You Can Never Spit It All Out

by Moore, Ralph Robert

  "So is Vinnie your boyfriend, Jessica?"

  Jessica spread the fingers of her left hand, looking at the French treatment Olivia, head bent, had put on the nails. "I don't have boyfriends."

  Olivia's voice came out small and high. "Really? You don't?"

  "Boyfriends are handcuffs. You know? I just move from man to man. I don't need a boyfriend."

  Olivia tried not to offend. "Well, I can see that, that's all well and good, but what are you going to do when you're old, and you can't walk that well?"

  "I'll just hire a nurse."

  Olivia looked at her wineglass, sad. She started to say something, started to say something. "So, like, do you have servants?"

  "My parents do. I don't."

  "Oh. Okay." She looked down at her lap, with her raccoon eyes, her array of cheap rings. "l guess you're probably used to more sophisticated hors d'oeuvres than my English muffin pizza triangles, right?"

  Jessica leaned over on the sofa they shared, squeezed Olivia's shoulder. "I'm having a really good time." Blushed. "I like you. I feel safe with you. This is weird for me to say, but even though we haven't known each other that long, I feel like you're a real friend. I feel like I could call you up in the middle of the night if I was stranded somewhere, and you'd drive out to wherever I was with a bathrobe wrapped over your pajamas and pick me up in your car."

  Olivia made a puppy dog face. "I actually would." She lifted a helpless shrug. "I'm kinda lonely, a lot of the time. It'd be nice to have a pet, but it's not allowed. Do you have pets?"

  "I have a dog. You should meet him sometime!"

  "Really? That'd be cool. Has Vinnie met him? Vinnie loves dogs. Want to see something I bought?"

  She got up off of the sofa, hoisting her wineglass high so it wouldn't spill. Came back with a small white bag. "I got it on sale."

  Inside, a red Christmas bell, big as a tomato, glitter glued to its curve in the shape of a dog's face. She held it by its wire loop. "I have to be careful how I handle it, because the glitter falls off pretty easily. Like around his left ear? See?"

  "I really like it."

  She put it back in its bag, put the bag on her lap. "I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. Tony and I go over my family's house. We all sing Christmas carols―except Tony. You ever notice how everybody's face looks younger when they're singing Christmas carols?"

  "How long have you and Tony been boyfriend and girlfriend?"

  Happy smile. "Since high school. He was my first love. I had a couple of boyfriends before him, but they didn't feel the same way about me I felt about them. Tony had another girlfriend before me, but she drowned in her family's swimming pool after a fourth of July cookout. It was late at night when she drowned. Vinnie was so upset afterwards. He kept throwing up."

  She lightly touched the white outside of her bag with a fingertip, petting. "Tony doesn't talk to me that much, or consult with me on decisions. But he's not violent. Even with all the steroids he injects in his ankles to get his muscles really big. I tried to provoke him, to see if he would get violent, you know. Smack me across the face, or punch me while I'm on the floor, like some guys do, but he just gets disgusted. So I guess that's pretty good. He takes care of his mother, who needs an aluminum walker to get to the kitchen and the bathroom, so I guess he'd probably take care of me in our old age. I really worry about having to eventually use a bed pan, you know? But I think his mother uses a bed pan sometimes. He doesn't discuss that with me."

  Vinnie and Tony were out at Two Bar for their boys' night out.

  Elbows on the bar behind them, facing forward, checking out the girls swinging their hair on the dance floor.

  Tony nudged Vinnie's shoulder. "What about that one?"

  "You kidding me? She has black hair on her toes! Why would I date that? You gots to do better for your boy." Vinnie pulled his pina colada away from his mouth. "Ooh, la, la! Check out that one, over by the restrooms. Shaking her booty!"

  Tony narrowed his eyes. "What? The one in the silver dress?"

  "Absolutely."

  "Trust me, you don't want nothing from that."

  "I thinks maybe I does." Vinnie launched himself from the bar, swinging his shoulders as he made his way across the dance floor with his drink, big grin on his face.

  "Hey, pretty lady!"

  Elbows lifting in the air, she shot him a look, then continued dancing, a bit more self-consciously.

  "So, maybe you want me to go back to your place, and explore the physique au natural?"

  Tony stopped Vinnie's shoulder on his way across the dance floor with his girl in tow. Raising his voice to be heard over the steady thump-thump-thump. "Dude! Do you understand that's a transvestite's hand you're holding? Look how big her wrist is!"

  Vinnie's face was red from drinking. "I don't know that. Maybe she is a real girl. I get to her place, feed her some vino, put on some music, dance in my underpants in front of her, then I'll check out the plumbing."

  Vinnie followed behind Tracy into her apartment across town. Face beaming, he led her by her hand over to a nearby couch. "My lady? Why don't you set your pretty little bottom down, and I'll bring you a drink. What would you like?"

  Tracy spread her skirt as she sat, so the material wouldn't wrinkle. "I'd love a whiskey. The bar is over there, on top of the bureau."

  Vinnie reared back, humorously. "Wo! Pretty strong drink for a little lady." Put his fingers to his chest, in a courtly manner. "But okay, what you wish for is what I feel commanded to get you."

  He swung his hips over to the bureau. Saw she had some dried packets of daiquiri mixes, so made one for himself. Poured a whiskey for her.

  Handed her drink down to her. Stood above her like a big, sweating ape. "You got some great moves out on that dance floor, babe."

  She took a long swallow. Looked up at him. "I saw you watching my legs."

  "Got great legs."

  Still sitting on her couch, the action of spreading her legs apart rode her shirt further up, so he could see more of her thighs.

  Vinnie rubbed his nose. "You're kind of provocative, Tracy. Want me to do my little dance for you?"

  She arched a drawn eyebrow. "Yeah, lover."

  Vinnie found a place to set down his drink, after taking another long sip. "Here we go." He turned his profile towards her, singing shyly while he got out of his clothes, shaking his shoulders, flexing his biceps. When he was down to his red underpants, he went in closer to her, past her knees, giving her a lap dance.

  She reached up, rubbed the bulge between his legs.

  "Ho! You're a forward one!"

  Tracy put her drained whiskey on a side table. "Let me blow you."

  "Works for me! You got the lips for it. But first, I want you to show me your genitals."

  Her voice was soft. "What? Why?"

  He looked embarrassed. "I'm just saying! You know. There was a question raised, by someone I respect, as to whether you're a woman, as it appears you are, or a man. So, let's just settle this now, shall we?"

  Tracy opened her mouth, flustered. "Excuse me?"

  "I'm just saying! Take off your skirt, pull down your panties so I can see your genitals, and the issue's resolved."

  "I don't want to do that." She reached both fingernail-painted hands up towards the bulge in his underpants. "I'm on my period."

  He swiped her red fingernails away. "No, seriously." He stopped dancing. "Take off your fucking skirt, pull your fucking panties down, and let me confirm you're not a transvestite."

  She swung her head side to side, smoky eyes staring up at him. "You are such a fucking baby!" Holding his look, she lowered the top of her blouse, exposing both her breasts. Wide, soft, with small nipples. "Do these look like the breasts of a transvestite, little boy?"

  He felt himself get even harder. "So just show me your genitals, babe. Let's put this to rest."

  She curled her fingers over the sides of his underwear, by his hips. "Show me yours."

  Pulled the elast
ic waistband of his underpants out sideways, pulled down.

  His big cock flopped out.

  Her red lips went around, went down.

  Standing in front of her, he assumed the position, face tilted back, mouth open, hands on the back of her bobbing head.

  This girl was too good at sucking cock to be a guy.

  As soon as he came in her mouth, and slid out past her lips, he snapped his underpants back up over his crotch. Don't ever let a girl see your cock when it isn't rock hard. Rule number one.

  Big grin on his face. "So now we broke the ice, let me see your genitals." Glanced around for his drink.

  "You know, I think this might be a good time for us to say goodnight. I have to get up early tomorrow."

  She made to rise off the sofa, but Vinnie, already standing, easily pushed her back down. But not too rough.

  He smirked. "Seriously."

  Tracy tilted her head to the right, eyelids fluttering. "Honey, I got you off. Now I seriously need to get my beauty sleep. Okay?"

  Still naked except for his red underpants, he grinned down at her. "Or do I have to rip your skirt off, and yank your fucking panties down? Do you really want to put me in that position?"

  "Get out."

  Tracy's face rocked to the left, hard.

  Vinnie raised his big right palm. "Want another one?"

  "You bastard!" Touching her fingertips to her lips, pulling the fingertips back to look at them.

  Vinnie raised his right palm again.

  "Okay! Okay!"

  Head down, but not crying, she braced the soles of her high heels against the carpet, so she could lift her ass enough off the sofa's striped cushion to unhook the waistband of her skirt, pull the skirt off her bare legs.

  "Now your panties."

  Braced the soles of her high heels against the carpet, ass lifting off the cushion. Zigged her panties down her legs. Left their bright pink color twirled mid-calves.

  Between her thighs, a small, shaved triangle of dark brown pubic hair.

  She wet her lips. Cheekbones tense. "So we're through?"

  "Do you think we are?"

  She gestured with a red fingernailed hand at her public hair. "I'd say we are. I don't see anything at all male down there."

  Vinnie gave her a big grin. "Let's just see." He got in her face. Staring into her averted eyes, he reached his right paw down between her thighs, scooping his fingers under her ass.

  Paw returning from under her ass with a limp cock.

  "What, my goodness, do we have here?"

  Both looked down at the small cock between Tracy's shaved thighs.

  Shoulders up, Tracy raised her eyes, impact of Vinnie's palm still red on her left cheek.

  Vinnie shook his head. "Why, why, why would someone born a beautiful woman get a sex change operation to turn herself into a man?"

  Tracy's frightened eyes pinballing, thinking, thinking..

  "I…was very confused." Sweat rolling from her armpits.

  "What did they do? Pull your clitoris out and sew it up into a dick?"

  "Something like that."

  "That's awful."

  "It was a mistake. I was young."

  Vinnie stayed standing in front of Tracy, blocking her from getting up. "Do you think I'm a faggot? Is that what you think?"

  "No! You?" She put a look of astonishment on her face. "I wish there were more masculine guys like you around! A real man's-man."

  He raised his right forefinger. "Watch this."

  Tracy continued digging her right thumbnail into the side of her leg. "Okay."

  Still in his red underpants, he backed away from leaning over her. Stood in the middle of her carpet. Bent forward, ass in the air. Kicked his feet up, legs lifting, until he was standing on his hands, thighs opening, closing, to balance himself upside down.

  Walked back and forth on his hands on the carpet in front of her.

  Dropped down, heavily, on his big knees. "Could a faggot do that?"

  She shook her head vigorously. "Absolutely not."

  He came back over. "So let's just see, just for the sake of science, how good a job they did on your dick. Do you mind if I touch it?"

  She pushed her spine against the cushioned back of the sofa. "If you want to, no. Be my guest."

  He held her cock between his thumb and forefinger. "It feels realistic."

  "Yeah, those surgeons, they did a really good job. They were from Sweden."

  Wrapping his fingers around her cock, he started jerking it. "How big does it get?"

  "Not that big. Certainly not as big as yours. Nowhere near."

  Eyes near her cock, he kept jerking it, watching it lengthen. "Pretty big though."

  "I guess."

  He got down on his knees in front of her. "Let me prove to you I'm not a faggot. Someone who was worried they maybe were a faggot would never suck your dick, right? But someone who was absolutely certain they were straight wouldn't have any problem sucking your dick–" He raised his dark eyebrows–"even giving you a blow job. Because you're not a guy, you're a girl. Right?" He shut his eyes, opened them, shut them again, put his mouth down around the head of her erect cock.

  After a minute of using his lips and tongue, he lifted his mouth off the tallness of her cock. "This is so fucking disgusting! Personally, I don't see the appeal. But frankly, I have no problem with me continuing to do this until you finish your business, in my mouth. Would a faggot do that?"

  "Course not."

  "That's the right answer." He lowered his head, went back to sucking her cock.

  After a long while, she lowered her hands to the back of his head, holding his mouth on her.

  As soon as she started coming in his mouth, he jerked his lips away, the tip of her cock spurting onto his face.

  He wiped the bridge of his nose, pulling off the sperm. His thumb and forefinger travelled apart, the wet white threads stretching. "Man, that's sticky. Just like real sperm! How'd they do that?"

  "I don't know! I don't speak Swedish."

  That grin of his just got bigger and bigger, showing the whiteness of his back molars. "You're a cute one!"

  "So, can I pull up my panties now? Put my skirt back on?"

  Vinnie got off his knees. "Did I ever say you couldn't?"

  He watched as she self-consciously pulled up her panties, slipped her skirt back around her thighs.

  "You got a landline?"

  She side-wiped some tears from her mascara. "What?"

  "A freaking landline phone! With a cord."

  "Can I get up off the sofa?"

  He flapped his big hands by his sides. "I don't know. Can you?"

  She pulled her upper body forward, back hunched as if expecting a punch. Rose up to her full height. Her eyes and lips looked unhappy. "I did what you wanted."

  He got in her face again. "No, you didn't! I asked you if you had a landline phone."

  Reaching shakily into her purse, she pulled out a cellphone. "Be my guest!"

  Vinnie snorted. "That's not a landline phone, you fucking cunt. I asked you if you have a landline phone, with a cord."

  Tracy tried to get around Vinnie, but he wasn't about to let that happen. Held up her right hand. "I have a cellphone." Her eyes looked past his blocking shoulders, at the rest of her apartment. Mouth trembling. "It's fully charged. Go ahead. Make a call. Call Tokyo."

  Vinnie lowered his head, thinking. Raised his face. "Do you have a hair blower?"

  "Do I?" She relaxed. "Little boy, I have a cabinet full of hair blowers. May I show you?"

  She made to get around him. This time he actually stepped aside. She led him into her bedroom, past the modest bed she had shared so many times, legs up, looking left. Into her private bathroom.

  Yanked open the plain brown cabinet door under her vanity. "Here you go. Look at that. There's about five hair blowers in there."

  Vinnie, bending over, clanked his right hand around the pile of different hard plastic handles. Pulled one out.
r />   "Do you want me to blow dry your hair, babe?"

  Vinnie snorted. Gestured towards his skull. "Hair this short? No, I don't want you to do that."

  She flapped her red fingernailed hands. "If you want to take that one with you, it's yours. I got plenty left." She made a frightened laugh that was supposed to sound carefree. "As you can see."

  Holding the hair blower he had selected, he tested the strength of its curly cord, pulling his big hands apart.

  How nonchalant she looked! "You like it? It's yours. Seriously. My gift."

  Still holding the stretched cord between his hands, the heaviness of the ivory hair blower dangling off his right wrist, he grinned at her. "Can I be honest with you?"

  Tracy nodded silently, and now, finally, the tears were flowing, eyes measuring the distance between him and her, the distance from where they stood by her vanity to the doorway of her bedroom, where in the top drawer of the table on her side of the bed, under the condoms, KY jelly, anti-itch cream, love letters, lay a canister of pepper spray.

  Vinnie's eyes, staring into hers, were clouded. He crinkled his black eyebrows. "I don't think you're a girl with a cock. I think you're a boy with breasts."

  And her front doorbell rang.

  "I have to get that."

  "What?"

  She made to push around him. "Seriously. It's the landlord. He knows I'm in here. He said he'd be stopping by tonight, to collect the rent. I completely forgot."

  She ducked under one of his big arms, tapped rapidly out of her bathroom.

  "Hey! Come back!"

  Vinnie followed her across the living room. "Just don't answer the door!"

  Swinging the door open, she clutched Nikolai's shoulder. "Come in! Come in!"

  Nikolai looked past Tracy at Vinnie standing in the middle of the living room in his red underpants. "I am coming at the wrong time?"

  "No! Absolutely not! Vinnie was just leaving."

  "I don't know. He doesn't look to me like he's just leaving. He's mostly undressed."

  "Vinnie, get dressed and leave!"

  Vinnie stood where he was. Squared his shoulders. "I thought I'd spend the night."