Always Been You

by Tracy Luu

  “After what I just put you through, I don’t deserve you, Jacob,” I said dismally. “I even pushed you away. I mean, how can you sit here and tell me you weren’t hurt by what I did?”

  “Because I still want to be with the one who makes me happy and still do,” he smiled, lifting my chin to wipe a tear from my cheek. “Can I ask you one question?”

  “After what you just told me, you can ask me anything you want,” I sniffed.

  “How long have you known about my feelings for you?”

  “I sort of suspected something at Katie’s birthday when you saw me talking to Aaron,” I said. “You looked so jealous I suddenly dared to believe you might actually be interested in me. Then once I saw this glint you had in your eyes when I was helping you with your tie, I had a feeling something definitely has changed between us. Since then, I found myself watching you, trying to detect any hint you were actually interested in me.”

  “I did leave subtle hints,” he whispered.

  “And if I hadn’t been denying my feelings for you for so long, I probably would have suspected something sooner,” I whispered back. “I was happy you wanted to kiss me under the mistletoe, but I was still doubtful. Even after the many little incidents, I never believed you wanted something more than just friendship from me. Therefore, I kept making the worst interpretations possible about your actions. I just couldn’t believe it was real. Although once your concealed interest became more apparent to me, at the beginning I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. However, if I want to be honest with myself, then I should tell you I actually enjoyed the attention.”

  “When did you start feeling something for me again?”

  “During our kiss under the mistletoe,” I said. “Amy wanted me to tell you how I felt, but I couldn’t. Even Riley wanted me to tell you about my feelings for you.”

  “He still loves you, doesn’t he?” frowned Jacob.

  “How do you know that?” I said.

  “He came up to me a few weeks after the picnic and told me that if I didn’t make a move soon, he’s going to try and win your heart again,” he sighed. “I thought he was joking with me, but I guess he wasn’t. In some stupid sort of way, I should be thanking him too.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because of his timeline, I knew I had to act fast if I didn’t want to lose you to him.”

  “And when exactly is this timeline?”

  “Ironically, the following Monday after we had our argument,” said Jacob. “The only reason he didn’t act on it is because he noticed how upset you looked. He even sought me out after school the same day just to find out what I did. You really should have seen that look he gave me. I swore he was going to punch me until I was bloody mess.”

  “I’m glad he didn’t. If he did, I probably would’ve sought him out and punch him the same way I had punched Ethan. Since he left you unscathed and still looking hot, does this mean you want me to help you with that reminder also?”

  “I think I’d rather enjoy the idea of rubbing this in his face,” he said, pulling me closer.

  “Maybe I should get him to beat you to a bloody pulp,” I grumbled.

  “That’s not a bad idea,” smirked Jacob. “When he’s done with me, I then get to rub it to him even more when you’re nursing my wounds until I get better.” I lifted my hand. “Just kidding,” he laughed. “Back to what you were saying?”

  “As I was saying,” I said, pushing at his shoulder. “The reason I never said anything to you is because like you, I didn’t want everything we’ve accomplished so far to have it all thrown away. I only began thinking about how you were around me right after you had pulled to your chest and mumbled you liked me.”

  “What do you mean I pulled you to my chest?”

  “You did it that night when you were passed out on Amy’s couch,” I explained. “When I bent down to wake you, you suddenly threw your arms out and hugged me.”

  “Is that why Amy gave you all those weird grins that night?”

  “She enjoyed my predicament so much she wouldn’t let me go to sleep unless I confessed to her that I wanted to dream about you,” I sighed. “You have been popping up in my dreams during most nights ever since our first kiss that I knew I couldn’t deny anymore how I feel about you. Even though I had given up on the idea that we were never going to be, I also realised that my feelings for you were never gone in the first place. They were just buried away somewhere deep inside me. I think that’s why when I went out with other people none of them even came close to you. But what prevented me from telling you how I felt is the fact that you really confused me to the point where I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t, especially when you announced to Jack that I was yours.”

  “I know I shouldn’t have said you were mine when you weren’t,” he said with sadness. “I just wanted to be with you so much, I didn’t want to give anyone else a chance to take you away from me again. It’s always been you, Jenna.”

  “I feel the same way about you, Jacob,” I smiled.

  I consciously licked my lips as Jacob began leaning in closer when we were abruptly interrupted by a loud rumble overhead.

  “I think we better move bef—”

  Just as soon as we helped each other to our feet, a heavy downpour of icy rain fell upon us, soaking us from head-to-toe. However, instead of making a run for it back to his car, Jacob held me back and turned me around.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered, reaching out to lightly touch my cheek.

  I completely forgot we were standing in a raging thunderstorm as my heart began beating in a rat-a-tat rhythm against my ribs. With infinite slowness as he slung an arm around my neck, Jacob then drew me to him, kissing my forehead, moving down to my nose, my cheeks, and finally, my mouth.

  His kiss was soft and gentle at first, but I quickly became surprised by the insistence of his tongue. Feeling emboldened, I opened my mouth up to him, and he let out a low growl and deepened the kiss. We only broke apart when breathing became a necessity and had to gasp for air.

  “I hope this means we’re going out,” he whispered against my hair.

  “What if I said you were my boyfriend?” I grinned.

  “When you mean boyfriend do you mean…?”

  “Yes, I mean it like that, you idiot,” I accused good-naturedly. “So I guess you like who I’ve chosen then?”

  Chapter 17

  A New Relationship

  For an entire week, no one in school had any clue Jacob and I were going out. Of course both of our families knew. We have been spending basically every day at each other’s houses it was hard for them not to. But then I couldn’t blame anyone else for not noticing. With more exams and papers piling up, we barely saw each other at school. Occasionally while studying, we did manage to squeeze in a break, or two. Except who in their right mind would think a half-hour is long enough to kiss?

  Then just when Jacob and I thought we finally had our first opportunity to spend some real time together due to the teacher’s conference being held on Friday, Amy appeared and had sprung the idea of having a little get together to celebrate this needed break from school on the same day. And since she begged me for my help in getting things ready, even though it was only with our usual friends, instead of going out on a real date with Jacob, I was currently in Amy’s kitchen helping her out with dinner.

  “So, Jen, how’s Jacob been?” she asked.

  “Fine I guess, but you do know you could ask him later yourself,” I said.

  “I know I could, but I’ve been itching to ask you what happened that night when you two left to talk,” she said. “And being so busy and all, I never got the chance. Now that we’re alone, wanna spill the juicy details of what happened before everyone gets here?”

  “Juicy details?”

  “You know, after you agreed to be his girlfriend, did you jump him and kiss him until your lips felt like they were going to fall off?”

  “What?” I s
pluttered.

  “C’mon, Jen,” she huffed. “You can’t stand here and deny you two aren’t an item.”

  I could feel all the blood draining from my head. However, before I could open my mouth to answer her, the sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house.

  “You’re not off the hook yet,” she muttered.

  I began to get more nervous with that particular conversation as I silently watched her leave. Up until now, I actually thought I had managed to withhold my relationship with Jacob without catching the ever-watchful eye of my very clever friend. At least that’s what I had thought. She’s never mentioned anything to me. But then if I thought about it, as soon as I walked into school that following Monday morning, Amy probably already knew. She often gave me her signature look that would leave me feeling like she knows I’m hiding something from her. The only reason I never told her, or anyone for that matter, was because Jacob didn’t want to be the cause of any new nasty rumours aimed at me.

  Letting out a long sigh as the pot of noodles began to bubble, I decided it was best not to fret about what my answer would be and just to concentrate on preparing my mom’s lasagne. Although right as soon as I retrieved a wooden spoon from the drawer to fry the ground beef, someone caught the corner of my right eye. And without thinking as I let out a scream, I threw the spoon at the figure standing by the door.

  “Hey!” hollered Matt, ducking as it flew by his head.

  “That’s what you get you a—”

  “Now is that anyway to greet someone who came early to help?”

  Even though I should be used to his familiar voice, my stomach still swooped, and I found myself helplessly melting from his gaze. Trying to squish out the urge to launch myself and attack his lips like Amy had thought I did, I grabbed the weapon back from Jacob, quickly turned around, and whacked Matt on the arm with the spoon.

  “You’re a moron!” I ground out. “Why did you sneak up on me like that?”

  “No need to get violent,” said Matt. “I thought you knew I was standing there.”

  “If I did then I wouldn’t have—”

  “Oh good, you guys are h—what happened?” said Amy.

  “Your idiot of a boyfriend tried to scare the shit out of me,” I grumbled.

  “Did you throw anything at him?” she asked.

  “Yes, I did,” I said, looking quizzically at her.

  “Did it hit him?”

  “No, I missed.”

  “Like Jacob said, you really need to work on your throwing, Jenna.”

  “And why are you asking if I threw anything at Matt?” I said, elbowing Jacob, who was chuckling behind me.

  “After what I did to him when he snuck up on me the other day, I thought he would’ve known better,” she said.

  “What did you do?” Jacob asked Matt.

  “She threw a knife at me,” he muttered.

  “She did what?” Jacob and I yelled.

  “In my defence, my hands were slippery from cutting up the chicken,” said Amy.

  “At least your life didn’t flash before your eyes,” grumbled Matt.

  “Anyway, before everyone else gets here, could one of you help me vacuum the living room while the other dusts?”

  “I thought it was just Nikki, Alex, Devon, and Katie coming over to watch a movie?” asked Jacob, as Amy narrowed her eyes at Matt.

  “It is, but they’re also coming over for dinner, and I hadn’t had the time to really clean up,” she said.

  “But your house is always spo—”

  Matt quickly clamped his mouth shut once he saw another scowl on Amy’s face. If looks could kill, Matt definitely would be dead by now. She was giving him a stern look worthy of my mother, causing him to fidget under her narrow eyes.

  “Where’s the broom?” sighed Jacob.

  Twenty minutes later, and with the lasagne baking in the oven, I had just finished rolling the dough out for the cheese and chive biscuits when Jacob suddenly snuck up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and pressed me up against the sink.

  “Jacob, what are you doing?” I squeaked.

  “I felt like kissing you,” he whispered against my neck. “Why?”

  “What about Matt and Amy?” I said, glancing over my shoulder.

  “They left us alone and told us to finish up, muttering something about some alone time before anyone got here,” said Jacob, now nibbling on my ear.

  “What kind of alone time?”

  “What do you think? I figured if they’re going to take a break, why not take this opportunity to take one with you.”

  Hearing a low growl emitting from his throat, Jacob then twisted me around to face him, and before I could finish sucking in my breath as his hands landed on my bum, he closed his mouth over mine. It was such a searing kiss, I was beyond fighting the idea of being caught by Matt or Amy as Jacob and I fought for domination of the kiss.

  I didn’t even get a chance to properly recover from our kiss when I pulled away a moment later to gasp for air. I was paralysed by Jacob’s ministrations and even let out a pleasurable moan as he began leaving a trail of feather-like kisses from the edge of my chin down my collarbone. I only knew how affected he was also when he finally lifted his head and started to pant heavily.

  It marvelled me on how much power I had. With a simple kiss, or even sometimes just a touch, I easily could make Jacob lose his mind. But even though I revelled in the power I had over him, it pleased me that Jacob had given me control over the intimacy level in our relationship.

  “What are you smiling about?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” I fibbed.

  Giving me wide grin as he began to button up his shirt, which I didn’t know I had unconsciously started to undo, Jacob then was about to bring his lips back to mine again when we were suddenly interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

  “Have you noticed every time something happens between us, we always got interrupted?” he grumbled, burying his head in my hair.

  “It’s because you’re too popular,” I teased.

  “Very funny,” he murmured.

  For a few interminable seconds, I locked gazes with Jacob, and only came back when the sound of Amy’s reverberating voice drifted down from somewhere upstairs.

  “Hey, can one of you two get that?” she yelled.

  “No problem, Ames,” I yelled back.

  “Why don’t we just forget about whoever is at the door and continue what we were previously doing?” Jacob grinned again.

  “Even if we did, we’re still going to get interrupted by Matt or Amy coming down to open the door,” I said, smoothing down his hair.

  “Fine,” he sighed.

  Bending down to share a quick kiss with me, Jacob then turned and started to walk away when something caught my eye.

  “Changed your mind?” he grinned.

  “I’m only here to wipe the flour I left on your bum,” I smirked.

  “Then let me make it easier for you.”

  Rolling my eyes as he wagged his eyebrows at me and bent over, I ignored his puckering lips, swatted his clean bum, and turned back to cutting the dough.

  Soon enough, we were all seated at Amy’s mahogany dining table, passing the dishes of lasagne, Caesar salad, cheese bread, fresh baked biscuits, and roasted vegetables around. While everyone chatted about their exams, I was suffering with an internal struggle on what to do about Jacob. I had no idea how I was even able to get anything into my mouth with him frequently brushing my shoulder, grabbing my hand under the table when it wasn’t in use, and rubbing his leg with mine as we talked and joked with our friends. He even thought it would be funny and gave my thigh a tight squeeze which caused all the dishes to rattle when I bumped my knees. When I turned my head to glower at Jacob, ignoring six curious stares aimed in our direction, I then distinctly had an unnerving feeling that he was purposely enjoying my situation. If I had not known it was downright impossible, I swore I could even see this light of unholy glee present in
his hazel eyes as he hid behind his napkin, trying his hardest not to laugh out loud.

  “Jen, can you help me out in the kitchen?” asked Amy.

  Nodding my head as she gave me a pointed look, I picked up my dishes, but before I got up from the table, I quickly kicked Jacob hard in shin.

  “Serves you right, you idiot,” I whispered to him.

  With that said, I then turned towards the kitchen, and left with a smug smirk on my face as he let out a groan.

  “And what was that all about out there?” asked Amy, pointing her head to the dining room.

  “Jacob’s just being a moron,” I said. “Hey, Ames, I have a better idea. Since you did most of the work today, how about you go and relax? I can easily grab somebody else to help me tidy up in here.”

  “Funny you should ask that,” she grinned widely. Then as if on cue, Jacob appeared in the kitchen, followed by Katie and Nikki pushing his back.

  “We don’t know what’s going on with you two during dinner, but you guys really need some time alone to talk,” said Katie.

  “Thanks for offering to do the dishes for me,” added Amy.

  Jacob and I turned to each other, silently waited until the girls left before shaking our heads and snickering.

  “Not very subtle are they?” he muttered.

  “Not at all,” I muttered back.

  “And you didn’t have to kick me so hard back there,” he grumbled.

  “Then why did you even do it?”

  “I thought you’d enjoy it,” he grinned. “Besides, wouldn’t you love it if I was the one who had to nurse your wounds until you get better?”

  “Let’s just get back to washing the dishes,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. “Since you’re the tallest, how about I wash and you dry?”

  “Sure, but only if you give me a kiss first,” he cajoled.

  “Fine,” I sighed melodramatically and broke into giggles when Jacob looked offended.

  “At least you can be more excited about it,” he said sarcastically.