Rekindling the Widower's Heart

by Glynna Kaye

  He turned again to Delaney, her eyes closed once more. He had so much to say to her. “Delaney, I—”

  And then the emergency medical team came through the door. Luke stood and reluctantly moved away.

  * * *

  “So you see, Paris, there isn’t anything to tell.”

  Following a brunch at Camilla’s Café, Delaney and her friend hurried across the main thoroughfare in Canyon Springs the next morning. She might be more tired than usual, but otherwise none the worse for wear, although the slight knot on the back of her head remained tender.

  “I know what I saw and what I heard.” Paris’s tone was adamant. “And it flies in the face of everything you’re telling me.”

  “I’m sure I scared him, that’s all. Nothing more. My laying there unconscious for those few minutes probably brought back bad memories. He’s the one who found his wife after she’d—you know...”

  “That could account for some of it, but not the look in his eyes. Believe me, I know love when I see it.”

  Delaney paused outside Dix’s Woodland Warehouse, the ache in her heart not easing. “You know, Paris, this line of conversation isn’t making me feel any better. I can only go by what Luke tells me. What he’s decided. And that’s that he cares for me. He doesn’t deny it. But he doesn’t love me enough to see another wife in his future. Door firmly closed.”

  “Somebody needs to knock some sense into him. Maybe I need to recruit Cody for a man-to-man intervention.”

  “Don’t you dare.” Having her friend’s new husband stick his nose into it could only spell disaster.

  “I’m frustrated. Here you are, two great people who have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make each other happy and he’s letting himself get stuck in the past.”

  “Healing takes time. He has a family to consider, too. A lot of responsibilities.”

  “Then why not lighten the burden with someone he loves? I don’t get this at all.”

  Delaney didn’t, either. Not really, although she’d thought and prayed about it continuously, trying to understand, to accept. She recognized that while God was sovereign, He didn’t make people do things they didn’t want to do. He gave them the gift of choice. And sometimes people made poor ones.

  “So you’re going to pack up and leave Hunter Ridge? No chance even for a long-distance romance?”

  “I don’t want a long-distance romance, Paris. I don’t want a man who isn’t capable of truly loving me—or letting me love him.”

  Paris sighed. “That’s the kicker, isn’t it? That he won’t let you love him the way he needs to be loved.”

  “Exactly.”

  “When are you going back to Sacramento?”

  “My doctor gave me a clean bill of health this morning, so I’m packing tomorrow. Pastor McCrae’s arranged to have the furniture I borrowed from Aunt Jen and others returned to Canyon Springs after I’ve gone. I’ll spend one last night at my cute Hunter Ridge place, then head out the next morning.”

  Why was she doing that? Why not come back to Canyon Springs and spend that final evening with family and friends? Why a last lonely night in Luke’s hometown?

  Because, try as she might to accept God’s will, she didn’t want to give Luke up.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “She’ll think I’ve lost my mind, Chiffon.” Luke murmured the words under his breath as he finished hitching the dapple gray mare to the surrey, his hands uncharacteristically unsteady as he secured the buckles. He hadn’t harnessed a horse since he was a teen, but hopefully he’d gotten everything right. He gave the horse an affectionate pat, then cautiously led her to the open door of the stable where he paused to scan the property for meddlesome family members.

  The coast was clear.

  They moved forward into the late-afternoon sunshine, Chiffon stepping out alongside him as though knowing she had an important role to play. He adjusted the bit, the long length of reins, then climbed into the surrey and settled himself in. Hopefully driving a horse after so many years would be like riding a bike. He clucked to the mare and she moved forward.

  Appearing out of nowhere to trot along beside them, Rags looked up hopefully and Luke halted the mare.

  “You think you have to come along, too, I suppose.” He patted the seat next to him. “Well, get up here, then.”

  The dog leaped into the surrey and sat down at his master’s feet. Luke had just urged the horse forward when a familiar SUV drove up. He groaned as it angled to a stop in front of him and the driver’s-side window rolled down.

  Garrett. What was he doing here with that big smile plastered on his face?

  “Taking Chiffon out for a little exercise, are you, Luke?” His cousin eyed the surrey with interest, no doubt noting the white shirt and Western hat, too. “If you’re intending to exercise her all the way to town, you may want to make haste.”

  “Why’s that?”

  Garrett shrugged. “I just finished helping a certain woman load up her car.”

  Luke’s heart jerked. “She’s leaving? Today? I thought—”

  “Why stick around for another night?” Garrett’s exasperated glare more than made his point. “Nobody to my knowledge has given her any reason to.”

  “But she hasn’t left yet?”

  Garrett glanced at his watch. “Not as of about ten minutes ago.”

  He’d make better time in his pickup, wouldn’t he? But how romantic was a pickup?

  He pointed a commanding finger at Garrett. “Don’t go blabbing this all over the Hideaway, cuz. You hear me?”

  “Lips are zipped, Romeo.”

  With a final warning glance in Garrett’s direction, his heart pounding with a sense of urgency, Luke guided the mare around the SUV. Then trotted her down the graveled lane that led to the road to town. It was only a mile and a half. Maybe two.

  God willing, he’d make it.

  * * *

  “Yes, I’ll be back for Thanksgiving, Aunt Jen.” How thankful she was that her aunt’s chronic fatigue had turned out to be nothing more serious than an infected tooth that antibiotics and a root canal would soon remedy. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Christmas, too.”

  Delaney sat on the front steps of her beloved summer property, her cell phone held to her ear. Yes, she’d come back to the Arizona high country. But would she ever be able to return without an ache in her heart? A shadow in her soul?

  When the conversation wrapped up, she checked the time. There wasn’t much point in hanging out here any longer. The original plan had been to stay one last night. But why? To provide God one more opportunity to give Luke a push?

  “Give it up, girl.” She rose from the steps and returned inside for one last look around, making sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. As tempting as it was to deliberately forget something, hoping Luke would contact her to arrange for its return, that would be manipulation. Not trusting God that He was in control.

  Prolonging the pain.

  Maybe she’d go as far as Flagstaff tonight, then hit I-40 west again in the morning.

  At last she pulled the door shut and turned the key in the dead bolt. She’d told Garrett she’d drop off the key at the church office on her way out of town and he could return it for her.

  Standing at the open car door, she gazed down the tree-lined main road winding through town, breathing in the scent of sun-warmed pine. Had it been two months since Luke had walked her through the property and handed her the keys? It seemed like only yesterday. Yet it felt like a thousand years since she’d last spoken to him.

  “I guess this is it, Lord.”

  She slipped behind the steering wheel, pulled the door shut and started up the engine. Then with only a moment’s hesitation, she put the car in Reverse and backed out.

  * * *

>   I’m too late.

  Her car was gone.

  Luke clenched the reins in his hands as the surrey rounded a curve, his eyes scanning the length of the street ahead. Sometimes on a busy day, when the sandwich and pottery shops were humming, Delaney had to park farther from her place.

  But there was no sign of the little red car.

  His throat constricted as Chiffon’s shod hooves on the hardtop surface echoed the aching knell tolling in his heart.

  Why, God?

  Unwilling to give up hope, he continued down the street where he guided the horse to pull up in front of Delaney’s summer home. Maybe, just maybe...

  But before he could step out of the surrey Sheree Aranda, owner of the Sandwich Emporium, came to the door of her shop, eyeing him curiously.

  “If you’re looking for Delaney, I saw her leave about twenty minutes ago. You might try calling her. She can’t have gone too far.”

  A knot twisted in Luke’s gut. A flash of anger. God had closed the door. Dare he defy that decision, call Delaney and attempt to pry it open? Climb through a window?

  “I was stopping by to...so Chiffon here could say goodbye.”

  But from the sympathy darkening Sheree’s eyes, he knew she wasn’t buying a word of what he’d said. He tipped his Western hat in thanks. Then, checking to make sure traffic was clear, he tugged gently on the reins, signaling the mare to make a U-turn in the road. To head back home.

  Without Delaney.

  God had made a decision. Or had He? Hadn’t he himself played a part in the outcome of this as well? For so long he’d been unwilling to listen. Unwilling to allow his Heavenly Father to bear the burden of guilt he’d too-long carried. Unwilling to accept that God had a good plan for him. He’d rejected the very answer to his secret prayers for a life partner because he was too stubborn to recognize it. To recognize her.

  Feeling curious eyes on him from every storefront he passed, he knew he should feel embarrassed. Humiliated at making a public spectacle of himself with a too-little-too-late effort. But there was no room in his heart for anything but the raw aching. The regret.

  But not regret for having known Delaney.

  Deep in thought, he leaned over to give Rags a pat. No, he might forever regret his own stupidity, but he’d never regret having had Delaney in his life, even for such a brief time. She and his kids had been the one bright spot in his life since Marsha passed away. She’d helped him get back on his feet. To trust God again. To reconnect with his dad and not compound the problem by running away to Kansas. Without question, he and his kids would live better lives having known her.

  So how could he not trust God now? Not trust that everything worked for the good for those who loved God—even if it meant he’d never see Delaney again? Hadn’t she told him when they first met that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever? Maybe she was a gift God had sent at a point in time when he needed her most. To serve a purpose.

  Not for keeps.

  His chest tightened at that recognition. But above all, he wanted God’s will for his life and that of his children. What was best for Delaney.

  Maybe God knows she’s better off without me.

  At his feet, Rags whined. Ears perked and moving his front paws restlessly, he focused on something farther down the street. He must see a squirrel. Or a cat. But before Luke could make a grab for his collar, Rags launched himself off the surrey.

  “Hey! Get back here!”

  Usually obedient, the dog paid him no mind, dashing to the edge of the walkway and weaving among startled pedestrians as he headed off to catch whatever had riveted his attention.

  Great. Luke clucked to the mare to pick up her pace, his own gaze tracking the dog’s erratic route.

  And that’s when, up ahead, he saw her.

  Delaney.

  Standing on the front steps of the Hunter Ridge Artists’ Co-op, she was talking to Sunshine when Rags bounded up, tail wagging. With a smile of delight, she knelt to pet him as Sunshine returned inside.

  His heart in his throat and the horse’s hooves sounding loudly in his ears, Luke guided the surrey ever closer. Delaney gave Rags a final pat, then rose again to her feet. So beautiful in a faded denim sundress, golden waves of hair cascading over her shoulders, she lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the sun as her anxious gaze swept her surroundings.

  As if looking for something. Or someone?

  * * *

  Stunned, Delaney stood all but openmouthed as Luke—handsome as any prince of her childhood dreams in black jeans and a white Western-cut shirt—approached in a surrey pulled by the gentle-natured Chiffon.

  He tipped his hat, his gaze locked with hers.

  Heart racing erratically, she watched as he drew the mare to a halt in front of the Co-op, secured the reins, then stepped out of the rig.

  Aware that smiling shoppers had paused to take it all in, she gave a nervous laugh as Luke moved to Chiffon’s head to adjust the bridle. Gently pushed away her inquiring nose. Then he placed his hands on his hips in that oh-so-familiar stance. “Where are you parked?”

  Hope plummeted. He was here to give her a ride to her car? She’d read too much into what she’d unwisely assumed was a romantic gesture. Silly her. Of course he’d want to say goodbye. To ensure that things between them ended on a good note. “Around back. There wasn’t any place close by on the street and I just wanted to see Sunshine for a few minutes.”

  He nodded, then stepped to the side of the surrey, his hand outstretched in invitation. His expression unreadable. “Would you care to join me?”

  For a lifetime. But this was goodbye. “I’d love to.”

  Taking her hand, he helped her into the surrey and Rags leaped up into the seat behind her. She self-consciously straightened her skirt as Luke, with a tight smile and a tip of his hat to the curious onlookers, moved around to the other side to climb in. Then without a word, he slapped the reins lightly and Chiffon moved forward, her ears flicking back and forth as the clip-clop, clip-clop of her hooves echoed a soothing rhythm.

  They rode along in silence for what seemed like an eternity, Delaney’s hands clasped in her lap, but her mind racing. Dreading what was yet to come. She didn’t want to hear again why it wasn’t in God’s plans for them to have a future together. She could only pray that he’d get whatever he intended to say over with quickly. But he hadn’t turned down the alley leading to the parking lot in back of the Co-op, so where was he taking her?

  “Pretty dress,” he said at long last. But he didn’t look at her.

  She took a slow breath. “Thank you. I bought it here in town. It’s hand embroidered.”

  He nodded. Flicked the reins.

  “Nice shirt,” she reciprocated after a too-long silence and he turned to look at her, an unexpected spark of amusement in his eyes.

  “Thanks.” He clucked to the mare, guiding her off the main road to the pine-lined lane leading to Hunter’s Hideaway.

  She took a deep breath, garnering her courage. There was no point in dragging this out. She didn’t want to go to the Hideaway. Didn’t want to hear whatever was on Luke’s mind. She just wanted to get in her car and go. “You know, Luke, I’m not into long goodbyes...”

  He stared ahead, as if finding something fascinating on the tips of Chiffon’s ears. “Does this have to be goodbye?”

  What was he saying? That he wanted to stay in touch? Be friends?

  “I don’t understand.”

  Gravel crunched under the surrey’s wheels as the sun slanted down through the ponderosa branches. Birds twittered.

  They rode along for several more minutes. Was he not going to explain himself? But just as she was frustrated enough to leap from the moving carriage and walk back to town, he guided the mare off the lane and into a stand of pines. Drew her to a
halt.

  He secured the reins, his gaze solemn. “I’m sorry, Delaney.”

  What was he apologizing for?

  “I’m sorry—” he reached for her hand and took it in his “—if I ever gave you the impression that I considered you just one of the kids.”

  She didn’t want to hear this, and tried to pull her hand away, but he held on tight.

  “I never saw you like that, Delaney. Never. But telling myself that, well, it let me lie to myself. Lie that you weren’t coming to mean so much to me.”

  They’d already been over this ground. Yes, he cared for her. But he didn’t love her. Not the way you loved someone you wanted to share your life with. Like she loved him. “Luke—”

  He tugged gently on her hand, his gaze now intent. “Listen to me, Delaney. Please? I’m doing my best not to be controlling here, but given that you’re in such an all-fired hurry to get out of town—” He reached for her other hand, held both of them gently in his, his gaze now locked on hers. “I love you, Delaney. Will you marry me?”

  She gasped.

  “Sorry about the ambush.” He offered a lopsided smile. “But you gave me no choice.”

  She stared at him. Had she heard right? He wanted to marry her? “But I thought... I don’t understand. What’s changed, Luke?”

  “Me.” He linked his fingers with hers. “When you knocked yourself unconscious, when I was afraid I’d lose you, I finally got it through my thick head that there are many things that are out of our control. That life is too short and unpredictable not to accept the good gifts God offers us. And that...” He looked down at their intertwined fingers, then back into her eyes. “And that I don’t want to live my life without you in it.”

  Was she dreaming?

  But dreaming or not, she pulled her hands free to throw her arms around his neck.

  Laughing, he gathered her into his arms. Strong arms. So secure. So right. “So that’s a yes, Delaney?”

  She pulled back slightly to look into his smiling eyes. “Yes, yes, yes. Oh, my goodness, yes!”

  He laughed again as he brushed back the hair from her face. “I love you, Delaney. I mean that. You’ve brightened my world in more ways than I can count, and I can only pray that I can give back to you even half of what you’ve given me.”