Always Been You

by Tracy Luu

  He was giving me such an annoying grin that I narrowed my eyes in contempt, brushed past him, and stalked down the block with a huff. I could hear his footsteps following me, but I refused to acknowledge that he was here. Although once I reached the corner, I knew none of this was Jacob’s fault and quickly came to a stop. With my shoulders slumped forward, I then took a seat on the curb of the pavement and dropped my head to my hands.

  “Jenna, is something the matter?” asked Jacob.

  “I’m sorry for taking it out on you because I was angry with that ass,” I said, lifting my head to look at him.

  “It’s no problem,” he said, joining me on the curb. “I just want to know why you didn’t tell me.”

  “Because that was a situation I was trying to forget.”

  “But if you told me sooner, I would’ve taken care of that sh—”

  “I know you would have, but I doubt Ethan’s going to try anything more after what I just did to him.”

  “I never knew you had such a mean left hook,” he smirked.

  “Me either,” I grinned back. “Um, can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Why are you hanging out with someone who could have made the rest of this day miserable for you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I thought you would have a date tonight, yet you’re hanging out here, sitting on the edge of the sidewalk with someone as grumpy as me.”

  “Why would you assume I’d have a date tonight?”

  “Because ever since I became your friend again, I’ve constantly had random girls coming up to me, hoping I can provide any info on you, just so they could become your girlfriend. Of course I never said anything to them, but still…so many of them to choose from.”

  “Girls are strange that way,” he sighed. I lightly punched in him the arm. “I meant everyone except you.”

  “Maybe it’s because you have a swollen head,” I murmured.

  “I only have a big head since I need it for the huge brain I have.”

  “Or lack of it.”

  “Anyway, I chose to keep you company because I’d rather spend it cheering up my best friend,” he grinned, ignoring my jab. “It’s time that I returned the favour after the countless times you’ve helped me when I was going out with Amber.”

  “You think of me as your best friend?”

  “Yeah, I do, and it’s because you know me best.”

  “What about Matt?”

  “What about him?”

  “Seeing that he’s your closest cousin, I thought he would have an insight to who you really are.”

  “Even though that may be the case, he doesn’t know much about me as you do. Hey, speaking of Matt, there is this question I’ve been meaning to ask you, and you have to be honest with me.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Did you ever like him?”

  “Does this have anything to do with him kissing me on the cheek on New Year’s?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Amy asked me the same thing before she and Matt got together,” I said. “Like I told her, I never took it. He may have been my first high school friend, but I love him like a brother and nothing more. Besides, he’s always had a thing for Amy from the first day I introduced her to him. He was just too chicken to do anything about it.”

  “I guess you guys have a very close relationship then,” said Jacob.

  “He’s as close to me as Amy is.”

  “What about me?”

  “What would your thought be if I said I actually tell you more than I do to those two?”

  “Does this mean you think of me as your best friend too?”

  “I guess it does.”

  “Then I guess I should be lucky you share stuff with me.”

  “You share secrets with me too.”

  “But you’re the only one who really understands me.”

  “Okay, since we’re asking twenty questions here, it’s my turn to ask you another one.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Are you the one who gave me these?” I pointed towards the gift and smiled as Jacob’s eyes fixated on a spot above my left shoulder. “I guess I got my answer, but can I ask how you got them in my locker and why?”

  “To answer your first question,” he said, redirecting his eyes to my face. “Remember that day when I forgot my History book?”

  “I gave you my combination so you could borrow mine,” I said. “You mean to tell me you still remember it even though it was back in September?”

  “I figured you wouldn’t mind if I kept it in case I forgot a book at home and needed to borrow your copy.”

  “And here I thought you got my trig book the other day from Amy.”

  “Now for the second question,” he grinned. “I gave the roses to you because, like I said, you deserve it. I admire how much life you have, and how you can make everyone smile whenever they talk to you. This year I find I’m in better moods and stress less than before. The bear is just a bonus.”

  “I’m glad I could help,” I said, returning the grin.

  “What did you think when you first saw it?”

  “I wasn’t really sure who wrote the letter because the handwriting threw me off.”

  “That’s because it took me over fifteen drafts before succumbing to the thought of asking Ashley to write it for me,” he confessed.

  “I thought Ashley left right after Christmas?” I said.

  “I asked her before she left,” he explained. “When she was done, it then took me over an hour just to write your name exactly the same so you wouldn’t suspect it was from me.”

  “Why didn’t you just type it out on your computer and print it out?”

  “My printer ran out of ink.”

  “Then why go through all this trouble?”

  “If I wrote it, I was sure you would know it was from me. And if Amy happened to read it, she’d probably proceed to tease you until she turned blue.”

  “Thanks for the consideration and all the trouble you went through, but she already had an idea it was from you.”

  “Figures,” he sighed.

  “Did Ashley know who you were planning on giving the note to?” I laughed.

  “Once I saw the fancy way she wrote the letter, I think she already knew and purposely made it difficult for me to mimic her writing,” he said, looking perturbed.

  “Now that I know the gift was from you, can you tell me what the roses mean?” I laughed again.

  “Not yet, but I promise I will one day,” he said, his gaze flicking to my neck. “Hey, I’m glad you’re wearing the necklace I gave you. It matches you perfectly. And you look very pretty today.”

  “You do too…handsome, I mean. Don’t want to confuse you with a girl now.”

  “Funny,” he said, his voice laced with sarcasm. “So have any of the girls asked you about the necklace yet?”

  “I told them my parents gave it to me for Christmas. Amy doesn’t believe me,” I said with a shrug. “And my mom knows it’s from you.”

  “Is that why she was smiling at you last week?”

  “She thought it was very sweet of you, but I still feel guilty. And now that I know you got me something else, I feel even guiltier on how much money you probably spent on me.”

  “It’s no big deal. Like I said it’s a gift from a friend to another. Speaking of friends, did Aaron ask you out?”

  “Oh,” I said, surprised. “Um, he called last night.”

  “Then we should get going so you can get ready.”

  “Actually we’re not going out tonight. He’s busy with exams this week.”

  “Are you and he…?”

  “We’re going to next Saturday,” I said. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Only curious, that’s all. Hey, I just thought of another thing. You still haven’t redeemed our bet.”

  “It’s because the teachers haven’t really let up with piling on the homework this year.”
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  “Are you free now?” he asked, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

  “Yes, but…”

  “Then let’s go,” he grinned and pulled me back towards the school to get his car.

  Chapter 9

  Girl Talk

  Normally helping a friend shouldn’t be so hard. Unless it’s trying to help calm down a fussy baby. When I entered Amy’s house, the entire family looked exhausted. They all had bags and black circles under their eyes from lack of sleep due to Amy’s one-month old baby sister, Tessa, who has been crying uncontrollably all week. Since they really needed the rest, I had offered to stay during the weekend to help out so they could get that much needed break.

  While Amy and her mom went to catch up on some winks, and Matt went to help Amy’s dad move the new couch to the basement, I was busy in the living room trying to console Tessa. From rocking, walking around the room, and even singing softly to her, I finally was able to calm her down. However, just as she was about to doze off, there was a sudden loud boom. Matt and Amy’s dad had dropped the couch. The bang was so deafening, it echoed throughout the house, startling us both. As Tessa started to sob uncontrollably onto my shoulder, her tears soaking through my shirt, I somehow managed to hear the doorbell ringing through her loud cries and went to see who it was.

  “Oh, hey, Jacob,” I sighed.

  “Hey, Jenna,” he said. “I take it Amy’s new sister is still colicky, huh?”

  “How do you know what colicky is?” I asked.

  “I was there when Amy was telling you about it,” he said, shutting the front door behind him.

  “I guess I must have forgotten about it.”

  “Where is Amy anyway?”

  “She and her mom are taking a nap.”

  “Where’s Matt?”

  “He’s helping Amy’s dad move the new leather couch that just came today,” I explained. “I think they might need you to help them downstairs. Oh, baby, ssh. It’s all right.”

  “How about I stay here and help you out with Tessa instead?”

  “Are you sure about this?”

  “You look like you need a break anyway, Jenna, and a new face might help.”

  Giving him a tired smile as I gently placed Tessa into his arms, Jacob then readjusted the blanket around her and began rocking her back and forth the same way I had done. Within minutes, Tessa was completely calm.

  “See, I told you it would work,” he whispered.

  Tessa then lifted a tiny hand towards Jacob’s face. I was surprised to hear her coo as he goofily screwed his finger into the dimple on his cheek.

  “Somebody sure likes Uncle Jacob,” I said, when I noticed Amy waltzing into the room. Her eyes were flicking back and forth expeditiously between me and Jacob, I could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she gave us a wide grin.

  “Hey, Jacob, will you be okay watching Tessa for a bit?” she asked. “I…uh…I have something important upstairs to show Jenna in my room.”

  “No problem, Amy,” he said.

  Rolling my eyes as he turned his head and gave me the same goofy face, I got up from the couch and followed a silent Amy up the stairs. Before I even stepped into her room, Amy then quickly grabbed my arm, yanked me in, and firmly shut the door.

  “Okay, Jen, what’s really going on with you and Jacob?” she ordered.

  “I thought you wanted to show me something?” I said.

  “That was just an excuse so I could talk to you privately. The real reason I have you up here is because I’ve been itching to find out who you spent Valentine’s with.”

  “Why do you need to know that?”

  “I thought you might need some cheering up after dealing with that Ethan prick—which we also need to talk about, by the way—but when I called to see if you wanted to join me and Matt for a movie, you weren’t home. Your mom told me you were out with one of your friends, but she wouldn’t say who. She did giggle a lot, which got me thinking it must be Jacob. Except when I called your cell to confirm it, you didn’t pick up. I know it can’t be Aaron since you told me he was busy, and you always answer your cell, even if you’re at home. I would’ve asked you sooner, but I’ve been too tired with everything that’s been going on with Tessa. Now that I have the chance to after witnessing how you guys managed to calm her down, I definitely need to know what’s going on. So spill, who were you with?”

  “Well…” I started to shift.

  “It was Jacob, wasn’t it?” she exclaimed. “I knew it was him when Matt called Jacob and couldn’t find him either.”

  “Are you two spying on us?”

  “Um…no?”

  “Right,” I said. “If you really want to know, Miss Nosey, he took me out on a friendly date to redeem the bet we made during bowling since I still haven’t done anything about it.”

  “I’m sure it was just a friendly date.”

  “It was.”

  “I think it’s just a lame excuse to ask you out. He could’ve picked any day, yet he chose Valentine’s, the most romantic day of the year.”

  “I did ask him why he was keeping me company instead of asking someone else—”

  “Because he likes you,” she said slowly.

  “—and he told me that he was more concerned about cheering up a friend,” I went on, ignoring her grin. “He said that since I was there whenever he had problems with Amber, he decided to return the favour.”

  “You just keep telling yourself that. Now that I know Jacob’s your secret admirer—”

  “Friend,” I cut in.

  “Secret admirer,” she repeated. “Did you find out what the roses mean?”

  “He said he’ll tell me soon, but what’s the reason behind all these questions?”

  “I’ve noticed how happy Jacob has been since Valentine’s…happier than I have ever seen him,” she explained. “I had a feeling something was up by how attentive he’s been towards you lately until he got all moody a week later. If I’m correct, that was when you went out with Aaron, but then you became distracted right after that. Therefore, it got me thinking that maybe Aaron asked you to be his girlfriend.”

  “You really are scary sometimes, Ames,” I said in awe.

  “I take it he did then,” she grinned, looking triumphant. “So was Aaron’s date better than Jacob’s?”

  “Well, if you want me to compare Jacob taking me for dinner and a movie to Aaron taking me on a romantic boat cruise, then yeah, Aaron’s date was better. But Jacob’s wasn’t even a date anyway. With Aaron, he knows how much I don’t really like fancy places, but I think he only chose something elaborate just to ask if I wanted to be his girlfriend.”

  “And you probably told Aaron you want to think about it first, didn’t you?” said Amy.

  “Have you ever thought about becoming a psychic?”

  “Be serious, Jen.”

  “Sorry,” I grinned. “Okay, yes, I did tell Aaron I need some time first. I mean, he’s a great friend and really fun to hang out with, but I really can’t picture him as boyfriend material.”

  “Probably because deep down you still want to see if you and Jacob will ever be.”

  “I don’t think that’s it.”

  “You can’t tell me from what I’ve been observing these past couple of months that something isn’t happening between you and Jacob. He even wrote that beautiful letter for you.”

  “Actually his sister wrote it for him.”

  “But he still technically wrote it,” she said. “Hey, maybe Jacob knows about Aaron.”

  “Not if you’re the first person I told.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You care more deeply about Jacob than you did before because you like him again, don’t you?”

  My mind raced, trying to decide how much I wanted to admit as she arched her eyebrows at me, daring me to contradict her, when an image abruptly popped in my head. It was of Jacob’s face as he kissed me under the mistl
etoe.

  In that one glance, all the barriers I had built up to protect me from his spell came tumbling down, engulfing me in feelings I thought I managed to bury long ago. His eyes felt like he could see straight into my soul, and I realised that at that moment, no matter how many times I tried to deny it, I had fallen for Jacob Bennett again.

  “Um…okay, fine I do, but no, I don’t want to,” I answered, flopping on to her bed.

  “And why don’t you want to?”

  “Because back then it was just a crush. Now I definitely know this time it’s deeper than before. The sad thing about it is I don’t want to get my hopes up just to have them shot down. I even stopped talking to him the first time since all he did was ignored me.”

  “Jen, I know how much you went through just to get over him the first time. That’s probably why you’re scared, but it will be okay. I’m sure he knows you’re the one for him. It took him long enough to be your friend again, but it’s starting to happen. He’s probably taking things carefully because he’s also thinking of a future with you in it.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because I know he cares deeply about you. Why else would he act that way when he finds out guys are hitting on you? I don’t know of any other guy who would act like such a jerk when he finds out the girl he likes is being asked out by someone else.”

  “If he’s interested, wouldn’t he have tried not being an ass to me?”

  “Okay, I’ll give you that, but then you also did forgive him for treating you so badly.”

  “Maybe I should just give up on guys,” I sighed.

  “And why would you want to do something like that?” she chided.

  “Because it’s too confusing,” I said ruefully. “I don’t know what to think anymore. One minute it seems like something’s happening between us, and the next Jacob’s sprouting that we’re just friends. Even after his kiss on New Year’s, which we both know he didn’t get pressured into, something like that still doesn’t mean any thing to him.”

  “How was that kiss anyway?” she asked with curiosity.