  “How old are ya, again?”

  She glanced at him, knowing he knew full well how old she was. “Twenty-eight.”

  “Young. Unmarried. No kids.” He gave a quick nod. “Go do it. Get your advanced degree.”

  She blinked at him. “Just like that.”

  “Aye,” he said firmly. “Why not?”

  “The money, honey.” A faint frown creased her features. “I don’t have enough.”

  “Your family wouldn’t help ya?”

  “Of course they would. If I asked. Which I won’t.” She shook her head adamantly. “They paid for my undergrad degree, in full, so I wouldn’t have loans. Very generous. Yes, they could—my dad’s a surgeon, my parents are comfortable. But I’ve watched my sister take and take, always asking without a second thought… I won’t take another dime. No way.”

  “Admirable,” Gavin murmured, now tracing along her jaw with gentle fingers. “What if you took out a loan? Think you’d be eligible?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess so? Never really looked into it.”

  “Maybe you should. Just a thought.” His hand trailed down her neck, then her arm, slow and leisurely. “I just hate seeing you so riled up over your job, that ya hate it so much. You’re not tied to anythin’ yet, Toni. Now seems like a perfect time to pursue change, if you wanted to. You can do whatever you want, if you think about it.”

  She rolled onto her back, exhaling a weary sigh. “But I don’t know what I want.”

  He stayed quiet. Leaning up on one elbow, he merely gazed down at her, brushing her hair back from her face with gentle sweeps of his hands.

  “I love art, even though I’m no artist myself. I love the history of it,” she said. “But… there’s got to be more for me to do. Something more. I don’t know.”

  Gavin remained silent. She wasn’t sure if he was just letting her talk and being a good listener, or if he was judging her and holding back from saying so.

  “Did you always know you wanted to be a doctor?” she asked.

  “Pretty much. I like helping people. I like helping others, period.”

  “Aha. Well, you’re good at that. You’re a natural.”

  “I suppose.” He half-grinned and added, “Helps that I’m not afraid of blood.”

  “Ugh. True.” She sighed. “It’s nice to have that kind of focus, that kind of drive. I never have.” Liar, a voice inside her whispered. You did have it, before Mike beat it out of you, made you think you weren’t good enough to cut it in the art world. You took the easy road as a result. Now you’re miserable.

  “There’s all different types of people in the world, Toni,” Gavin said. “That’s what makes life interesting.” With a casual shrug, he added, “If ya don’t know what you want, that’s fine. It’ll come to you when the time’s right, I’m sure.”

  A tiny spark of irritation flared in her. “Well, thanks for trying to help me figure out what to do with my life. But I’m not a quick fix. Sorry.”

  “What?” He frowned hard and said, “I wasn’t tryin’ to fix you, Toni. I was merely throwing out suggestions. Listening to you. Being a sounding board, kickin’ around ideas. That’s all.” He held her chin firmly, looking right into her eyes. “For the record, I don’t think ya need fixin’. I like you just as you are.”

  Her heart felt swirly in her chest. “Thanks,” she whispered.

  He lowered his mouth onto hers for some sweet kisses. “Hey now, I’ve a wholly different idea,” he said, eyes bright. “What if you travelled for a bit? You said ya wanted to. Could you afford that? Even if it’s only for a few weeks? Sometimes new scenery inspires you, gives you a new perspective.”

  “And where should I go?” she asked coyly, interlocking her fingers behind his neck. “Hmmm… Ireland, perhaps?”

  “Aye, that’s a grand idea.” His smile was wide and playful. “Truthfully, I think you’d love it there. Both Dublin and the countryside. I mean, you love art, and you love history; Ireland’s chock full o’both. Museums… castles… ancient relics…”

  “It does sound tempting. Would you be my personal tour guide?”

  “Of course! Like I’d let any other man near ya.”

  She huffed out a laugh. “My, so possessive! And here I thought this was just a casual fling.”

  She’d said it to tease, but the smile slid off his face and his eyes shuttered. He pulled back from her only a bit, but it was like his whole body withdrew. “You’re right,” he muttered. “Sorry.”

  “Oh, come on, I was just teasing you,” she said, rubbing his arm. He quirked a stiff grin and looked away. What was with him? Her eyes narrowed, peering closer at his face. “Hey, Doc. I was only teasing you. Because this—us—we’re a short term deal. No strings. I know that.”

  He nodded and murmured low, “Aye. I know, too.”

  The air had grown still, pulsing with muted tension. She didn’t know what to say. Apparently he didn’t either. Finally, he kissed her mouth, then got out of bed.

  “Where are you going?” she asked, sudden anxiety pulling at her insides.

  “To my room. Time for bed, no?” He pulled on his shorts, his back to her.

  She sat up in bed, hol
ding the sheets to her bare chest, and stared at him. “Why are you mad?”

  “I’m not mad,” he said, turning to face her. He leaned over to her nightstand to retrieve his glasses and put them on. “Just tired. And it’s late, and you have to get up for work in the mornin’. So, time for bed.”

  She watched him cross the small room to the door. In their rush of lust, she’d pulled his T-shirt off over his head and threw it mindlessly. He plucked it from the floor and held it in his hand as he looked at her again. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  Frustration bubbled in her stomach. He was upset, but she wasn’t sure why. And if he wasn’t going to tell her why his mood had changed, there was nothing she could do. “Okay. Good night, then.”

  “Good night, Toni. Sleep well.” He opened the door and paused there. Standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but those shorts hanging low on his narrow hips, he looked sexy and weary and a little sad. She wanted to pull him back into her bed. “I hope you have a better day tomorrow,” he said.

  “Thanks. Me, too.” She pushed her tangled mane back from her face. “Will we hang out tomorrow night? Maybe go for a walk on the boardwalk, get some ices?”

  “Sounds grand.” He still paused, staring at her, and she could feel his mind whirring from across the room. But finally, all he said was, “Good night.” And closed her door behind him.

  With a harrumph, Toni flopped back down onto her pillows and curled up in her blanket. Gavin’s scent, masculine and appealing, lingered on her sheets. She breathed it in, savoring the smell of him. His frowning face flashed in her mind. She hated that somehow she’d upset him. All she’d done was say how they were a casual thing, that there were no strings attached… and he’d quietly but definitely withdrawn.

  Not wanting to overthink the implications of that, she closed her eyes and did some deep breathing until she drifted off to sleep.

  *

  Toni hadn’t been able to shake the bad vibe all day. She’d spilled coffee on her pale blue tank dress early in the morning, she didn’t want to be at work, it was sticky and hot in the city, she didn’t know what she wanted to do, she’d pissed off Gavin last night… it just wasn’t her day.