LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance

by Glenna Sinclair

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Barely. “Gee, thanks, mister. Whatever would I have done without your sage wisdom?”

  He gave me a measured look. “That is not even remotely funny.”

  “It wasn’t meant to be!” I tugged again and pain from the burn rushed up my arm. “Give me back my hand!” I pulled extra hard, and he lost his balance.

  Stumbling back, he hit his head against the cupboard with a thud. He let out a string of swear words, and I flinched.

  “What is wrong with you?” he growled.

  “I’m sorry,” I said in a small whisper.

  “Give me that hand.”

  Without a word, I gave him my hand.

  He narrowed his eyes and then reached out to turn on the faucet and guided my hand beneath the flowing water. His hands were so gentle that I had to choke back a sob. Not for the first time, I wondered what had turned this man into the cynical person that he was.

  And that was when it hit me.

  It wasn’t what but who… he’d already told me. His late wife used sex as a way to manipulate him. That must be why he was reacting to me this way. It was habit now to be weary of the motivations of the women around him.

  “You misunderstood,” I said. “When I kissed you, it wasn’t about the baby or trying to manipulate you into forgetting why you were here. I was just…caught up in the moment.

  He went still. “What?”

  “Last night, I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time I saw you. And I…I know it was wrong, but I wanted to be with you. I know it complicates things, but…” He turned to look at me then. “I wasn’t thinking straight. And I’m sorry. I just…when you look at me like that, all thought just flies out of my head.”

  It wasn’t a lie. The way he was staring at me…even though his expression was unreadable, I could still feel the heat that existed between us. And it was doing things to my equilibrium that I couldn’t control.

  After what seemed like an eon, but was probably no more than a few minutes, he turned off the facet and reached for a kitchen towel, gently patting my hand, his attention fully on the task.

  I had my hand now, and I cradled it in the other, even though it didn’t hurt so much anymore. However, I needed the comfort that the action gave me. I had no idea what was going through his head, or if he even believed me, and I found—strangely—that I wanted him to believe me. I wanted it so much, and I didn’t dare examine why it was so important to me.

  He let out a sigh and said, “I was an idiot, wasn’t I?” I could hear the chagrin in his voice.

  Relief—so strong that it almost knocked me off my feet—flowed through me. My knees couldn’t support me, so I leaned against the sink for support. I shrugged, feigning indifference. “Well, I already mentioned that. So there’s no need to repeat it.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Wow. A man who can apologize. I’m in heaven.” I smiled as I said it.

  He was looking at me strangely. “You’re not upset?”

  “Well, you ruined my plans for this morning,” I said, trying to pout and failing miserably at it. I felt lighter than air, and I couldn’t help the joy burbling inside of me, just waiting to burst out.

  “Oh, you had plans….Hmm,” he murmured, his eyes turning smoky.

  I laughed then and moved a few steps away from him. “Not plans of that sort,” I said, swatting him with the kitchen towel and moving back several more steps. “I was thinking more like breakfast.”

  “Yeah, me too.” He covered the distance between us in a single stride and took me in his arms. When our mouths came together, it was an act of mutual desire.

  Chapter 7

  I felt uneasy about Nicolas. I was still unclear on what his intentions were. I felt vulnerable…naked. Well, I was literally naked, actually, standing in the bathroom before the mirror, my belly sticking out several inches in front of me. I ran my hand over it like a mother might her child’s brow. I often found myself imagining what this baby would look like. Nicolas was so tall and dark, his hair the same caramel color as his eyes. And Aurora was blond, her eyes blue, and tall, but so thin. In my mind, I saw a child with Nicolas’ dark hair but Aurora’s blue eyes, a child as beautiful as a rose that’s just opened its petals. The image made me smile. Then I remembered that I wouldn’t be around to see that child grow into her beauty.

  “You’re such a loser,” I said to my reflection. “Did you really think one night of good sex would make a man like Nicolas Costa fall in love with you?” I sighed as I closed my eyes for a second.

  I still wasn’t sure what was to happen next. And I was afraid to ask.

  I went into the bedroom and dug through my dresser for something to wear. As I did, my cell rang. It was Kelly—my dear, sweet friend—calling to check in.

  “Hey, Kels. What’s up?”

  “Nothing that can’t be fixed by a night of wild and unrestrained sex,” she said with a grumble that made me laugh. After a long series of disastrous relationships, Kelly had decided to go on a sex fast. She was just entering the fifth month and was absolutely miserable.

  “Must be hell,” I teased.

  “You can say that again. I haven’t even used my handy pal, you know.”

  “No….!” I said struggling to keep the laughter out of my voice.

  “You can laugh all you want, but I tell you, I can feel it shriveling up down there. Pretty soon, it’s going to get all blocked up.”

  I chuckled softly. I loved talking to Kelly. We’d been best friends for so long. “Where are you now?”

  “We’re in Dubai. We’ll be here for the next couple of days before we fly out again. Can you believe I met this extremely hot dude, and I so wanted to jump him, but I couldn’t.”

  “Must be tough having to behave,” I sympathized.

  “Yeah, I’d much rather go after what I want.”

  “It’s what I admire about you, Kelly.” I wished I could be more like her. Kelly was bold and fearless. She did what she had to do and did not believe in regrets. I wished more than anything that I could go after what I wanted, not that I really knew what that was.

  “How’s my goddaughter? She kicking yet?”

  I rubbed the small, firm bump that was my belly. “No, not yet—though I seem to be growing larger every day. You do know that she might be a boy, right?”

  “Well, I would if you would just go check like normal people do,” she grumbled, which made me smile.

  “When have I ever been normal?”

  “Yeah, whatever…. Heard from the mighty Nicolas Costa?”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had not only heard from him, but he had shown up on my doorstep, made love to me, and confused the hell out of me.

  “Ana…what’s the matter?”

  “He’s here, Kels,” I finally said.

  “What? Where? In your apartment?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When did this happen?”

  “He just kind of showed up yesterday and refused to leave.”

  Kelly was silent for a moment, and then, “Did you sleep with him?”

  Was I that obvious?

  “What? No…!”

  “Hah, you’ve been in lust with the guy from the get go. Don’t tell me you had him in your clutches and you didn’t even try…?”

  “Fine, I won’t tell you.”

  “Ana….”

  “Jeez, you make me sound like some desperado.”

  “Girlfriend, you haven’t had sex in so long…trust me, I know how desperate you are,” she said with a laugh.

  “He’s here for the baby,” I said, saying aloud what I’d been denying to myself since the moment I saw him on my doorstep. “He wants to take her from me.”

  “Then, you have to make him fall in love with you.”

  I almost laughed, then realized Kelly was quite serious.

  “Make him fall in love with me,” I repeated. As if that was even a remote possibility. I’d have better luck getting Bugs Bunny to
fall in love with me. “Not gonna happen.”

  “You never know. He came quite a ways to find you. He could have just had a lawyer serve you with papers, or send some minion to do his dirty work. But he came in person.”

  That was true. And it made me wonder—until I turned and found him watching me from the doorway.

  “Get dressed,” he said. “We leave in less than an hour.”

  Chapter 8

  “I’ll talk to you later,” I said into the phone.

  “Sure,” Kelly said, her voice a little uncertain. “Take care, okay?”

  “You too,” I said as I hung up.

  Slipping the phone into the pocket of my robe, I turned back to him.

  “Where are we going?”

  “L.A.”

  “You want me to go with you?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest, a gesture that made him appear more intimidating than he really was. Or maybe it was a gesture that revealed his true character. At that moment, I wasn’t quite sure.

  “I intend to be there the moment that baby comes. Since my business is in L.A.,” he said, no apology in his voice, “that means you’ll be going with me.”

  My stomach tightened with tension. Once again, I couldn’t read that mask he often hid behind. It unnerved me how easily he could hide his thoughts and how he could shift from being an affectionate lover to a cold and dispassionate stranger in the blink of an eye. I didn’t know what to make of it.

  “What if I don’t want to leave with you?” I asked carefully.

  “You don’t have a say in the matter.”

  And that was it, wasn’t it? We had been playing a game since yesterday, but he was done with all that. His cards were on the table and he was making his play. And, as he’d said the night before, he was Nicolas Costa and Nicolas Costa was probably as rich as Warren Buffet or Bill Gates, rich enough to take me to court and squash any argument the legal aid lawyer I’d be forced to turn to could come up with. I had nothing to fight him with and we both knew it. I was like Playdough in his hands, his to play with for as long as I held his interest. And when I didn’t—when this baby was born—he would throw me away like much-used tissue paper.

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “You’re not being reasonable,” I said softly, trying to approach the subject with as much objective calm as I could. However, anger flashed in his eyes even as they narrowed.

  “Let me put it more reasonably then,” he said in a quiet voice that sounded all the more menacing. “You either come with me now, or I’ll place bodyguards on you twenty-four hours a day.”

  I shivered at the thought of my every movement being watched, but I was not about to let him browbeat me. I shrugged and raised my chin.

  “So, I’ll be protected. What’s the big deal?”

  He smiled, and it was like watching a predator just before it struck. I stared at him, fascinated, waiting for him to speak.

  “You’re the one who misunderstands now. The bodyguards won’t be to protect you, but to protect my child. I can’t have you running off again, or purposely doing something to hurt the child.” He straightened a little, dropping his hands to his sides. “How do I know that you’re eating right, that you’re following doctor’s orders and making it to all the appropriate appointments? How do I know you’re doing everything required to keep that baby healthy?” He shook his head. “And the moment that baby’s born…you won’t have to worry about it or me ever again.”

  “You can’t…!” Horror laced my voice, giving birth to the fear and grief that the idea of losing this baby offered.

  “That’s right, darling. I will take my baby, and you will never see him again. Ever.”

  Tears stung my eyes. I crossed my own arms over my chest, not in a gesture of defiance, but to offer just the littlest bit of consolation to myself.

  “And if I go with you,” I said softly.

  “I would see it as compliance. I might consider keeping you in the loop after the baby’s born. Send pictures to you. Let you see him from time to time.”

  “Just time to time?”

  “What do you want, Ana? You’re a surrogate. Our contract outlined your involvement in the child’s life.”

  “Aurora promised me visitation.”

  “And I’ll honor that.”

  “But only if I come with you.”

  “Yes. You come to L.A. of your own free will and you stay with me at my house—”

  “Your house?” I looked over at him. “Why your house?”

  “I don’t trust you. You ran once already. You didn’t even tell me you were pregnant. I had to find out from a private detective.” His eyes—those expressive eyes—narrowed again. “Do you know what that was like?”

  Of course I didn’t. But I could imagine.

  He was quiet for a long minute. “What happened last night…?”

  I shook my head. “You can consider last night a lapse in judgment that won’t happen again.” I stood up and went to my dresser, dragging out a pair of jeans and random t-shirt. “You should go so I can dress.”

  “I have an errand to run,” he said as he backed up. “Be here when I get back.”

  The moment he closed the door and disappeared I sank back down on the bed and began to cry. I couldn’t believe this was happening. But it was and there nothing I could do about it.

  I pulled myself together and quickly dressed, throwing the bulk of my belongings into two duffle bags. I was too depressed to contemplate what it meant to be able to fit most of my belonging into two duffle bags. And then I got my laptop out of the living room and wrote an email to the flight attendant from whom I was subletting this apartment. I felt bad walking out on my six-month lease with her, but Nicolas wasn’t leaving me many options. I promised to make good on the rent if she couldn’t find someone else on such short notice. It was the least I could do. Then I sent Kelly an email, aware that she wouldn’t see it immediately. I didn’t want to talk to her just now. But later…I knew I would need her.

  I didn’t say a word when Nicolas came back twenty minutes later with two men—presumably the bodyguards he’d threatened me with earlier. They picked up my luggage and led the way downstairs, directing us into a black Cadillac Escalade that was parked at the curb. I could feel eyes on me. Cars like this were not common in this neighborhood. I felt like everyone knew what was happening—and that caused shame to settle on my shoulders like boulders, like I’d done something wrong that my Catholic mom would come back and haunt me for.

  Or maybe she already had. Maybe that’s how Nicolas found me.

  The thing was, my mom didn’t know what I’d agreed to do. I didn’t tell her. I thought I would wait until I was actually pregnant before I told her I was a surrogate. I thought then it might not be such a shock to her. As a Catholic, my mother would be horribly shocked to know that I wasn’t a virgin, let alone that I was pregnant. I thought, maybe, if I told her I was giving life to a child that might otherwise never have had the chance, it would be easier for her to swallow. But I never had the chance.

  Tears welled in my throat. I missed my mom.

  I curled up in the car seat and pressed my hands to my belly. I stared out the window and watched the scenery speed by so fast that I couldn’t tell a light pole from a street sign. I felt like I was being sent off to a death sentence. A little dramatic, but it fit.

  Death with a man I thought I could love.

  How wrong had I been….

  Chapter 9

  We flew to L.A. on a private jet. Nicolas sat on the opposite side of the aisle from me, talking into his smartphone most of the flight. Like in the car, I stared out the window most of the time. It was funny…my first time on a plane and I was too depressed to enjoy it.

  When we landed, Nicolas suddenly remembered I existed. He slipped into the chair beside me and leaned close to me.

  “There will likely be paparazzi outside the airport gates and outside the gates of my house. They’ve be
en hounding me almost constantly since Aurora’s…well, since everything exploded. It would be great if you’d keep your head down and not encourage any sort of interaction.”

  “What are you afraid I’d do? Tell them what a great guy you are?”

  Nicolas just shook his head. “This is my reputation you’re playing with here, Ana. If you think I’m an asshole now, wait until you do something to hurt my career.”

  I believed him. I just nodded, chewing on my lip so roughly that I tasted blood.

  The flight attendant opened the cabin door. Nicolas stood and grabbed me under my upper arm, leading me to the door. I could hear the paparazzi before I saw them, their voices raised in question like a swarm of bumblebees swarming a hive. Another group of bodyguards were waiting beside another black SUV, this one a Ford Explorer. I climbed into the backseat as I heard one particularly loud paparazzi ask who I was.

  “That your new girlfriend?” the voice asked. “You getting married again, Nicolas?”

  Talking to him like they were buddies, sitting around a poker table. It was offensive, even to me, and I wasn’t really the target of their questions.

  “Let’s go,” Nicolas barked to the bodyguard who climbed behind the wheel.

  The moment we drove through the gates of the private airport, several cars pulled into traffic behind us, causing something of a commotion as they cut off two other cars that were already on the road. I looked behind us, outside the back windshield, and was shocked at the insane way a few of the paparazzi were hanging out the windows in order to get pictures of the car. They couldn’t even see Nicolas, yet they were willing to put their lives at risk.

  “Turn around,” Nicolas said. “There’s no point in watching them. It only encourages them if they see you.”

  I settled back down in my seat. Nicolas was next to me, reading something on his smartphone.

  “Is it always like this?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Is this what it was like for Aurora?”

  He glanced at me and I caught a glimpse of grief in his eyes. “It was.”

  “You don’t think—?”