Carrying Hope

by Tate, Sennah

  I crept down the hall, jumping at every deafening thump or crash. Bryce’s bedroom door was open only a sliver and I peeked in, hoping he was alright. I saw him leaning his head against the wall, his hands clenched into fists. I couldn’t see if there was anyone else in the room, but I didn’t think that there was.

  I pushed the door open a little further, enough to see the room completely. Sparkling shards of glass littered the floor, one wall had a hole in it, a chair was lying on its side and a side table was missing a leg. It looked like the room had been completely destroyed.

  “Bryce?” I called softly.

  He turned to look at me and the pained expression on his face shattered my heart; his eyes were red, his face streaked with tears, he hadn’t shaved in days and the hopeless look in his eyes told me that something was very wrong.

  “Marcie,” he whispered, stepping toward me, apparently unaware of the broken glass under his feet. His entire face softened.

  His hand reached out, but he dropped it quickly and set his jaw again into a hard line, his eyes narrowing to match.

  “You need to leave, Marcie.”

  My stomach dropped through the floor and I was afraid that my sandwich was going to make a reappearance.

  “W-what? Just tell me what’s wrong Bryce?”

  He took another step toward me and thrust his fingers into my hair, pulling my lips to his in a bruising kiss. There was no tenderness this time, no hesitation; he was rough and full of angst. His tongue forced its way into my mouth and I felt like I was drowning. It was too much; I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak to tell him to stop. My head swam with the ferocity of his kiss, and then it was gone.

  His eyes were wild and hungry. He looked feral; untamed.

  “You have to leave.” His voice was gruff, unlike anything I’d ever heard from him.

  My eyes filled with tears. I always knew this day would come. Especially since I’d been so awful to him lately. I just hated that it was really happening.

  “Go back to your room and leave me alone.”

  I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. My heart started beating again; he wasn’t kicking me out of his house. Just his room.

  “Please tell me what’s happening,” I pleaded, trying my best not to cry.

  “I can’t.”

  “Yes! You can. I promise. Please just let me help you, Bryce.” I couldn’t stand to see the man I loved in so much pain.

  I was shocked at my own thoughts. Did I just admit that I loved him? Now I wanted to run away. I didn’t know if I could face all of this at once. I wasn’t strong enough.

  “You can’t help me.”

  I looked around his room for any clues. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace. I thought I saw a bit of torn paper on the hearth, but I couldn’t be sure. Everything else in the room was wrecked. My chest hurt; I could feel how much pain he was in and it made my heart hurt for him. I just wanted to fix everything for him. I wanted to apologize for being a jerk. I wanted to start fresh with him; tell him how much I cared about him. But I was too chicken.

  I turned and left his room without another word. Thankfully, I made it inside my room before I started bawling.

  Chapter 20

  As soon as she walked out of my room, I regretted telling her to leave. There was no other way though. She couldn’t be near me right now. I was too on edge, too angry, and too worried about her. If I had my way I would hold her and keep her safe forever. Things weren’t going my way though. I glared at the fireplace where the torn scraps of photographs were nothing but ash now.

  Earlier in the day, I received an envelope, delivered by courier. There was no sender, so I set it aside to look at later and went about my day. Something about the envelope nagged at the back of my mind though. By the time I decided to open it, it was early evening. I pulled out a stack of photographs and the hairs on the back of my neck instantly stood on end.

  I looked at the first picture of Marcie in the garden and couldn’t help but feel a twinge of longing for her. The next picture was Marcie and Clara in the garden, chatting about something. The next was from Marcie’s shopping trip. Picture after picture of Marcie and my heart started racing. Who had sent me these and why? When I got to the last picture — Marcie and I on our date — there was a sticky note attached.

  This is your final warning.

  -Dad

  My vision turned red. I couldn’t see or hear anything. The bastard had some kind of balls. Everything in my path was in danger. I three chairs, tables, lamps, anything I could get my hands on. I tore the pictures into pieces and threw them into the fire, furious that someone was following Marcie around to get to me. Angry with myself for putting her into harm’s way and being arrogant enough to think I was protecting her. My fist hit something hard and I felt blood drip from my knuckles.

  How could I have been so careless? I never stopped for a moment to think that anyone would try to get to Marcie. I didn’t care about what anyone tried to do to me. I remembered the old man in the bar.

  “He will destroy everything you love and leave you with nothing.”

  “Jokes on him then. He already destroyed the only thing I loved.”

  But that was before Marcie. That was before she came into my life and turned it upside down. That was before I had something more important than my reckless quest for vengeance.

  I needed to put an end to this, once and for all. It was time that my father and I met.

  My list of possible suspects was now down to half a dozen men. That was much more manageable than what we started with. If I could collect a few DNA samples, the whole thing would be over. Well, I would have to make him sorry for what he’s done first.

  I was almost to the point where I could have forgiven him for my mother, but now he’d made the mistake of dragging Marcie and her baby into it. There was no way in Hell I would stand for it.

  My fist hit the wall again, but now despair was creeping in to take over for the blind rage. I hit my forehead against the wall, over and over, sobbing at the thought of any harm coming to Marcie. I’d been so arrogant and it could have cost her her life. Any one of those photographers could have just as easily been a hit man. The message was very clear.

  “Bryce?”

  Marcie’s soft voice brought me back to life and soother the raging beast inside of me.

  I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t lead her on. She needed to be distanced from me or she was going to get hurt.

  “You need to leave,” I heard myself say, wishing that I could take the words back as soon as they left my mouth. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t ever want to be without her. Now that I’d had a tiny taste of what my life with Marcie could be like, I didn’t ever want to give her up. But if it was going to keep her safe, I would do it.

  She said something, but all I could focus on was the way her lips moved. I needed to taste her one last time. I was determined to kill my father or die trying. My lips crashed onto hers without ceremony. I couldn’t get enough of her sweet taste or her soft rose petal lips. I knew I was being too forceful with her, but I was a man trapped in the desert and Marcie was my oasis. I could drink and drink and drink of her sweet nectar until the end of time.

  I broke the kiss, my lips burning with the need to kiss her again. My body was all too aware of her luscious curves and I had to fight myself to tell her to leave again.

  I wanted to beg her to stay. To ask her to be mine. To tell her that I would always protect her and be at her side. I just couldn’t do that right now. I tried to ignore the sad bewildered look in her eyes.

  “Please, tell me what’s happening,” she begged, tears brimming in her eyes.

  I couldn’t tell her though. If she knew what was happening she would be terrified… or worse: she’d hate me. I put her and her child in harm’s way because of my ego. I deserved her hatred, but I couldn’t tell her that. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if
Marcie hated me.

  “I can’t.”

  I wished I could. I wished I could tell her everything: how I felt about her, my fears about my father, and how much I wanted to make her a permanent part of my life. I wanted to explain everything, but it would have to wait until I knew that everyone was safe.

  “You can’t help me.”

  The crestfallen look on her face was enough to break my heart. I finally wore her down to the point where she wasn’t going to fight back anymore and I hated myself for it. I wanted her to try to talk me out of what I was going to do. I wanted to be able to give everything up to be with her. But I was never going to be able to rest until I knew that Marcie and her child were no longer in danger. Getting rid of my father was my only option.

  She left me without another word. I wanted to call her back. I wanted to beg her to stay, to forgive me, to help me.

  I picked up the clock on my mantle and hurled it against the wall. Typically the destruction was cathartic, but now it only made me hate myself even more.

  With no time to lose, I packed the fastest bag of my life and phoned ahead to the airstrip. I wasn’t going to tell anyone where I was going. I didn’t want to risk anyone coming after me or putting anyone else in danger. I didn’t want Marcie to find out what was happening. I couldn’t stand the thought of her coming after me or feeling like whatever happened to me was her fault. I didn’t know for sure that I would be able to outwit my father in this deadly game we were playing, but I knew one thing for certain: I had more motivation to win than he did.

  I pushed my car to the limit, speeding down the country roads like they were on the autobahn. When I arrived at the airstrip, the crew was fueling my plane and my pilot was working on the pre-flight checklist. I climbed aboard, my whole body alive with anxious tension. I wasn’t used to jumping into something like this blind. I always had a plan and a back-up plan. Without Tanner, though, I just didn’t have all of the same resources. I wasn’t going to tell Tanner what I was up to or he would try to stop me. I had no doubt that Tanner would fly himself out to D.C. and beat me until I was incapacitated. He’d drag my mangled body back to California and chain me up in my own house until I swore I would give up this stupid thing. So Tanner was just going to have to stay out of it. But I couldn’t leave without telling him anything.

  I pulled out my phone and brought up Tanner’s texts.

  Heading out of town. Don’t know when I’ll be back. Watch out for Marcie. -B

  Before he had a chance to respond, I turned my phone off and sat back in my seat, trying to get my racing heart to calm down. I would fix this. I would keep Marcie alive and I would make it up to her. No matter what happened to me, I knew that Tanner would make sure that Marcie was taken care of. Even if he didn’t agree with my choices I knew he would respect them.

  Chapter 21

  I cried and cried until I didn’t think it was possible that I could have any tears left. My head hurt from crying, my stomach felt uneasy from the stress and I was filled with a general feeling of hopelessness.

  My door flung open on its hinges, slamming into the wall. I shrunk back in my bed, not sure what was happening. In the instant before my eyes landed on the person in the doorway, I didn’t know if Bryce was angry with me now, if there was an intruder, or what was going on.

  “What the fuck did you do?” He roared, stalking into my room.

  I felt the brief urge to hide under my bed, but I realized how ridiculous that would be since he’d already seen me. This was not Bryce. This man was tall and lean with light sandy hair cropped close to his head. His blue eyes blazed with an angry fire that scared me to my core. I’d seen him here before, but I’d never met him. I only knew his name because of Clara.

  I wiped the tears from my eyes, not wanting to appear weak in front of this stranger.

  “What are you talking about?” I was getting pretty tired of always being left out of the loop.

  “Bryce is off the reservation and you’re the only explanation. What did you fucking do?” Tanner asked through clenched teeth. I could see him clenching and unclenching his fists.

  “Again. What are you talking about? I just saw him in his room, destroying everything.”

  Tanner stalked over to me and snatched my wrist dragging me out of the room with him and down the hall to Bryce’s room. His grip was so tight that I was sure I’d have bruises the next day, but I didn’t cry out. I’d had enough of men and their unpredictable tempers to last me a lifetime.

  “Where the fuck is he Marcie? Hmm?” He spat at me, his voice shaking with anger.

  I looked around and didn’t see any sign that Bryce was still in his room. Everything was left as it had been, but he was gone.

  “How should I know? It’s not like he tells me anything!”

  Tanner narrowed his eyes at me.

  “Tell me everything that happened.”

  I told him what I knew, what Bryce said to me, but I didn’t see how it was going to be any help.

  “How is this my fault?” I asked petulantly. I hadn’t done anything or even said anything to Bryce for over a month before this happened. There was no way that this could be blamed on me. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder where he would go without telling anyone.

  Tanner pulled out his phone and showed me the text message he received.

  I bit my lip, trying to come to terms with the fact that he was gone without a word. How could he just leave like that?

  “He must think that you’re in some kind of danger,” Tanner said, sifting through the wreckage for clues.

  “What? Why? No one even knows I’m here…” Even if Kevin had found out, I didn’t think he would care enough to do anything about it; certainly not enough to hurt me over it.

  “You have no idea what’s going on, do you?”

  “No! And I’d really appreciate an explanation.”

  He looked conflicted, unsure of what to say. Finally he sighed.

  “As much as I think you deserve an explanation, it’s just not my place to give it. Hopefully Bryce will be back soon. In the meantime, if you need anything, give me a call.”

  He handed me a black business card with silver numbers engraved into it. There were no other words, just a phone number. I thought it was a very odd business card, but I tucked it into my pocket anyway. Tanner left without much more fanfare and promised to let me know if he found out anything about Bryce’s whereabouts.

  I expected Bryce to be back the next day, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t back the next day either. Or the next. Days turned into weeks and soon another month flew by. I still hadn’t heard any word from Bryce or Tanner and my concern was growing every day.

  I was at my breaking point. I tried to call Bryce. Over and over I tried to call him. He never answered.

  “I guess I deserve a taste of my own medicine,” I pouted.

  I kept envisioning Bryce in some alley, beaten and struggling for breath without me there to save him. I hated that he wouldn’t tell me what was going on. I hated even more that he just left. I felt so helpless. I felt so useless.

  Maybe I just needed some fresh air. Snow dusted the ground and icicles hung from the roof. I shivered just thinking about the cold breeze blowing. Regardless, I needed to get out of this house. Even if it was only for a little while. I bundled up and decided to take one of Bryce’s cars for a spin.

  Surprisingly, he actually had one car that wasn’t built for speed, so that was the one I chose. I got in the car without any idea of where I was going. I just wanted to get away from Bryce’s house and all the memories and fantasies that it plagued me with. I didn’t know if I was ever going to see Bryce again. For all I knew he could be dead or in jail or lost in the desert. I had no idea what he was doing.

  I fought back a tear and swallowed the lump in my throat. I refused to give in to my sorrow tonight. I kept driving without really paying attention to where I was going. Before I knew it, I was pulling into a familiar parking lot with no real recollection of h
ow I got there.

  This was the bar I worked at when I was 17. I had no interest in drinking, but the backroom certainly held my interest. I’d been so good for so long and what had it gotten me? Nothing. Bryce was gone, my Nana didn’t remember who she was, and my baby was going to grow up without a father. The least I could do was make sure that we were financially independent.

  I got out of the car and rummaged through my purse for my wallet. I had my very own black card with my name in shiny silver letters. That would certainly be enough to buy my way into the backroom. Once I was in, I’d be able to win enough to pay Bryce back what I took and then some. It was foolproof.

  Walking into the bar was like coming home. The smells, the sounds and the people were all pretty much the same as I remembered them. Regulars were a little more gray, but still recognizable. My hands shook as I walked toward the back. I thought about the feeling of the felt table, the plastic cards, the sound of chips as people hedged their bets. My heat beat a wild rhythm in my chest. Could I really go through with this? After all of this time, could I break my promise to Nana?

  The little devil on my shoulder reminded me that Nana would never find out. This wasn’t like the old days where I borrowed money from loan sharks. I had all the money I needed. I wasn’t doing anything that would get me into trouble, and that was the spirit of the promise anyway, right?

  The owner looked me up and down a few times, trying to remember where he knew me from. In my expensive fitted clothes with my pregnant belly, I wasn’t immediately recognizable as the quiet tomboyish seventeen year-old I had been.

  “Do I know you?” He asked, his hairy arms crossed in front of his chest.