You Can Never Spit It All Out

by Moore, Ralph Robert

  Couldn't hear anything else.

  Did he leave? That didn't make sense. Why would he strip off his clothes, then leave?

  But she no longer sensed the heat of his body in front of her.

  "Hello?"

  No answer.

  She didn't want to open her eyes.

  Was that a sound off towards one of the walls of her bedroom? A drawer opening? Was he robbing her?

  "Seriously! Hello?"

  "Relax, babe. I'm almost ready."

  Her shut-eyed face turned in the direction of his voice. "'Babe'? Really? You think you've earned the right to call me that?" (But his presumptuousness did kind of turn her on.)

  "Open your eyes."

  Her jaw dropped, eyes bugging.

  He stood in front of her, spreading his arms apart, wearing nothing but one of her blue bras, and a pair of her pink panties. Big jovial look on his face. "Whaddaya think, huh?"

  He did a little turn, massive shoulders swinging, as if flashbulbs were popping.

  "What the–"

  He couldn't stop grinning. "Look at me, I'm a pretty girl. What do you think?" He trailed a hand down his body, inviting admiration. "I think I would look rather good as a woman. Right?"

  "I…what?"

  He came closer to her, looking her up and down. Huge, sagging bulge in the front of the pink panties he was wearing. "Let's have sex like we're two women. Can you get into lesbian sex?"

  "What?"

  He wrinkled his eyebrows. "I was hoping you'd let me fuck you up the ass."

  Jessica's face went through an extraordinary number of expressions.

  "Whaddaya say?"

  She stared dumbly at him. "Is that what you normally do with women? Have anal intercourse?" She would not tell her girlfriends anything. Came home, listened to some hip-hop, went to bed.

  He lifted those big shoulders. His voice got higher. "No, it isn't, but…That's what I was hoping to do with you."

  "Why me?"

  "I was fired today."

  "You were? Oh! The restaurant, yeah."

  "Well, the restaurant, of course, but I was also fired earlier in the day, from my job in a shipping department."

  "You were fired from two different companies in the same day?"

  He nodded solemnly, still standing in front of her in her underwear. "Yeah. But that wasn't the worst part. At the shipping job, my boss didn't just fire me." He scrunched his face, looking sad. "He raped me."

  "Wait. What?"

  "Yeah. He called me into his office, fired me, but then as I was leaving, he came out from behind his desk, overpowered me, bent me over the front of his desk, forced my pants down, and fucked me up the ass." Big as he was, he shot her a little boy's look. "He came inside my anus."

  Jessica waved her hands around helplessly, trying to comprehend everything he was telling her, as he helped her out of the last of her clothes.

  Her nipples were harder than she'd ever seen them. And she could tell she was soaking between her thighs.

  He led her by her hand over to the bed. Had her lie down on her stomach. That's the best view of a woman, lying naked on her belly.

  She was thinking a thousand ricocheting thoughts, and at the same time trying not to think at all.

  He pulled off the bra he was wearing. She'd never be able to wear that bra again. He had stretched it too tight. Peeled off the pink panties. His tall cock flopped out. "I got some K-Y with me." Tapped his temple. "Always thinking ahead."

  Oh my God, what am I doing?

  His weight lowered onto her back, stiff cock rubbing its length between her cheeks.

  "You ready, babe? Pretend it's a lesbian dildo."

  He arched his hips, pointing the head of his cock at her asshole.

  She rolled her eyes. Shot a look to the right. "Rambo! Get off the bed! Rambo!"

  His voice boomed out above her back. "Not now, boy!"

  She felt his large body shift on top of her as he swatted.

  "Okay."

  He slid his cock all the way up inside her asshole. Past her sphincter, which felt delicious, all the way up into the darkness that had never before been touched.

  Her lips spread apart. No sound came out. Eyes like a mouse.

  She felt the thick fingers of his right hand slide under her hip. Fingertips figure skating around the warmth of her wet cunt.

  In her ear he poured his words. "I'm gonna get your ass off. By touching your clitoris while I ass fuck you. I have really sensitive fingers." In an even quieter whisper, "I make pizza all day."

  Eight minutes later, her body bucking under his weight, he bit her ear. "You like that babe?"

  The long-haired back of her head nodded over-emphatically.

  "Well, hang on. 'Cause like the song says, We've only just begun."

  Face down in her pillow, she woke up. Smoothed her left hand sideways across the white sheet of her bed, but his body wasn't there.

  Lifted her head.

  Sunlight from the black-framed windows.

  Had he left?

  Clang of a pan in her distant kitchen.

  She got out of bed, wobbled over to the master bathroom. Looked at herself in the floor to ceiling mirror.

  Finger bruises on the insides of her thighs. Big, pink and red splotches on the cheeks of her ass, where he had slapped her repeatedly while he rode her, off and on, all through the night.

  She collapsed onto the horseshoe of the white toilet seat, hair a mess, face swollen-eyed, legs lazily spread apart, pissing and shitting.

  Stumbled out into the kitchen, hair brushed, wearing a tee-shirt, nothing else.

  He was standing at her stove, stark naked, pots and pans on the gas burners, columns of steam rising.

  Like a little girl, she admired the weight-lifting shoulders, the shapely ass.

  He turned around happily from his cooking. "There you is!" Cocky look on his face. "You liked what I dragged you through, huh? Better than what Percy would've done."

  She toddled over to the stove, reached down, encircled her thin fingers around the tall hardness of his cock. "Wanna ass fuck me again? Please?"

  He backed off, spatula in his right hand, grinning. "Hey, we got plenty of time for that later. Right now, I'm making my mama's meatballs." His red, sweaty face beamed. "You never, ever, tasted meatballs like these. That I guarantee you."

  Automaton nod. "Okay."

  "I got all these ingredients at that store down the street while you were snoring. Just let me get these meatballs simmering, then I'll pay more attention to, you know, your womanly needs. Okay?"

  She backed off, swinging her head. "Okay, sure. So, you're gonna fuck me again after you get these meatballs going?"

  "Better believe it!" He gestured downwards, with his free hand and the hand grasping the silver spatula, at his erect cock. "Look what I got going on here. Think I'm gonna let that go down naturally, without another ejaculation?"

  Still backing up, her buttocks bumped against a counter, eyebrows startled.

  He kept stirring the tomato sauce in the skillet filled with meatballs, careful to get the sides of the metal spatula to slide past the round edges of the meatballs. "So, what's the deal? You don't have a regular phone?"

  She shut her eyes. Forced them open. "A what?"

  "A regular phone! Come on! A whatchamacallit, a landline phone. A phone with a cord."

  "Oh!" She rubbed her lips. "No, I guess I don't."

  "All you got is a cellphone?"

  Her elbows were raising and lowering on their own. "I guess. So?"

  "So? So, I hate those cellphones. They don't have a cord. If I'm with a girl and she disrespects my momma's meatballs, I can wrap the phone cord tight around her neck and strangle her. Watch her eyes as they give up." Still stirring, turning his upper body away from the stove, towards her, he snorted. "What am I supposed to do with a cell phone? Throw it at you? Hope it gives you an embolism?"

  She tried to clear her head. But her eyes still looked swollen. "M
y hair dryer has a cord."

  He dipped the tip of his right index finger in the sauce. Licked it off his fingerprint. "Yeah? Good to know."

  "Why did your boss fire you?"

  "Which one?"

  She lowered her head. "The shipping job one?"

  "I missed too much time at work."

  "Are you not that conscientious?"

  "I am! It's just that lately I've gotten a couple of out-of-town gigs, and I didn't want to pass them up, for the sake of my career."

  She stood up on tip toe in her bare feet against the kitchen counter. "Oh! Are you a musician?"

  "Stand-up comedian."

  "Really!"

  "Yeah! I'm headlining, well not really headlining, but a part of, a four-day run Thanksgiving weekend at the Yuk You in Charleston, South Carolina. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday." For the first time, she saw him look shy. "Wanna come as my guest?”

  “You should try smoky makeup on your eyes. You'd really look great. And maybe make your hair a little bigger. Yeah."

  Jessica nodded politely at Olivia, Tony's girlfriend. Trying to get to know her, since on a double date it always helps if you have the other girl on your side. Olivia's dark hair was piled on top of her head, her eyes were circled with black mascara, she had a baker's dozen of rings on her fingers, and her skirt was so short it showed her green crotch as soon as she sat down at their table. But Jessica found, as she listened to Olivia's suggestions, that she actually liked her. Olivia seemed to understand Jessica was out of her element, and was clearly, guilelessly, trying to help her relax.

  They were at a club in New Jersey, Big Boy Barbell.

  Tony, Olivia's boyfriend, was apparently Vinnie's closest friend in the world. His body was even larger than Vinnie's, making his head look like an afterthought.

  Once they got their first round of drinks, Tony, black hair, black eyes, launched into a joke.

  "So these two southern guys are lost in the woods, right? I'm gonna do southern accents, but they're not meant to be African-Americans, okay?"

  Vinnie, in his element, clasping his pina colada, swung his face around happily to Jessica. "This guy is the greatest fucking raconteur in the world."

  "So they're walking through this swamp, see, and Rufus, he steps in quicksand! So his companion, Festus, says, Let me help you get out! Right?"

  Vinnie swung his head side to side. "This fucking guy! Can he tell a story?"

  "So anyway this and that, he gets Rufus out of the quicksand, but then a snake shows up, lifts itself up out of the swamp mud, with that mean face snakes have, and bites Rufus right on the head of his dick."

  "Ooh, that's gotta hurt!"

  Olivia put her ringed hands over her face. "Oh, I hate snakes! Tell a story that doesn't have snakes in it, Tony!"

  "Whaddaya want from me? Snakes are an integral part to this story. Whaddaya want me to do, make it a rabbit instead? It don't work with rabbits. Rabbits aren't poisonous. You lose the whole point to the story. It'd be an exercise in futility."

  Olivia touched her boyfriend's massive wrist. "I'm just saying, I don't like snakes. They make me feel really creepy." She brought Jessica into the conversation. "Did you know some people actually eat snakes? They cook them first, but even so. To me, that'd be like eating a worm, only a really, really humungous worm. How do they even get it on a dinner plate? Do they have to curl it in a spiral like a really long sausage?"

  Tony leaned back in his chair. "Wo, wo, wo! Whaddaya talking about? We're gonna be eating dinner here." He gestured helplessly with his big hands at the table in front of him. "Don't be putting images in my head about worms. You know I got a sensitive stomach. You say some funny stuff, and I appreciate it, but every once in a while, you know, you come out with this deranged stuff."

  "I'm just saying! And Tony, if you don't want to hear about snakes when we're about to eat, why are you telling a story with snakes prominently featured? Do you understand that doesn't make any sense? It's inconsistent."

  "Worms. That's not what I'm talking about. I didn't mention worms. This is a story about snakes. Nobody talks about worms, unless you're a fisherman or a gardener. Think before you speak."

  "Okay, okay."

  Tony slapped his palm down on the table. "Now I'm thinking about worms."

  "So I'm sorry!"

  Jessica placed her Manhattan back down on the table. "So what happened to Rufus after he was bitten on the tip of his dick by a snake?"

  Tony shot Jessica an astonished look. "Thank you! Maybe later, when Vinnie and me are shooting some pool, you can give this one some etiquette lessons on what's proper to say at the dinner table."

  "I don't think Olivia needs any etiquette lessons." Jessica put her hand on Olivia's forearm, in solidarity.

  Olivia shot her a grateful, puppy dog look. In a small voice she said, "Yeah."

  "So anyway, Rufus says to Festus, Run to the doctor and find out what I have to do so I don't die from this snakebite on the tip of my dick!

  "Festus runs to the doctor, right? And the doctor says, Well, what you gotta do is put your mouth over wherever the snake bite is, and suck out the poison."

  Vinnie hooted. "Oh, boy!"

  "So Festus runs back into the swamp. Rufus says, What the doctor say? What the doctor say? And Festus says, Doctor say you gonna die!"

  Tony leaned back in his chair, massive arms spread, while the other three around the table laughed at differing degrees of loudness.

  Tony took another sip of his drink. "Doctor say you gonna die!"

  Vinnie leaned his body away from Jessica, closer to Tony, big grin on his face. "But bro, I gotta tell you, I would totally suck your dick if it meant saving your life."

  Tony swatted at the comment. "Get outta here!"

  "I'm serious!" Vinnie, still leaning sideways, crossed his heart. "Anybody else in the world, I'd let them die. Not very charitable, I concede, but that's what I'd do. But if a snake, in some kind of unusual circumstance, ever bit the head of your dick, my mouth would be all over that. Because that's what I do for my boy." He pounded his chest with his fist, eyes teary.

  Tony looked around the restaurant. "And that's much appreciated, you know? But, people could misinterpret what you're saying."

  Vinnie shook his head passionately. "And I don't care! Not for my boy." He glanced behind, at Jessica. "What?"

  "Nothing."

  "Oh! Okay. Just so I know, telling another man you would gladly suck his dick if it meant saving his life, that's gay now?"

  "Well, it at least sounds like you feel very close to Tony."

  "Damn right I do. That's my boy! But let me tell you this." He turned back to Tony. "I am the least gay person on this planet. I was born one hundred percent straight, and ain't nothing ever gonna change that. It is impossible for me to even entertain the idea of being gay." Vinnie punched Tony's shoulder, went on happily. "Even if you fucked me up the ass with that big schlong of yours, Tony, and I came all over my stomach with my legs up in the air like a little girl, I still wouldn't turn gay. No way. I could suck off your dick, down on my knees in front of you, caressing your balls, looking up into your eyes like I'm your fucking slave, enamored to finally have that big dick of yours between my lips, working that heavy dick I know you got until you come in my mouth, and your sperm flows out over my teeth like root beer or some other really foamy soft drink, and I would still just shrug it off the next day and watch some sports on TV, some men's swimming competition or something. That's how irredeemably straight I am."

  "Fuck! Why don't you guys just get a room with a bunch of pink teddy bears propped up against the pillows?"

  This from another table.

  Vinnie's face went cold. Swiveled towards where the voice came. Some college kid with football muscles, lifting a beer to his lips while he watched Vinnie's reaction.

  Vinnie pushed his chair back. Stood up. Glanced at the still-seated Tony. Looked directly at Joe College. "Did you just make a comment about our private conversatio
n? Are you really that rude?"

  Joe College, elbow bent, nursing his beer with his buddies, cackled. "You're fucking queer! Why not just admit it, ditch the beard, and suck the big guy's cock?"

  Vinnie let out an unhappy laugh. "That's what you think? That's what you think of me?"

  Joe College, still seated. "Yeah."

  "Tony, forgive me for ruining our get together, but I gotta take care of this HIV-infected mosquito." Vinnie made to walk over to the other table.

  Tony immediately shot up. Got behind Vinnie, holding him back. "Can't do it, man! One punch from you, he'll be dead on the floor. Homicide by fists."

  Joe College stood. Raised his hands in front of his chest, fingers curling inwards, beckoning. "Come on, gay boy. I'll give you something to talk about. To the emergency room triage nurse."

  Vinnie, held in place by Tony, twisted his head around. "You believe this guy, Tony? I think he's asking me for a beat down."

  College boy dipped his shoulders, made some feint and jab moves. "Come to papa, baby. I got your introduction to masochism right here."

  "Let me, go, Tony! Let me fight him!"

  Tony held firm onto Vinnie's biceps. "Can't do that, bro. You'd kill him in a fight. Can't let my boy go to jail."

  College boy, fists lowering, shot Vinnie a look of disgust.

  "Tony! I'm pleading with you! Please release me!"

  "Can't do it, bro. Don't want to see my boy in jail."

  College boy sat back down at his table. Took another sip of his beer. Raised his jaw so his voice would carry. "Just as I figured. Lots of big threatening words, but always with a buddy holding you back to save face. So you don't have to actually get into a fist fight where there's gonna be blood and broken bones. Enjoy your limp spaghetti noodles."

  Tony moved Vinnie like a refrigerator back to his chair. Jessica heard him whisper in Vinnie's ear, "I'm gonna get this finocchio's name from the waitress. I'll have my grandmother write the name down on a piece of paper, and put it in her freezer."

  Vinnie, staring at Tony, nodded. Relaxed.

  Vinnie and Tony went on a boys' night out while Jessica and Olivia spent the evening at Olivia's animal print apartment, listening to vinyl albums from decades ago, drinking white wine with ice cubes, cooking Spaghetti Carbonara, which Olivia had never heard of.