Because It's Not Love

by Kitty Parker

  And why was my tummy rumbling now?

  Rumble? Oh god, even I couldn't pick a good vocabulary when I get hungry. I glanced at Lisa and saw that she was already peacefully asleep with a smile on her face. How could she not be hungry? We only ate a few snacks and a diet coke for god's sake.

  Couldn't hold it any longer, I went downstairs to the kitchen without thinking the circumstances of anything that could possibly happen there with a piece of crushed paper in my hand. In my head, all I could think about was first: dinner's leftovers and second: burning the paper with the fire from the stove. Throwing it away was pretty good enough too.

  But of course, when you're hungry and there are plenty of foods in front of you, you forget everything else. I just placed the paper on the counter and forgot about it, rushing to where the food was and helped myself. The view of me eating when I get really hungry is never a good sight. Ever.

  "God, you eat like a pig."

  The chicken stopped mid air, I glanced at the door. Mother of—

  "What are you doing here?"

  So you know the sight of me eating was not a good thing so what do you think I did when I realized the guy I have been avoiding was now seeing me like this? I glared at him and took another bite of my chicken.

  Ignoring my question, he leaned on the doorway. "You really need to calm down, you could chock yourself—No, you could kill yourself."

  It was unbelievable how long we haven't talked to each other and the first thing that came out of his mouth was to insult me. Why was I even depressed by that guy?

  Swallowing the chicken and putting the plate aside, I brought a glass of water to my lips. "Are you following me?"

  I saw him pushing off himself from the doorway and walking toward me. "No, I was actually trying to avoid you these past couple of days."

  He was so blunt I wanted to punch him even more. Not wanting to be any closer with him, I walked over to the fridge and grabbed myself an orange and started to eat it. "I didn't realize you were avoiding me." I never felt this alive with courage to actually say that come back while I looked straight into his eyes. Usually, I would go gaga now but anger really do you crazy.

  His lips twitched. "Well I heard that you were avoiding me yourself. But I guess you already knew that since you were eavesdropping the whole time."

  I wish I could handle these blushes on my cheeks. "Well FYI, I wasn't eavesdropping—"

  "Hey what's this?"

  My eyes went to the size of two big saucers as I saw him picking up the crushed paper on the counter. No way. Oh No way. No way!

  I moved closer and tried to snatch the paper but he was taller than me, duh. He kept making the paper out of my reach while I tried my best to take it back.

  "Give it back, that's mine!"

  The smirk was there again. "Really? It doesn't have your name on it."

  I groaned loudly. "You are such a bully!"

  "But a bully that you miss and want to kiss again."

  "What?" I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him. Did he just say what I thought he actually said?

  "I kind of read it when you were gone." He said as he waved the paper in his hand.

  Did you hear that sound? It was like something falling down to the ground or was that the sound of my jaw dropping to the floor? The blushing was now gone and the desire to kick his balls was back. I stepped forward and stood right in front of him pointing a finger to his chest.

  "How dare you read that without my permission? That is my personal stuff you idiot! Why the hell were you inside my room when I wasn't here? This is why I was avoiding you all this time! You're a prick, an asshole without feelings who slept with a girl and ignoring her! You know what? I don't even know why I wanted to kiss you again! You're so frustrating to think about and you're so annoying with those girls around you!"

  "Maggie."

  "I can't believe you read that! I bet you and Nick went inside my bedroom and found that underneath my pillow, making fun of how stupid I am. Carson, you're so unbelievably getting on my nerves right now. You're the one who's a pig here—"

  "Maggie."

  "—and this is another reason why I want to punch you. You're blunt, stupid, such a dick but you can still stay annoyingly good looking. And don't you dare make any stupid inappropriate jokes now—"

  "MAGGIE!"

  "—WHAT!"

  "Just shut up for a second!"

  "I am not going to shut up even if you beg—hmph!"

  The moment his lips met mine, I gasped. Not in surprise—well at first, of course yeah—but I gasped because how good it felt as his lips traced mine in a soft way, making my toes curl up. I found my arms moving toward his neck and hugged him there, pressing my chest onto his tightly. His lips had a good way of treating my bottom lip, sucking it, biting it slowly and letting his tongue slip inside my mouth. I opened freely for him, feeling how wonderful to be in his strong arms again as his arms held me onto my waist.

  I didn't know kissing him again would be this magical. I felt him push me slowly while I stepped back to follow his command. I pushed myself closer to his lips and teased him back as well. I pulled away but not too far for my tongue to trail along his lips. He tasted like peppermint (maybe he just brushed his teeth, I don't know) while I tasted like sweet fresh orange. The combination of our taste together made a fuzzy feeling inside of me.

  Something hit my back and the next thing I knew I was lifted up and ended sitting on the dining table with Carson between my legs. Oh how I wanted to kiss him on every spot that I could reach. His lips made a way down to my jaw line, giving me small kisses down my neck. I arched my back to give more access, pushing my groin onto his zipper, rubbing him along while I heard a low growl escaping between his parted lips. I grabbed his hair and gave him another long kiss, deep and wet while desire ran through our bodies like a huge wave, teasing each other passionately.

  I felt his hand caressing by thigh, going up slowly while I felt my breath getting wild. I parted my lips and placed them between his neck; making a big fat hickey that surely would last long enough. I gasped as I felt his hand on my breast, squeezing it lightly and teasing slowly as his tongue touched my throat. I moaned and threw my arms around him tighter.

  It didn't hit me before, but it did when I finally realized we were making out in the kitchen of my house where mom, Nick and Lisa were upstairs. I pushed him off slowly only to get a look of confusion from his eyes. They were dark and I could tell by the look of it, they were also full of desire.

  I wanted to kiss him again. Heck, I wanted to have sex again with him. The thing was; all I wanted was him. I wanted to say sorry that he felt rejected because I pushed him though the truth was I didn't want anyone catching us like this…but I didn't say a word. I felt bad and awkward.

  He slowly stepped back and as always, avoided any eye contact from me. "I'm sorry that happened, I kind of lost control. I promise it won't happen again." He then turned his back at me.

  Won't happen again? Won't happen again? I stood up and ran to where he was, hugging him from behind. Although he was tense, I told him that I was sorry and I would make it up to him. I let him turn around and I slowly tiptoed and kissed him again, saying a proper goodnight.

  Well that was what I should have done; instead I just sat there silently letting him walk away without saying a word.

  And by that, he ignored me again for another week.

  Because It’s Not Love

  He liked her, he liked her a lot. He knew that he liked her too much for his own good.

  Christmas was just waiting for him around the corner and all he could think about was how big her presence was in his life was. With her he felt different; either in a good way or a bad way, he didn't know...or rather he didn't want to know at all. Though it was most likely the most unusual feeling he had ever felt with a woman.

  The more he refused to acknowledge that he liked her the more anxious he felt. He was so sure he would never have to deal with relationshi
ps in his entire life, even the thought of marriage was creepy enough for him. He always thought that marriage was just another way to share the same place under the same roof top so people could have a life that content sex twenty-four seven.

  Pfft, like he couldn't get sex that many. It was easy enough for him to have any girl he wanted to have a good lay with. Though as many girls that were sure fond of having sex with him anywhere, there was still one girl that had the courage to make him crazy just by thinking of her.

  How many days had he ignored her completely but the picture of her smile still remained in his head? How many times had he refused to follow her in school but did it anyway? How many times had he tried to reach her out in the hallways but stopped as the moment she turned around? How many times had he convinced himself that liking a girl like her would do him no good? And how many times had he tried to sleep with girls but stopped as he remembered her face again every time he tried?

  It wasn't like him to picture the same girl's face he was dreading to forget every time he wanted to have sex with other girls. He couldn't even believe he felt guilty every time he made out with a random girl in front of her. He didn't know if he wanted to make her jealous for some reason or he was trying that hard to forget her. Either way, it made a record out of him by not having sex for more than a month.

  A big fucking record for him.

  It even surprised him more that he was actually keeping the bet. He actually craved for sex every minute but the craving was only for one girl he wanted the most. Oh god what was he thinking? He shook his head angrily and searched for a big amount of alcohol.

  Since when did his life become all miserable because of one girl?

  * * *

  It was a party from the hospital, somewhat like a charity ball far away before Christmas where all the staffs that worked at the hospital his father worked at gathered around wearing fancy clothes, bringing along their family in a big ballroom at a fancy hotel. It annoyed Carson the most that his father blackmailed him to come along by cutting his allowance if he didn't show up. What kind of father does that?

  Of course Cameron being Cameron insisted to come with a goofy grin when he arrived at town yesterday. He was now all ready in a tux lounging in the living room as Carson entered the room looking like shit; his shirt was half tucked in, his tux unbuttoned and his tie untied clinging around his neck. Just one look at him you could tell that he didn't care about this charity ball at all.

  "Are you seriously going to wear that?"

  Carson looked down at himself then back up to Cameron. "I don't see the problem."

  His brother rolled his eyes and stood up. "Whatever. Let's just go and meet dad there."

  Carson snorted. "Why the hell is he making me go there when he's not even here with his own son and off screwing some chick that is half his age? Why he's still a doctor is beyond me."

  Cameron chuckled and walked out the door with Carson behind him. They went there with separated car because Carson didn't want to deal with his talkative brother or the fact that the end of the day his brother would leave him with Cameron holding a whore in his arms.

  Cameron glanced at his brother when they arrived there and knew that Carson actually cared about this ball. Well okay, that was an underestimation. Carson probably just cared about how he looked in the public eye by his now buttoned tux. The only thing that was missing was his tie. Cameron then remembered that Carson couldn't tie anything at all.

  They arrived at the hotel and made their way to where the ball was held at. They entered the room and was surprised at how many people were here talking and dancing in their expensive clothes. The room was so huge with many round tables for dinner. How many people were here actually?

  "There you are!"

  "Hey dad." Cameron greeted his father while Carson just nodded. He wasn't really in the mood tonight.

  "Well boys, meet Kristy. Kristy this is Cameron and this one with a scowl is Carson."

  She was no doubt a bimbo with big boobs and fake platinum blond hair, why wasn't he surprised? Cameron took her hand and kissed it slowly. He was always the lovable type. "Why hello there Kristy, if my father does anything bad to you…give me a call." He then proceeded to wink at her.

  The sound of her giggling was hurting Carson's ears. Sure she was hot and maybe she was the type of girl he would like to bang someday but watching her flirt with his brother while on the other hand she was actually his father's girlfriend just made him pure sick.

  "Carson!"

  Carson turned around and found Nick jogging to him. How Nick could find him from many crowds of people? He didn't know. He smiled at the sight of his ginger head best friend and was glad that Nick's father worked at the same hospital his father worked at. Thank god he knew somebody here.

  "Hey Nick." He nodded at him.

  "Carson Malloy, my my you look terrific." Mrs. Wilson gave him a peck on his cheek and he shook Dr. Wilson's hand. Nick's parents were good-hearted people that looked like their love grew every single day. Sometimes Carson was jealous at his best friend wishing that his parents could still love each other so much the way Dr. and Mrs. Wilson loved each other.

  "Carson, how have you been?" Dr. Wilson grinned at him.

  "Same old, same old sir."

  "Nick you stupid ass! Why the hell did you leave me there all by myself? You know how Dr. Jo talks non-stop about giving birth—whoa."

  Margaret Wilson. Carson took a deep breath as his eyes scanned her body. He couldn't help but admire everything about her look. The way her black strapless dress clung to her body perfectly that stopped above her knees...also showing off a little bit of her cleavage. It was a little but it looked like it was teasing him. Her wild long legs in black platforms, her ginger hair all curly around her shoulders, her blue eyes, her soft make-up and her red lips that looked so plump and soft he wanted to taste it again.

  He forgot how hot she was.

  "Maggie, are you going to stop drooling?"

  Maggie closed her mouth and nudged her brother while Carson smirked as he realized she was also checking him out closely. He looked around to see if her parents were around but found out it was just the three of them now.

  Carson grinned as he saw the red tinge on her cheeks. "It's fine really, I don't mind."

  Nick chuckled while Maggie stared at him in disbelieve. She tilted her head and gave Carson a look. "You're so cocky."

  He raised his eyebrow.

  Maggie raised her eyebrow too.

  Nick looked at both of them in amusement.

  Maggie finally sighed in frustration before living the boys and turned to catch up with Lisa who had just stepped into the ballroom. Lisa's mother was a nurse at the hospital and Carson found it amusing that the world was smaller than he thought.

  The rest of the hour got boring every second that passed by with Carson drinking every drink that he saw. Nick kept on dancing with Lisa while Cameron could probably be anywhere...having a quickie with a waiter in an empty closet. Carson couldn't deal with any girls that were trying to grab his interest. To be honest he wanted to skip this place but that girl in a black dress was keeping where he was. He couldn't even believe how many guys she had danced with in the past hour...and look at him now; watching her in jealousy while wasting girls that was honored to actually sleep with him. He didn't want to sleep with any of them, all he wanted was Maggie.

  This was why he didn't like to be involved too far with a girl.

  "Come on man, let's get some food." It was dinner time already and Carson was thankful that Nick dragged him along.

  Though he wasn't thankful that Maggie was sitting in front of his seat with a blonde guy beside her that looked like he could rape her any second. In fact, all the guys at this table were giving her desiring looks. Could a guy just enjoy a beautiful woman that he liked all by himself quietly?

  Carson clenched his jaws as he saw the guy besides her making a move by slowly touching her thigh in a small movement. Maggie giving h
im a flirtatious smile wasn't helping at all. She must be enjoying this act by making him all jealous.

  He grabbed a champagne from a waiter passing by and drank it with disturbance clearly showing on his face.

  "Hi, I'm Dolly Jenkins. What's your name, hottie?"

  Carson turned to see a girl in a tight sparkling pink dress that showed way too much cleavage. He cringed at the sight of her blonde hair that looked like she used too much hair spray and the way how she was practically pressing her chest onto his arm.

  At the corner of his eyes he could see Maggie laughing quietly as the guy beside him was whispering something right beside her ear. He clenched his jaw once again and took another gulp of his drink that cleared all the liquid from his glass. He motioned a waiter to give him some more and when the new glass was placed in front of him, he then took a small sip of it as he leaned down and came up with a thought.

  He smirked; if Maggie could make him jealous then he could make her feel the same.

  Carson slowly turned his body, giving the girl beside him full attention and smiled slyly at her as he took her hand and pressed his lips slowly at the back of it. "Carson Malloy, pleasure to meet you."

  Dolly beamed at him.

  It seemed it worked. Every time Carson and Dolly started flirting he would then realize the scowl on Maggie's face became bigger. She didn't even bother to start having a conversation again with the guy beside her (who by the way he found out that his name was Harry) even though it was clear enough that he wanted her attention. Carson smirked again, poor guy.

  The desserts were already placed in front of everybody and Carson glanced at the plate of chocolate cake in front of him. He looked around and saw that all the desserts were all the same. His eyes met Maggie's for a brief moment with both understanding the unwritten meaning. He held his gaze as he challenged her to eat the damn chocolate in front of her. He surprisingly still kept the bet but…did she?

  Maggie stood up all of a sudden without meeting his intense gaze anymore. "I think I need some air."

  "Do you want me to come?"