The Dream Life I Never Had

by Terri Douglas

  Luckily Julie and Chris arrived and I was able to walk in with them. Julie said my dress looked nice and what was I worrying about, but Chris’s eyes I noticed went straight to the cleavage and stayed there. So much for the distracting bolero cardigan I thought.

  Finney’s was a nice place with just the right balance of friendly ambiance and upmarket classiness; not so posh that you felt out of your depth or should that be out of your class, but posh enough to make it special and a cut above your average pub serving meals. To the left of the entrance was a fairly large bar area where presumably you waited for your table to be ready as it was bookings in advance only, and Dianne was already there with a group of about ten people all laughing and talking together. She was holding on to a guy’s arm as she chatted and he was avidly hanging on her every word.

  ‘Presumably that’s Richard’ Julie said perceptively.

  ‘You think?’ I quipped.

  ‘He looks very nice, not got two heads or anything, but I was sort of expecting a bit of a Greek god from the way she goes on about him all the time.’

  ‘He does look nice and not just because he hasn’t got two heads, and it’s whether Dianne thinks he’s a Greek god not you, you’ve got your own Greek god.’

  ‘You mean Chris?’ Julie said amused by the idea. ‘I wish; he’s more of a geek god than a Greek one.’

  ‘Julie!’ I protested embarrassed on Chris’s behalf, but Chris himself just laughed.

  ‘Don’t worry Sophie that’s quite a compliment compared to what she usually calls me’ Chris said still laughing.

  ‘Julie, Sophie, you came’ Di shouted over to us and grabbing Richards hand dragged him over to meet us. ‘This is my Richard’ she said and Richard looked suitably embarrassed.

  ‘Hi’ he said awkwardly.

  ‘Richard this is Julie and her husband Chris, and this is Sophie’ Di said.

  ‘Hi’ Richard said again while shaking Chris’s hand.

  ‘Wow you look very nice Soph’ Di said sounding surprised, and making me feel that I must usually look a right old mess and no-one could possibly have guessed that I’d scrub up this well.

  ‘Thanks’ I said. ‘You look very nice too.’

  ‘Come and have a drink and meet everyone’ Di said.

  We followed Dianne and Richard to the bar area and duly met Dianne’s mum and dad, her younger by a year sister Karen, her uncle Jack and her two best friends Shelley and Lisa. ‘My brother Paul’s supposed to be here as well but he’s always late for everything’ Di said. Then we met Richard’s dad who was a widower, his elder brother James and James’s wife Alison, and Richards best mate Steve and Steve’s girlfriend Tania.

  Chris thought he recognised Richard’s brother James from somewhere and it turned out they’d gone to the same college although James had been a year or two above Chris. Julie had already met Di’s friend Shelley one time at the salon, so before long we were all chatting away as if we’d known each other for ages and I relaxed a bit and forgot to feel awkward or embarrassed.

  Feeney’s greeting guy came over to tell us our table was ready and with Dianne hustling us along we all moved into the dining area. They’d pushed three tables together to accommodate such a large party and after a small shuffling debate as to where the principle guests Dianne and Richard should sit we all chose our seats round them. I had Julie and Chris next to me on one side and Steve and Tania opposite.

  The laughing and joking continued as everyone perused the menus which were huge, so huge it was difficult to open them fully while we sat elbow to elbow in the relatively confined space. The waiter hovered while we all made up our minds and eventually we all did. I went for the grilled salmon and no starter, but a lot of the others had ordered starters so I settled in for the long wait before I would get to eat anything, and as I hadn’t eaten much all day in expectation of tonight’s meal I was quite hungry so it felt to me like a very long wait indeed.

  I sipped my wine while those with starters took their time and leisurely munched on pâté or grilled mushrooms and looked around at some of the other diners in the restaurant. It was mostly couples and I felt the sting of being here on my own. On the other side of the room another large party was evidently celebrating someone’s thirtieth anniversary and I mused on the notion that while the whole damn world was out rejoicing couples either getting together or staying together, here I was single and likely to remain so for the next twenty years or more. I breathed a long doleful and dejected sigh and took another sip of my wine.

  While they cleared the starter plates Dianne’s brother Paul arrived full of apologies for being late, and with the only vacant chair left at the table being the one on the end next to mine he sat there. One of the waiters hastily bought him a menu and Dianne came over to say hello properly, to tell him off for being late, and introduce him to the rest of us.

  ‘This is my big brother Paul who’s always late for everything and will be even for his own funeral I suspect’ she said, only half joking I guessed.

  ‘Sorry Dianne, I did try to get here on time but Joanne was late picking the kids up’ Paul said.

  ‘And how is the wonderful Joanne?’ Di said.

  ‘As wonderful as ever’ Paul said and I got the feeling there was a whole other hidden agenda going on underneath this exchange of pleasantries. ‘But let’s not get into that shall we; we’re supposed to be here celebrating your intended nuptials not raking over the disaster that was mine.’

  So there was a hidden agenda I thought, and it wasn’t difficult to work out that Joanne was the ex-wife and not very popular with Paul or the rest of his family. Julie and I side-eyed each other in a knowing way confirming to me that she’d reached the same conclusion I had.

  After another ten minute wait and my third glass of wine the waiters finally started bringing out the main meals, for which as I was feeling a bit light headed I was extremely grateful.

  ‘So are you a friend of Dianne’s or Richards?’ Paul asked as we ate.

  ‘Oh Dianne’s; Julie and I work with Dianne at the ‘Cut and Dye’ salon’ I said.

  ‘Ah so you’re . . . sorry I’m terrible with names.’

  ‘I’m Sophie’ I said.

  ‘Well it’s very nice to meet you Sophie.’

  ‘And you’ I said.

  ‘Have you met Richard before?’

  ‘No we just met him for the first time tonight.’

  ‘He seems like a nice enough bloke, my sister obviously thinks so anyway’ Paul said.

  ‘Yes she hasn’t stopped talking about him since the day after she met him.’

  ‘So where’s your husband tonight?’ Paul said looking meaningfully at my wedding ring.

  ‘Oh’ I said involuntarily covering my left hand with the right one. ‘He’s . . . we’re erm . . . well actually we’ve sort of split up’ I garbled feeling the sting again as I said it. This was the first time I’d said it right out like that to anyone.

  ‘Sort of?’ Paul queried.

  I chuckled awkwardly not actually feeling any humour in the situation. ‘Not sort of, we have split up and we’re getting a divorce’ I said quickly and bravely like pulling a plaster off.

  ‘Well welcome to the club’ Paul said. ‘Everyone will tell you it gets better with time, what they don’t tell you though is how much time. Sorry that sounds really bitter doesn’t it and I don’t mean it to, for all I know you’re happy and better off without your ex.’

  ‘How long have you been divorced?’ I said.

  ‘Two years three months and two days, not that I’m counting.’

  ‘I take it, it wasn’t an amicable separation?’

  ‘Well if you mean was Joanne amicable then no’ Paul said bitterly.

  ‘That rough eh?’

  ‘Yeah a bit. It’s my children I miss, I couldn’t really give a rat’s arse about Joanne after everything that . . . but I do miss the children.’

  ‘But you still get to see them?’

  ‘Yes for a few hours a w
eek I do. But I got to see them today and they seem fine and now I’m here in the company of a beautiful woman and celebrating my little sisters engagement, so maybe things are looking up’ Paul said smiling at me.

  I smiled back but not used to such compliments blushed uncomfortably.

  Paul turned his attention to Steve and Tania for a moment and Julie took the opportunity to nudge my knee under the table and when I turned to face her she mouthed silently at me ‘oh my God’.

  I rolled my eyes at her ludicrous match making presumption and mouthed back ‘behave yourself’.

  When everyone had finished their main course the two waiters began clearing our table and Julie filled my glass again and asked one of the waiters to bring another bottle. ‘Drink up’ she said smiling at me wickedly, but before I could protest Richard stood up and asked everyone to quieten down for a moment.

  He nervously launched into an obviously prepared speech to formally announce his engagement to Dianne; it was short and sweet but very charming mostly due to the stumbling mess he made of it which only seemed to emphasise what a nice guy he was. Dianne went all coy and smiled lovingly at him and we all offered our congratulations and drank a toast to the happy couple.

  All formalities now out of the way, the waiters who’d been hovering none too patiently on the side-lines for just this moment began bringing out everyone’s desserts. I’d ordered the cheesecake as had Paul which prompted Julie to raise her eyebrows at me implying it was fate or some such rubbish. Tomorrow I’d be having some serious words with this ex-friend of mine.

  And then it happened, I heard a woman laughing a little too loudly on the other side of the restaurant and looked over. Martin was sitting opposite a young girl and leaning over the table to hold her hand while she was laughing and smiling at whatever he was saying, both completely oblivious to anyone else in the room as they looked into each other’s eyes.

  26

  I was dumbfounded, more than that I was in total shock and sat rigid as I stared at my husband and his young female companion.

  ‘Are you alright?’ Julie asked as I sat frozen-like with a forkful of cheesecake halfway to my mouth.

  ‘It’s Martin’ I whispered huskily without moving.

  ‘Martin? Where?’ Julie said looking round the room.

  ‘Over there with that girl’ I breathed still not moving or being able to look away from them.

  ‘Is everything alright Sophie?’ Paul asked.

  ‘Yes’ I said, a degree of normality kicking in as it dawned on me I was out in public and behaving strangely. ‘I’ve just seen someone I thought I knew.’

  ‘Someone you didn’t want to see I take it’ Paul said surmising from my vague state that whoever it was I’d seen had come as a bit of a shock.

  ‘Someone I definitely wasn’t expecting to see that’s for sure’ I said.

  ‘Do you want to go home?’ Julie said.

  I could feel Paul looking at Julie asking the unspoken question ‘what’s going on?’ and heard her say ‘it’s her ex out with someone else’.

  ‘Oh’ Paul said.

  At that moment Martin dragged his eyes away from the girl he was with to look straight at me. His jaw fell open and he stared at me looking as gobsmacked as I felt. What had made him turn like that when up until then he’d been so obviously riveted by her company I’ll never know, but maybe he’d felt my eyes on him and it was guilt that he’d been caught out.

  ‘What d’you want to do Soph, Chris could drive you home if you’re not up to it?’ Julie said.

  ‘What I want to do is go over there and ask him what the hell he thinks he’s playing at’ I said through gritted teeth.

  ‘Yeah probably not a good idea, not here and now anyway at Dianne’s engagement party’ Julie said.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Chris said only just catching up with the fact that something was going on.

  ‘I’ll explain it all to you later Chris, but you might have to drive Sophie home in a minute’ Julie said.

  ‘You not feeling well?’ Chris asked me with concern.

  ‘Well I know I’m not clued up with all the history but wouldn’t going home at this point be a bad idea? If the ex is here with another girl shouldn’t Sophie be out having a good time with her friends or at least pretending to be?’ Paul said.

  ‘Ex what ex?’ Chris queried as he scrutinised the other customers.

  ‘Sophie’s ex-husband Martin’ Julie said impatiently.

  ‘Oh I see . . . and he’s with another girl is he?’ Chris said.

  ‘Yes Chris, it’s Sophie’s husband Martin here in the restaurant out with another girl’ Julie said enunciating each word carefully.

  ‘Right’ Chris said knowingly and nodding wisely ‘and now Sophie wants to go home does she?’

  ‘Actually I don’t want to go home, actually I think Paul’s right and I should be out having a good time’ I said forcing a broad smile onto my face as Martin was still staring at me.

  Martin had clearly told his girlfriend what was going on as she now also turned to stare at me. I leaned over and patted Pauls arm in a proprietorial fashion and smiled animatedly at him. ‘And actually I think it’s a very good idea’ I said laughing as if whatever it was we were all talking about was really entertaining and now I was sharing an intimate joke with this bloke I was sitting next to.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Martin stand up and the girlfriend put a hand on his arm, she said something to him and he sat down again.

  ‘Oh I don’t like this’ Chris said worriedly.

  ‘Shut up Chris, and try and look as if you’re having a good time’ Julie said with a plastic smile glued to her face.

  ‘Yes but what if . . .’ Chris started.

  ‘I swear to God if you don’t shut up this minute Sophie won’t be the only one getting a divorce’ Julie said still with a plastic smile that belied the seriousness of her words.

  ‘So what do you do for a living?’ I said to Paul leaning in to him and gazing into his eyes. ‘What’s Martin doing now? I asked Julie under my breath whilst not breaking eye contact with Paul.

  ‘He’s looking at her; he’s saying something and waving his arms a bit. Now he’s looking at you, no he’s looked away again and is saying something else to the girl’ Julie said.

  ‘Really how interesting’ I enthused to Paul even though he’d said nothing to me whatsoever.

  ‘He’s put his head in his hands and she’s leaning over the table to talk to him’ Julie said continuing her surveillance.

  Dianne stood up and slurring her words ever so slightly thanked everyone for coming and asked who was going on to the nightclub. The older contingent all said no, that they’d had a very nice time but were going home, but most of the younger members of the party all eagerly said yes and started putting on jackets and making hasty trips to the loo.

  ‘Are we going on to the nightclub?’ Paul said to me.

  ‘Um . . . I think . . . erm . . . what are you and Chris doing?’ I said to Julie.

  ‘I think we should go home’ Julie said. ‘Babysitters and all that.’

  ‘Yes’ I said.

  ‘So?’ Paul said.

  ‘So I think I should go home as well’ I said.

  ‘Oh come on, it’ll be fun’ Paul said.

  ‘Yeah no though. I’ve sort of lost the knack of clubbing’ I said.

  ‘Well time you found it again don’t you think? What are you going to do if you go home, you’re going to lay awake half the night thinking about your ex out with someone else, so you might as well enjoy yourself a bit if you’re going to be wide awake anyway’ Paul said.

  I looked at Julie for guidance but she just shrugged her shoulders and said ‘he’s got a point’.

  ‘I don’t think . . . I mean . . . I really shouldn’t and . . .’ I started burbling and at that moment the girl Martin was with put her hand on Martins arm and leaned over to kiss him. ‘I’d love to go clubbing with you’ I said a little too loudly and enthu
siastically which made Martin look over again. I immediately grabbed Pauls arm and looking at him adoringly I said ‘let’s go, your car or mine?’

  Martin sat watching stone-faced as we stood up, Paul buttoned his jacket and smiled at me and I smiled back. I could feel Martin’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my neck so I very slowly and purposefully took off the bolero cardigan exposing my hitherto disguised cleavage and flaunting it a little I laughed flirtatiously at nothing, then giggling girlishly I leaned in to Paul whereupon he put his arm round my shoulder. We left the restaurant still laughing together at some fake shared joke while Martin silently watched the whole performance, at least that’s what Julie told me once we were all outside.

  ‘Well that was uncomfortable’ Chris said.

  ‘Shut up Chris’ Julie said. ‘I’ll see you Tuesday Soph, or you can phone me . . . yes phone me tomorrow okay?’

  ‘Okay’ I said as we all stood in the car park. ‘D’you think he saw . . . you know us leaving and everything?’

  ‘Oh he saw alright’ Julie said.

  ‘I’ll say’ Chris said. ‘He looked absolutely furious.’

  ‘Just get in the car Chris’ Julie said.

  ‘I was only saying’ Chris complained.

  ‘I know you were only saying, but now I’m saying we have to go home’ Julie said with forced patience.

  I sighed at the impossible gloom I felt and Paul gave me a brotherly hug.

  Julie and Chris got in their car and Julie leaned out of the window to ask ‘are you going to be alright, or do you want us to drive you home and you can pick your car up in the morning?’

  ‘No it’s fine, I’m fine’ I said pulling myself together a bit.

  ‘Don’t worry I’ll look after her’ Paul said.