by C. M. King
I stifled a yawn, disguising the fact my night was long and restless. It had been filled with intense, dark dreams of Joel. Even in sleep he haunted me, teasing me with something that would never be mine.
My finger circled the rim of the glass absentmindedly, trying to block out the inane chatter. I lifted my eyes to take just one peek, to satisfy my curiosity. Allowing myself one moment to look at him, only to find Joel’s eyes locked on me, watching me closely.
I took in a sharp gasp of air, at the intensity of his eyes boring into mine. They softened slightly after a few beats, but they held a look of concern. His lips curled up into a shy smile but I didn’t reciprocate back, and caught his frown as my eyes dropped back down.
His eyes seemed genuinely sincere but I knew the pattern, the routine. He had no doubt lived up to his player role, scoring another girl the moment I was out of sight, out of mind.
I clenched the knife tightly in my hand, feeling the blade dig uncomfortably into my skin. I had set myself up for another fall and boy was I tumbling.
Joel’s eyes remained fixed on me throughout the meal, but mine stayed locked on the plate. Focusing on eating enough to appease my Mother. I didn’t need her suspicions raised any further, by my lack of appetite. That would mean her interfering and meddling in my business, and that just wasn’t happening.
I knew he was anxiously waiting for some sort of sign. A smile. A look. But I refused to give him one. The selfish part of me wanted to punish him, for the way he had treat me last night.
When all the plates were collected and cleared away, I knew I’d be left listening to their in-depth details of last night’s conquests. I needed to leave and fast. Despite my attempts to evade Joel, he was like a magnet, still drawing me in.
My eyes unwillingly flashed up to Joel, who was still staring, almost silently pleading with me. I remembered how good it felt last night, looking deep into those big blue sapphire eyes. How my heart rapidly beat with joy, now they just caused it to ache.
I quickly broke the contact, if I stared any longer I’d lose whatever little self-control I was barely grasping onto. I needed to leave while I still had the strength to.
“I can’t believe you didn’t bang Chloe last night, she was laying it out for you on a plate. What is up with you Joel?”
What?
My eyes snapped up and locked with Joel’s. He held my gaze for several seconds, before turning back to Mike.
“I told you, I didn’t want to go there. I don’t have to get with someone every time we go out you know.” He shook his head in mild irritation, as Mike glared open-mouthed at his response.
I was pretty sure mine was wide open too.
My eyes stayed locked on Joel. Was it because of me? Was I part of the reason behind last night? My words having some affect after all?
Mike scoffed at his reply. “Sorry Joel, but has someone taken over your body? That’s the main reason we go out.” He laughed, slapping him playfully on the back.
Joel blushed, dropping his head down in embarrassment.
My anger levels skyrocketed in two seconds flat. “Maybe Joel wants more than just to screw girls, maybe he wants to find the right person,” I shouted, glaring at Mike.
Joel’s eyes instantly found mine and he smiled.
“Yeah, whatever Iz, I give it a week and he’ll be back to normal,” Mike snapped back looking smug, before sipping on his drink.
My Brother was such an idiot.
How could we possibly be related?
I wanted to throw my drink in his face, to wipe that smug smile off it, and punch it for good measure.
“A leopard can change its spots,” I yelled, jumping up from my chair, enraged by Mike’s comments.
“Why are you so interested in Joel? Half the time you can’t stand him!”
Shit.
Think of something.
But my mind went blank. I blushed snatching up the lemon meringue pie off my Mother, walking back through, using it as a welcoming distraction to leave. I couldn’t bear to be here a moment longer, Mike would soon recognise the signs. I knew he was a little slow, but at this precise moment my eyes were a dead giveaway.
Storming through my bedroom door I threw the pie down onto my desk. I no longer had an appetite after that conversation. I hated Mike but that was nothing new. I just wanted to know the reason why.
Was it because of me?
The welcoming sight of my bed enticed me. I flopped down hard, grabbing a cushion and clutched it tight as my teeth nervously chewed on the corner.
Was it something to do with the moment we had shared yesterday?
I shouldn’t let myself get carried away, that other factors could have been involved, but suddenly a spark of renewed hope began to grow inside me.
* * *
As the weather grew increasingly colder, my dependency on hot chocolate spiralled out of control. I couldn’t help it; chocolate was my addiction, and the one place that made the best hot chocolate bar none was Joel’s pub. Desperate to find out answers and to curb my cravings, I decided to head over and pay Joel a visit.
Nerves overtook me as I stood outside. I allowed myself a few deep breaths, to contain myself before walking in.
Cranking the door open, I was greeted with the glorious sight of Joel leaning sexily over the bar.
Holy shit.
I stood there dazed, drinking in every single delicious inch of him.
He was dressed in his usual work attire. The cherry red work t-shirt bringing out the intense blue in his eyes, and showing off his tattoo sleeve to perfection.
God it was so sexy.
I had to remember to breathe.
He was too engrossed in his crossword to notice me enter, busy chewing on the end of his pen in frustration, looking deep in thought.
The sight of him alone made me lose the ability to function. I wanted to stare at him forever, I doubt I would ever get bored.
The seconds slowly ticked by and I knew I had to move, to force one foot in front of the other and remind myself to breathe.
Walking towards him I took in the full effect of the refurbishment. It was so different now, looking more modern and stylish. The dirty old scratched stools and benches had been replaced with fancy black sleek leather chairs and shiny glass chrome tables. The walls were now a deep shade of purple, covered in graphic retro wall art. Thankfully the old musty carpet had long gone, replaced with a highly polished dark wooden floor. The whole place had more of a modern friendlier vibe, having finally been brought into the twenty first century and boy did it need it.
The beat of my heart grew stronger as I allowed myself a couple more seconds to appreciate Joel and all his glory.
Was it possible he’d become more beautiful in the last few days? Every time I saw him it was like the first, and each time he always managed to take my breath away.
“Hey Joel,” I chirped brightly, climbing up onto the leather stool.
His head snapped up from the newspaper and he gave me the most breathtakingly gorgeous smile, which lit up his eyes. It had me almost falling off my seat and melting into a puddle on the floor.
Breathe, just breathe.
“Hey, what a nice surprise, what can I do for you today?” His eyes held a cheeky glint, as he suggestively raised his eyebrows, which made me smile even more.
“I’d like a hot chocolate please and don’t scrimp on the cream and marshmallows either this time,” I warned, using a stern voice.
Joel pretended to look shocked, clutching his chest in mock disgust, acting like I’d wounded him, which made me giggle.
“As if I would? I’ll give you extra just to make up for it,” he said winking, as his hand cupped my chin lightly, for a few moments.
Whoa.
My breath hitched slightly, before he walked off.
Did that just really happen?
My hand brushed against the skin, where his hand had been only moments before. I wanted to launch myself over the bar and kiss h
im with every breath I had.
I needed to calm down.
What I needed was a cold shower, not a hot chocolate.
He returned a few minutes later, with the hot chocolate in hand. I laughed hard at the sheer size of it. He must have squirted half a can of cream on it. It was loaded with mini marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. My eyes widened as I licked my lips slowly in anticipation.
I was officially in chocolate heaven.
“Will this do for madam?” he asked, placing the hot chocolate down. He did an overly exaggerated bow, making me giggle again. When he stood back up our eyes locked and I felt the familiar pull between us.
I laughed, attempting to drink it. “I think you’ve gone a little overboard here Joel.” I chuckled, licking the cream off my lips.
He smiled, leaning over and slowly wiped a small blob of cream from my nose with his thumb. “Well I had to prove a point.” He winked, as he slid his thumb into his mouth, sucking the cream off slowly.
God I wished I was that thumb.
My cheeks flushed, as every dirty thought about Joel filtered through my mind. I felt the heat rise inside me.
I needed to calm down.
I couldn’t let him notice the reaction his teasing had over me, that would be far too embarrassing. But I’d definitely replay that moment over and over again in private.
But not here. Not now.
To save myself any more embarrassment, I changed the subject fast. “So how were the Foos?” I asked. There was an air of annoyance in my voice. I was still slightly pissed I’d missed out on seeing them live. They were high up on my list of bands I was desperate to see.
“They were amazing, so good live, have you ever seen them?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
He should already know I hadn’t, but then he never really took an interest in my life. I was the young geek that kept herself locked away reading books, escaping to places I couldn’t physically venture to in real life.
“No,” I snapped back, a little too quickly. I took a long sip of my hot chocolate, hoping the creamy, sweet goodness would help keep my temper in check.
Joel of course had been to most of their London gigs, which annoyed me every single time. The green-eyed monster always made an appearance, listening to him and Mike regale their many tales. Most of which included hooking up with women as well, which was double the torture.
“You should go and see them, I highly recommend them.” He grinned, oblivious to the fact he was rubbing it in even more.
I scowled throwing down the spoon, so it rattled against the saucer. It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried, tickets were like gold dust every time they went on sale.
Joel frowned at my display of annoyance. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked grabbing my hand, his thumb gently caressed against my skin.
Oh god.
He was touching me.
I had now lost the ability to speak.
My attention was focused on the tiny circles he was drawing with his thumb, on the back of my hand.
“Nothing it doesn’t matter,” I muttered, shaking my head.
I never wanted his hand to leave mine. Ever.
“Aww come on, you know you can tell your friendly barman anything,” he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. He always did have the power of persuasion.
I laughed and snorted together.
NO!
My free hand flew up to my face and I flushed with complete and utter embarrassment. I couldn’t be cool if I tried.
Joel started to laugh, amusement shining in his eyes and I cringed. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up right now. I closed my eyes, feeling totally mortified.
He pulled my hand away from my face, holding both together. His thumbs slowly grazed over my knuckles, waiting for me to speak.
“I really wanted to go but well, all the tickets were sold out.” I stared down at the bar, avoiding his look of pity. I didn’t have his friends or connections, to try other means of wrangling tickets.
Joel squeezed my hands, to make me look at him again. “Hey, you could have come with me, why didn’t you say anything? I could have got you a ticket.” His eyes stared deep into mine, looking genuine enough. But he was only saying it to make me feel better. No way in hell would he want me around, while he hit on all the half naked girls there.
“Yeah right, you wouldn’t want me tagging along cramping your style.” I pulled my hands away, but he held on tighter.
He drew me in further, so we were barely inches apart. “As if! I would be the one holding all the guys back from hitting on you.”
Was he seriously taking the piss?
I looked at him in disbelief. “Joel, take a look around it’s not like I’m having to fight them off.” I laughed at the sheer thought.
How absurd!
Then snorted again.
Oh god.
I cringed with embarrassment and leaned my forehead down onto the cold wooden bar, in a pathetic attempt to avoid his gaze.
I knew he was grinning wildly.
Snorting once I could excuse.
But twice.
Yep, just kill me now.
He slowly released my hands and tickled the back of my neck. I twitched slightly with the contact, oh his fingers felt amazing gliding over my skin. I wondered what it would feel like tickling other parts of my body?
I really wanted to find out.
I knew he was waiting for me to sit back up, but I needed a moment, to clear my head. Especially after that last thought.
My cheeks were burning, only imagining how good it would be. The blush slowly subsided and I slowly lifted my head back up, so my eyes met his and he smiled. His hands grabbed mine once again, holding them tight.
“Iz, do you not realise in the short space of time you’ve been here, two guys have been checking you out?”
He was so wrong, what a complete wind up merchant. He was just saying it to try and make me feel better. I didn’t need his pity. He certainly didn’t have to go to the extreme of lying, to make me feel good about myself. But I was still enjoying the handholding. Maybe a little too much.
“I’m not making it up, look over there to your right.” He nodded his head in the direction for me to look. I scowled a little at him, no longer enjoying his joke. His lips pulled up into a grin, motioning with his eyes again.
I did my best discreet over the shoulder glance, and sure enough two guys were smiling back. I snapped my head back round so fast I almost got whiplash.
Oh god, he was right.
I instantly frowned. “Joel, don’t you dare leave me, I’m not interested in them,” I pleaded with him, my eyes relaying my desperation as I clung onto his hands even tighter.
“Hey,” he soothed. “I’m not going anywhere and if they cause any trouble I’ll pull out the gun behind the bar.” His smile almost split his face in two. Which was probably more to do with the look of horror, spreading across mine.
Did he really have a gun?
Wow, my very own action hero.
Well he did have the looks and body for it, and he’d look amazing in a dirty white vest.
I leaned forward in my stool, checking either side of me before I spoke. “Joel, you don’t really have a gun behind there do you?” I whispered, scared in case anyone else heard.
A quick scan of the room told me everyone was too wrapped up in their own little conversations, to worry about Joel having an illegal weapon behind the bar.
He laughed, stroking my hand, as a huge grin spread across his face. “Izzy, your face is a picture, no I don’t, but it sounds good.” He shook his head bemusedly, shooting me a cheeky wink. “Hey Iz, next time the Foos are in town we’re going to see them, it’s officially a date.”
Date?
Wow, my heart stuttered at the very word. But what if he backed out? I needed to make it official, legally binding in case anything else cropped up before then.
“Pinky swear?” I smiled, holding out my little finger.
He chuckled, looking at it bemusedly, before wrapping his around mine. “Pinky swear.” He grinned, his eyes shining with delight.
“There’s no backing out now, you are tied to take me. You can’t go back on a pinky swear, those are the rules.” I laughed at his expression, he had never done a pinky swear before in his life.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, my word is my honour.” He bowed down and kissed my hand as if to seal the deal.
He did not just do that!
I was never washing my hand again.
One kiss and I was suddenly transported back to a Jane Austen film. The gesture was so sweet and innocent, I was almost about to swoon. My hands gripped the bar, in case my body decided to lose all control.
For the next hour we sat chatting just catching up. To my delight Joel made me another hot chocolate, fuelling my sugar cravings further. This one had less cream, so the risk of sporting a cream moustache had been reduced, to almost minimal chance of embarrassment. I talked about college and I regaled all my many hilarious Elijah stories, which prompted the biggest smile on his face.
To my relief, I managed not to snort again for the rest of the afternoon. A third one would have been beyond embarrassing, actual social suicidal.
It was strange how everything felt so natural, like we’d talked countless times like this before. He was such a different person to the Joel I had always known, the Joel I’d spent a lot of time loving and loathing.
The one thing that remained the same was he still drove me wild, with his intense, lingering looks. His eyes sparking something deep inside, as his touch sent a shiver throughout my body. The way he lovingly held my hand and his sweet words, I’d never get tired of hearing his voice.
I felt the addiction running through my veins. I was completely hooked and Joel was my only choice of drug. I knew I was falling hard, caught up in his spell. I just hoped that it was a good thing, as I no longer had the strength to fight it.