Hold Me

by Susan Mallery

  “Not at all. I’m simply trying to discover the kind of man you are. From what I can see so far, you’re a good one. So here’s my advice. Talk to her. Find out why you. Why that night. As for the orgasm she didn’t have, fix it. I assume you know how. If you don’t, I have some brochures.”

  He held up both hands. “I know how. No brochures. Please.”

  Dr. Galloway smiled. “It will be fine. Although I do recommend that next time you learn a little more about your partner before having sex with her. Did you—”

  Her phone buzzed, capturing her attention. “Excuse me. I have to take this.”

  “Sure. No problem. Thanks for your time.”

  He ducked out while he could and got out of the office without lingering. Once back on the sidewalk, he wished it was a whole lot later in the day because he needed a drink. As that wasn’t possible, he walked the few blocks to Destiny’s office.

  She was at her computer, typing intently. For a second, he allowed himself the pleasure of looking at her. Long, wavy dark red hair tumbled over her shoulders. She had on a T-shirt and jeans, with hiking boots. Not sexy, not glamorous, but just looking at her was enough to get him thinking.

  Not that they were going to do that anytime soon, he reminded himself. There were a few things that needed to be cleared up first.

  She glanced up and saw him.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi, yourself. How are you feeling?” he asked.

  She frowned, as if confused. “Fine. Why? Do I look like I’m getting sick?”

  “No. I wasn’t talking about that. The other night—”

  She leaned back in her chair and groaned. “Not that again. Kipling, we talked about it. You have to let it go.”

  He sat in the visitor’s chair and leaned toward her. “I don’t, and I won’t. Destiny, losing your virginity is a big deal. I don’t know why you chose that moment or me, but that part is done. What I’m concerned about now is making it right.”

  Emotions flashed through her green eyes. “It can’t be undone, and I wouldn’t want to undo it. I like that I’m not a virgin anymore.”

  “Right. It’s less complicated when you meet your calm Mr. Uptight.”

  “You don’t have to say it like that,” she grumbled. “Like you think I’m an idiot.”

  “I think you’re underestimating the power of an intimate, sexual connection.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Right. It’s powerful and exciting and makes life worth living.” The words were at odds with her bored tone. “I’ve heard it all before, and I don’t care.”

  “That’s because you didn’t have an orgasm.”

  “I’m not interested. It was fine, Kipling. Really. Let it go.”

  Something that wasn’t going to happen, he thought firmly. “I wasn’t prepared, and I messed up,” he told her. “I owe you. If, after that happens, you still believe that sex is dangerous and bad, I won’t mention it again. I swear.”

  She sighed heavily. “Why is this so important to you? I don’t need fixing.”

  “No, you need teaching.” He thought for a second, then decided to try reaching her from a different angle. “You were amazing on stage that night. Your singing, the vocals. You have real passion when you perform.”

  Instead of reacting with pride, she slumped lower in her seat. “I know. It was horrible.”

  “No, it was brilliant and powerful. How come you don’t want to do that every day?”

  “It’s exhausting and requires me to be vulnerable. There’s rawness in singing like that.”

  And no way to protect herself, he thought. Based on the little he knew about her past, he understood that she’d grown up feeling unsafe. As if her world could shift or crumble at any moment.

  “You’re not that kid anymore,” he said gently. “You would be able to control what was happening around you.”

  “Not enough. Better to avoid the risk.”

  “Life without living is boring. It’s beige. What’s the point? You have a gift, Destiny. A chance at the dream.”

  More emotion flashed in her eyes. This time he had no trouble reading the annoyance.

  “Don’t talk to me about my dreams. You don’t know anything about them. This is my choice. I don’t want to be like them. You have no idea what it was like. No idea about what happened. It was different with Grandma Nell. Life made sense there. It was quiet. We lived by the rhythm of the seasons. With nature. That’s what I want.”

  “Nature isn’t quiet,” he told her. “It’s violent and beautiful. Most of all, it’s uncontrollable. You’re denying who you are on so many levels. You have a passionate nature. If you ignore that, you ignore who you are. You still have a chance.”

  “Kipling, I...” She stared at him. “Are we still talking about me?”

  “Of course. I’m the expert here. Living the dream—there’s nothing better. I know what I’m talking about. You still can.”

  “And you can’t.”

  Blunt but true, he thought, ignoring the stab of longing for what had been. For who he had been. “I had a good run, and I mean that in all senses of the word.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I get what you’re saying. That I should be grateful. I still have a chance. The thing is, I don’t want it.”

  He didn’t think she was telling the truth. Not on purpose but because she was afraid.

  “I’m not your problem,” she pointed out. “Let it go. I only want to talk about business now.”

  He nodded because he didn’t have a plan. Not yet, anyway. But he would figure one out, and then he would fix the problem. Not just because he’d taken her virginity, but because it was the right thing to do. And maybe, just maybe, because a part of him wanted to. Very much.

  * * *

  DESTINY DID HER best to get lost in her work. She’d completed the mapping, and the information had been fed into the tracking program. Their next step would be to start practice searches.

  She had plenty to do, but kept finding herself thinking about Kipling. Avoiding him wasn’t an option—they had a job to do. So far he’d kept things professional. But when they were in the same room, she felt him watching her. Not in a creepy, scary way, but as if assessing the situation. And that made her nervous.

  She wanted to tell herself that she was imagining things, only she knew she wasn’t. He was a man who liked to fix things, and explaining that she didn’t have a problem wasn’t going to be enough to dissuade him. The sex thing had really thrown him, although for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why. They’d done it; she was fine. Let’s move forward. But, no. He wanted her to have an orgasm.

  As if that would change anything, she thought as she headed into Kipling’s office. Seriously, how good could it be?

  Determined to act like the professional she was, she pushed all personal thoughts aside when she saw a pretty, thirtysomething blonde with spiky hair sitting at the desk across from Kipling’s. Rumor was, the second-in-command he’d hired was a woman. Destiny had been eager to meet her.

  The woman looked up and smiled. “Destiny Mills?” she asked as she rose and offered her hand. “I’m Cassidy Modene. I’ve done a lot of research on your STORMS program, and I’m excited to work with it.”

  “Welcome to Fool’s Gold,” Destiny said, shaking her hand. “When did you start work?”

  “This morning.” Cassidy grinned. “I’m the optimistic type, so I’d already packed up everything I own in my truck. It helps that I’m not much of a pack rat. Having a husband in the navy has taught me that. Mayor Marsha and Kipling offered me the job, I accepted and here I am. My horses will join me in a few weeks. My husband, Jeff, should be here by the end of the year.”

  “I heard the program was expanding to include horses and search and rescue dogs. The tech guys back in the computer lab are quivering with excitement at the thought of all the modifications they’re going to have to make. They do love a challenge.”

  “I’m with them on that.”

>   The two women sat by Cassidy’s desk. Destiny wanted to ask where Kipling was, but told herself it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if she’d been looking forward to seeing him or anything. He was a colleague. Their conversations were always interesting, and she liked the verbal challenge of dealing with him. Nothing more.

  Even so, she found herself asking, “Kipling’s not in yet?”

  “He stopped by City Hall for a quick meeting with the mayor. He’ll be back shortly.”

  Destiny nodded as if the information was mildly interesting and nothing more, then went through the basics of the STORMS program with Cassidy. They moved to the big map on the wall.

  “There’s a lot of rugged terrain in the area,” Cassidy said as she traced the city limits. “My horses will be a help. They can go farther and longer than anyone on foot. Plus carry gear.”

  Destiny nodded as she typed into her tablet. “You’re right. With more supplies, the searches aren’t as limited geographically. If they have a way to set up camp, they can stay where they are for the night and start fresh in the morning. That gives us a lot of advantages. Also, there’s an easier way to transport injured people to a helicopter pickup site.”

  Cassidy turned to her and grinned. “Speaking of helicopters, I’ve met Miles.”

  “I thought you only arrived in town a couple of days ago?”

  “I did, and he works fast. We met at The Man Cave. He’s a charmer. Me being married and a few years older didn’t seem to bother him in the least.” Cassidy laughed. “Stupid man. I set him straight.”

  “Good for you.”

  Cassidy turned back to the map. “He’s not my type, that’s for sure. I’ve been in love with my husband since the second I met him. But I have to respect Miles’s ability to go for it.”

  “He’s a player.”

  “Like I said, not my style. Fool me once and all that. Seems like a fun town, though,” Cassidy added. “I’m looking forward to exploring and getting to know people.”

  “Everyone is friendly. There’s a really great group of women,” Destiny said. “I’d be happy to introduce you, if you’d like. I’ve gone to lunch with them a few times already. It’s a fun way to meet people and find out the real scoop.”

  Cassidy grinned. “I do love small-town gossip. It’s a flaw, but one I can live with.”

  Before Destiny could respond, her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her cargo pants pocket and glanced at the screen. The area code was local, but the number unfamiliar.

  “Hello?”

  “Destiny?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hi, I’m Dakota Andersson. I run End Zone. I’m sure it’s nothing, but Starr never showed up this morning, and no one called to let us know she was staying home sick. I wanted to follow up with you and make sure she was all right.”

  There was a lot of information in those few sentences. That the camp took its responsibilities seriously. That they made sure the kids were where they were supposed to be. And that Starr was missing.

  Destiny went cold all over. “She’s not sick,” she said slowly. “Not that I’m aware of. We talked this morning. She said she was getting a ride to camp with Abby. She was very clear about that. I know because I know Abby and like her. I’ve met her mom and everything.”

  On the other end of the call, Dakota paused. “She’s not here. We’ve checked twice. Starr never arrived.”

  There was an edge to panic. A sharpness. Destiny had never felt it before. Not like this. Not with a combination of horror and fear. Anything could have happened. Something had. But what? Where was Starr?

  “How can we help?” Dakota asked, obviously expecting Destiny to take the lead. To handle the situation.

  In the back of her mind she was aware that given her job description she was possibly the best person to find a missing teenager. But honest to God, she didn’t know where to start. She felt hot and cold and knew she was seconds from throwing up.

  The office door opened, and Kipling stepped inside. Destiny lunged for him, grabbing his arm and squeezing hard.

  “Starr’s missing,” she said, her throat tight as her heart pounded in her chest. “She never showed up to camp.”

  Kipling grabbed her phone and identified himself. He spoke calmly but quickly. When he hung up, he handed back the phone and took her hand.

  “You have my cell number,” he told Cassidy. “Phone me if you hear anything.”

  “I will.”

  He turned to Destiny. “Starr has a cell phone, right? Call her.”

  With trembling fingers, Destiny did. “It went straight to voice mail.”

  Then he was pulling Destiny out the door, toward his truck.

  “Where are we going?” she asked. “I don’t know where to start. She hasn’t been here very long. I thought she was fine. What if something awful happened? What if we can’t find her?”

  “We’ll find her. It hasn’t been that long. She can’t have gotten that far. Call the mom. See if she took Starr up to camp. We’ll go by the house to make sure she’s not there, then go up the mountain and talk to her friends.”

  Right. A good place to start. Destiny got into the truck and fastened her seat belt. After scrolling through her contact list, difficult to do with her hands shaking, she pushed the talk button and waited for the call to connect to Abby’s mom, Liz. Two minutes later she had her answer.

  “Starr lied.”

  The words weren’t real. At least they didn’t feel real. They couldn’t be. How could Starr have done this? Lied to Destiny about being taken to camp, then disappeared? How could her sister be gone?

  They arrived at the house and hurried inside. Starr wasn’t there. Destiny followed Kipling back to his Jeep. Her eyes burned as the fear thickened. She could barely think, barely breathe.

  “I don’t know her well enough,” she said, fighting tears. “It’s only been a few weeks. I should have tried harder. I was busy with my job and other stuff. I left her alone too long. I wasn’t there for her.”

  Kipling kept his gaze forward as he drove up the mountain. “How long have you known your sister?”

  “Six weeks.”

  “Not long enough to screw her up. Destiny, this isn’t your fault.”

  “I’m responsible for her. There’s no one else to blame.”

  “How about all the stuff that happened before she moved in with you?”

  She thought about the call from their shared father, celebrating a birthday that wasn’t Starr’s. And the boarding school her sister didn’t seem all that excited to return to. And her longing to get involved with music, while Destiny resisted as best she could.

  “You’re saying there’s plenty of blame to go around,” she whispered. “Fine. I’ll have that conversation when we find her. But right now all that matters is getting her back.”

  They arrived at the camp in record time. Kipling had barely slowed before Destiny jumped out and headed for the main office.

  Dakota Andersson was waiting for her with two of Starr’s friends. Both girls looked scared.

  “I’m sorry,” Abby said, tears filling her eyes. “She said she wanted to go to Nashville. She’s taking the bus. We both gave her money.”

  Dakota put her hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I’ve already called the sheriff’s office. They’re sending a patrol car to the bus station. Small towns have some advantages. Only one bus has gone out this morning. I’m expecting they’ll find her waiting at the station.”

  Destiny felt the ground shift beneath her feet. “Nashville?” Because Starr was running away. That was how bad things were. She’d taken in her sister, had agreed to be her guardian and less than two months later, Starr would rather take her chances on the streets than live with Destiny.

  How had everything gone so wrong so fast?

  * * *

  DESTINY DIDN’T KNOW if she should scream, cry or take up drinking. She could make a case for any of those actions, along with several others.

  Dakota’s predicti
on had been right. Starr had been found on a bench in the bus depot. She’d missed the earlier Greyhound that went to Los Angeles and was instead heading to San Francisco. From there, she’d told the deputy who’d found her, she was planning on taking a plane to Nashville.

  She’d had five hundred dollars in cash, a small suitcase and her guitar. Destiny couldn’t get over the terrifying thought of an innocent fifteen-year-old girl on her own in the world.

  Kipling had driven them both home and left them to work it out. He’d promised to drop by later, to check on them. Destiny had wanted to beg him to stay—she didn’t know what on earth she was supposed to do or say. But she’d let him go and now had to deal with the aftermath herself.

  She and Starr sat across from each other in their small living room and tried to figure out what to say. She supposed the good news was that nothing awful had happened. Maybe they’d both learned a cheap lesson. She just wasn’t sure what it was.

  She studied her sister. Starr stared at her hands or the floor. Her red hair hung down, covering her face. Or maybe keeping the world at bay, Destiny thought.

  The room was quiet. Somewhere a clock ticked. A car drove by. Aside from that, there was nothing. Not even the sound of their breathing.

  Indecision pulled at her. What was she supposed to say? How did she make this right? She supposed the bigger issue was she hadn’t known there was a problem—certainly not one that warranted running away.

  She drew in a breath. “Starr, I—”

  Her sister’s head snapped up. Her green eyes narrowed. “Yeah, I lied. Get over it. You would have done the same if you were me. What was I supposed to do? Just wait for you to get tired of me? I’m not going back to that boarding school. You can’t make me.”

  So much anger. So much energy. And so much pain. Destiny felt her heart flinch as she realized how Starr had been suffering. And she’d never guessed.

  “You think I don’t know,” her sister continued, coming to her feet. Her hands were tight fists at her sides. “I know. It’s not hard to figure out. Nobody wants me. Not you, not my dad.” Tears spilled from her eyes. “He doesn’t even know when it’s my birthday. I’m his kid. How come he doesn’t know that?”