Winter at West Sands Guest House

by Maggie Conway

  ‘My friend Heather, letting me know Jamie is fine,’ she told Ben. ‘She’s managed to get through on her mobile to the power company – apparently they’re working on restoring the power but it could take a while.’ Eva tapped out a reply saying she was okay, stifling a giggle imagining Heather’s reaction if she could see her now sitting in the dark with wine, candles, and Ben.

  There was a pause and Eva suddenly felt awkward, unsure what to say. It bothered Eva how their last conversation had ended, like a black cloud hanging between them. She tried to picture him as a city trader but just couldn’t do it – something didn’t sit right about it. But she certainly hadn’t meant to sound so disparaging. She glanced over at him now, rubbing Hamish’s ear.

  Maybe it was the darkness, but she felt acutely aware of how close he was to her and her senses seemed to be in overdrive. She really wished she didn’t notice the way the candlelight danced across his features, casting a shadow over his cheekbones and illuminating his dark eyes. Maybe it was the wine and she hoped she wouldn’t regret bringing up the topic again but suddenly she needed to apologize.

  ‘You know, when you told me you worked in the city, I – I didn’t mean to sound judgemental. I’m sorry.’ There was silence and Eva realized she was holding her breath.

  ‘You don’t need to apologize. Working as a trader wasn’t something I ever wanted to do.’ His words filled Eva with relief for some reason and her shoulders loosened.

  ‘So … why did you do it?’

  She heard him exhale in the darkness. ‘It’s a long story.’

  ‘I’d like to know it,’ she said quietly. ‘If you don’t mind telling me.’

  He appeared to contemplate his glass for a moment before slowly setting it down on the table and starting to speak.

  ‘After I finished my PhD at Oxford I got a job working at the university – teaching and research, which I loved. I’d go home to see my mum as often as I could. She still lived in the house where I grew up near London. She was living a happy active life, working part-time in a local bookshop, seeing friends.’ He paused for a moment before continuing.

  ‘I began to notice small changes in her but nothing I could put my finger on exactly. When she started to forget things I assumed it was because she was just getting older. But she started to do a few strange things – asking odd questions, losing things, and becoming confused. I had this horrible instinct something wasn’t right. We went to the doctor and that was the start of a whole series of testing.’ He sighed, a deep heart-wrenching sound that made Eva want to reach out and touch him.

  ‘Eventually she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s.’

  ‘Oh, Ben, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘After that, things deteriorated quickly. They put her on various medications, which helped with the confusion but over the next year things became more difficult. I was worried she’d have an accident – she would leave the water on, wander off on her own. I went home as often as I could during the week, even staying the night and leaving early in the morning to get to work.’

  ‘That must have been terrible.’ Eva blinked, filled with sadness for him.

  ‘At first I thought about giving up work to look after her but because her immune system was so weak she kept getting infections. It became clear she needed proper medical, intensive, and round-the-clock care. I did a load research and found a specialist care unit reasonably close to where she lived. It was as non-institutionalized as I could find and she’d get the best care. But of course it came at a cost. There was no way my salary at the university would cover it.’ He rolled his shoulders and took a breath.

  ‘One day I happened to meet an old friend from university who worked in finance. We got chatting and I couldn’t believe how much he was earning. He told me the big financial firms were always on the lookout for analytical thinkers and that he could set me up with an interview.’ He paused again and Eva knew this wasn’t easy for him.

  ‘So, that’s what I did – I left the university and took a job at an investment bank. It meant I could pay for my mother to receive the care she needed. She lived there for five years until she died. It would have broken her heart if she’d known I’d turned my back on my university career but seeing her suffer more than she had to would have been worse.’

  They sat in silence for a few moments, Eva’s heart aching for him, and she placed a hand on his arm.

  ‘Ben, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. And I’m sorry for reacting the way I did but now I know why you did it I totally understand. You had a difficult decision to make but you did what you had to so your mother was in the best possible place. Your decision was based on love – anyone can see that.’ Eva lifted her hand from Ben’s arm, instantly missing the warm solid feel of it.

  ‘And now you’re back working at a university – your mum would be happy about that,’ she said softly.

  ‘Yeah, she would.’ Eva was relieved to see the briefest of smiles pass over his lips.

  A contemplative silence settled over them and Eva sensed Ben seemed more relaxed as he leaned forward, taking the bottle to top up their drinks. He passed Eva her glass and their fingers brushed together, the feel of his skin sending a prickle of heat through her.

  ‘Jamie told me he’s going on his trip.’ Jamie had taken homework to Ben’s house a couple of times and the arrangement seemed to be working well.

  ‘To say he’s excited is an understatement.’

  ‘But you’ll still worry about him.’ It wasn’t a question.

  ‘I guess that’s what happens when you’re an only parent – you end up doing the worrying for two.’

  ‘You must miss Jamie’s father?’ Ben spoke gently.

  ‘I do at times. But mostly I feel sad for Jamie not having his dad and for Paul dying so young.’

  ‘I’m sure he would be very proud of you both.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Eva said. ‘We’re doing all right now but when we first arrived it was a different story. I was daunted by what I’d taken on and it didn’t help that my mum took every opportunity to point out she thought I’d made a huge mistake. I think what she really wanted was for me and Jamie to go back to Edinburgh so that she could look after us.’

  ‘But you didn’t want to?’

  ‘I know my mum wants the best for me, but let’s just say our ideas of what that might be are very different. The most important thing for me was to be self-sufficient. My dream was to run a business that let me be with Jamie and provide a stable life for him.’

  ‘And the chickens, the dog, are part of that dream?’ His voice was gently teasing.

  ‘Safety in numbers I always think.’ She laughed. Tilting her head to the side, she looked at him. ‘What about you – being here, is that your dream?’

  His gaze locked on hers and Eva felt as though some invisible force was inching their bodies closer together. He looked at her mouth then back to her eyes, and Eva moved towards him, the desire to touch him overwhelming. And then, like a spell suddenly broken, the lights came back on.

  ***

  His dream? Right here, right now felt like a dream, thought Ben, thankful the lights had saved him from answering. He watched Eva blink as her eyes adjusted to the light. He was sitting tantalizingly close to her, close enough to see the flecks in her green eyes. Curled up on the sofa, he could see she was wearing jeans and a white embroidered top. A simple silver necklace nestled on her collarbone. She looked sleepy and her hair was slightly tousled, a heady mix of vulnerable and sexy. She smiled shyly at him before she unfolded her legs and stretched out her body. She rose from the sofa and went over to the window, Ben watching her every move.

  ‘The street lights are back on too,’ she told him. Ben forced his gaze from her and surveyed the room. They had been sitting on one of two chunky sofas, scattered with coloured cushions. A low, dark wooden coffee table sat on a wool rug in front of a cast-iron fireplace and in one corner a shelved recess held books and photo frames. Everywhere he loo
ked there was warmth, colour, and texture.

  ‘Wow. What a great room.’

  ‘Thanks.’ She looked directly at him, a teasing challenge in her eyes. ‘So you trust me to do a good job in your room?’

  ‘Implicitly.’ He replied solemnly, hand on his chest.

  ‘Good. Have you taken a sneaky look at your room – it’s almost finished.’

  ‘Not recently. Think I’ll wait for the grand reveal.’

  ‘Okay then, I’ll let you know when that’ll be.’ She gave a small laugh and he loved the sound of it.

  Ben knew it was time for him to go but thoughts of the ceilidh entered his head and he knew it was now or never if he was going to ask Eva.

  ‘Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you – a favour.’ He hesitated and she smiled at him expectantly. ‘The Professor in our department has organized a ceilidh for St Andrew’s Day – next Friday. It’s for charity and, well, I’m never really comfortable with these work things and wondered if you’d come with me? I know it’s a bit short notice …’

  He saw Eva blink in surprise. ‘Me? Why would you ask me?’

  ‘Well, why wouldn’t I?’

  She frowned, giving her head a little shake. ‘I can think of a few reasons. That’s the weekend Jamie’s away. I don’t have anything to wear …’ She seemed to be talking more to herself but then her gaze shifted to Ben, her eyes narrowing slightly.

  ‘Are you sure there’s not someone else you’d rather go with?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Not someone from the university?’

  ‘No,’ he replied, puzzled.

  ‘You’re sure?’

  ‘Is there something I’m missing here?’

  ‘I just thought you might want to take your colleague – you know, the one with shiny hair who came to your house?’

  Ben frowned before realizing who she meant and then burst out laughing. ‘Kat? God, no.’

  ‘Really? I thought you two …’

  He lifted an eyebrow. ‘Yes?’

  ‘I’m not sure – that you’d have lots to talk about.’

  ‘You and I have lots to talk about, don’t we?’

  ‘But not science-y things.’

  He managed to keep a straight face as he replied. ‘That suits me just fine.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure.’

  ‘I’m sure. She’s a colleague, that’s all. I’m happy to show support for her academic aspirations but let’s just say I don’t want to encourage any other aspirations she may have.’

  ‘And they won’t think you’ve brought your decorator?’

  ‘I highly doubt it and even if they did, so what?’

  Eva was smiling at him now. ‘In that case yes, I’d be happy to come with you.’

  He gave his head a small shake, thinking how she was unlike any woman he’d ever met and the prospect of spending time with her sent a surge of anticipation through him, a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a long time. Ben started to make a move to leave, his body feeling strangely reluctant. ‘I guess I better go,’ he said.

  ‘Um, right. Thanks for coming round, to check we were all right.’

  ‘You’ll be okay?’

  ‘Of course. I have Hamish to look after me.’

  Ben’s instinct was to stay; he didn’t want to leave her on her own. He wanted to make sure she was safe but like a physical force, he felt a much more primal instinct and decided that staying probably wasn’t a good idea. They made their way through the hall and Ben stopped before he opened the door, their eyes meeting. He lifted his hand and tenderly brushed his finger against her cheek.

  ‘Goodnight, Eva.’

  Ben left Eva’s home and heard the fading rumbles of the storm, his body racked with all sorts of tensions. He doubted he’d get much sleep tonight.

  Chapter Ten

  It was Friday morning and Eva was trying desperately to hold herself together, determined not to embarrass Jamie. Knowing she could quite easily dissolve into a pool of tears, she dug her nails into her palms, hardly believing her son was going away without her.

  Last night she and Jamie had packed his bag. Eva had ironed name tags onto his jumpers, trousers, and towels and then stuffed them into his rucksack with the hundred pairs of socks he’d been told to bring. She tried to go along with Jamie’s obvious enthusiasm but seeing him so excited reminded Eva so much of Paul.

  She had blocked the image of Paul getting ready to go off skiing, the glint in his eye he used to get at the thought of the adrenaline rush to come, which used to terrify her. This was different she told herself, taking a deep breath and speaking in the calmest voice she could find. ‘Listen carefully to all the instructions, okay? And do exactly what you’re told.’ Eva looked Jamie in the eye, willing him to keep safe.

  ‘Yeah all right, Mum. We’ve been over this like ten times,’ he said with a sigh.

  Sometimes Eva looked at her son and was amazed at how grown up and tall he was becoming but today all she could see was her little boy. The boy she had cherished since the moment he was born and who was now standing with his rucksack attached to his back ready to leave her. Heather came over and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze.

  ‘You know, worrying is an occupational hazard but you do tend to take it to extremes. He will be all right, I promise.’ She smiled.

  ‘I know,’ Eva sighed wishing she could be so relaxed. The bus pulled up outside the football club and the babble of voices grew louder as the children who had been standing in groups with parents now started to make their way towards the bus. A coach with a clipboard ticked their names off. Hugs and final kisses were given. Eva quickly wrapped her arms around Jamie.

  ‘Have an amazing time. I love you!’ Eva waved as the bus trundled out of sight, feeling as if her whole world was disappearing.

  ‘I had a feeling you might need one of these,’ Heather said handing her a tissue.

  ‘Thanks,’ Eva sniffed with a weak smile and proceeded to blow her nose.

  But there the sympathy ended. Heather was not giving her chance to wallow. She had already informed Eva her that she was taking charge after the boys left and, knowing this was the night of the Professor’s ceilidh had organized some pampering.

  ‘Honestly, Heather, you don’t have to do this,’ Eva pleaded. Going home and burying herself under a blanket for the next forty-eight hours suddenly sounded very appealing. Heather treated her to a withering look.

  ‘When did you last do anything just for yourself?’

  ‘I, um –’

  ‘Exactly. You deserve a day with some pampering. What else would you do now? You’d go home and just obsess about Jamie staying safe.’

  Unable to deny it, Eva sighed. ‘But I don’t want to make a big deal about tonight. It’s just a casual invitation.’

  ‘Well then, you’re going to look casually sexy.’

  Eva knew there was no point in protesting, not when Heather had that sparkle in her eye – she was a woman on a mission and there was no stopping her. She’d have to try and go with it even though her mind and body were sending mixed signals about what she wanted from tonight.

  Eva hadn’t expected Ben to ask her to this ceilidh and wasn’t sure what, if anything, to read into it. A favour he had called it. He saw her as a friend and you asked a friend to do you a favour. But the night of the storm kept replaying in her mind. During their conversation she had felt a real connection and then just before the lights turned back on she had felt an intensity – almost a physical heat – between them. Even thinking of it now sent tingles through her body, as if parts of her that had been frozen for years were beginning to thaw and on a massive scale.

  Heather was talking to herself, looking at her watch. ‘We have time for a spray tan if you want? Don’t suppose you’ve ever had one before?’

  ‘No and I don’t want one today, thank you.’

  Heather peered at her, narrowing her eyes. ‘I suppose you can get away with it. You’re lucky to have such lovely colouri
ng. In that case we’ll have a quick coffee before your facial. Then the hairdresser’s and a bit of shopping.’

  ‘But I don’t need –’ Eva’s voice trailed off as Heather put up her hand.

  ‘It’s all booked now so it’s too late.’

  Two hours later Eva lay with her head back in a head-massage-induced trance. The heavenly head treatment came complimentary with her haircut and it was exquisite. It was only thoughts of the evening ahead, which kept popping into her head, that prevented her from becoming totally comatose.

  Once Heather was happy everything on her list had been attended to, they drove back to Eva’s house. While Heather sorted through various shopping bags, Eva couldn’t resist a small smile at her reflection in the mirror. She’d almost forgotten the power of a good cut and blow-dry.

  ‘I’m not sure what you were planning on wearing, but I have something to show you before you decide,’ Heather said while Eva was busy turning her head from side to side admiring the way her hair bounced over her shoulders. She should probably be ashamed how bedraggled it had become but her appearance simply hadn’t been much of a priority recently.

  Heather was now pulling a slip of dark blue material from a bag and carefully unfolding it to reveal a beautiful dress. ‘Wow, that’s lovely,’ Eva exclaimed.

  ‘I’m glad you like it because it’s for you to wear tonight.’

  ‘I can’t take this!’

  ‘Of course you can. I bought it and never wore it. I’m two pregnancies away from ever fitting into that dress. Try it on at least.’

  ‘All right then, just for you,’ Eva conceded giving her friend a fond look.

  Eva changed clothes, gently pulling the dress over her head. It had been so long since she’d worn anything pretty she almost didn’t recognize her own reflection. The dress had a mesh neckline with embroidered detailing and a fitted bodice that flared out at the hips, stopping just before her knees.

  ‘Oh, that’s gorgeous. It’ll be perfect for spinning round the dance floor and showing off your legs. It’s fun and flirty but retains a certain elegance.’ Heather’s head bobbed in approval.