Carrying Hope

by Tate, Sennah

  “Okay,” I said cheerfully, pulling him by the hand.

  “I made you dinner.”

  “You did?” He asked with disbelief in his tone.

  “Yes; I did. Don’t act so surprised.”

  “Well, I’m just wondering where Clara is,” he replied, “if she was here she wouldn’t let anyone touch her kitchen.”

  “Clara and Francis are enjoying a night off. I didn’t want us to be interrupted.”

  He raised his eyebrows at me with a smirk and I hid my blush in my hand. I didn’t mean it like… okay, I totally meant it like that, but I wasn’t about to tell him that!

  “So, what’s for dinner? I’m starving,” Bryce said, sitting at the head of the table.

  “Roast lamb, rosemary potatoes, and glazed carrots,” I said, uncovering each dish as I announced it.

  “Wow, that looks fantastic.”

  I carved the lamb and served us both before lighting a couple of candles and dimming the lights.

  “So, why don’t you tell me where you’ve been,” I said casually, even though I was dying to find out.

  He tried a bite of his food and closed his eyes with a moan.

  “This is excellent.”

  “Don’t try to change the subject,” I chided.

  “Okay, I’ll tell you. Just remember that it’s all over now and everything is okay.”

  “Okay…”

  For the duration of dinner he explained the whole situation with his father and how he’d been worried about my safety. He told me about his month going back and forth between D.C. and New York, gathering clues and trying to narrow down the man that sired him. He told me how he felt he owed it to his mother to make the man answer for his sins, but also about how he wanted to live in the present now rather than the past.

  I had a hard time accepting that all of this was going on right under my nose and I knew nothing about it. I now totally understood why he was so upset the night he left, and the fact that he was so protective of me gave me butterflies.

  “Okay, if we’re going to be honest with each other, I have something I need to tell you, too,” I sighed, clearing the table.

  “Should I be worried?”

  I smiled over my shoulder at him.

  “Just remember that it’s all over now and everything is okay.”

  He laughed and helped me clean up before we headed into the den.

  The large room was comfortably furnished, but at the moment it was freezing. Normally, Francis would have a fire going, but I’d been too preoccupied with dinner to think about it.

  Bryce knelt in front of the fireplace, arranging the wood just so before lighting it ablaze. I admired his quick efficient work and the view of his tight ass that I got.

  We sat on the plush rug, basking in the glow of the fire and the joy we felt with one another.

  “So, what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

  “Right. Promise me you won’t be angry?”

  “I reserve judgment until I hear the story. But I promise even if I’m angry, I will forgive you.”

  That was going to have to be close enough.

  I took a deep breath and launched into my whole story again. I wanted to be honest with him about my problems like he had been with me. I didn’t want to keep any secrets from him. I was ashamed of my behavior and how weak I’d been. I was embarrassed that I had such an addiction. I hated to think that Bryce would decide he didn’t like me anymore. But I had to tell him anyway.

  “So, Tanner picked me up and I begged him not to tell you about any of it. I was just so afraid of what you were going to think.”

  “What did Tanner say?” I thought it was a strange question to ask after all the information I’d just given him.

  “Um, he said he would keep it a secret, but I needed to tell you.”

  “I see. That was very nice of him.”

  I could tell that he didn’t believe my version of the events. What was I just saying about no secrets? Time to grow a pair, as Tanner would say.

  “Okay, that’s not everything.”

  “No?” He asked with a quirked eyebrow.

  “No,” I sighed. “He promised he would keep it a secret if I told you how I feel about you.”

  “And how’s that?”

  I glowered at him. Was he messing with me or just that clueless?

  “I’m probably going to sound crazy, but here goes nothing… If tonight hasn’t made it perfectly clear, I like you a lot… really a lot. More than like even,” I rambled, trying to find the words that refused to leave my lips.

  “Oh yeah?” He asked with a smirk before swooping in for a kiss.

  “Yeah,” I sighed happily, kissing him back with everything I had.

  His tongue did marvelous things to me, his lips rained down over my soft skin. He peeled my dress off of me, inch-by-tantalizing-inch, drawing out his sweet seduction.

  Gentle hands caressed my body and manipulated my sensitive flesh. This couldn’t really be happening. After all of this time of wondering… of dreaming.

  I slipped my hands under his shirt and raked them up his chest before stripping the article from him. I kissed his muscled torso, his skin so hot under my lips. Every touch, every kiss, every caress and lick sent my senses into overdrive. I was so intensely aware of everything he did. Every inch of my skin was electrified from his attentions. But I craved more.

  “As much as I admire these lacy things, I think they’re going to have to go,” he murmured between kisses down my neck.

  I’d had the fancy lingerie since my shopping trip. I wore it a few times being hopeful, but eventually gave up. I was ecstatic that it was finally going to see some action. It had been far too long.

  Chapter 24

  I wanted to worship her. I’d never seen a more beautiful sight in my life. Marcie’s pale creamy skin laid bare before me was all of my dreams come true. I lavished my attention on her mouth, her neck, down her chest, her beautiful belly and then I worked my way up her legs. I kissed the sensitive place behind her knee, making her moan — a wholly remarkable sound, let me tell you — and trailed my fingers up her thighs.

  I delighted in the little shivers that my touches gave her. I groaned with how hard her tiny mews of pleasure made me. She was a delectable dessert and I wanted to savor every last bite. I removed the scrap of lace concealing her magnificent chest and showed her my appreciation of her beauty with my mouth.

  “Oh, Bryce,” she moaned, her fingers tangling in my hair.

  That one cry from her was enough to drive me wild with need. I wanted to hear her cry my name like that from the moment I met her. She’d gotten in my head and my heart and set up camp. There was no escape now, but I didn’t want to.

  I let her pull me toward her and out lips met in a heated exchange as her dexterous fingers worked on my pants. Her hand and her tongue worked in time with one another and I got my first taste of what it was like when Marcie took charge; I liked it. She was only teasing me though. Her gentle touches and unsure kisses were enough to make me want her more, but not much else.

  I pulled the other scrap of lace down her long legs with my teeth. I had to take a minute just to look at her. The warm glow from the fire illuminated her body in the most sensuous way. The flush in her face and the way her long hair cascaded over her shoulders, the tiny taut rosebuds of her delicate nipples and her beautiful juicy center at the apex of her thighs all made me hungry for more. I had to have her completely. She had to be mine. I remembered the ring in my suitcase, but it was going to have to wait. Nothing in the world could pull me away from Marcie right now.

  “What?” She finally asked, after my intense staring made her self-conscious.

  “I’m just trying to memorize the way you look right now; you’re perfect.”

  She gave me the biggest smile before pulling me on top of her. She wrapped those long silken legs around my waist and pulled me in closer.

  I could see our entire future in her eyes. Babies, marriage
, and more happiness than I ever deserved. I knew I wasn’t worthy of her love. I knew that she deserved someone that wasn’t so horribly broken inside. I only hoped that she would accept me anyway. I couldn’t imagine a life without Marcie in it. It would be empty and sad.

  I would spend the rest of my life doing everything I could to make myself a man that was worthy of this magnificent woman.

  Her warmth welcomed me in a tight embrace. She was just as needy as I was. Our bodies writhed in a passionate rhythm that was ours alone. Nothing had ever felt more right. Nothing could ever improve upon this. Her grip tightened around my waist and her back arched with a gasp.

  Higher and higher, I pushed her. I drove her to the peak only to venture onward to some new unknown bliss. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her, passed into me and crashed back into her. Each time her ecstasy crested, she clutched my arms, moaned my name, and pulled me in deeper.

  The entire world fell away from us. All I could see was Marcie; she filled my eyes, my ears, and my heart. We moved as one, our tandem passion overwhelming us both. Her face contorted with rapturous intensity. She begged for more and I was more than happy to give it to her.

  I wanted to make love to her forever. I wanted to give her more pleasure than she could handle. I didn’t want to stop until she was a puddle, squirming beneath me with no thoughts in her beautiful head other than my name. She was so damned sexy that I didn’t have the option of dragging it out. I’d waited for this moment for so long. Dreamed of it so many times. I woke up in sweat, thinking about her tantalizing curves and silken ivory skin. Those wide brown eyes haunted my waking hours, drawing me to her even when I tried to pull away.

  There was no escape from this connection we shared. Whatever mystical cosmic power that brought us together was nothing compared the the intangible tether that connected us. My physical body seemed like another place. Marcie and I were together on another plane; we could see our bodies intertwined in carnal bliss, we could hear the frenzied sounds of our passion, but in this moment, we were locked together spiritually. Wholly and completely joined together.

  Her fingers clutched at me wildly and her mouth opened on a silent moan. She pulled me down with her and our lips locked in a heated exchange. She was ravenous, starving for more. I’d be damned if I’d let her go hungry.

  Her expression as her climax rippled through her was enough to send me over the edge. I showered her face with kisses and rolled over, pulling her close to me.

  “I love you, Bryce,” she whispered, giving me a sleepy kiss.

  I stroked her hair and held her as the sound of the crackling fire lulled her to sleep. I felt like I coward for not reciprocating. I loved her. Of course I loved her. I wanted to marry her for Pete’s sake! Why couldn’t I say it back?

  I told myself that I didn’t want her to think I was only saying it because she had sex with me. I didn’t really believe myself, but I accepted it for the time being and carried Marcie up the stairs to my bedroom.

  I didn’t know how she’d feel about waking up next to me, but I wasn’t about to let her out of my sight again. I’d been away from her for too long and that had to end.

  I pulled her close and she snuggled up against my chest; for the first time in as long as I could remember, I fell asleep quickly.

  A few hours later, I awoke to Marcie’s incredible mouth on me. She laved my stiffness with her soft tongue and I groaned my appreciation. She climbed on top of me and we held each other as the overwhelming sensations barreled through us. Sex with Marcie was unlike any sex I’d ever experienced. It was Earth-shattering, soul-shaking, out-of-this-world; it was like she was made for me and I for her. A perfect fit. She made every other partner I’d had seem like a disappointment. I briefly wondered if our first time was only so amazing because of the build-up, but the second time disproved that theory.

  She was a goddess and she was going to be all mine. I wouldn’t… couldn’t take no for an answer. If Marcie wasn’t convinced that we belonged together then I would convince her. I would do anything and everything I had to do to win this woman’s trust. I had her heart, but I didn’t know if that was going to be enough.

  She retreated downstairs to the kitchen and I took the opportunity to call Tanner.

  “Hey man, it’s the middle of the night,” he said sleepily.

  “Yeah, I know, I’m sorry. I just know you’d be pissed if I didn’t tell you this ahead of time; I’m going to propose to Marcie.”

  “What? Are you insane?”

  “No. You can’t possibly think this is a bad idea now that you’ve met her. She’s incredible.”

  “She’s great, yeah, but don’t you think this is a little fast, buddy? Don’t let your post-sex brain trick you.”

  I didn’t even want to know how he knew we’d had sex. Maybe he was just assuming.

  “I bought the ring in New York, Tanner.”

  “No shit? Well, all right man. Congratulations.”

  “Do you think she’ll say yes?” I was more nervous than I should be. Or maybe I should be more nervous than I was. I desperately wanted her to say yes, and I thought that she would, but I still had that niggling doubt in the back of my mind.

  “Of course; she’s crazy about you, man.”

  “That’s what I keep hearing. I just can’t keep playing this back-and-forth, hot-and-cold game with her. I have to put an end to it. I think it’ll be better for everyone.”

  “Oh, totally, we were all sick of seeing you two moon over each other without doing anything.”

  “Wish me luck. I think I’m gonna need it.”

  I ended the call, rolled over and fell asleep, my arms outstretched to the empty space Marcie should be occupying.

  Chapter 25

  I felt like I was floating. Every step I took was effortless. I was riding high on the aftermath of our love-making and couldn’t come down. I practically skipped down the stairs, grinning from ear to ear. As many times as I’d imagined it, as many times as I’d dreamed about it and hoped for it, nothing could have prepared me for the reality of sex with Bryce. He was powerful and passionate, gentle and forceful at all the right moments.

  I poured myself a glass of water and grabbed a handful of berries to munch on. I had a feeling I was going to need my energy. I spotted my phone lying on the counter, the indicator light flashing. Who would be texting me? Everyone I could think of knew that I shouldn’t be disturbed tonight.

  Hey Marce, I just heard about the baby. I think we should talk. -Kev

  I frowned at my phone, trying to come up with a response. I didn’t have anything to talk about with Kevin. I moved on. Bryce and I were together now and there was no room for Kevin in our happy little family. Especially not after how he treated me.

  Sorry, not interested.

  I started making my way back up the stairs, ignoring my phone as it vibrated in my hand again.

  Bryce’s voice filled his bedroom, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying from the stairs. I crept forward. I didn’t want to interrupt his phone call; okay, I really just wanted to eavesdrop.

  “I just can’t keep playing this back-and-forth, hot-and-cold game with her. I have to put an end to it. I think it’ll be better for everyone.”

  My heart sank; he wanted to end this? Was he only in it for the sex and now that he’d gotten that he was going to kick me to the curb?

  After hearing Bryce’s callous words, I couldn’t quite come to terms with what they meant for my future. Was he planning on kicking me out? Telling me that he didn’t love me? Or that he just wanted to use me for my body? I couldn’t accept any of those options. They all seemed equally horrible to me. How could I have let myself be so naïve, so blind? I should have known that a man like Bryce could never want a girl like me. He was handsome, rich, charming and successful, what was I? Plain, broke, unloved and soon to be homeless again.

  I hurried to my room, trying to forget the things Bryce said. I didn’t want to believe that he meant them. The
connection between us had to mean more to him than that. Our sex wasn’t just any old ordinary sex; surely he felt that too, didn’t he? Maybe I’d only been deluding myself all of this time. Maybe he really was only in it for one thing.

  If that were the case though, why wouldn’t he have taken his opportunity in D.C.? Why wouldn’t he have tried to make a move sooner?

  It didn’t add up, really, but I couldn’t deny what I’d heard. My heart physically hurt thinking about it. My stomach churned with anguish. I wanted to talk to him about the things I heard. I wanted to ask him for an explanation. But I was so terrified of what his explanation would be. I couldn’t face another blow like Kevin dealt me.

  Speaking of Kevin, I checked my phone for his response.

  Please, Marce. I want to be involved in my child’s life.

  I swallowed a lump in my throat. Did he really mean it? Was Kevin really interested in being a part of our little family?

  A few minutes ago, I would have gladly told him to get lost. I didn’t need him in my life and my baby didn’t either. But he was the father; he had rights too.

  Now that my future with Bryce seemed to be unraveling before my eyes, I started to reconsider. I didn’t have to be in a relationship with Kevin for us to both be a part of the baby’s life. Hell, I didn’t even have to like the bastard.

  I wiped the errant tears from my face, refusing to succumb to my own misery again. If Bryce didn’t want me in his life, I would save him the trouble of the awkward conversation. He’d rather talk to Tanner about what he wanted from me, so I wouldn’t give him the opportunity to crush me.

  I penned a hasty note to each of them.

  To Clara, I thanked her for her friendship and unwavering concern for me.

  To Francis, I thanked him for making me feel welcome and at home.

  To Bryce… I almost didn’t want to write him a note, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I left without any type of closure.

  To Bryce:

  Thank you for bringing me into your home and giving me so many things that I never could have dreamed I’d have. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’m so thankful that our paths crossed, however briefly, and I will never forget you. My child deserves to know her father and we’re going to try to make things work for her sake. I hope you understand. Thank you for all of your generosity.