Carrying Hope

by Tate, Sennah

  I knew he would know my name when I showed him my card as proof, but I tried to play it off anyway. Maybe he wouldn’t remember my name. I didn’t see how that would be possible, but I could hope.

  I shrugged noncommittally and flashed my black card for proof.

  His eyes grew big for a moment, but he narrowed them at me suspiciously right after.

  “We’re going to have to call them for verification,” he grumbled, obviously trying to discourage me from entering.

  I nodded silently, thinking that he was most likely to recognize my voice.

  He ushered me in the back room and over to the window where the cashier sat.

  “Call about this card. Make sure it’s legit,” he said, snatching it from my grasp before slipping it under the window. I heaved a sigh of relief that he never even looked at the name.

  “Sure thing boss!” The pretty blond girl behind the window said as the owner walked away.

  She dialed the number on the card for authorization. As I waited, I started to doubt my decision making. I was upset and frustrated; worried and sleep-deprived. If I went through with this, I was going to regret it. But I was already here. I couldn’t just walk out now. Not when the sound of shuffling cards and the call of the adrenaline rush was so close. It was within reach.

  The cashier girl set the phone back down on the receiver and smiled brightly.

  “All set! How much would you like?”

  I nibbled my bottom lip nervously. My eyes flicked toward the door and back to the cashier.

  “Twenty,” I finally said.

  “Absolutely,” she said, counting out twenty thousand dollars in chips.

  She tried to run the credit card and made a face at it.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked; she’d already called for approval so there shouldn’t be any problem. Was this some kind of sign?

  “Our machine is just a little picky sometimes,” she said, still chipper as ever as she swiped the card again.

  By the third swipe I was getting nervous.

  “You know what, never mind. I’ll come back when I have cash,” I said hastily, suddenly feeling very panicky.

  She frowned.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to try it one more time?”

  I sighed, of course she would play into my compulsive gambling.

  “Okay, fine.”

  She swiped it again and it beeped with success. She handed me the card back and I tucked it into my wallet.

  “Okay, here’s five, ten—”

  “EVERYBODY FREEZE!” her counting was interrupted by an army of police officers in combat gear pouring into the room.

  Shit. Now I was in trouble.

  I froze, keeping my hands up as the police rounded up the people at the tables and chased down the ones dumb enough to try to run. I wasn’t high on their priority list since I wasn’t actually doing anything other than standing there. The cashier subtly put away the chips she counted out for me and I understood the cue.

  A scruffy looking black police officer came over to me and asked what I was doing.

  “I’m just looking for someone,” I lied.

  The officer looked to the cashier and she nodded eagerly. I didn’t think he believed either one of us, but he looked down and saw the swell of my belly and something in his face changed.

  “All right. We’re going to have to take you down to the station for questioning, though.”

  I couldn’t believe that my lie worked. I gave a silent thanks to the cashier girl for being so smart even though she was likely going to jail. She totally saved my ass.

  I’d never ridden in the back of a police car before. I was thankful that I wasn’t handcuffed, but it still left a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. How could I have been so stupid? I got so caught up in everything that I forgot to think about the legal repercussions of my actions. I was so lucky that I wasn’t being charged with anything and I swore that I would never ever try to gamble again. For real this time.

  After sitting at the police station for over three hours, the officer that brought me in asked me a few questions about how I got in and how I knew about the place. I didn’t lie to him about either of those things. I told him I used to work there so I knew the process and that I used my credit card as collateral even though I was just looking for a friend who had a gambling problem.

  Thankfully, he still believed my story. He jotted down a handful of notes before turning me loose.

  “Do you have someone that can pick you up?” He asked, implying that I wouldn’t be able to leave on my own.

  I panicked. Who could I call? Bryce was MIA. I couldn’t call Kevin. Clara couldn’t drive and I didn’t want her or Francis to know about this anyway. Then I remembered: Tanner.

  “Yes, I do,” I answered, pulling his business card from my wallet. I dialed out, bracing myself for the inevitable tongue lashing I was going to get.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Tanner, it’s Marcie,” I said quietly. The police station was noisy in the background and I hoped that he heard me. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. I wanted Bryce’s best friend to approve of me and this didn’t seem like the right path.

  “Marcie, what’s wrong?”

  “Um, nothing. I just need you to pick me up from the police station. I’ll explain everything when you get here.”

  “Jesus, Bryce is going to kill me.” He hung up the phone and I was left to hope that he was coming to pick me up.

  It took less than fifteen minutes for Tanner to make it to the station and burst through the door hurling expletives at me.

  The officer that interviewed me stepped between Tanner and me with his hands up.

  “Is this the guy you called?” He asked me.

  I nodded, grabbing my purse and standing.

  “Yeah, it’s fine. His mouth is as filthy as a sewer, but he’s harmless,” I answered with more confidence than I felt. I didn’t think Tanner would ever do anything to hurt me for fear of Bryce’s wrath. That was assuming Bryce was still okay. But I couldn’t think like that.

  We got into Tanner’s souped up vintage Mustang and it roared to life. We got a block away from the police station before he found his voice to talk to me again.

  “Are you going to explain yourself now?”

  I sighed.

  “Yes, but please don’t say anything to Bryce.”

  “I’m not making any promises until I hear your story, but I’ll consider it.”

  “Fair enough,” I said before launching into the entire sordid tale. I had to tell him about my past problems and about my Nana. I had to tell him about everything for any of it to make sense. And I needed it to make sense to him so he wouldn’t tell Bryce about picking me up at a police station.

  We were nearly back to Bryce’s house by the time I finished explaining everything.

  “All right. I won’t tell him,” he said.

  “Thank you thank you thank you!”

  “Under one condition,” he amended and my stomach sank. What now?

  “You have to tell him how you feel about him,” he finished.

  My mouth went dry; I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t open myself up to Bryce like that… could I? I was so terrified of having him turn out like Kevin.

  “Why? I thought you didn’t like me…” I mumbled, hoping to change his mind.

  “Look, Marcie, I’ve known Bryce for a long ass time. He’s like my brother. We’ve been through a lot of shit together and he’s still going through plenty of shit. You seem to be the only thing that keeps him from flying off the handle. It’s like you’re a lion tamer or something. You make him happier than I’ve ever seen him and sadder than I’ve ever seen him, which must mean that he cares about you a lot.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was dumbfounded and speechless. If he really meant everything he was saying then maybe Bryce loved me too. I didn’t want to let myself hope for that, but I couldn’t help the little bubble of excitement that rose i
n my chest. Maybe he did.

  “For whatever reason, he’s too fucking dumb to tell you all of this himself. So I’m telling you in hopes that you’ll have enough balls for the both of you. I hate to say it, but he fucking needs you, Marcie. He’s lost his damn mind worrying about you.”

  My head snapped to him.

  “What? You’ve heard from him?!” I shouted angrily.

  Tanner shrunk like he was afraid I was going to smack him and his ears turned red with embarrassment.

  “Um… I didn’t mention that?”

  “No you didn’t! Where is he? When is he coming home?”

  “He’ll be back tomorrow. You’re lucky he’s not here now.”

  I couldn’t believe it; Bryce was going to be home tomorrow!

  “So, do we have a deal?” Tanner asked,extending his hand and making my heart race again. I didn’t know if I could do this, but it was my only option if I didn’t want to lose Bryce.

  I shook his hand firmly, hoping I wouldn’t regret it.

  “Deal.”

  Chapter 22

  I did it. I actually did it. After all this time and all the money I spent searching for him, I’d finally figured out who my father was. So why did it feel meaningless now? I always expected I would feel relief, closure, vindication, something; instead, I didn’t feel anything. I was going to go confront him just to make sure that this whole thing was finished, but my heart really wasn’t in it anymore.

  I had to check in with Tanner one last time, just in case.

  “Yo,” he answered.

  “Hey, how’s Marcie?”

  “Dude, she’s fine. No one’s gonna fuck with her. I’m right here.”

  “Oh, good. I appreciate you keeping an eye on her, man.”

  “Yeah, whatever. Just don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

  “Me? Never. You know if something does happen…”

  “Shut the fuck up. You should really just tell her yourself.”

  I clenched my jaw, fighting my snappy retort.

  “I’ll get there. Just let me get through this first.”

  He sighed.

  “Sure.” The call ended and I was left to gather my courage.

  I knew he was staying in a hotel downtown. I had his room number and I managed to steal a key card from one of the housekeepers. I already scoped the place out for camera and planned an exit route if I needed one. Now I only had to go back and confront him.

  I slipped in through a side entrance to the hotel and climbed the stairs to the seventh floor.

  I had to pause for a moment to catch my breath and gather my thoughts. My heart was racing, my blood was full of adrenaline, my ears were ringing and my hands shaking. I thought I might have a panic attack before I ever even made it to his room, but I was able to calm myself down. I’d been working toward this day for nearly two decades and now that it was here, I just wanted to get it over with.

  I expected to find him asleep in his bed, but instead I found him reading by lamplight in an armchair.

  He looked at me over his glasses and went back to reading his book.

  “I was wondering when you’d decide to show up,” he said drolly.

  “Y-you knew I was coming?” I hated that I stuttered, but I was so surprised by his lack of reaction that I momentarily lost myself.

  “Of course I did. Remember: I know who you are. It’s not hard to keep tabs on you. Now, I suppose you’d like to discuss some things with me?”

  I closed the door behind me and walked over to him, my entire body trembling with rage.

  “You need to leave Marcie alone. I know your secret now and I don’t give a fuck about you. If you leave us alone, I leave it alone. If you ever make threats toward her or anyone I care about again, know that I will ruin you and cause you ten times more pain than you cause me.”

  He chuckled and closed his book casually before standing to meet me eye-to-eye.

  “I remember when I had that temper. You’ll need to get a handle on that before it gets you into trouble, son.”

  “Leave my family alone or you will regret it. I promise you,” I ground out through clenched teeth. My family? Was that really how I viewed Marcie and the baby? Now wasn’t the best time for revelations, but it still shocked me for a moment.

  My father scoffed, wrinkles creasing his once-handsome face.

  “What? That whore you have living in your house? I’m sure she’s fun, son, but she isn’t someone you marry. I had the sense not to stay with your mother. I guess you take after your old man after all, hmm?”

  I couldn’t make out his face through the haze of red that clouded my vision. Before I could stop myself I drew back my arm and punched him squarely on the jaw. There was a sickening crack as my fist connected with his face. I wanted to hit him again, but I restrained myself.

  “You son of a bitch,” he howled, clutching the side of his face.

  “You’re nothing but a bastard and you’ll never be anything but the bastard son of a whore.”

  My hand shook with rage and I almost couldn’t stop myself from hitting him again. I knew if I hit him a second time I wouldn’t stop hitting him until he was dead. He wasn’t worth losing Marcie and the baby.

  “And you’re nothing more than a pathetic old man too scared to face his own son.”

  He spat blood on the floor and glared at me. He knew that he was no match for me physically, but I could see his wheels turning.

  “This is your last warning. You can’t hide from me anymore and if you don’t let this go, you won’t be able to hide anything from anyone,” I said with much more composure than I felt.

  “Fine,” he growled, realizing he’d been defeated. “But don’t ever come to me asking for a hand-out.”

  I let out a bark of sarcastic laughter.

  “I will never ask you for anything. I would be perfectly happy if you dropped dead any second.”

  He sneered at me and winced at the pain the movement caused him. I had nothing else to say to him. I believed that it was really over. I had enough information on him to ruin his career, his marriage, and put him in jail. He wasn’t going to risk everything to get revenge.

  I left the hotel feeling lighter than ever. I called Tanner, knowing that he’d be worried until I did.

  “It’s done,” I told him.

  “What’d you do?” He asked, dread apparent in his voice.

  “I just sat down and had a nice heart-to-heart with him. What the fuck do you think I did? I told him to stay the fuck away from Marcie and I punched him in his stupid face.”

  “At least you didn’t kill him,” Tanner said with a sigh.

  “I wanted to.”

  “I don’t doubt that.”

  “How’s Marcie?”

  “Dude, seriously? You asked me that like half an hour ago. She’s fine; just excited to see you.”

  “You told her I’m coming home? I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  “Well, she’s scarier than you told me. She got it out of me.”

  I grinned. Nothing could ruin my good mood now. It was over. I could be with Marcie now.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow, I have one more thing I want to do first.”

  I didn’t want to tell Tanner my plans just yet, especially after he’d proven that he couldn’t keep a secret for shit. I wanted to buy Marcie a ring. I didn’t know if she would accept it, but with nothing in my way now, I had to try.

  Chapter 23

  I had everything all set up for Bryce’s homecoming. I gave Clara and Francis the night off and spent the entire day in the kitchen making a nice meal for us. I wanted everything to be perfect. I tried not to think about my deal with Tanner. I knew he would know if I went back on it and then he would tell Bryce everything. I couldn’t let that happen, so I couldn’t be chicken. I just had to go through with it.

  Snowflakes descended from the heavens in droves, blanketing the vineyard. I hoped that Bryce’s plane would be able to land okay with the weather. I didn’t know exact
ly what time he expected to be in, but I had the impression that it would be around dinner time. My phone rang; it was Bryce.

  “Hey stranger,” I answered.

  “It’s good to hear your voice again,” he said quietly. My heart skipped a beat and I suppressed the giant grin that was trying to make its way onto my face.

  “Likewise. Are you nearly home?”

  “Yeah. I tried to call Clara and Francis and Tanner and no one answered.”

  “Hmm, that’s weird. I guess you’re just stuck with me then,” I teased.

  It was weird to talk to him so easily like this after the last time we saw each other. I still didn’t know what made Bryce blow up like he had, but I trusted that he had a reason for everything. Tanner convinced me that Bryce and I made a good couple and complemented each other. I was afraid that I only liked him because he was the first person I saw after Kevin, but the more I thought about it, I realized I love so many things about him. This wasn’t some spontaneous fling.

  “Sounds like the perfect welcome home to me.” I could hear the smile in his voice and it was infectious. After nearly two months of not speaking or seeing each other, I finally felt like things were falling back into place.

  “Hurry home,” I said, before realizing who I was talking to, “On second thought, drive slowly. The roads are icy.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

  I hung up the call, the words still on the tip of my tongue. Not yet.

  I heard the tires of his car crunching in the snow before I saw him. He climbed out of the car looking sexier than ever. How could I have forgotten just how beautiful he was?

  Rushing out of the house, I flung myself into his arms, inhaling his piny scent and reveling in the feeling of his embrace.

  “I missed you,” I whined before taking a step back and smacking him on the arm.

  “Don’t ever leave like that again! I was worried sick. So was Tanner.”

  He laughed and pulled me into another hug.

  “I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again. It’s all over now.”

  “What is?” I asked, confused yet again.

  “Let’s go inside where it’s warm and I’ll tell you all about it.”