Rekindling the Widower's Heart

by Glynna Kaye

  The sobering truth, however, was that they had a major hurdle to overcome, for not once had he shared more than a quick reference to his wife’s death. Nothing about the impact or circumstances surrounding it. And no words of...love.

  She’d just be patient. Or try to be.

  A merry tune suddenly played from the recesses of her purse. She dug frantically around in the bag, then snatched up her phone. Please, please, let it be Luke.

  But the caller ID was one she hadn’t seen since May.

  Her former employer.

  * * *

  “So when are you going to ask Delaney out?” Rio cast Luke a sideways glance as she placed a plate of fresh-baked cookies on the table of his cabin kitchen. Killer chocolate chip. That was Rio’s only claim to domestic fame.

  “I think,” she added, seating herself in the chair across from him and snagging a cookie, “Grady’s ready to make a move if you don’t hurry it up.”

  Little did his siblings know that he’d already made a move. One that knocked his world right off its axis. But as sweet as those moments holding Delaney in his arms had been, he’d had no business kissing her. Leading her on. Thankfully, he’d had the presence of mind not to talk of love. So there would be no expectations, would there?

  The thought of Grady—of any man—moving in on Delaney, though, didn’t set right with him, either. “Tell him he’d better clear it with Garrett first.”

  But would Delaney have kissed Luke the way she did if she had any interest in his cousin?

  Rio waved a cookie at him. “Grandma Jo asked me if I knew anything about that, so I just flat-out asked Garrett last night. He’s proclaiming his innocence. In fact—” her tone held a teasing lilt “—he claims he’s done about everything he can to get you two together.”

  “What?”

  “He says he was afraid he’d never be able to convince you he couldn’t figure out how to plug in a microwave. But you fell for it and came running to Delaney’s rescue.”

  Luke frowned, recalling the incident, but Rio’s grin lured out a smile of his own.

  “Brat.”

  “Me or Garrett?” Rio broke off a piece of cookie and tossed it at him. He caught it midair and popped it in his mouth.

  “The both of you.”

  “Honestly, Luke, everybody thought for sure that after the two of you sat out at the picnic table talking after everyone left that day, that we’d hear you’d asked her out. Cold feet?”

  “Common sense.” But it had been days since he’d spoken with her, had promised he’d see that she made that deadline. He couldn’t keep going in at odd hours to work on the project house. No, a better route would be to show up when kids and other parents were around. Make it easier for them both.

  “Luke?” Rio pitched another chunk of cookie at him. He missed and it hit the floor. “The whole family agrees. Don’t let her get away.”

  * * *

  They wanted her back in Sacramento. At a higher salary. And, if she agreed to return by the first week of August, an office with a window.

  With Luke’s kiss fresh in her mind, however, her first instinct had been to say no. But now, a few days later, she was glad she hadn’t been so hasty. Had asked for time to think about it.

  “He’s alone in what’s going to be Samantha’s room,” Travis whispered to her. “Now might be a good time.”

  Earlier that morning Anna and Travis had quietly approached her at the Mason house, asking that she talk to Luke regarding the move to Kansas. To be their advocate. They said he’d listen to her. That he’d respect her opinion. She might possibly have agreed a week ago, but now? Had they not noticed the tension between them whenever she and Luke were in the same room?

  “I know I said I’d think about it, Trav, but I doubt it will do any good. Your father’s mind is made up.”

  “Please?”

  How could she turn down those pleading eyes, so clear and blue and earnest? So much like his father’s.

  This was probably going to be a mistake, but for the kids’ sake, she had to try, didn’t she? “Okay. But don’t get your hopes up.”

  He gave her a thumbs-up and cut a glance at Anna, who flashed a hopeful smile.

  Knowing how rare moments alone with Luke had been—as in nonexistent—she nevertheless stopped to praise the painting going on in the dining room and the final stripping of wallpaper in the entry. Then, with purposeful steps, she climbed the staircase to the second floor.

  The day following the job offer, Luke had appeared at the house as if no time had passed—and no kiss had taken place. He’d greeted her warmly, then set to work alongside the pack of kids and several parents who’d accompanied him. She’d waited restlessly, hopefully, all day, eager for a moment to finally have a word in private. But the brief snatches of time were filled only with talk of the project. And as the days stretched out, it was clear that her fears had been realized. He regretted the kiss. Chose to pretend it had never happened.

  Delaney paused in the hallway outside Samantha’s room, briefly closing her eyes for a quick prayer. Here goes, Lord. She opened her eyes just in time to jump back as Luke strode out of the bedroom.

  He jerked to a halt. “Sorry. Didn’t see you there.”

  For a moment their eyes met and she recognized in his the same uncertain awareness she’d felt in his presence in recent days. But how handsome he looked today, wearing that shade of blue that brought out the color of his eyes.

  He looked down at her, his expression now friendly enough, yet impersonal. “Is there something I can help you with?”

  “Do you have a few minutes?”

  His expression once again flashed to uncertainty, a wariness almost, that made her stomach churn uncomfortably. Why had she promised Travis she’d do this?

  “It’s about your kids,” she quickly added before Luke could find an excuse to dash off.

  He frowned. “Is there a problem?”

  She glanced back down the stairs where Kendrick and Sybil were stripping wallpaper. “Not exactly. But can I speak to you in private for a moment?”

  He hesitated, then stepped back and motioned her into Samantha’s room where, from the looks of things, he’d been putting up curtain rods.

  “So what’s up?”

  She strolled over to the window to look out on the yard they’d worked so hard on. Then turned again to Luke. “First off, you have every right to tell me this is none of my business.”

  His brows raised. “Can’t say I like the sound of that.”

  “But I ask that you nevertheless hear me out.” She sounded so prim, so businesslike, when all she wanted to do was slip into his arms, place her head on his chest and ask him to hold her close. “Are you willing to do that?”

  “If it involves my kids, I guess I have no choice.”

  “I’m here on behalf of Anna and Travis and—indirectly—Chloe.” He didn’t interrupt, so she continued. “They asked me to talk to you. About the move to Kansas.”

  He chuckled. “Believe me, Delaney, I’ve heard it all.”

  She took a step toward him, willing him not to shut her out. “Maybe you’ve heard it, but have you understood it? Hearing with your ears and understanding with your heart are two different things.”

  His gaze sharpened. “So my kids are confiding in you, now?”

  “I’m not soliciting it, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I did tell them I’d speak to you. Maybe I could help them understand, if I understood the situation better myself.”

  He didn’t answer immediately, instead studying her a long moment. Then nodded. “Okay. It’s like this. After my wife died, I left the army and brought the kids back here. My family generously offered me a job keeping the books for Hunter Enterprises. Am I clear so far?”

  She nodded, sensin
g his irritation with having to explain this to her.

  “Living here, there are limited opportunities. No future here for my children. An opportunity has presented itself in Kansas. End of story.”

  But somehow she sensed it wasn’t, and bits and pieces she’d picked up from earlier conversations suddenly came together, like metal filings to a magnet.

  “You don’t enjoy your job here, do you?”

  Surprise lit his eyes. “What gives you that idea?”

  “Things you’ve said. About it not being your dream job. How you resent Benton Mason for pursuing his, when you’re only doing yours because it ‘needs to be done’ and provides for your family.”

  “You’re too perceptive for your own good.”

  “Have you talked to your family about this, Luke? About your dissatisfaction with your job? Maybe some adjustments can be made.”

  “Nice thought, Delaney, but it won’t happen. I walked out on Hunter Enterprises when I was eighteen years old. Big showdown with Dad. Joined the army. Now my younger brother Grady is living the future I turned my back on. I don’t think my dad will ever forgive me.” He drew a breath. “So now, if we’ve covered this topic to your satisfaction, I need to get downstairs and see about meeting a deadline.”

  * * *

  Why’d he go and tell her all that?

  But she needed to know that despite appearances to the contrary, the Hunters were like any other family on the face of the earth. Just people. People doing their best with what life had dealt them. Doing their best to get along. Looking to God to sustain them when the going got rough. But maybe now she could see why the opportunity his buddies in Kansas were giving him was one he couldn’t pass up.

  It was all he could do, though, when her eyes had pleaded for him not only to hear what his kids were saying but to understand them, not to pull her into his arms and demand that she understand him, too. But how could she? There was so much that she didn’t know about him. That, God willing, she’d never know.

  But he’d seen the hurt in her eyes when he’d abruptly brought their conversation to a halt. And his heart ached that he’d never know the sweet taste of her lips on his again.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Still shaken from their conversation, Delaney lingered in Samantha’s room, gazing, unseeing, out the window.

  Like two strangers, they’d stood in that very room as though in opposite corners of a boxing ring. If only there was a way to make things right for him. To heal the hurts of the past. Ease the pain of his wife’s death and his estrangement with his father. His dissatisfaction with his job. His relationship with his children. It weighed heavily upon her, too, that there would be no future with Luke.

  Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.

  That seemed to be the story of her life. Losing her grandmother, parents and sister. Her uncle. A serious boyfriend or two who’d come and gone. And now Luke.

  But had she brought this on herself? Had trying to guard her heart against deeper hurt subconsciously sabotaged her relationship with Luke?

  “He needs me, Lord,” she whispered into the empty room.

  He needs me.

  She sighed, accepting God’s truth. And yet...yesterday Sawyer Banks had let it slip that Luke had been responsible for getting her jewelry into the Outpost. Luke, who didn’t have a whole lot of good to say about artists in this community, had done that for her. Why?

  Before she made a final decision on the job offer, she had to know the answer to that question. And she had to know what, if anything, that kiss had meant to him. If he’d initiated a kiss, sensing God’s leading, why had he then slammed the door in her—and God’s—face?

  Even if she had to swallow her pride, she needed answers. And she needed them now.

  * * *

  “Luke?”

  He tensed at the sound of Delaney’s voice carrying back to him in the kitchen. He thought she and the others had left for the evening. When she stepped through the arched doorway, he looked up from where he’d just finished laying another row of tile, drinking in the sight of her. A hesitant smile touching her lips, her presence always seemed to illuminate everything around her.

  If only he could stop thinking about their kiss.

  She knelt down to run her fingers along the smooth ceramic surfaces. “This looks great.”

  He nodded with a sense of satisfaction. But he couldn’t let himself think about the fact that he was going to this effort for Benton Mason. No, not for Benton. For God.

  And for Delaney.

  She stood and leaned back against the counter. “You’ve been putting in an awful lot of time on this project, Luke.”

  “I told you we’d get ’er done, didn’t I?” He smoothed a grout-filled seam with his thumb, then, standing, wiped it on the rag tucked in his belt. “But it does take time. Last I checked, this wasn’t on any fairy godmother’s to-do list.”

  She laughed softly. “I do have so much to thank you for. I understand you got Sawyer Banks to take my jewelry on consignment.”

  He’d told Sawyer to keep his mouth shut.

  “You do a lot of nice things for me, Luke.”

  But never enough to make up to her the loss of her family. Never enough to make up for leading her on with that kiss. “It’s my pleasure.”

  “Why?”

  Caught off guard, he focused again on wiping his hands on the rag. “Why what?”

  She pushed off from the counter, looking as light as a feather in her denim leggings, embroidered tunic and dainty sandals.

  “Why is it a pleasure to help me? And...” She gazed at him almost helplessly, as if unsure of her next words. “What about that kiss?”

  If the floor had given way under his feet, he couldn’t have been more thunderstruck. He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “Delaney, about that kiss...”

  An amazing kiss. But he should have known he couldn’t kiss her like that and not be called into account. How could he explain what she meant to him without her reading the wrong things into it?

  Like a future that could never be.

  “Did it mean anything to you at all?” She took a step toward him, her words coming softly, plaintively. Tearing a hole in his heart.

  He hung his head for a long moment, unable to bear the brunt of her beautiful probing eyes. “More than you’ll ever know.”

  Please don’t let me hurt her, Lord.

  He sensed her moving closer and took a step back before meeting her gaze. “Any man on earth would consider himself blessed to have you in his life. But as much as I wish it could be me, I’m not the man for you.”

  Her lower lip trembled. “I don’t understand.”

  He moved to the back door to stand looking out at the last dregs of sunlight filtering through the pines. He didn’t want to get into this, to see the stars fade from her eyes. But it had to be done.

  “I wasn’t a good husband, Delaney. God knows I tried, but it wasn’t enough.”

  He pushed the screen door open and quickly stepped out onto the bricked patio, his gaze lifting to a sliver of moon. The scent of afternoon rain still hung delicately in the air.

  Behind him he heard the screen door open, close, and knew she’d joined him.

  “I’m sorry, Luke. So very sorry.”

  But she didn’t know the half of it.

  “Taking one’s life...” she said softly, letting her words drift off.

  He spun toward her. She knew? How? Had one of his kids...?

  But did it really matter? The truth still had to come out. The truth he’d never told another living soul.

  * * *

  Delaney stared into Luke’s pain-filled eyes. What a burden of guilt this man had borne the past six years. She should have seen that all along. Shoul
d’ve better understood how the tragedy impacted his relationship with his children. How it might affect his relationship with another woman.

  But how could this loving, bighearted man blame himself for his wife’s tragic mistake? “It’s not your fault, Luke.”

  He avoided her gaze. “She chose to leave me.”

  “No, no, she didn’t. She was ill. Very ill.” She grasped his arms hanging woodenly at his sides. “Sometimes a mind can become sick, like any other organ in our body.”

  He turned away. “I know that intellectually. Just as I know God’s forgiven me for any part I may have unknowingly played in her final decision. But in reality?” He drew a ragged breath. “I’m deeply ashamed that I couldn’t have done more. Been more. Prayed more. So that my kids would still have their mother.”

  Her own heart ached at the shame he felt. The deep sense of failure weighing on a man who as a kid dreamed of being a superhero. The desperate need he must feel to make up the loss to his children.

  “God loves you, Luke. He doesn’t want you to bear this burden alone.”

  He hung his head and she longed to slip her arms around him. To comfort him. But he’d certainly pull away.

  “I didn’t realize at first what was happening. She’d always been moody, up one minute, down the next. Oddly enough, that had always been a part of her charm. Things were a bit rough after Chloe’s birth, but she eventually bounced back. She was a good wife. A good mom. But after the accident...”

  “Accident?”

  He nodded. “She hit a little boy with her car. He just ran right out in the street in front of her. She was exonerated...but at the time they weren’t sure if the kid would ever walk again. She was just sick about it. Couldn’t get it out of her head.”

  “Understandably.”

  “I... I did my best to comfort her. To offer support. But sometimes—” He sighed heavily. “Sometimes when she’d wake up in the middle of the night, she couldn’t get the accident out of her head, and she wouldn’t even let me hold her.”

  Poor Luke.

  “It wasn’t until she was hospitalized for an overdose of pills that I recognized how serious the situation had become. I made sure she saw the right doctors. Got the right counselors. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.” He raked his fingers through his hair.