Tangled Chords

by Brenda Barrett

  He opened his eyes slowly and watched as Farrah yelped and burrowed her head under the sheets.

  Should he join her? He was not too fond of lightning either and though it galled him to admit it, he was not going to be macho and stay outside in the living room. He would just have to pretend that he was not attracted to Farrah.

  He could pretend that she was just one of the guys. Except none of his friends had waist-length silky hair and none of them had smooth golden skin or smelled like orange blossoms. He wasn't married to any of them and didn’t have to restrain himself from touching any of them.

  He went to his closet and pulled out a tracksuit bottom. It would not do to just be in his boxers with his pretend wife curled up beside him. He joined Farrah under the sheets, lifting them gingerly so as not to touch her. He stayed on his side of the bed as much as possible. They both lay there, listening to the rain pounding on the roof. The lightning illuminated the room through the bay window; it was not as bright as it was in the living room but that did not stop Farrah from flinching every time it flashed.

  "You have to take your mind off it," Xavier said, turning toward her in the bed.

  She peeped out from under the sheet. "Easier said than done. Suppose God decides to punish me for all the wrong things I have done."

  Xavier grinned. "Is that what you think lightning is—punishment from God? Lightning is actually an electrostatic discharge..."

  "I don't want to hear what your 'sciency' explanation," Farrah groaned. "I just know that people hit by lightning are being chastised by the Almighty."

  Xavier laughed. "Okay, I will cool it on the sciency explanation. Tell me about your nineteenth birthday," Xavier said, hoping to distract her.

  "My nineteenth birthday?" Farrah frowned. "It wasn't bad. I went to a party with a guy named Vincent... Got drunk and he took me home at about eleven o'clock that evening. Delores was there. She gave me a stern lecture about alcohol and inhibitions, et cetera, et cetera. I vowed to stay far from alcohol after that."

  Xavier winced. He was feeling jealous of Vincent already. "Was he your boyfriend?"

  "No," Farrah grinned, "just a regular friend. He was a comedian. He used to make me and the girls laugh. I liked his company but just as a friend."

  "Mmm." Xavier pushed the sheet off his chest and turned around to face her. "You seem to like to put guys in the friend zone."

  "Not true." Farrah shifted and faced him. She didn't even notice the blue streaks of lightning that lit up the windows; she was just staring into his eyes. "Did you date anyone while you were in the States?"

  "Yes," Xavier nodded. "Her name was Bobbie-Ann. I almost married her, too. Unlike you, I had no Daddy to pawn me off as a groom to get a business deal done. I just thought it was time we made our union official. We lived together for a few years. Something which my Mom did not approve of, I might add."

  Farrah shifted uncomfortably and her breath caught in her throat. "Did you love her?"

  "I don't want to answer that." Xavier turned and looked at the ceiling. He countered her question with one that had been bothering him since he first saw her at the hospital. He hadn't pondered the question through the years because it would have made him jealous. "Who was your first lover?"

  Farrah didn't answer. He heard the sheets rustling as she tried to free herself from the tangle she had gotten herself into, and then it was quiet on her side of the bed. She pinched him.

  "Ouch." Xavier rubbed his hand. "What was that for?"

  "Did you love Bobbie-Ann?"

  He turned his head and realized that Farrah was very close to him.

  "I am not answering if you don't say who your first boyfriend was," he said playfully, but his eyes were serious.

  "Why did you two break up?" Farrah asked, leaning in closer to him.

  Xavier cleared his throat. Her hair was caressing his chest and he could feel every tendril through his thin white shirt. He was on the verge of pulling her to him and forgetting that he was supposed to be her 'friend'.

  He shifted his gaze away from her moist pink lips and looked at her sultry brown eyes, feigning a casualness that he was far from feeling. "You are in my personal space."

  "Sorry." Farrah backed off with a hurt expression on her face.

  "Bobbie-Ann and I broke up because she thought she could do better," he joked, wanting her to look his way again, but he couldn't handle her being so close. "I don't have much luck with women in that regard."

  "You are not being truthful." Farrah watched him and then lay down on her tummy. Her arms were pressing on his. "It's okay, you can keep your secrets."

  Xavier chuckled. "It's not a secret. I met Bobbie-Ann in the cafeteria at work. We were both ambitious and I guess more than a wee bit attracted to each other. We lived together for a while and then we called it quits. End of story."

  "How long after me? I mean after you left Jamaica," Farrah hastily corrected.

  "Two years," Xavier said. "I told you that I did not sit and mope about you. I moved on. You were way out of my league and I did not want to spend empty years moaning about what could never be."

  "Maybe you decided that you didn't love me anymore because what you felt wasn't real in the first place," Farrah pouted. She got up. Not even the lightning could have stopped her from marching to the door and swinging it open. "Night Xavier."

  "Wait a minute," Xavier got up hurriedly. "You rejected me, remember? I begged you to come to California with me. You laughed at me."

  "You switched on me," Farrah's hair was wild and tousled. "You didn't give me any warning when you made that declaration at my birthday. One day you were Xavier my friend and confidant, and the next day you were proposing to me. It scared me. I was losing a friend. I was confused about my feelings. I was young and stupid and I...I...don't know." Farrah bit her lip. "You and Alka were all I had. She was leaving for India in a few months and you were going to California."

  "You were not losing me as a friend." Xavier moved closer to her. "You were scared of my ugly face and being seen with me and you definitely were scared of what others would think," Xavier said in a driven tone of voice.

  "You can't be serious!" Farrah jumped in fright when another flash of lightning lit the room. "You know that your face was never an issue. When had it ever been an issue? I hardly remembered that your eyes were crossed."

  "Come on; stop pretending," Xavier said. "Your little friends Kate and Darla used to laugh at me. I remember."

  "My 'little' friends would give their eye teeth to be seen with you now," Farrah said grudgingly. "You are handsome and intelligent and kind and considerate. You are everything they would want in a man."

  Xavier stepped closer. "Is that so? I beg to differ. I am not in their class…your class. Admit it, Farrah."

  Farrah swallowed. Him being this close turned her bones to jelly and she couldn't think straight. She looked up and connected with his mesmerizing brown eyes. He lowered his handsome dark head and she guessed what was going to happen before it happened but still couldn't believe that he would actually do it. They had been skirting around this tension between them for days.

  Just today Xavier had said that they were only friends and he would keep his distance. Those were empty words now because he confounded her expectations and captured her mouth with hungry urgency.

  She strained toward him and clutched his shoulders to keep herself upright. A loud bang and a sizzle outside had them pulling apart. They were both breathing hard; they were both aroused.

  Xavier gazed down at her with heavily lidded dark eyes and then, abruptly, he yanked his head up and swore.

  "I am sorry... I had no intention of..." His handsome mouth clenched. "I should never have touched you. I'm sorry." He backed away. "It sounds as if the lightning hit the light poles."

  There was a ringing in Farrah's ear from the loud bang—or was it the kiss? She leaned on the door weakly.

  Now she knew what the cure for being afraid of lightning was: a kiss from Xav
ier. She was not even moved when she saw a sudden streak of lightning outside. She was looking at Xavier instead and reliving how his lips felt on hers.

  Xavier pointed to the bed. "You can sleep in here. I'll take the couch."

  "No." Farrah shook her head. "I'll take the couch. I..."

  "Don't say anything about this," Xavier said shakily. "Let us just forgot that this happened, okay? We need to forget it or things could get complicated."

  Farrah nodded, but she had a different opinion. Things were already complicated. She headed outside and crawled back into her sofa bed with a small smile on her face.

  Chapter Thirteen

  "I have not been to church in ages," Farrah said to Xavier sheepishly.

  Xavier grunted. "I can believe that. You were quite the party girl, weren't you?"

  Farrah declined to comment. Xavier seemed as if he was itching for a fight and she was not going to oblige. They had been tiptoeing around each other all week and were being excessively polite to each other. The freak storm had knocked out the electrical lines and they had yet to get it fixed.

  Xavier had politely invited her to church and she had graciously accepted. She knew that he expected her to say no but she was not going to give him that satisfaction. Perversely, she wanted to be immersed into his life. She remembered when they were younger he used to talk about his church life and his friends and the fun they had. She wanted to be a part of that.

  He had a loyal and tight friendship circle and she yearned to be in that circle. Somehow it sounded as if he had a better relationship with his friends than she had with her so-called friends, even though Xavier was away for many years. She really wished that Alka had not gone to India to join her husband, a man that Alka had not seen since they were children. Besides Xavier, Alka had been her closest friend for years.

  When they drove up to the church parking lot Farrah glanced over at Xavier, who was looking handsome in a black suit and a purple shirt. His tie had splashes of lavender in it. She had worn a lavender Yves St. Lauren dress which she thought would be appropriate for church. She really had no terms of reference when it came to dressing for church, especially for someone who could count the number of times she had gone to a church voluntarily. Xavier did not look shocked at her attire so she took that as approval. The dress was knee length and in her estimation quite conservative. Their clothes were color coordinated completely by accident, but it gave her a good feeling. It made her feel as if she was part of a unit and made her wish it were what they really had.

  She wondered how Xavier was going to introduce her today; he had taken great pains over the past two weeks not to introduce her to his friends. Apart from the marriage ceremony that they attended, most of them had been in too much shock to process what was happening and she had left the building as soon as the service was performed.

  She viewed today as a debut of sorts and she wished Xavier could even crack a smile at her instead of looking grim, as if they were going to a funeral.

  Farrah wondered what Xavier was thinking and was about to ask when there was a knock on his window.

  A pretty young girl was grinning at him; she looked like she was around twelve or so.

  When Xavier got out, Farrah was surprised to see how much his face was transformed. He had a look of warmth and caring and such tenderness that she jealously wished that he would look at her like that.

  The girl hugged him tightly and he placed a kiss on her forehead. He obviously loved her. Lucky girl.

  Farrah got out of the car, anxious to meet the girl, who she assumed was a member of his family, or one of his friends' daughters.

  "Hi," the girl said to her brightly.

  "Hello," Farrah responded, waiting for Xavier to make an introduction.

  "This is my niece, Mia," Xavier said, hugging her around the shoulders. "I used to change her diapers."

  "Eew, Uncle Xavier," Mia said disgustedly. "That was ages ago. I am thirteen now." She was looking at Farrah, expectantly waiting for Xavier to tell her who she was.

  Farrah looked at Xavier smugly. What would he say?

  "This is my friend, Farrah," he said to Mia after a long pause.

  Mia grinned. "Hi Aunty Farrah. Mommy said you are uncle Xavier's wife and that you were recently married."

  Xavier groaned. "Did your parents send you out here to make trouble?"

  "Whatever do you mean?" Mia said innocently, batting her long lashes at her uncle.

  Xavier grinned. "You are not a good actress. Where are they?" He looked around.

  "At the church steps waiting for you." Mia waved to him. "I am going to children's church, but I'll be back for Amber's baby blessing. Uncle Ian wants the whole family around."

  She walked off, turning around to wave happily to Farrah.

  Farrah waved back. "I like her."

  "She's awesome," Xavier said. "I love her to bits. You know, when I left Jamaica and she couldn't sleep, Carson used to call me to sing to her. He found it appalling that he was the lead singer of the band and yet his daughter only listened to me before she could settle down to sleep."

  Farrah chuckled. "You guys are really close, huh?"

  "Very," Xavier said contemplatively. "And I am going to be an uncle yet again because Alice is pregnant."

  "I must say congrats then," Farrah said, an odd feeling enveloping her. She had nieces and nephews from her brothers and yet she hardly knew them. She was convinced her family was lacking in human warmth.

  Xavier who was in tune with her every mood, looked at her and touched her arm. "What's wrong?"

  "I was just thinking that maybe I was born in the wrong family."

  "And to think that so many persons envy you for your family." Xavier locked the car door and indicated for her to walk with him. "When Carson and I were growing up we wished that we lived in the exclusive Rose Hall area where you lived and not in the slums of Norwood. We used to plot how we were going to get rich."

  Farrah sighed. "But you are rich. You guys have each other and your mom. I used to wish that Delores were my mother. She was so down to earth and practical, but then that would make you my brother and oddly I didn't want that. If you were my brother..."

  Xavier stiffened. "Farrah, you can't say these things."

  "Why not?" Farrah asked. "It's true."

  "You mess with my mind," Xavier said exasperatedly. "You send me mixed messages. You insinuate things. You kiss me as if you can't get enough of me. I am confused and I don't want to get hurt again. A little part of me remembers the nerd who was rebuffed by you and I never want to feel that way again. I can't explain to you how devastated I was after I left Jamaica. I am not even going to try."

  Farrah touched him on his arm. "Xavier."

  "Now is not a good time to be having this discussion," Xavier said sourly.

  Farrah realized that though they had been walking slowly they had indeed reached the church door and Carson and Alice were waiting for them there, as well as an eager church usher who greeted Farrah so warmly she wondered why she hadn't come to church more often. They seemed to be genuinely excited to see her.

  *****

  Farrah sat in what was obviously a seating area that the New Song band and their spouses preferred, since they were all sitting there together. She ended up sitting beside Ruby, who smiled at her and whispered, "Welcome, Mrs. Bell. So you are my coworker and church sister now?"

  Farrah grinned. "I don't know if I am your church sister but I am liking the church experience already." She was replaying the name Mrs. Bell in her head.

  "Good," Ruby murmured. "A relationship with God is infinitely more precious than anything else this life has to offer."

  Farrah nodded contemplatively and then looked around. She couldn't miss the fact that many persons were giving her covert glances and that she was somewhat of a curiosity. She knew there would be interest shown to her; after all, her engagement party was on the front page of the Montego Bay Chronicle and that event was just two weeks ago, even th
ough it felt as if she had lived a lifetime since then.

  She figured that people were wondering what her connection was with the New Song Band, because Xavier certainly hadn't said a word to anybody about their relationship. He had just introduced her as his friend Farrah.

  The service was a thought-provoking one. She was grateful that the minister did not shout or do theatrics, because that for her was usually a real turn-off. Instead, he spent time in the Bible and pointed out text after text in such a systematic manner she was awed that the Bible was so thorough and that there was so much to learn from it. She kept glancing at Ruby's Bible. Taking the hint, Ruby handed her Ian's Bible because he went to the mother's room with Amber when she started fussing.

  When the preacher started talking about the rich young ruler who went to Jesus and was told that he had to sell all he had and give to the poor, she glanced sheepishly at Xavier. He looked at her too, and she smiled.

  She was thinking that it wasn't so hard to give up all one has in exchange for love. She gasped at the thought. Was that what she had done?

  She swung around from Xavier and looked back at the preacher. She had just wanted to escape Jason and the marriage and her father's tyranny; that was all. There was no use reading anything more into it, though she was extremely attracted to Xavier, even though he didn't have a job wasn’t associated with her father or any of his high-powered friends.

  It actually made sense that she was attracted to Xavier. He was laid back and wasn't chasing one business deal or the other and canoodling with people he didn't like.

  She was tired of rich, entitled men like her father, and Xavier was as far from her father in temperament as the east is from the west.

  He had been her friend, anyway, long before he was so handsome and simply oozed sex appeal. She had to drag her mind from her thoughts and concentrate on what the minister was saying. If she didn't, she was sure that she was going to be thinking about the kiss again. She was dwelling on a simple kiss like she was a naive teenager. She had kissed several men before; some casually, some she thought she would have gone all the way with, but none had been like Xavier's.