Hold Me

by Susan Mallery

  Destiny stood and crossed to her. She tried to pull Starr close, but her sister shrugged away.

  “Don’t pretend you care now,” the teen snapped.

  Destiny took a step back. “I care. I took you in. I brought you here. I thought we were doing well together.”

  “Oh, sure. It’s great. You’re counting the days until school starts and you can get rid of me. We talked about your job before. About how it was better for me to go back to boarding school. Because you can’t wait to get rid of me.”

  While that wasn’t true, Destiny had been thinking she would only have Starr in the summers. “My work,” she began, only to realize that wasn’t the point. “Can we talk?” she asked. “Just sit and talk?”

  Starr wiped away her tears and sank back onto the sofa. Destiny took the chair opposite and tried to figure out what to say.

  “You scared me,” she began, thinking it was the truth. “When Dakota called from camp and said you’d never arrived, I was so afraid of what had happened.”

  “I didn’t think they’d call,” Starr grumbled.

  “So you’d have all day to get away? And then what? Didn’t you think I’d totally freak out?”

  Her sister shrugged.

  “Starr, you have to know I care about you.”

  “Do you?” the teen asked. “Do you really? Can you honestly say you were thrilled when you got that call from the lawyer? Because you’d just been sitting here thinking if only you had some kid sister you’d never met, then your life would be perfect?”

  “I was surprised, but I didn’t hesitate. I wanted you to come live here.”

  “Whatever. I don’t believe you. You don’t care about anything, ever. You’re like a robot. You never get mad, you never get happy. You’re the same all the time. Regular people don’t act like that.”

  People who never wanted to deal with the mess of highs and lows did, Destiny thought grimly. Because she knew the price of feeling too much. Only until right now, she’d never considered that there was a price to trying not to feel anything. The price of Starr not knowing she belonged.

  “I’m sorry you think I don’t care,” she said quietly. “I do. I care a lot.”

  Her sister’s mouth pulled into a straight line. Disbelief radiated from her. “Sure you do.”

  Irritation battled with concern and started to win. “You’re going to ignore the truth because it’s not what you want to hear,” Destiny snapped. “Just like you were going to run away without thinking about the consequences. You’re fifteen. You’re not ready to be on your own. Life is complicated. You can’t hide from your problems. They follow you wherever you go.”

  “You should have let me figure that out on my own. That would have made it easy for you, and isn’t that what matters?”

  “You’re not making any sense.”

  “You know what doesn’t make sense?” Starr demanded, glaring at her. “You. You don’t make sense. You tell me not to run away, but you’re doing it every day. You run away from your talent, from who you are. I’ve heard you sing, Destiny, and you’re better than all of us. But you won’t perform. You won’t even admit that you have any ability. What’s up with that? I want to write songs and sing and have music in every part of my life. You want to hide away from it.”

  “This isn’t about music,” Destiny told her. She could feel her sister’s pain, her confusion, and didn’t know what to do about it. Kipling had been right. Starr had been delivered to her a nearly grown person. Whatever was going on, Destiny was only part of the problem. But she had to be all-in for the solution. “It’s about us.”

  “There’s no us,” Starr snapped.

  “I’d like there to be. You’re my sister, and I want us to be a family.”

  “Until school starts. Then you want me to go to boarding school. Well, I’m not. Not ever. And you can’t make me. I’ll just run away and live on the streets until I’m old enough to get my trust fund money. I can do it, too. I can go to where you can’t find me.”

  Not if today was any indication, Destiny thought with irritation. Starr was fifteen and didn’t know how to take care of herself, let alone survive on the streets. What if she had gotten on the bus and had disappeared? A thousand horrible things could have happened to her.

  Images flashed through her brain, each more awful than the one before. Starr could have been beaten or raped. She could have been terrorized by some crazy person. Taken drugs, gotten sick. She could have been hurt and suffered, and she could have died.

  Unexpected tears filled Destiny’s eyes. Fear returned and with it determination.

  “No,” she said loudly, then repeated the word again. “No. You’re not running away. I will not lose you. Do you hear me? I don’t care what it takes, but by God we are going to make this work. I’m not giving up on you, and I’m not giving up on us. You’re my sister. You’re my family. Our parents are totally screwed up, and that means we’re messed up, too. But so what? We have each other.”

  Starr stared at her. Color stained her cheeks and for a second, there was hope in her eyes. Then it bled away.

  “You’re just saying that so I won’t run away. You don’t mean it.”

  “I love you, child. I have from the day you were born. I was there. Did your mama tell you that? I was the first one to hold you. I’m still holding you, and I’m never letting go.”

  The memories came back to her. Of being ten and standing in Grandma Nell’s modest living room. She’d been scared and alone, and she’d had no idea where she belonged. Not with her parents, who had long since moved on with their lives. Not anywhere else.

  But Grandma Nell had welcomed her. It was possible the other woman hadn’t wanted a troubled ten-year-old thrust upon her. Even her own granddaughter. But she’d taken her in and had always made her feel special. She’d homeschooled her, loved her, and when it was time, sent her back into the world.

  More tears formed. Destiny wiped them away. She knew what she had to do—knew what was right. Maybe she’d always known, but she’d been avoiding the truth. Which was wrong of her.

  “I’m sorry,” she said slowly. “So sorry, Starr. I do want us to be a family. You’re right. I assumed you were going to go back to your boarding school in September, but only because I thought you liked it. But if you don’t, then you’re staying with me.”

  Green eyes so much like her own widened. “What about your job? You move, like, every three months. You said that was a problem.”

  “I know. It is, but we’ll just have to figure it out.” She thought about her job and the moving around and how she never settled anywhere. Maybe because settling meant the risk of belonging. She wanted relationships on her own terms. Starr had just reminded her that didn’t happen very often.

  She opened her mouth and shocked herself by saying, “I guess I’m going to have to quit my job and find another one where I don’t have to move around. We’ll have a permanent home. A house. With a yard.”

  Just like normal people.

  Destiny held her breath and waited for the internal shriek. Only there wasn’t one. There was a bit of apprehension at the unknown but also a sense of maybe it was time. Maybe the reason she hadn’t been able to find the right guy and start her family was because she was never in one place long enough. But her future plans aside, what mattered now was her sister.

  “Starr, I love you. I don’t think I’ve said that before, but I do. You—”

  There was more to say, but her sister was flying toward her, tears running down her cheeks. Destiny barely had time to stand and brace herself before her sister flung herself at her and hung on as if she would never let go.

  She hugged her back. As they held each other, she realized that while she didn’t know how she was going to make it work, the details didn’t matter. They were together. They would always be together. Starr needed her and just as important, she needed her sister.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  KIPLING WATCHED DESTINY carefully. She was diff
erent tonight. More fragile. He hadn’t realized how much he took her confidence and control for granted. They were a part of her and without them, she seemed almost broken.

  She sat at the far end of the sofa, her bare feet tucked under her legs. Her hair was long and loose, her skin pale.

  She was beautiful simply because she was breathing, but his need to be close to her had a whole lot less to do with sexual desire and was a whole lot more about protecting. He wanted to find and slay whatever dragons taunted her. Only it wasn’t that simple. She’d been shattered by something he couldn’t attack or defeat. She’d been undone by her own heart.

  He reached across the couple of feet separating them and touched her hand. She shifted her arm so their fingers could entwine and gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

  “Thanks for coming by,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I’m not better company.”

  “I’m not here to be entertained. I wanted to check on you.”

  He’d called a couple of times, then dropped by after dinner. Starr had already gone to bed. Destiny had explained the teen had been too nervous about running away to sleep much over the past couple of nights.

  “You should yell at me,” Destiny told him. “I deserve it.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “I do. I didn’t do enough when Starr arrived. I didn’t make her feel welcome or safe. I thought she was happy at her boarding school. I wanted her to go back because it would be easier for me.”

  He shifted closer and angled toward her. “Hey, beating yourself up doesn’t fix anything.”

  “I hurt her.” Big green eyes filled with tears. “I’m a terrible sister.”

  “You took her in. You gave her a home.”

  “A temporary one.” She swallowed. “That’s not good enough. I don’t know why I didn’t see that from the start. She needs something permanent.”

  Which was a problem, he thought. Given Destiny’s job description. “You’re quitting.”

  She looked at him. “How did you know?”

  “It’s the right thing to do. You said it. Starr needs something permanent, so you’re going to provide it. What are you going to do?”

  “I honestly have no idea. I’m still in shock about all of this. I can’t believe she was so unhappy, and I never knew. I guess I only saw what I wanted to see. Plus, it’s not like we’ve known each other very long. I am so in over my head.”

  “So get help.”

  One corner of her mouth turned up. “Is this you fixing things?”

  He held up his free hand. “No way. You’re above my pay grade by miles. Get help from someone who does know what they’re doing. It’s like being an athlete. You hurt something, so you get it fixed. Surgery, physical therapy, whatever it takes.”

  “You mean family counseling? I never thought of that.” She gave a short laugh. “With our family history, we could be an entire case study. A therapist. It’s a good idea. Starr needs someone she can trust to talk to. I know she has me, but I’m sure she needs to talk about me to someone. And I need to be able to share my feelings.”

  He deliberately kept quiet—letting her work it out herself. He suspected that for most women he knew, the talking about Starr role would be handled by a girlfriend. But Destiny kept the world at bay. He understood some of the reasons. Others he could guess at. Funny how from the outside, being rich and famous seemed like a dream come true. But for those living it, the situation was anything but.

  She drew in a breath. “Thanks for listening.”

  “Anytime.”

  “And for helping earlier today. I panicked. I don’t get it. I’m the one who understands the search criteria. I’m the expert. But when I needed to take charge, I crumbled.”

  “You weren’t dealing with an exercise or practice session. It was family.”

  She shook her head. “Grandma Nell would be so disappointed in me.”

  He stood and pulled her to her feet, then drew her against him. She stepped easily into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her and breathed in the scent of her.

  “She would tell you that loving someone is never wrong,” he told her. “She would tell you that giving up is the only unforgivable mistake. Except she’d have a cute Southern accent.”

  Destiny laughed, then started to cry. He continued to hang on, rubbing her back and murmuring softly that it was going to be all right. And for reasons he didn’t question, she believed him.

  * * *

  DESTINY AND CASSIDY arrived at Jo’s Bar for lunch. Destiny was looking forward to time with her friends. She was emotionally exhausted, and she longed for the support she knew she would find at the table. The past forty-eight hours had been an emotional marathon. Starr had run away and returned home. They’d agreed they were going to be a family, and Destiny had given notice at her job.

  There were dozens more decisions to be made. Were they staying in Fool’s Gold? What was she going to do with her life? The list went on and on. But for the next hour or so, all she wanted was to hang out with people she liked and laugh a little. Nachos would be good, too.

  She tried to remember the last time she’d felt this way about a group of women in her life. Maybe in college, she thought. How sad. All her refusal to connect with the people around her had gotten her was a lonely, solitary existence. No support, no love, no sense of belonging. What had she been thinking?

  “So this is a regular thing?” Cassidy asked as they walked into the bar.

  “Sort of. Texts go out and whoever can make it shows up.” Destiny saw a couple of her friends had already claimed a large table. “There they are.”

  Madeline and Felicia waved them over. Destiny introduced Cassidy, then sat next to Madeline.

  “How are you?” Madeline asked. “We are going crazy at Paper Moon. A new delivery of wedding gowns came in. People probably think that they arrive laid out in huge trunks and are stuffed with tissue and look fantastic. The truth is they’re shoved into impossibly small boxes and have to be hung up and steamed. For hours.” Madeline rotated her shoulders. “I hurt everywhere. I need carbs.”

  Destiny leaned over and hugged her friend. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “Being normal. I needed normal today.” A reminder that life went on, and that every crisis was different. Some small, some huge, but all demanding.

  “Would ironing and steaming help you feel better? Because I have lots of that to offer.”

  “Say the word,” Destiny told her. “And I’ll be there.”

  Larissa joined them, along with Patience from Brew-haha. Jo took orders for drinks then explained the day’s nacho special and left them to talk.

  Felicia leaned toward Cassidy.

  “I heard you have trained horses and dogs you’re going to be bringing to town.”

  Patience’s eyes widened. “Trained how? Like for entertainment? Because Lillie and I could totally get into that. I love the festivals, but there aren’t enough performing animals.” She sighed.

  “We have Priscilla,” Felicia said. “Although I suppose she doesn’t actually do anything out of the ordinary.”

  “She’s an elephant,” Madeline said. “I think she wins by showing up.”

  Cassidy blinked a couple of times, as if having trouble following the conversation. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Not circus animals. My horses and dogs are working animals. They help with search and rescue.”

  “HEROs.” Patience nodded knowingly. “I love that,” she sighed.

  Felicia turned to her. “You’re in an unusual mood today. And you’ve sighed several times. That’s significant.” Her brows drew together. “Although my statement makes no sense. A sigh is simply an involuntary or voluntary response to—”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  The table went silent for two beats before exploding into laughter and congratulations.

  Patience beamed. “I know,” she said. “I’m surprised, too. Well, not surprised. We’ve been trying. But for
a while we weren’t sure we wanted more kids. I think Justice was thinking I didn’t want another baby. But I do, and he does, and now we’re pregnant.”

  Destiny added her best wishes to the conversation, even as she found herself wondering about her own situation. A couple of days ago, she would have heard the news and known she would never meet Patience’s baby. That by the time he or she was born, she would have moved on. But all that had changed. Not for her seeing Patience’s baby, but in the future. She was settling down. Which meant at some point she would have long-term friends. Friends who would get married and pregnant and have babies, and she would be there to be a part of all of it.

  She was doing the right thing for her family. Because she wanted to. And that felt good.

  Jo brought over several bottles of champagne and one glass of sparkling water garnished with lime. Everyone in the restaurant toasted Patience’s good news.

  Later, when they’d finished lunch, Cassidy headed back to the office she shared with Kipling while Destiny walked out with Felicia. The two women turned toward the park.

  “I’m feeling especially insightful today,” Felicia said. “So I’m going to ask you a question. Is everything all right? You appeared more quiet than usual at lunch.”

  “I’m okay. Just dealing with some family stuff.”

  Felicia pointed to one of the benches facing the lake. “Want to talk about it?”

  Destiny started to say no, but found herself nodding instead. When they were seated, she paused, not sure where to begin.

  “You know about my family,” she said after a couple of seconds. “Who my parents are.”

  “Yes. They’re country singers. I enjoy country music. It tells a story. I’ve learned a lot about life from country music. Your parents both have excellent musicality.”

  “Ah, thank you.” Kind of a strange compliment, but she knew Felicia meant well. “Starr is my half sister. We share a father. A couple of months ago, my dad’s attorney contacted me.”

  Destiny told her about taking in Starr and how things hadn’t gone well. She finished with the teen running away and how they were committed to being a family.