Because It's Not Love

by Kitty Parker

  She moaned when her middle finger pressed on her nub and she softly traced a patter there. She didn't dare to open her eyes and see his expression; she didn't even know why she was doing this. She didn't feel him move around her and thought that he had already left her and her heart ached so bad, but when she felt his tongue tracing her swollen wet lips on her crotch she couldn't help but to arch her back and let the sensation wash over her.

  Her hand was no longer on her body when she felt him dominating down there. Her hands gripped tightly on his covers when straightly three fingers entered her fast. She gasped at the sudden touch but nonetheless buckled her hips toward his magical fingers. He pumped her hard, rough and the sight of her squirming beneath him made him suck her hard nub with force. Her eyes rolled at the back of her head as he felt her walls tightening around his fingers and her body seemed to be stiff for a while. That was when he understood that she was about to release the warmness of her liquid. But he was not going to give her that easy.

  He quickly pulled his fingers out of her and she opened her eyes disapprovingly. She glared at him when he smirked at her while he licked all his fingers clean. "You're not cuming without me babe."

  She didn't know how he did it, but he managed to turn her body until her face and stomach faced the bed. She stayed still as she heard him moving around her before she heard a package being ripped off. He was definitely ripping off a condom. Moments later he gripped her hips and lifted it up to the angle that he wanted. She didn't even know when he took off his boxers; all she knew was when the tip of his hot and hard member brushing her wet core…she felt that she could die. He wasn't entering her, he was only teasing her while she could feel the smirk when he bent down and whispered hoarsely in her ear, "Do you want this?"

  She groaned as his fingers pinched her nipples softly. "Yes! Please, hurry up!"

  "Say it."

  She moaned when his member rubbed her at the right spots. The head of his long and hard member entered her softly but stopped when she was still silent. "Maggie, say what you want."

  Her hands gripped onto his covers again as she arched her hips closer to his touch. She still closed her mouth and with one firm hand, he slapped his palm onto one of her butt cheeks. "Shit!" she shouted which got a smirk from him in return.

  "Say it." He sternly commanded.

  She shook her head and was met again by his hard hand that slapped her ass again. This time, it was harder than the last one. She could feel the pain so much…but all she wanted was for him to be inside of her.

  He rubbed at spot he slapped her and softly warned her. "Maggie—"

  She wasn't going to say it if it weren't for him pulling out from her completely. The coldness and emptiness on her core made her shiver and she couldn't take it anymore. With a loud groan she yelled, "Holy shit, Carson! Hurry up and fuck me already!"

  She closed her eyes quickly, she did not just say that did she?

  With a small smile on his lips and without a warning, he quickly entered her hard with one swift movement. She could feel the tears in her eyes at the sudden of his member entering her fully. He was always soft…what the hell happened to him? She was about to curse at him when he moved his hips again back and forth with a very fast pace. Instead of hating him at that second, she moaned again and followed his fast rhythm.

  This was so new for her. He was always calm and exciting with her…he was never this rough. But nonetheless she even wanted him even more. She arched her back and lifted her hips higher for him to enter her. The sound of his thigh pounding hard on her ass echoed around the room. His low growl and grunt made her move her hips faster than before and he followed her instantly. She then found out that this position was going to be one of her favorites.

  He bent down and talked dirty beside her ear…which of course caused her to moan louder. He then straightened himself and griped her hips hard and his thrust became louder and more exotic. She then knew that he was about to release himself. Her hand clenched onto his sheets and he let out a loud growl when he felt himself emptying out inside of her. She then closed her eyes and curled her toes when she felt herself following his loud moans as she stiffened underneath his touch.

  They both stayed silent as they waited for their heart to beat in its normal pace. Once he was recovered, he slowly pulled out of her, making her moan quietly. He lied down beside her and stared at her still sweaty body. He looked away and stared at the ceiling when he felt her glancing at him.

  That was the best sex he ever had.

  Falling For You

  I frowned as soon as he looked away from my gaze. I couldn't help but to feel slightly hurt as he stared up the ceiling as if I wasn't here beside him. This was really what was happening between us, wasn't it? I was here for him to release his sexual tension. I was here for him to screw me over. I was here for the pleasure he wanted to feel. I was here for his bed, as if my ass was already marked as a territory on this mattress that he usually sleeps in. I was fucking here for him to use my body.

  I felt like a slut.

  I couldn't believe I was extremely angry at him earlier and now I was on his bed again after the rough and heated sex we just had. I really do feel like a used slut…and maybe that was why I felt my eyes were already at the bridge of tears. I guess I was still mad at him, but to be honest, I was angrier to myself that I let him use my body so easily.

  Don't you have ever have the thought whenever you do something wrong and stupid, you think that: why are you still living on this planet? Why on earth didn't the lord just take you away from the world so you wouldn't have to face the cruel reality you have put yourself into?

  I slowly sat up and looked around his room. It was still the same as it was since the last time I was here. The walls were a soft brown color as a base for the stupid posters he had placed. The room was scattered with his dirty clothes on the floor which was pretty ironic because he has a house full of maids, but all in all you could totally tell that this was a boy's room.

  The silence in the air was unbearable, I had the feeling that he too didn't know what exactly to say. I managed to courage myself to take a little peek at his body…and boy was he still naked. Not that I wasn't too…but you get what I mean. I couldn't help but to admire his glory nakedness and felt my body getting a little hot.

  I groaned quietly and buried my head in my hands. This is why you feel like a slut, Maggie…just stop picturing what you could do to his body and close the animal self in you.

  God what is wrong with me!

  I slowly got off his bed and picked up my clothes without saying any single world. I put them back on without looking back at him because who knew what I was capable of doing with him if his manly sight came into my line of vision again. Despite how my clothes were still a little wet, I still quickly put them back on. When I finally had my last piece of clothing on me, which was my jacket, I suddenly felt a warm pressure on my back. I held my breath.

  I was pretty sure that his broad chest was pressed up against my back…and the way he was breathing down my neck made me tilt my head. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers tickling down my neck and slowly massaging me there. I moaned at the relaxing feeling he was giving me and got a low chuckle from him.

  I couldn't believe this was the same guy who took my virginity, the cocky guy that made my heart skip a beat whenever I glance at him. It was even harder to see that this was the same guy that irritated me to the fullest, that had me all weak by his touch, that just had a fight with me moments ago and that had me facing down on his bed and taking me from behind with so much passion and rage. This was the same guy that had already made my life so confusing in just a few days.

  If my brother didn't ask me to take that CD here, this would have never happen. I would have never known that Carson had slept with somebody else after he slept with me and as much as I would like to say that he cheated on me, well, we never really were in a relationship. If my mother didn't ask me to buy sugar and if my brother didn't s
ee me when I was grabbing my jacket so he could ask me to do a favor by dropping by at Carson's to give him that stupid CD, this would never have happened.

  More importantly, if my brother didn't mention something about a chick that Carson was seeing…I would have never found out about this. I still remember his words when I walked out of my room after grabbing my jacket, jiggling my mom's car keys.

  "You're heading out?" Before I had the chance to answer, Nick quickly went inside his room and came back out to hand me a CD. "Could you drop by at Carson's and give him this?"

  The thought of meeting Carson after he had left me speechless by leaving me without a goodbye was not at the top of my list. I didn't know what was going to happen…but I didn't let my brother know that I was nervous to meet his best friend again. So instead I eyed the CD suspiciously. "What's this?"

  "Uh, a CD?"

  I rolled my eyes at his sarcastic tone and was about to head down when he called me again. I sighed and turned back at him with a scow. "What is it now?"

  "Tell Carson the girl he was screwing at his party wasn't from our school. He wanted to know her name."

  My eyes widen and I felt my heart sink. Instead of telling my brother to just call his friend rather than making me his messenger, I found myself stuttering. "W-what?"

  Nick leaned on a wall and stared at me. "Yeah, it turned out that John invited her who's actually his cousin."

  I suddenly felt worse than before. I was already feeling a little light headed when Carson left me the other day and now I just found out that he had sex with another chick the same day he was with me in my house. I felt sick all of a sudden. "When, um, did this actually happen?"

  "Excuse me?"

  "Um, Carson…you know."

  Nick looked at me confusingly like I had just grown a new mustache. "Why do you care?"

  "I…don't." Nick lifted an eyebrow. I took a deep breath as I felt the weird tingling pain again. "I don't." I repeated again rather to assure myself.

  He sighed. "Well…it was late that night. Carson was nowhere to be found before when the party started and then there he was walking out of the bathroom with a blonde a few hours later. He was probably screwing her the whole time." I then saw my brother smirk.

  That was when I felt like a slut. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to kill the girl who he screwed after me and I really wanted to point a gun toward my head. I have never felt so used and stupid before.

  I then rushed to his place to give a piece of his mind…but that didn't actually turn out too well.

  Call me stupid, because I know I am. It's amazing how your body can work much stronger than your brain. And it's definitely amazing how your hormones can scream louder than your real thoughts. Action does speak louder than words, I guess.

  As I leaned onto him now, somehow…all the yelling, screaming, and the grudge that I held for him was nowhere to be found. All I felt was the heat of his body and the way his heart beat thumped on my back. I sharply inhaled as I felt his soft lips pressing onto my neck. The sweet feeling of his lips on my body flew me again to heaven.

  I closed my eyes. What the hell did I do to deserve this torture? My body wanted him more than anything else…but my brain told me to stop being so foolish.

  This time I listened to my brain because I found myself standing up straight in a haze and slowly headed toward his bed room door. Before I left, I briefly met his eyes that seemed to hold a motion of confusion, but I ignored it. Holding my chin up high and bringing the dignity I thought was gone, I left his house with a sad smile as I felt my heart aching to be his.

  A piece of my heart wanted to be his…

  For the love of god!

  It was such a shock. A few moments ago we were arguing and then we had sex and then I realized I wanted more than sex. Oh my god, I wanted more. Last week I just lost my virginity for crying out loud. And now I want to be in a real relationship with Carson? Him? The guy who never wants anything to do with commitments?

  Am I stupid or what?

  God, falling for Carson Malloy was never the plan.

  I made a quick stop at the convenience store to buy the sugar that mom needed. While I took a pack of sugar, I also grabbed the things that I needed when I get all emotional and depress. What could get better than sweets?

  I took many kinds of lollipops, ice creams and of course the one and only, my beautiful, yummy, delicious chocolates. Who doesn't like chocolate right? I didn't care that I bought that many because technically I was spending mom's money. The old lady behind the counter looked up and down at me with disgust as she murmured how unhealthy these kids nowadays. I rolled my eyes and paid her hurriedly because I did not want to hear her ranting on and on about how 'fat' I was being. Ugh, she was even making my mood even worse.

  I entered my house only to be welcomed by a strong silence. I placed the car keys on the table near the door and entered the kitchen. The kitchen was no doubt messy. Cake ingredients and measuring cups were everywhere…but my mother was nowhere to be seen. I double checked again in case mom was behind the cupboards but nothing was traced of her presence. I took out the sugar and placed it on the island as I walked out of the room with my sweet toward the stairs to my room.

  The house was so quiet…well, as per usual. I passed Nick's room whose door was closed, which echoed his soft rock and roll music that came behind the white door with a stupid poster that said 'Enter when I am done masturbating'. I rolled my eyes and passed my mom and dad's bedroom and poked my head in to see if anyone was there. Again, I was welcomed by a strong silence. Dad was probably still at the hospital while mom…could be anywhere. I shrugged and went straight to my room.

  I walked inside my room and dropped the bag of sweets on the floor before I let myself fall down the bed with a soft thud. I stared at the ceiling and thought how messed up I had gotten myself into. Could you just imagine how tough my teenage life has been this couple of days?

  Just imagine yourself being me; went to a party, got a little tipsy and lost the one thing you've treasured to your big brother's best friend and you wake up the next day to find yourself having sex again with him multiple times…soberly. And you enjoyed it, you wanted to do it again but you saw him kissing another girl in front of your horrid eyes. You then think he was just playing with you so you try to move on but he kept on chasing you and kind of (ahem) begged you to be his sex toy. Or friends with benefit thing. Or fuck buddies…which ever you prefer. You didn't know how or why but you somehow agreed whenever you felt his touch…and at that moment you felt happy because you could experience something exciting without thinking any feelings you have toward him because you did not feel anything else except a big attraction of his body. Well, at that time.

  But one day you found out that he had sex with another woman the same day he had sex with you, you feel kind of betrayed right? Even though you both didn't have any serious relationship going on…but still, you were shocked and angry to hear that. So you went to his house to end this thing (whatever was going on between the two of you), you guys fought on and on but then somehow he managed to sweep you of your feet and throw you on his bed to have a session of hot and steamy rough sex. Afterwards you feel like you want to kill yourself because how stupid you were acting by letting him use your body that easily. You were mad at yourself because you let your hormones do the talk…or maybe at this kind of problem, 'do the work'.

  And the worse part was that now…you found yourself falling deeply for that guy who managed to make you feel things you have never felt before.

  Yes well, welcome to my life.

  I tried to sleep after I took a very long bubble bath, but my eyes didn't want to rest just yet. I kept on walking around the house to do something fun for my liking. I did my homework and my brain couldn't stop thinking about all the events that had happened to me. It was like the off button on my brain didn't work. I decided to go out of my room while I grabbed a bar of chocolate and put in my pajamas pocket.

  My eyes
landed toward Nick rooms in front of me…hmmm, maybe he could help me.

  I went to Nick's room without knocking the door and went straight to lie down on his bed. He was currently in front of his desk doing his homework and I had to roll my eyes at this. I was on my stomach so I turned my head to look up at him while I propped on my elbows with my head in my hands. "Aren't you sometimes tired of learning?"

  I knew he listened to me but he didn't bother to answer my question. He just shrugged his shoulders and continued to write whatever he was writing.

  "I mean, don't you feel a little…I don't know, bored?" I asked while I tilted my head.

  He only glanced at me briefly before returning to his papers. I continued on. "Come on, it's your last year of high school; don't you want to do something unforgettable and outrages? I know I would if I were you."

  This time he ignored me completely by turning on the volume of his crappy rock music louder. I sighed and got off the bed to walk toward him. I turned his music off and stood there behind him. "You're not listening to me."

  Nick turned his chair and finally looked at me while he crossed his arms. "And you're bugging me because you can't sleep."

  I grinned sheepishly and stepped forward to look at his homework. I picked up a paper and looked through the front and back. "What is this?"

  "None of your business," he answered and quickly snapped the paper out of my hand. I picked another paper from his desk and roamed through it quickly before picking another one and read it too.

  "Wow, this is your college applications…wow! You want to be a doctor?" I looked down at him and saw a tint of red on his cheeks. I chuckled and read the papers on my hand again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

  He rolled his eyes. "Is that really necessary?"

  "Well duh, I'm your sister. I'm supposed to be the one you tell stuffs to."

  "I'm quite private about this 'stuff' precisely."

  "Yeah, I can tell." I placed the papers on his desk and walked back to his bed. "Have you told dad yet?"