LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance

by Glenna Sinclair

  “Yeah right, like you cry about anything.”

  A wry smile touched a corner of his lips as he leaned back against the chair.

  “Sometimes I wish I could.”

  Our eyes met, and a brief something passed between us. It was not like the fire of that one, long ago encounter, but there was something there, and it was tinged with heat.

  “Your mom…she was ill?”

  “Cancer.”

  He nodded. “My dad, too. It started in his pancreas, but it moved quickly to his liver. He was gone less than two months after they first found it.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, still rubbing at my cheeks.

  He shrugged. “It was almost ten years ago. But it still hurts, sometimes.”

  “That’s comforting.”

  His eyes filled with compassion, and my tears were suddenly close to the surface again. I blinked hard to make them go away.

  He cupped my face and stared into my eyes, like he was searching for something. “This baby means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

  I nodded, unsuccessful in making the tears disappear. A few slipped out of my eyes, wetting his fingers. It was so strange being this close to him. There was that sense of being close to someone I knew well, someone I could trust with every deep dark secret I ever had or would have. I had to remind myself that I barely knew this man and the few times we had met, he was distant and then…not distant enough. And my body, it seemed only too willing to defect, to embrace a physical touch that would only cause unrepairable damage to my emotional sanity.

  I shut my eyes and tried to will away the desire that was building so deep in my soul that it was quickly becoming an itch I would never be able to scratch, but that only made it worse. My only thought was: What would it be like to feel his hands all over my body? I quickly opened my eyes again. I couldn’t go there. It simply made no logical sense.

  “She means everything to me,” I said, refocusing on the question at hand.

  “She?”

  “The baby. I always call her she. I’m not sure why.”

  “You want a girl.”

  “I would be happy either way, as long as she’s healthy.”

  The truth was, though, that when I dreamt at night—I had the most vivid dreams ever since my pregnancy entered the second trimester—it was always a girl. A boy would be great, too, but I just felt like it was a girl. A little girl I could dress up and whose hair I could curl…I loved her so much already and she didn’t even have functioning lungs yet.

  “Why did you run? Was it your plan to run off with the baby all along?”

  I stared at him, shock making my heart pound so hard that my chest actually hurt for a second. I pulled away from him and stood.

  “I think you should go,” I said.

  “You have to understand that that would be my first assumption when I learned you were pregnant.”

  He sounded so reasonable that I had to stop and remind myself that he’d just accused me of fraud. I stood at the kitchen counter, my hand resting there as I tried to regain my emotional equilibrium.

  “Ana…”

  “My mother had just died. And then Aurora died like ten days later. The last thing on my mind was the surrogacy and everything that went along with it.”

  “But you found out at some point that the procedure had worked.”

  “Yes.” I glanced at him. He was still on the couch, watching me with both curiosity and concern. “But it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Aurora was gone and you never gave me the impression you were all that interested in this baby.”

  “Oh, but I am.” He stood up and approached me, his hands held out in front of him as though he was trying to show he meant no harm. “I just couldn’t let Aurora know how much it meant to me. She might have changed her mind, or taken off with you and the baby.”

  “You really were afraid of her, weren’t you?”

  A flash of anger crossed his face at that. “Not afraid. Just…aware.”

  I leaned back against the counter, not sure I could trust my judgment any more. He seemed so sincere in everything he’d said tonight. Yet, he seemed to blaming everything on Aurora—and that confused me. Could I really trust him? Could I believe what he was saying about Aurora even though it went against everything I’d seen and experienced in the time leading up to this child’s conception? And what about those kisses we’d shared when he was married to Aurora? What kind of man did that make him? What kind of woman did that make me?

  His expression softened as he approached me. I saw things in his eyes that made me want to trust him, things I thought were sincere. But did I know him well enough to know that?

  “You scare me,” I said softly.

  His gaze didn’t move, his eyes studying mine so intently I felt like he could see everything going on inside my head.

  “You scare me, too,” he admitted.

  “You don’t strike me as someone who’s scared of anything.”

  He laughed softly. “You scare me. I’ve never wanted a woman as intensely as I want you.” He moved closer to me, but still he didn’t touch me. “And I want this.” He held his hand just an inch from my belly.

  “You’re used to having your way.”

  “I’m a determined fellow.”

  “Arrogant.”

  “I like things to be orderly.”

  “Bossy.”

  “And I love how you taste.”

  I had nothing to say to that, so I just stared at him. I felt suddenly parched and ran my tongue over my lips to moisten them. He made a sound, and I froze.

  “You’re driving me crazy, you know that?” he said in a raspy voice.

  He reached out to caress my face, and I saw his hands tremble slightly. For me? He was trembling for me? The thought blew my mind and, apparently, it blew all common sense from my logical side, my heart, and my soul. I stepped toward him, and we were suddenly kissing with an urgency that was as hurried as it was desperate.

  I ran my hands over his broad shoulders, down his back, and then sank them into his hair, tugging him closer as he buried his tongue deep in my mouth. When I sucked gently on it, he groaned, which only made me more frantic for him. He kissed my face and along the edge of my jaw.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against my ear. “I wanted you the first moment I saw you.”

  I might have returned the sentiment if I could have, but my lips were too busy exploring his, and my throat was so full of need, of pure desire, that it couldn’t give birth to a single word. I wanted to feel him. I wanted his hands all over me. I wanted things I couldn’t have put into words if I’d been capable because they were things I’d never wanted, I’d never even known I was capable of.

  He slipped his hands beneath my tee and cupped my breasts. Bolts of electricity shot through me, and I began to moan and pant. When he flicked my nipple with the tip of his thumb, I cried out. He lifted my tee and I pulled it the rest of the way off of my body, giving better access to all those places that ached for his touch. I felt as though I had hot lava going through my veins. He leaned down and closed his mouth over the tip of my nipple, and I almost went off the edge. Somehow, his hand found its way beneath my skirt, and he traced a path to the edge of my panties. I felt moisture pool there, and I wanted so much more.

  “Please,” I whispered.

  “Patience, sweetheart,” he said, lifting his head from my breast.

  “Please, Nicolas,” I begged unashamedly.

  He laughed softly and then pushed his thumb against my clit. I cried out as waves of pleasure rushed through me so quickly that my knees buckled. He immediately lifted me, carrying me to the couch where his thumb found its way back to my clit again, two of his fingers sliding deep inside of me. I was quickly spiraling out of control, so close to orgasm that I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. And….Christ! It felt so good. I’d never had an orgasm with a man inside of me before and this…I suddenly understood what the big deal was.

  �
�Nico…Nico…Oh God!”

  “That’s right, baby. It’s Nico,” he said, as he pressed his thumb harder on my clit.

  I came so hard that I lost track of where I was for a moment. His voice pulled me back, the sound of my name on his lips like honey in a warm cup of tea.

  “You are so sexy. I’ve never been with anyone as responsive as you,” he said, a note of wonder in his voice.

  He laid me gently against the sofa and pulled away. I wanted to protest, thinking he was abandoning me before we could complete the act he’d begun so long ago. But then he was back again, so beautiful in his nakedness. He quickly pulled my clothes from my body and lifted me onto his lap. As I straddled him, he guided his erection inside and, as I sank down on his stiff cock, I was back to that place of overwhelming desire, needing that unscratchable itch to be scratched.

  He lifted me off him until the tip of his erection was at the mouth of my cunt, and then he paused.

  “Open your eyes, Ana,” he commanded in a deep, rough voice.

  “What?”

  “Open your eyes. I want to see your eyes when I enter you.”

  I opened my eyes and stared at his. It was like gazing into a dark, fathomless pool. Slowly, still keeping his eyes on mine, he brought me down until he was sheathed to the hilt. I could not take my eyes off him, and something shifted in my heart. It was the most erotic experience of my life. Unable to bear the intensity, I shut my eyes again.

  With each movement, I saw starbursts. I was incoherent. I couldn’t see or hear, all I could do was feel. And when he slipped a finger against my clit and labia, I fell apart.

  He wasn’t far behind me.

  The sounds of his ecstasy made my head spin. He cried out and his hands buried themselves in my flesh. I reached down, pressed my hands to his where they were clutching my thighs, painful and exciting all at the same time. And then the rigidity went out of his muscles and he collapsed back against the couch, his breathing rough as he tried to regain control. I collapsed against him, my chest pressed to his, the movement of our breaths synchronized for a long little while.

  Later, he carried me to the bedroom, and we lay together. He was gentle, asking if I was okay multiple times before he began to kiss my shoulders, to run his fingertips lovingly over the length of my spine. And then he was inside of me again, moving with a gentleness I hadn’t been sure he was capable of. But he was. He was capable of so much kindness and generosity, taking my body to heights I thought were impossible for me to reach. Just before I drifted off, I caught him watching me, his hand tracing circles around my belly button. It would pop out soon. My innie navel would soon become an outie. And they baby’s movements would be strong enough to feel through the layers of muscle and flesh that covered it. I remember thinking how fun it would be to watch him as he felt those first, tentative kicks of his unborn child. And then I was asleep, floating on a false cloud of contentment.

  Chapter 6

  I woke up feeling slightly disoriented. I ached in several places and the feeling was not unpleasant. I reached for my cell and checked the time. It was not yet six in the morning. Stifling a yawn, I sighed. Why would I be up so early? That was when I remembered. I remembered Nicolas and the night we’d shared. I felt heat fill my body and settle between my legs.

  I turned to look at him and found the other side of the bed empty. That was odd. What could have gotten him out of the bed so early in the morning? I climbed out of bed, once again reminding myself that I would have to find an easier way to do that when my belly got big enough to make normal movement more difficult. Naked, I padded into the bathroom to grab my robe, a stupid smile crossing my face as I realized that Nicolas had already seen more of my body than even I had ever seen. The robe was kind of like closing the gate after the cows were already gone, but my modest side couldn’t help it.

  However, I couldn’t deny I felt good. Worry had plagued many of my nights these past few months. Worry that he would find me, worry that I would lose the baby, worry about money. All that seemed so unimportant right now. It just seemed like everything was going to be alright.

  Don’t get too confident yet. You know nothing has been settled.

  That was my inner voice trying to warn me to be pragmatic, but I just couldn’t face it. I was happy and hopeful, and I was not going to allow anything, not even a pesky inner voice, put a damper on the way I felt. With that decision made, I tugged my robe closer to my body and went to find my … well, I had no idea what to call him. Not yet, anyway.

  I found him in the living room. He had my laptop open before him and seemed lost in whatever it was he was doing. But as soon as I stepped in, he lifted his head and looked at me. I don’t know how he knew I was there because my bare feet made no sound. Yet, he’d known. I saw something hot and fierce flash in his eyes for a brief moment before they turned so cool that I began to wonder if I’d imagined the heat.

  “Hi,” I said, sounding nervous even to my ears. “You’re up early.”

  “I can’t sleep past five.” He shrugged, then gestured to the laptop. “Hope you don’t mind.”

  I shook my head. “I have nothing to hide.”

  “You’re an open book, huh?” There was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

  “Heck, I’m practically a billboard. What you see is what you get.”

  He snorted. “Keep telling yourself that. Maybe someday you’ll believe it.”

  “What?”

  Hot and cold. Kind and cruel. I didn’t understand what was happening.

  “You are quite easy to read,” he said. “I’ll give you that.”

  Somehow the way he said it didn’t sound like a compliment. “But…?”

  “But, there are parts of you that are darkly mysterious.”

  Oh-kay??

  I might be slow on the uptake, but even I could sense that there was something else going on here. This was not the man who had made love to me till I was out of my mind with ecstasy.

  I crossed my arms over my chest as I stared down at him.

  “What’s going on? Did I do something to offend you?”

  He didn’t even look up from the computer. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I’m talking about you acting like a total jerk. You weren’t like this last night.”

  “That,” he said with a bored look, “was just sex.”

  His words hit me like a sucker punch. I drew in a deep breath and let it out in one go. He couldn’t be serious. Tears filled my eyes and I wanted to run to the bathroom, to wash myself clean and then put on as many layers of clothing as I could. I felt vulnerable, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

  It might have been just sex to him, but it had been something totally different to me. I held nothing back, not even my heart. As I stood there, feeling like the greatest fool who ever lived, I felt bile rise to my mouth. I fought it back. I knew I was trembling and my heart was beating too fast, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I wanted to cry, but I was damned if I was going to do it in front of him. So, I clutched my hands at my sides, struggling to hold on to my fragile composure.

  “Well, you’ve had your fun. Now get out.”

  I saw swift fury fill his face and felt a stab of satisfaction.

  “You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

  I looked at his stony face and the icy glint in his eyes, once again pushing back the tears that were so close to the surface. What had happened to my hot, passionate lover? Who was this man, this stranger standing before me? I felt raw and exposed. I drew my robe tighter around my body. His eyes flicked down to my breast, and—to my horror and shame—I felt the nipples harden. I’d had the robe for several years now, and it was a bit thin, making my body’s reaction to his gaze quite plain to see.

  He looked at me, then offered a mocking smile as if to say he knew I had no self-control where he was concerned. I felt the slow heat of shame crawl through my body, and with it came the welcome flame of anger. He was tainting what had h
appened last night with his cruel behavior and veiled accusations. That was unbearable.

  “This is my home,” I said, gesturing vaguely around me. “If I want you to go, it’s my right to ask.”

  “Really?” He surged to his feet, his anger quite evident now. “You think I’ll just walk away and leave you—and my baby—like it means nothing? Did you really think that seducing me would give you want you want?” He laughed, a humorless sound that made my head hurt. “You signed a contract, Ana. Nothing about that has changed. I’m not going anywhere without my child.”

  I stared at him in shock. I could feel my mouth hanging open and quickly shut it. What kind of mind would come up with such a twisted bit of logic? I wanted to speak, but I had no idea what to say.

  I searched his face intently, trying to find a little of the sweet, sexy man I spent the night with, but there was nothing.

  “You are a deeply disturbed man,” I said finally. I turned and burst into the narrow galley kitchen. I needed a cup of coffee—even if I was stuck with decaf for the sake of the baby.

  I was disappointed. Very disappointed. And just a little heart sore. Somehow, I had thought that this morning would be different. Nothing spectacular really, just a cozy breakfast together as we talked about the baby and how we could make things work. Together. I wasn’t sure what I really expected. I just…I couldn’t bear the idea of giving this baby up. Not now. Not after it had been mine alone for nearly four months.

  But Nicolas was impossible and…and a little slow, too. Why on earth would a person be so paranoid? He was the one who came after me—all the way to Dallas—after I left California. He made the first move. He kissed me that first time. How did that translate to my seducing him?

  I was so agitated that some of the coffee spilled as I tried to lift the cup. The sharp sting took me by surprise, and I recoiled, spilling more on my hand. My eyes filled with tears as I quickly dropped the cup on the counter and stifled a curse. I turned to the sink, but Nicolas was there before me. He took my hand with a frown on his face.

  “You need to put it under cold water.”