As She Fades

by Abbi Glines

  Knox would fucking kill me if he could read my thoughts.

  “I’m … I’m sorry if this is a bad time.…” She sounded nervous, and I realized I’d all but bit her head off for knocking.

  “No, no, I thought you were someone else. Come in. I’m just going over all this first-of-the-semester shit they drown us in.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, it’s a lot.”

  She was still nervous.

  “Knox isn’t here.” I stated the obvious.

  “Yeah, I know. I talked to him. I actually stopped by to see you. I would have called, but I don’t have your number and I didn’t want to ask Knox because he’d assume…” She trailed off and blushed. The pink on her cheeks was damn adorable.

  “I don’t mind you stopping by whenever you want,” I told her honestly.

  “Thanks. I just … I know we talked about me going with you to see your uncle this weekend and I really want to, but I wasn’t sure when you were going. See, I got a job at Early Perk and I work five to twelve every weekend morning. I’d ask off, but I just got the job and this will be my first weekend. I’m afraid I might lose my job if I do.”

  I hated that she was so nervous with me. Her cheeks were still pink, and she could barely look me in the eyes. I wanted her comfortable with me. Simply so I could listen to her talk and look at those amazing eyes of hers.

  “Yeah, no, you don’t need to ask off and lose that. It’s a great place. I’m glad you found a job so fast. Uncle D is actually back at the hospital in Franklin. We could leave around one on Saturday and stay the afternoon with him. Maybe eat dinner with him, then head back here around eight.”

  She was frowning. That concerned look she got. “What happened? Did hospice send him back?”

  “He fell with a hospice worker there. Apparently he got up in the middle of the night because he’s stubborn. Hit his head and they had to send him back due to blood loss.”

  Her frown deepened. “Oh no. That’s terrible. Bless his heart. This has got to be so hard on you, being here. Yes, if you don’t mind waiting on me, I would love to go Saturday. But if you want to go on early, I can drive up after work. I know my way to Franklin.”

  I was selfish. I wanted to see Uncle D, but I wanted her with me. “I’ll wait on you. Be better driving back late. Your brother would feel better about me driving.”

  She nodded. “Yes, I’m sure he would. But if you need to get there, I am perfectly capable of driving at night. He likes to pretend I’m still eight years old with pigtails, but I’m not.”

  No, she definitely was not.

  “I’ll wait on you,” I repeated.

  She sighed and nodded. “Okay. I’ll bring coffee and muffins. Mom will have us an apple pie ready.”

  I wish my uncle could actually eat an apple pie. He was on an IV and refusing to eat. When he tried, he threw it up.

  “Thanks. But he’s not keeping food down. Doubt he’ll be able to enjoy that pie.”

  Her eyes looked so full of sadness and sorrow I wanted to hug her. Not to make her feel better, but because she could feel that for an old man she hardly knew. Uncle D didn’t have many people in his life. We’d worked on the farm and he hadn’t been a social man. Having someone care about him like that other than me meant so damn much.

  “Then I’ll be sure to have some entertaining stories to tell him. He likes my stories,” she said with a nod. Like that was her mission now. If she only knew how just showing up would be enough for him and for me.

  “I’m sure he’ll love that.”

  She smiled. A sad one. Then turned to leave. I was watching her go, unsure what to say and wondering about Crawford. Where was he? Did he not care about her going with me to Franklin?

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  VALE

  WHEN I GOT back to my room, Jude was sitting on the bed with a book in her hands, and the smell of daisies hit me. I glanced over to see a huge bouquet by my bed. Crawford.

  “Your boyfriend stopped by,” she said, smiling. “He’s really nice.”

  Yes, he was. Always nice. The perfect guy.

  I hadn’t turned my phone on all morning, so I wasn’t sure if he had texted or called. I knew he had practice again today. That and his classes. I didn’t see a reason to bother him. But seeing the flowers made me feel guilty.

  He was busy here and I had let him be. I didn’t go out of my way to see him. During classes yesterday, I had seen a glimpse of him surrounded by girls. He seemed to be enjoying himself. And the odd thing was, I didn’t care.

  That bothered me the most.

  I took the card from the flowers and opened it up.

  This week has been too busy and I miss you. Sunday afternoon is ours. I have somewhere I want to take you. Love, Crawford

  I didn’t read it again. Instead, I sat the card down on the table and looked straight ahead out the window. I’d never felt so lost.

  * * *

  SATURDAY MORNING I arrived thirty minutes early to help Isla get the place open. I had worked with Connie and Blake on Thursday morning. Isla worked on Wednesday mornings and weekends.

  Isla was a lot more pleasant than Connie. I was almost convinced that Connie hated the job. Blake was a lot more chipper, and I enjoyed chatting with him during down times. Connie texted a lot and mumbled curse words. Not real pleasant.

  Blake was a senior at Bington and was majoring in mass communications. I had been considering that and was curious if he was happy with that decision now that he was almost done.

  I did pick up on the fact Blake wasn’t a fan of the Greek, so I didn’t mention my brother being in Kappa Sigma. I myself wasn’t going to join a sorority simply because I liked to keep to myself. I wasn’t a very social person.

  When things started to pick up on Saturday, it was almost nine. Even then, the early crowd was over thirty. The college-age crowd didn’t start drifting in until closer to ten. I had almost learned how to make all the drinks without the cheat sheet taped to the counter. I also knew all the different muffins now and the names of the pastries.

  “God, he is gorgeous,” Isla said under her breath as she handed me a chocolate-chip muffin. I started to ask who, when I followed her gaze to see Slate walking in the door.

  Oh.

  “He’s a slut, though. Sleeps with a girl, then on to the next one the next day. I wouldn’t go there, but I love to look at him. He’s got a pirate thing going for him. He just needs an earring,” she added with a giggle.

  Slate’s eyes met mine and I smiled. This was going to be a hard day for him. Isla didn’t know that. She only knew what Slate had let the world around him see. I knew he had a reputation, but he was also a human. Someone’s nephew. He had a soul. And it was hurting.

  I handed a customer his muffin. I wasn’t sure how to respond to Isla or if I should just let her estimation of him go. Maybe that was what he wanted people to think. Who was I to change that?

  “Can I help you?” I asked the next customer.

  “A Butterfinger latte with light whip and a banana nut muffin. Two forks, and make it warm, please.”

  I rang them up before going to fix the drink. This was a popular one. I made it several times a day. Isla came with the large muffin, nice and warm, on a plate with two forks. We made a good team in the mornings.

  “Here you go,” I told the customer.

  Then Slate stepped up. “Good morning,” I said, knowing this wasn’t a good morning for him.

  He smiled at me and the sadness seemed to fade. I had an urge to hug him. I’d had that Thursday in his room, too. It had taken all my willpower not to.

  “Morning. You look good in the yellow apron,” he replied. His voice still had the raspy, sleepy sound to it. He hadn’t been awake long.

  I held it out and curtsied, because somehow I knew he would laugh. It was weird how I sometimes could anticipate what he needed from me. Like I expected him to, he laughed. A real one.

  “Now, what can I get you?”

  “Black coffee an
d one of those cream-cheese croissant things.”

  “Chocolate or vanilla?”

  “Vanilla.”

  I nodded. “Good choice. I don’t like the chocolate one.”

  “Me either.”

  I turned to see Isla watching me like I had lost my mind. I was confused for a moment, then remembered what she had said when he walked in. Normally she was off getting the customers’ food request. Not this time. She was frozen in her spot. It was awkward, so I smiled at her and said, “Isla, this is my friend Slate. Slate, this is Isla. She’s the pro here and is teaching me everything.”

  Slate nodded her way and smiled. “Nice to meet you, Isla.”

  “Uh, yeah, uh, you too,” she said, then cut her eyes at me like she couldn’t believe me before going to get his croissant.

  I fixed his black coffee. The easiest drink I had done all day.

  “You enjoying the job?” Slate asked as I handed him his coffee.

  I nodded. “Yes. It’s fun, and I get to smell coffee all morning. It doesn’t get much better.”

  He chuckled just as Isla came back with his croissant. He thanked her and I was afraid she’d melt in a puddle on the floor. She barely got out a “you’re welcome” before running to the back room.

  “You have a reputation around these parts,” I teased, knowing he’d understand exactly what I was talking about.

  He smirked. “Your talking to me and calling me your ‘friend’ is going to confuse the hell out of everyone. I don’t have female friends.”

  I would have laughed. I should have smiled. But those words. I knew them. They were so familiar. Which made no sense. My chest tightened when he said them, like I … like I missed them.

  “You okay?” His voice snapped me out of the weird in-between state I had drifted into.

  “Yeah, I’m good. Bit of a headache,” I lied.

  “I’ll go grab you some Tylenol.”

  I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I just need coffee, and luckily I can fix that easy enough.”

  He didn’t seem convinced. But he finally took his things and went to find a table. One where I could see him and he could see me. Something about that also made me feel like I had done this before. Was I dreaming about him and not remembering it?

  “Why didn’t you shut me up and tell me he was your friend when I was talking about him?” Isla whispered behind me.

  I turned to look at her. “I know his reputation. I didn’t have time to explain he is my brother’s frat brother and roommate. We met this summer.”

  That was the most I was willing to tell her right now. My coma and Slate being in my hospital room while I wasn’t awake was more information than she needed.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  SLATE

  THE DRIVE TO Franklin would have been so hard without Vale. I was worried. No, I was terrified of what I’d see. Of how Uncle D would look. The little boy in me wasn’t ready to see him at death’s door. Barely hanging on. I needed him. I wasn’t ready to let him go.

  Vale’s voice, her ability to keep my mind off things, and the way she shifted in her seat and crossed and uncrossed her legs was enough to keep me preoccupied.

  However, when we finally pulled in to the parking deck of the hospital, all my fears came to meet me head-on. I paused after we were parked for a minute to mentally coach myself for what I was about to see. I loved that man in the hospital room, and I hated seeing him in pain.

  Vale leaned over and placed her hand on mine. “I wish I could tell you this won’t be hard. It will be. It’s going to hurt and your heart will ache. But he needs to see you smile. He needs to hear you laugh. He needs to know you’ll be okay.”

  She was right. These weren’t empty words of encouragement. She was being real. I had to face this and be exactly what that man in there needed me to be. When I’d been without parents, he had stepped in and been what I needed, and that couldn’t have been easy. But he did it. He’d sacrificed for me my entire life.

  I owed him everything.

  “Thanks,” I said, looking at her. Those pretty blue eyes were wet with unshed tears.

  “Let’s go make a memory” was what she said, but what we both knew she meant was “This may be the last time. Let’s make it count.”

  I nodded and we got out of my Jeep.

  The walk inside had been one I’d done every day for almost a month. During that time, she’d been sleeping. Missing life. Would my time with my uncle this summer have been easier with her? Somehow I thought it would have been. She made things easier. Just being there. Just being her.

  When we stepped out of the elevator, Everly was walking out of a room and stopped to look at the both of us. She gave a fake smile that didn’t match the expression in her eyes.

  “I see after all his visiting you this summer, you’ve made friends now you’re awake,” she said, not sounding at all happy about it. Everly was that kind of woman. The one that wanted to be the prettiest, the most desired. Unfortunately, she wanted it so badly it was unattractive. Those were the worst kind. Her hotness factor was seriously hit by her selfishness.

  Vale paused and studied her a moment, then she smiled as if remembering. “Oh, you were one of my nurses. That time after I woke up is still a little blurry for me. I’m working through what was real and what wasn’t.”

  Everly gave another fake smile and pointed down the hall. “Your uncle is in two forty-six.”

  “Thanks,” I said, touching Vale’s elbow to turn her in the right direction, and moved us on down the hallway. Far away from Everly. My sleeping with some of the nurses this summer must have gotten around. She was more than likely bitter about that.

  “I don’t think she’s very nice,” Vale said, as if she was turning it over in her head.

  I laughed. “No, she’s not.”

  “Shame. She’s so pretty.”

  That kind of honesty was the kind that attracted men. And Vale didn’t have one damn clue.

  We reached my uncle’s door and I stopped, unable to open it. As mentally prepared as I tried to make myself, the thought of walking into that room and seeing him even more frail wasn’t easy.

  Vale reached for my hand and squeezed it, then opened the door because she realized I wasn’t going to be able to.

  We walked inside slowly and my eyes landed on him. He was asleep. Hooked up to monitors and machines. An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth. He looked as if he’d lost twenty pounds in a week.

  My stomach clenched and my chest hurt so badly I needed to sit down. If this was real fear, I’d never truly experienced it until now. Even when they’d told me my mother was dead, I hadn’t been this scared. As a child, I didn’t think about facing life alone.

  Vale let my hand go and walked over to stand beside Uncle D’s bed. I did the best I could to move closer.

  “I’ve come to visit, just like I promised I would. You better open those eyes for me.” Her tone was soft and teasing.

  Uncle D blinked and finally focused on Vale looking down at him. A smile touched his thin, dry lips.

  “Look who’s here,” he rasped.

  She beamed at him. “I am without apple pie, I’m afraid, but I did bring something else. I think it’s better than apple pie, personally,” she said, then looked over at me.

  Uncle D turned his head and his eyes met mine. They were never very expressive eyes, but as pale as they were now I could see love in them. I’d never questioned his love for me, even though we didn’t say that word much around our house. Our actions spoke clearly enough.

  “I guess that’ll do,” he said. His words were so soft, you had to strain to hear him.

  It had only been a week since I’d seen him last, and yet he seemed months different. Like half the man he was just last Saturday.

  “I leave you for a week, old man, and this happens,” I said, finally closing the distance between us.

  He gave a weak laugh.

  “Why didn’t you tell me Vale had visited you before? Had to
hear it from her,” I said, wanting to reach down to hold his hand in mine but not doing it. We weren’t affectionate like that.

  “Keeping her to myself,” he replied, and this time I laughed.

  “You just wanted my momma’s good cooking,” Vale said, and he turned his eyes toward her.

  “That, too,” he agreed.

  There would be no Texas Hold ’Em today. He barely had any energy to talk. The idea that there would never again be a hand of Texas Hold ’Em between us bit deep.

  “You know I told you I wasn’t sure about college. But I did go, and I’m glad I did. You were right. I couldn’t sit back and let life go on without me,” she said to my uncle.

  His smile grew, but his eyes seemed heavy.

  “Good girl,” he replied.

  She lifted her gaze to mine as if noticing the same thing.

  “Rest your eyes, Uncle D. We’re gonna get comfortable and hang out here. We will be waiting to talk more when you wake up,” I told him.

  He nodded and his eyes closed. But as they did, he reached his hand out to mine and patted it gently.

  I was glad his eyes were closed when the tears I was fighting back finally broke free and rolled down my face.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

  VALE

  UNCLE D DIDN’T open his eyes again that day. I called my mother to come get me and drive me back to campus. Slate couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to abandon him there, but I intended to come back after work tomorrow. I’d have to explain to Crawford, but I couldn’t let Slate deal with this alone. He had looked so lost when I left. I asked Mom to take him something to eat and visit with him tomorrow until I could get back.

  She had promised she would.

  Later that night my phone rang, and I quickly answered it.

  “It’s Slate.” His voice was hoarse and I gripped the phone tightly. Afraid of why he was calling. “I hope I didn’t wake you. I just needed to talk.”

  The panic eased, and I went into the bathroom so I wouldn’t disturb Jude as she slept.

  “I was awake,” I assured him.