Always Been You

by Tracy Luu

  “It was good.”

  “A good ‘good’, or a bad ‘good’?”

  “An extremely good ‘good’,” I said, drawing my knees to my chest. “I can see why so many girls want to see what its like. He really is a great kisser.”

  “Jacob’s the one who bought you that expensive pendant, didn’t he?” she asked, staring at the necklace dangling over my knees.

  “It’s my Christmas present from him, but how do you know this is expensive?”

  “Because anything that has this many real diamonds in it is guaranteed to have a huge price tag to it. I know Jacob’s rich, but don’t you think that’s a bit excessive for someone to spend if they only think of you as a friend? Even Matt has never lavished me with an elaborate gift like this.”

  “And how do you know these are real diamonds?”

  “I’ve seen it before.”

  “Did you and Matt go and look at engagement rings or something?”

  Amy blushed. “No, we did not do that. I was looking for a Christmas present for my mom online and saw the same pendant on one of the jewellery sites.”

  “Now I feel even guiltier about him spending so much on me,” I sighed.

  “If Jacob told you not to worry about it, then don’t,” said Amy. “Besides, you should get used to the idea of him wanting to buy things for you once you guys start dating.”

  “I don’t know if that will ever happen, Ames. Now that he considers me his best friend in the whole world, I don’t think I could stand it if we end up ruining what we have. If we did start dating and things don’t turn out right for us, I don’t want to be the one who breaks everyone apart, especially Matt, just because Jacob and I can’t get a long anymore. I already feel bad for doing that to Matt the first time I chose to ignore Jacob.”

  “Well, I know you, and I know him almost as well as I know you, so you know that I know everything will be fine.”

  “Um, run that by me again?” I smirked.

  “What I’m saying is that I’m positively sure once Jacob figures out his feelings, he will come around,” she sighed. “He’s scared like you are about rejection and about how important your friendship means to him. I think he’s afraid of ruining it now that you’re the object of his affections.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far, Ames.”

  “Why is it so hard to believe Jacob might actually like you back?” she asked, looking disappointed at my lack of enthusiasm.

  “Because I don’t want to over think any situation when it has to do with Jacob,” I said. “I’d rather just bury my feelings for him and concentrate on being a close friend.”

  “You’re simply going to suppress those feelings?” she said, looking aghast. “Why don’t you just tell him?”

  “Are you mad?” I said in disbelief.

  “No, I’m not. I’m telling you, I think it’s better if you just asked him and also tell him how you feel,” she persisted.

  “Right now I think we should see how he’s doing with Tessa.”

  Without waiting for another word from her, I hastily got up from her bed and walked out of her room. When I headed down the stairs, I then found Jacob and Tessa fast asleep on the couch.

  “He’s very good with kids, isn’t he?” Amy whispered from behind me. “Wouldn’t it be nice if she was yours?”

  I was completely taken aback with her comment, but as she cast me a smug glance and left to retrieve her sister, a same line of thought sprang in my mind. For a brief moment, I imagined myself holding a tiny baby with dark brown hair and brown eyes, and a proud looking Jacob standing with us. Realising it was a dangerous path I was being led to, I quickly gave myself a mental slap to erase the unwanted thought and joined Jacob on the couch.

  “So what did Amy want?” he yawned, inclining his sleepy head towards Amy’s back.

  “Nothing important really,” I fibbed, tucking my feet under my legs. “I take it Tessa’s going to be another one of your adoring admirers to add to your never ending list, huh? I just didn’t know you liked them so young.”

  “For your information, I’m just naturally good with kids,” he said.

  “Yeah, well, I never knew you had such a maternal instinct in you. Oops! Did I say maternal? I meant fraternal,” I laughed.

  Jacob prodded my stomach.

  “Hey, Jacob, when you’re done flirting with Jenna, care for a game?” asked Matt, walking into the living room with a gigantic wooden box tucked under his right arm.

  “We’re not flirting!” said Jacob.

  “Of course not,” sighed Matt. “So, are you playing or not? I won’t take offence if you don’t want to. After all the years I’ve beaten you, you know there is no way I’m going to show you any mercy.”

  Jacob laughed. “No mercy? Are you sure it will be me because you definitely will be begging me for that!”

  “You know, I think it’s a great idea,” I said. “And of course it will benefit Jacob more since Matt’s brain is already missing from his head.”

  As Matt gave me a wry look and placed the box down, I noticed it was Amy’s custom made chessboard she had gotten for her sixteenth birthday. Her godfather built the board and had carved each piece by hand.

  While the guys were busy setting up the gigantic pieces on the ground, Amy came back into the room and joined me on the couch. However, within a few minutes of chatting aimlessly about anything, and also about you-know-who, Amy and I then turned our attention to the two players focused intently on their game. After three and a half solid hours of silence, something happened that I could not remember having ever seen. Matt lost.

  Matt couldn’t believe it either as he continued to stare at his king trapped in the corner by Jacob’s rook and horse. When he quickly challenged Jacob to a rematch to which Jacob graciously accepted, that game also ended in a close knit battle, but barely. Both players had been reduced to a handful of pieces each. Strangely enough, Matt wasn’t angry about Jacob’s dramatic improvement, but rather, he was pleased.

  “You didn’t teach him anything, did you, Jenna?” asked Matt, accusingly.

  “Sorry to disappoint you, Matt,” I smirked, “but Jacob won the game on his own.”

  “Did you know Jenna’s the only person who comes close to beating me?” said Matt.

  “What? You missed me that much you had to find another substitute to beat at chess?” said Jacob.

  “What? Is Jenna’s sarcasm rubbing off on to you because you two are secretly dating?” said Matt, grinning at his cousin with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

  “I’ve always had this sarcasm in me from dealing with you for so many years,” Jacob said with a yawn. “Hey, Ames, is it okay if I take a quick nap before heading home? I’m feeling a bit tired after playing two games. Shut it, Jenna.”

  “Sure,” she grinned, as I quickly clamped my mouth.

  It was nearing midnight by the time Amy and I felt like going to bed. As we headed out of her room to brush our teeth, our attention was then caught by the light coming from the living room. Quietly, we tiptoed down the steps to see who was still awake and was shocked to find Jacob still passed out on the couch. I guess we were so busy caught up in talking about my problems I had with Ethan, we couldn’t believe we had forgotten Jacob was still here.

  “I guess you’ll have to go wake him,” whispered Amy.

  I nodded my head as she headed back upstairs to check on Tessa, who had started to cry, and slowly approached Jacob when a silly grin began working around my face. Jacob was curled up in a foetal position, hugging a pillow to his chest. He looked so peaceful I really didn’t want to disturb him, but I knew he wasn’t allowed to stay the night. Except, just as I bent down to wake him, Jacob unexpectedly tossed the pillow aside, threw an arm out, and pulled me flush against his body.

  I let out a surprised squeak, then quickly sucked in a breath as Jacob started shift. When he finally settled down, I then prayed my thumping heart wouldn’t betray me as I carefully attempted to manoeuvre out of his
grasp. I only got as far as an inch when Jacob suddenly tightened his grip again, mumbled in his sleep, and brought me higher up his chest.

  Completely stuck in his iron grip, I figured it was better just wake him, even if he might die of a heart attack once he saw me in his arms. But before I was even able to open my mouth, someone abruptly whispered my name. This time I managed to catch myself before I squeaked and nearly bit my tongue. Silently, I cursed under my breath, thinking I was caught by one of Amy’s parents, and tried searching for some kind of feasible explanation on what had happened when a sense of relief washed over me to see that it was only Amy standing by the doorway.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered excitedly, a slightly scandalized, yet amused expression on her face.

  “I’m trying to get out,” I whispered back. “What else do you think I was doing?”

  “To me it looks like you’re trying to seduce Jacob while he’s asleep,” she smirked.

  I held up a finger to my mouth in what I thought might be a threatening manner as Jacob released me and continued to resume my escape. However, just as soon as I pulled free, Jacob reached out again. As he began to flail around his arms, I then grabbed one of Tessa’s stuffed toys, shoved it into his outstretched hands, and backed away. Suddenly, Amy let out a snort.

  “Oh, this is too funny,” she chuckled softly, as Jacob began kissing the elephant. “Are you sure you don’t want to go back into his arms? You’d probably enjoy it more than Tessa’s toy.”

  Narrowing my eyes at her, I quickly grabbed Amy by the arm since her internal battle not to laugh out loud was making Jacob shift again, and pulled her towards the stairs to explain.

  “W…what exactly h…happened?” she giggled.

  “I knelt down to wake him and he just grabbed me,” I said.

  “Are you telling me that when you tried to wake Jacob, he suddenly reached out and grabbed you, and from what I saw, held onto you like he was afraid to let you go?” she said in disbelief.

  “That’s exactly what happened!”

  “Are you sure you weren’t trying to sleep with him?”

  “Of course not!”

  “Positive?”

  “Yes po—”

  Amy’s eyes went wide.

  “He’s awake, isn’t he?”

  She nodded her head.

  “Who are we talking about?” asked Jacob.

  “No one important,” I answered evasively and gave Amy a pointed look. “Did you have a nice nap?”

  “I did, but I didn’t know it was so late,” he yawned, glancing thoughtfully at his watch. “I was having such a nice dream…”

  “What kind of dream?” Amy asked. I hissed at her.

  “It was wonderful…” he trailed off, staring at the wall with an odd look upon his face.

  “I see,” she grinned. “Anyway, Jacob, I just want to say thanks for helping out with Tessa today and to also tell you goodnight before Jenna shows you out.”

  “Oh, goodnight, Amy,” he said distractedly.

  “See you upstairs, Jen.” She subtly flashed me another meaningful smirk, which I thought was highly annoying, and disappeared up the stairs.

  “So what made the dream wonderful?” I prompted, curiosity gnawing at me.

  “I don’t remember, but I think I better get going so you can get your beauty sleep…not that you need it though,” he grinned drowsily at me.

  “I will accept that cheesy line since you’re half-asleep right now,” I said.

  I was about to close the front door, but didn’t notice Jacob had poked his head back in. As a result, Jacob gave me an odd sort of one-sided kiss on the lips when I lifted my head. He hesitated for a bit, but then all he said was “Goodnight.” I wasn’t sure on how to respond after what had just happened, but I answered just the same. With a final smile, he then turned around and grabbed the open door, shutting it softly behind him.

  For a few minutes, I stood in the front hallway, not sure if I was able to move my feet. When I finally felt a slight twitch from my left leg, I then slowly turned to head back upstairs, subconsciously raised my fingers to where Jacob’s lips had touched me, and broke into a wide grin.

  “What’s got you all happy all of a sudden?” asked Amy, as I entered into her room.

  “N-nothing,” I stuttered, feeling the heat in my cheeks rising up a notch.

  “Uh huh,” she said, looking sceptical. “Anyway, what really happened with Jacob when you tried to wake him up?”

  “I told you already,” I said, glad for the chance of topic.

  “Then how come you left out the part about him whispering something along the lines of ‘My Jen’?”

  “He probably was asking for his pen so he could sign autographs in his sleep,” I said unflinchingly. “Besides, how do you know he said that? He’s never called me Jen before.

  “I’m telling you that’s what I heard.”

  “It doesn’t matter anyway,” I yawned. “Now, can we please drop it and go to bed? You’re right about taking care of Tessa. I’m really tired.”

  “You only want to go to sleep so you can have pleasant dreams of a certain wavy-haired, brown-eyed guy,” she smirked.

  “If I said yes to that, will you let me sleep?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then my answer is yes.”

  As she turned off the light, I thought I would indeed dream about Jacob. But like most nights when you want to dream, they just wouldn’t come.

  Chapter 10

  Spring Break!

  After several days of rain, the spring air at Jericho Beach Park smelt of damp earth and fresh cut grass. The sky was overcast, the sun trying to break itself free from the confinements of the clouds. The waves were crashing against the beach shore, in the sky came the sounds of seagulls soaring above, and there was even a cool breeze of ocean air assaulting my senses as I hopped out of the van we had rented for the day.

  We had chosen the west side of the park where there was an open grassy area, some tennis courts, and even a football field. And with miles of sand, cherry blossom trees starting to bloom, and an awe-inspiring view that combined the Pacific Ocean to the west, the North Shore Mountains to the north, and the downtown core of Vancouver to the east, this was the perfect place to hold our senior class picnic.

  “So who’s doing what?” asked Jacob.

  “Matt’s manning the barbecue,” said Amy.

  “I can’t believe you’re making me do that,” exclaimed Matt.

  “I thought you wanted to learn something new?”

  “I do, but don’t you remember, Ames? I can’t cook.”

  “I know you can’t cook. Do you think we’d be having this conversation if I did?”

  “And you thought I was the idiot,” he muttered to himself. Amy flicked a chip at his head. “What the hell was that for?”

  “You called me an idiot.”

  “I did not call you an idiot.”

  “Yeah right,” she huffed. “Remind me to yell at you once we’re done with this picnic.”

  Jacob and I rolled our eyes simultaneously at the argument brewing between our friends when he suddenly moaned. Hannah Miller was heading our way. Her…fondness of Jacob had grown since they had square danced during our last gym class before winter break.

  “Hi, Jacob!” she said brightly, flirtatiously flipping her brunette head over her shoulder. “I came over to see if you guys need any help unloading the van.”

  “We’ll be fine,” he said quickly.

  “Oh, okay,” she said, sounding dismal. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell her you don’t want to hang out with her?” I whispered, as we watched her walk away.

  “I’ve tried that,” he grumbled. “Don’t you remember? I even purposely flung her across the gym floor and she still doesn’t get the hint I’m not interested.”

  “Like you said, you’re just too irresistible for your own good.”

  “Funny, Jenna,” he
murmured.

  With the van finally empty, Jacob and I then were about to lug all the volleyball equipment to the beach when Matt hollered for Jacob to help him out with the barbecue. Since I was left alone, I thought the task of dragging the net to the beach would be a feat. I was lucky that someone took pity on me and lifted the other end.

  “And how come you’re doing this by yourself?” asked Riley.

  “Everyone else is busy,” I said. “Why?”

  “And here I thought Jacob would be helping you out since lately you two seemed to be always attached at the hip,” he teased.

  “Always the joker,” I sighed. “Hey, the weather turned out perfect, don’t you think?”

  “Yes, but I’m not really looking forward to this.”

  “Why not? All our friends are here.”

  “And that’s why I didn’t want to come. The last time I was at a picnic, something humiliating happened and I was scarred for life!”

  “It couldn’t be that bad, could it? It’s not like everyone saw you nude,” I replied blithely when Riley suddenly blanched. “No way.”

  “It’s not funny, Jenna,” he snapped. He tried to look hurt but his acting skills were sorely lacking. A smile upturned at the corners of his mouth.

  “Did you have an awkward dive into the water and your shorts came off?”

  “At least I could’ve hidden in the water,” he sighed. “Some friends and I were playing football when one of them tripped and accidentally pulled my shorts down with them.”

  “Riley, you weren’t naked under there, were you?” I asked in a scandalized tone.

  “Do you wear underwear under your swimsuit?”

  “No.”

  “Then you got your answer. Besides, you weren’t the one who needed to promise your buddies huge favours so they wouldn’t spread around rumours. And to make the situation even more humiliating, I also fell on some poison ivy and had the itches for weeks.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I really wish I’d been there,” I added in amusement.

  “My friends and family witnessing my humiliation was quite enough,” he said flippantly, poking me in the side. “If you were there, being my first girlfriend and all, I would’ve been completely mortified.”