by K. M. Ellis
Kat got up as he sat down, she slid into his lap, and “Did you call him?” she asked.
“Yeah, he’s on his way, fucking finally.”
Kat kissed Toms cheek as I popped the top off of my fourth beer.
Everything seemed perfect, Kat and Tom, Neptune… but we all know, nothing is ever as it seems.
Kat
October 2000
“I hate having to do these things”
“It’s not that bad, Kat” Thomas shouted from the bedroom.
I had been getting ready all morning. VH1 had wanted to do an interview with Neptune and I wanted to look perfect.
“But you know they’re also doing interviews with Shane and Gary and fucking everyone who’s ever been in our lives.”
Tom came in the bathroom and leaned against the door frame, “Does it bother you that much?”
“Kinda” I said
“It shouldn’t. It’s me and you. Forget them.”
I smiled at him then to which he smiled back, reassuring me all would be well.
“So was it your father, Kat, who made you want to become a musician?” the interview asked as he glared at me from his singular seat while Neptune sat on the couch beside him.
“No, it had nothing to do with him actually.” I responded, “It was actually Thomas who I guess ‘inspired’ me”
Tom looked over and me and smiled, “No, it wasn’t,” he quipped.
“It so was!”
“So you two have known each other since you were fourteen?” he asked
“Yeah, that was probably my fault to.” Tom answered.
I nudged him with my elbow. He laughed.
“Stop it” I said
The interviewer looked at us both, “Is it really all that, sex, drugs, rock and roll? I mean we’ve heard you both lost your virginity to each other, and we know Kat’s sexual history is pretty public…”
My face went white.
“but what about you, Tom?’ he asked
“Oh, you know, you go to different cities, towns, different women, it’s all part of the lifestyle.”
The interviewer nodded, “And you, Kat? Your involvement with Arctic Circle has been quite public. Does it bother you?”
“Well, no. it really doesn’t. You’d think it would, right? I had my time with Shane and Drew, oh and even Brian, but I have always loved Tom. It’s always been that way. It just took me far too long to see it.”
“Your involvement with Gary from Dreamer caused quite a concern.”
“Did it? I never seemed to notice much.”
The interviewer looked confused.
“I’d rather not bring Gary into anything.”
He nodded.
He asked more questions about our music, straying away from the personals. I felt tense, hating every moment. My only comfort was Tom, holding my hand the whole time.
Shane
November 2000
I went to knock on the large oak door in front of me. Before my fist hit the wood, it opened. Thomas’ eyes bore into me.
“Hey,” I said slowly, “just coming to collect Dar.”
He stepped to the side, letting me into the house.
I looked around, “Kat here?” I asked him.
He shook his head.
We stood in silence for a moment before he spoke, “you and Kat…” he began, “it will not happen again. The only reason I have been so tolerant of it is because I slept with her when you two were together, but now we’re even, and if something happens between you both again, it’s over with her and I.”
“I understand, Tom, I’m not planning on putting whatever you’ve got with Kat at risk. Both times I slept with her… they were unexpected,” I explained.
Before he could answer, Darla came running, “ready,” she said.
She glanced from Thomas back to me with a frown.
“I’ll see you next week,” she said as she gave him a one armed hug.
Tom’s eyes were stony as I nodded to him before leaving.
So it had come to this, he was afraid to lose Kat, because of me, but if only he knew he had nothing to fear, Kat loved him more than she ever had me.
Gary
November 2000
“Happy Birthday, Kathryn” I said as she answered the door.
She threw her arms around me. I glanced behind her where Tom stood. I let go of her and shook his hand.
“It’s just a small party now,” she explained
“Small is fine with me,” I answered.
They were great together, her and Thomas. I watched them talking, bouncing energy off of one another.
I didn’t feel jealous anymore. She was loved more than I could have ever loved her.
Thomas
November 2000
“What are you doing?” I asked Kat.
She jumped and turned to me, her phone in her hand.
“Who are you talking to? It’s four in the morning!”
She covered the mouth piece of the phone with her palm, “It’s about Darla,” she whispered.
She turned back to the phone
“Yeah, I get it,” she said into it.
I grabbed her from behind, ripping the phone out of her hand.
“Hey!” she shouted angrily
“Hello?” I said through the phone
“Uh… hi?” Shane said his voice husky.
“Is this an emergency?” I asked
“No…er…”
“Then you don’t need to be talking to her,” I said clicking the phone off.
I sat it down on the counter.
“What the fuck was that about?” I asked
“I told you, it was about Darla.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me,” I snarled at her
She looked taken back, “Are you seriously going to act like this every time I talk to Shane now?”
“Only because I know you’re lying to me.”
She looked down at the ground and shook her head, “You wouldn’t understand, you’ve never had a kid.” She said viciously walking away
I grabbed her by her hair, not caring if I hurt her.
“Tom!” she screamed
I yanked her to me so we were facing each other.
“Let go of my hair, you’re hurting me,” she protested.
I let go.
She stumbled slightly before regaining her balance. Her hand went up to hit me and I caught it, my face coming inches from hers.
Her bottom lip quivered, she bit it to stop it.
Her caramel eyes were full of fire; I couldn’t stop myself when my lips crashed against hers. She tried to push me away, tried to fight me, as I ripped off her robe and forced down her silk panties.
She tried to kick me when I pushed her to the floor, I held her down with my elbow as I let myself loose. Thrusting inside of her, she stopped moving suddenly, her breathing still heavy. Her lips were slightly parted as her eyes narrowed. I kept going, all of the anger and frustration I had ever felt towards her coming lose, as my arms held her wrists down. She lay their motionless, looking off to the side as I came.
As I sat beside her, she didn’t move.
“Kat…” I said into the air.
Silence
“Say something, Kat!”
She turned her head and looked me right in the eye.
“You could have at least taken me to the bedroom,” she spoke softly
I huffed, “Jesus, Kat.”
She sat up beside me, examining her bruised wrists.
“Shane had to talk to me about Darla, honestly. I guess she snuck out with some friends and they did pot or whatever. She literally just got home so Shane called me. He didn’t know what to do…”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I asked
“I figured you should trust me by now.”
“I do, Kat. I’m just afraid of losing you to Shane. No one else, just Shane.”
“Why him?” she asked
“Because I see the tension betwe
en you two. He still loves you like crazy. I guess I’m just scared that you’ll go back to him”
“I never would, Tom, “she said flatly, “I love you, only you. The feelings I have for Shane… I love him as a friend, not a lover anymore. I swear. Now…” she said getting up and extending a hand to me, “let’s go upstairs and do this right this time.”
I believed her.
Kat
December 2000
“Darla, are you almost ready?”
“Coming!” I heard my fourteen year old shout.
Ring
“One second!” I shouted
Shane was due to pick Darla up any minute and she wasn’t ready. We were all going out that night for Thomas’ birthday and he had gone out to the studio for a couple of hours to check some things out.
I opened the door, it was Shane. “Hey, just come in, she’ll be ready soon.”
We sat on the couch.
“Kat,” he started.
“Don’t”
It had been two months since the “incident” and we had not spoken much.
“Kat, I have to ask you… did you kiss Brian, you know back when we…”
“No, I didn’t… Why? Did he say I did?”
“Yeah,” he replied sheepishly.
“He kissed me, Shane.”
“Really?”
“Really,” I said softly.
Before I could think, his lips were on mine, his body pressed against mine.
I wanted to push him away but found I did not have the strength.
“Dad?”
Shane instinctively moved away from me.
“Go wait in the car” he said to her while still facing me.
“Do you think she will tell Thomas?” I asked
“Tell me what?”
My mouth dropped as Thomas stood in the doorway, his blue eyes blaring.
My eyes moved from Shane to Thomas, then back to Shane.
“I think you need to leave” Thomas said to Shane.
Shane met my gaze briefly before briskly walking out the door.
I stood and went to walk after him and my daughter.
“Don’t you dare walk out that fucking door or else it’s over, Kat. It’s all over.”
I froze, staring at Thomas.
He repeated, “If you walk out that door, it’s over.”
“But my daughter…”
“I don’t care.”
“I want to say goodbye”
“It’s only a week, Kat, you can call her.” he said through gritted teeth.
I had never seen Thomas like this before. It scared me.
“Fine, “I said walking away. “We need to get ready anyways.”
“You’re not going,” he said flatly.
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t want you there, Kat. It’s just going to be Ian, James and I. Just us guys.”
“When did you decide this?” I asked
“Just now, Kat”, he said walking past me.
“But it’s your birthday...” I started
“Oh yeah? And I’ve spent every fucking one with you since I was fourteen so I don’t see how one apart will really fucking matter.”
I turned and ran up the stairs then and threw myself on the bed like a child. I heard him coming up the stairs behind me.
He sat on the bed; I buried my face into the pillow.
“It’s just one night, Kat, we just need… I just need a night to think,” he explained his voice softer now.
I sat up.
“Okay… Okay…”
He kissed my forehead and began to get ready.
I got up and followed him.
“I don’t love him,” I said flatly.
“It doesn’t matter, Kat.”
He took off his shirt as he went into the closet to get another.
“Tom…”
“What, Kat…”
He sounded frustrated.
I grabbed his arm, “Can we talk for a second?”
He turned to me, listening.
“I love you,” I told him.
“Okay, Kat, I love you too.”
“Tell me what’s wrong,” I begged.
He let out a heavy sigh, “Kat, do you ever want to get married?”
“You’ve asked me this before, I thought we had agreed that we were not going to and we were not going to bring it up again…”
He shrugged, “I don’t know, sometimes I feel like… how should I put this?” He paused, “If I was to ask you, would you?”
“We’ve discussed this, Tom, I don’t want to.”
He frowned, “I see.”
He turned from me, grabbing a shirt to put on. He paused and looked over at me.
“What?” I questioned.
He shook his head, “Nothing, Kat, just nothing.”
I sat on the bed, watching him finish getting ready.
“See you later, Kat,” he said kissing my lips emotionless.
“Happy Birthday,” I whispered
He smiled half heartedly before leaving me alone.
Was he going to leave me? I thought would he cheat? So many thoughts crossed my mind.
James
December 2000
“No, Kat?” I asked as Tom got in the car alone.
“No, she’s not coming tonight.”
“Oh, is she okay?” Ian asked.
“She’s fine,” he said gruffly
“You fought?” I pressed.
He let out a huff, “Yeah, I guess we did.”
“Is everything okay?” I asked, concerned.
“I… I was going to ask her to marry me tonight, just maybe to see if she would change her mind about it, fucking foolish thought that was, but I came home and she was with Shane, who fucking knows what they were doing…”
“You think she was screwing around with him?” Ian asked
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” he answered carelessly.
“Well, let’s just try to have fun tonight;” I said trying to brighten up the mood, “Kat won’t be here, so… we can do whatever we want!”
Thomas chuckled, “Let’s do it.”
Kat
December 2000
I had decided to go to bed early after a glass of wine; I couldn’t have been down more than an hour when the phone rang. I checked the time, it was a little after one.
“Hello?” I said groggily
“Kat, its Ian, you’ve gotta come quick you gotta… fuck…”
“Jesus Christ Ian what the fuck happened.”
“We got hit, and Tom was driving and he’s hurt real bad… he’s… he’s in surgery, Kat.”
I got in the car as quick as I could and drove to the hospital. When I got there I saw Ian, his arm was in a cast. “Where’s James?’
“He’s in that room over there, just some cuts and scratches nothing major.”
“Tom?”
“He’s still in surgery.”
We waited what seemed like a lifetime. The doctor finally came out and told us he had come through and things looked positive.
“Thank God,” I breathed out.
I was able to see him a couple hours later.
“Kat,” he breathed slowly
Tears ran down my cheeks.
“Don’t cry, Kat, please.”
“I love you, Tom, god I love you so much and I’m sorry. I’ll never see him again; I’ll never talk to him again, whatever you want.”
He took my hand
“No, its okay, Kat, I had too much to drink, I shouldn’t have been driving Ian’s car… I… I was so angry…”
“Because of me,” I said softly
He closed his eyes and let out a breath, shaking his head yes.
I looked at him with tubes and IV’s all over him and burst into tears.
“Kat, stop, it’s done, everything is okay.”
“It’s all my fault,” I cried.
“Kat…”
“What?”
“Where are my pants
?” he asked
“Uh… I don’t know, why?”
“Just get them.”
Wiping my eyes dry, I asked the nurse where his belongings were and she brought a bag.
“I’ve got them,” I told him.
“The pocket.”
I reached in the pocket where I found a small velvet box.
“Tom…”
“Open it.”
I did. It was a ring, a beautiful ring. My eyes widened. “Tom…” I said as I looked up at him.
“I was going to ask you, Kat. I know we have talked about it and you don’t want to do it again, but I want it and I think you do also, you’re just scared. He paused; “That’s where I was earlier when I said I was going to the studio. I wanted to ask you tonight, but it didn’t play out I guess, I was so jealous of you and Shane, but I know you love me, not him, not like you used to.”
“Yes, Tom,” I said
“Yes?”
“Yes, I want to marry you.”
“Kat,”
“Hmmm?”
“Marry me now.”
“Here?” I asked.
He took a deep breath, “Yes”
“Yes, yes, oh god. Nurse, “I said shouting out the door. She came running, “Is there a Chaplin here?” I asked breathlessly
She nodded, “Do I need to send him up?”
“Please,”
When he arrived, I asked him if he would marry us. He did, with James and Ian as witnesses.
“Forever, Kat,” Thomas said, sealing it with a kiss.
“Forever,” I repeated, through tears.
I sat on the bed with him and lay besides him.
“Sorry we have to spend our wedding night like this,” he confessed.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, as long as I’m with you.”
“Love you,” he said drifting off to sleep.
“I love you too,” I whispered back.
“Kat?” he said in the dark.
“Hmm?”
“If anything ever happens to me, it has to be Shane. Alright?”
“What do you mean?”
He let out a breath, “If something happens to me, I want you to be with Shane, no one else.”
“Nothing’s going to happen to you Tom, you’re gonna be alright.”
“Shane,” he said again.
“Shane,” I repeated. “I promise”
James
December 2000
Alarms were the first thing I heard, then a rush of doctors and nurses going into his room. When Kat appeared, it was only because she had been forcibly removed. She was in tears, instantly I ran to her.
“What happened?” I asked her.