Lost Before You (Heart's Compass Book 2)

by Brooke O'Brien

  She tucks her leg beneath her as she crawls next to me on the couch. Pulling the blanket over her lap, she faces me on the other end of the couch and I recline back on the sofa.

  “You look so beautiful when you’re like this. Stripped down, showing me who you are beneath it all. You let me see the real you instead of the version the rest of the world gets to see.”

  She gives me a sad smile before looking at her hands. I sense she isn’t sure what to say, or how to even start, so I decide to do that for her.

  “Listen, I know things went down terribly when we were in Arbor Creek, and I’m sorry for what I said at Callum’s. I was hurt and it was uncalled for. I’m sorry for not only saying that in front of my father, but for how it made you feel. I hope you know what happened between us was more than just a hook-up for me.”

  She tilts her head up to look at mine, and her eyes search my face like she’s trying to gauge whether I’m being truthful or not.

  “Why?”

  I narrow my eyes at her. “I heard you talking to my mom in the kitchen that morning. Hearing her tell you how I was feeling about you and for you to say we were just friends felt like a punch to the gut.”

  I can tell when she realizes what I had heard. “We never talked about what we were after I got home from Cleveland.”

  “I told you before you left I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t. You’re the only person I want to be with. Since that night at Dean’s when you gave yourself to me, I’ve only been with you. Hell, Brea, it’s always only been you.”

  “Mason,” she says, and I can tell I broke through to her. The tears well up in her eyes as she runs her fingers beneath them, wiping away the errant tears.

  “Do you still trust me?”

  She seems to think about it for a moment and it worries me, knowing how much trust means to Brea.

  “Yes,” she says with absolute conviction.

  “You asked me to promise you that night nothing would change and I couldn’t, B. I couldn’t. If I’m being honest with you, I’ve been in love with you since before that night. All I’ve ever wanted was you. I know I’ve done a shit job of showing you through my actions. Yeah, I might not always get it right but I’m trying. You can’t tell me when you think about all the times we were together, you didn’t feel it.”

  She moves the blanket from her lap and crawls across the couch to where I’m sitting, climbing up on my lap so she’s straddling me. Easing her hand down beside us, she pulls the lever to the recliner, pushing it backward.

  “Do you really mean that?” she asks, looking down at me. A strand of her hair falling forward is pressed against the side of her cheek.

  Using my hand, I push back the strands so that I can see her face and look her straight in the eye.

  “Brea, I love you. I swear to you it will only ever be you. You’re my best friend. I love how when you’re cold, you curl up next to me. I love how you are so outgoing with everyone, but you only show who you truly are to a select few people. You’ve been guarded, and I understand why, because of the lies you’ve had to face. I promise you though, you don’t have to lock up your heart anymore. I will always be here to take care of you.”

  Running her hand along my cheek, I relish in the feel of her warm skin against my mine. She traces the pad of her thumb along my lower lip before leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss against my lips.

  Skating both of my hands along her hips and up her back, I pull her in closer, deepening the kiss. The salty mix of her tears combined with the taste on her lips that is uniquely Brea. I will never get enough of her.

  Keeping her head pressed against mine, she leans back far enough so we can see each other. The love I see shining hits me like a slam to the chest.

  “I love you, too,” she breathes as another tear streams down her face.

  I can’t help but smile. Running my thumbs underneath her eyes, I wipe away the moisture. “Why are you crying, baby?”

  “I’m just happy,” she says, smiling at me. “I’ve waited for you to tell me those words for so long.”

  “Good,” I say, pulling her closer and pressing another kiss against her lips, “because so have I.”

  Rolling over, my hand meets the silky-smooth hair draped over the pillow next to me. My mind registers the soft sound of Brea’s breathing next to me.

  Memories of last night filter through my mind, remembering how we made up after we got back to her place. Then, when we were done, we made up for lost time after that.

  Brea’s warm body curls against my side as I slide my arm over my face, using it to shield my eyes from the bright sunlight. I’m careful not to wake her as I turn my head toward her.

  Her long eyelashes feather out across her skin as her hand presses against her cheek. I take in the small pout of her lips and the light freckles that pepper her nose. I’ve always loved how she has shown me all the layers of her.

  I lose track of how long I lie here watching her, appreciating the feel of having her close to me. She’s felt so far away for too long. I’m almost scared when she wakes up, it’ll all be a dream.

  “You’re staring,” she mumbles quietly.

  My chest vibrates beneath my quiet chuckle I hadn’t realized she was awake. Although I can’t find it in me to care that I’ve been caught looking.

  “You’re breathtaking.”

  She peeks one eye open before slowly opening the other. Blinking slowly, she adjusts her eyes to the rays of sunshine peeking in through the window.

  Running my thumb along the curve of her cheek, I press my mouth against hers. She groans quietly before I swallow them down. I know she doesn’t like how I’m kissing her when she hasn’t brushed her teeth but I don’t care. I’ve been without her for too long, watching her from a distance. Now that I have her back, I’m going to take advantage of it.

  At least until I wake up and this all goes away.

  I roll back onto my pillow and pull her over with me, so she’s resting her chin on my chest.

  “Good morning.” I grin, taking in her sleepy face. I can see the thoughts and questions swirling in her eyes.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  We’ve spent so much time apart. We’ve always been so open and honest with each other, except where our feelings are concerned. I’m not going to let that happen again.

  “I guess I’m just curious what you were up to while we were… apart.”

  “I was a miserable fucking mess.” I laugh, but the truth is it doesn’t even begin to say it.

  I can see the hurt on her face before she quickly covers it up with a sad smile.

  “It’s still surreal, having you here, in my bed. It wasn’t easy being apart, seeing pictures of you online, hearing from other people what you’ve been up to. It felt like everyone knew more about my best friend than I did and I hated it.”

  “I don’t know what you heard or what people were saying, but I was someone no one wanted to be around. You can ask Graham. I don’t know if we’ve ever fought so much in all our years as friends. I think he helped Lissa get us together again only so he wouldn’t have to put up with me.”

  “You want to know what I was up to?” I ask, going back to her earlier question.

  She nods her head from where her it’s resting on her fist, looking down at me waiting for me to answer.

  “I didn’t do much of anything, if I’m honest. If I wasn’t at school, I was at Velvet or here. No one wanted to be around me, not Graham or Dean. After you quit working at Velvet, I couldn’t bring myself to be there. I felt like shit because I knew Craig counted on me but I told him I needed more time off.”

  “I ended up missing my shift back at work. He apparently blew up my phone but, uh…I accidentally broke it trying to keep myself from calling you. I wanted to give you your space and that’s the only way I knew how. Anyway, Sierra showed up
over here looking for me and found me halfway through a bottle of whiskey.”

  “I know you don’t like her and I don’t blame you. If you don’t want me to be friends with her, I won’t. I guess I just felt alone so I opened up to her and told her what happened. You should know when I was done, she actually told me I deserved it and called me an asshole.”

  Brea’s mouth curves up a little hearing that last tidbit.

  “I guess she’s not so bad,” she jokes.

  “Mhm,” I hum, shaking my head at her.

  Brea’s face turns serious and I wait for what she is going to say next. Whatever it is, I know it’s important.

  “It’s not fair though, for you to take all the blame. I lied to you and I hate myself for it. After you stopped calling, I told myself I deserved for you to give up on me. On us. Why wouldn’t you after what I said? It was a lie, Mason. I didn’t mean it for a second. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “Don’t,” I command, hating the way she’s being hard on herself. “I knew you didn’t mean it. We may have avoided our feelings by not admitting them out loud, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it. I have always felt your love, B.”

  Hearing me use the nickname people close to Brea have used has a smile stretching across her face.

  “Say it again.”

  I pause for a second. My brows furrow as I tilt my head in question.

  “I have always felt your love…”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she says, scooting closer, pressing her hands against my face, holding my attention.

  “What part?” I ask, playing stupid.

  Her face turns stone cold as she squints her eyes at me, not impressed. The subtle smirk on her face proves although she is not liking my game, she is playing along.

  “I’ve always felt your love, B.”

  I barely have a chance to finish when her lips crash against mine. Sliding her leg over my hip, she climbs on top of me.

  Having her heat pressed against my dick has me turning hard in an instant. I know she feels it, too, as she rubs herself over my cock letting out a whimper.

  Those moans, I swear to God those moans.

  She’s ruined me.

  June

  Moving the box to my left hand, I do my best to keep it balanced against my chest as I reach my other hand out to close the trunk of Brea’s car. Squinting my eyes against the sunlight, I make my way into my building and up to my second-floor apartment.

  The box in my hands is the last of our things. It’s been a week since Brea and I graduated from college. It didn’t take much to convince her to move home with me.

  After we’ve spent so much time apart, I think we both knew we didn’t want to be without the other and were willing to make it work.

  In a few short weeks, I will be starting my internship at the law firm my dad works at in Des Moines. We wanted to move to Arbor Creek, but with the distance it would take every day, we felt it only made sense for us to move to Everton.

  Not only would it be closer to where I’m interning, but there were more job opportunities available for Brea. She has been submitting applications to a few of the local schools, although there are still not many to choose from. Everton is bigger than Arbor Creek, but not by too much. Until school starts, she was thinking about applying at a couple of the daycare centers in town until something becomes available.

  I move the box to my left arm and reach out my right to try and open the door to our apartment, only for the door to swing open before I get the chance.

  “Sorry, we got distracted unpacking.”

  “Brea, I think I got your dresser put together. I didn’t know where you wanted it so I let Mason arrange it to how you like it,” Brea’s dad says, as he steps out of our bedroom and into the hallway.

  Brea is still working on repairing her relationship with her dad. Although it took some time and encouragement from both her mom and me, she has put the past behind her and is working on moving forward.

  I was with her when she finally met Kyla and Kaden. They took the trip to Chicago with their dad when we graduated. It didn’t take her long to warm up to them, and I know now how happy she was to finally meet them. While she has admitted she will never have a close relationship with their mom, I think it took seeing how happy her mom is with David for her to accept the place Patricia will have in her life.

  “That sounds perfect. Thank you so much for making the trip here and helping us get everything put together and in order.”

  You can see the sparkle in Nathan’s eyes, knowing how much being here with her has meant to him. We went out to dinner after our graduation ceremony and he pulled me aside, wanting to tell me thank you for being there for his daughter. He admitted he’s aware that her giving him a second chance and allowing them to be at our graduation was because of me encouraging her. I know now how much that has meant to him.

  “I had to see where Mason was whisking you off to. Your dad needs to know you’ll be safe after all.” He chuckles, flashing me a wink. “I know Mason will always make sure you’re well taken care of though.”

  Brea moves in closer to me, sliding her arm around my waist as she peers up at me, flashing me a big smile. Looking at her, I give her a wink of my own, letting my eyes travel to her lips. I wish her dad wasn’t standing in front of us because I want nothing more than to have them pressed against mine.

  “Well, listen, Brea, I should probably take off. It’s going to be a long trip to Ohio. Come here and give your old man a hug before I go.”

  Brea drops her arm from around me and walks over to where her dad stands, wrapping her arms around him and rests her head against his chest. He doesn’t take his eyes off me. I see the emotion on his face as he mouths “thank you.” With a nod, I head toward our bedroom and give them a moment to say their goodbyes.

  Once I hear the door shut, I walk down the hallway to where she’s standing at the table, unpacking a box.

  “Is this the last of it?”

  She turns to face me, dressed in a tank top and a pair of my gym shorts, rolled up around her waist. Her hair is piled high on her head, bouncing with every move that she makes.

  “This is it. It’s official; you’re my roomie. How does it make you feel, babe?” I ask, pulling her closer.

  “Just your roomie, huh?”

  “Oh, you’re more than just my roomie, babe,” I say, pulling her closer and tangling my hand into her hair, kissing her deeply. Her arms slip around my waist as she presses the front of her body against mine. I feel the steady beat of her heart beneath me.

  She opens her mouth and runs her tongue along my lips. Letting out a deep growl, I open my mouth to her.

  “Yeah, that kiss certainly feels a hell of a lot more than a roomie,” I say, pressing my lips against her forehead.

  She flashes me a smirk before stepping back to open the box.

  “Have you talked to your brother today?”

  “Yeah, he had to make a trip this morning to Des Moines to take some materials to my dad. They are starting on the house remodel this week. I guess he and Ellie are going to drop by later this evening though.”

  The relationship between Callum, my dad and I has been a lot better since our visit last fall. A lot of it has to do with how well our father has been doing in his recovery. I know how much it means to Callum to have him around now, especially knowing his wedding is coming up.

  “Two more months until they officially tie the knot. It’s crazy how fast time has flown by.”

  Callum proposed to Ellie on New Year’s Eve and, of course, she said yes. Ellie made him promise the wedding would be small and intimate between the two of them and their close friends and family.

  Callum just wants her to be his wife, which mean he happily agreed with whatever she was proposing.

  Raps are heard against the door as
I turn my head looking out the window. I spot Graham’s souped up pick-up parked out front.

  Swinging the door open, I find him standing there holding two boxes in his hands and an annoyed look on his face.

  “A little help,” he grumbles as I open the door further letting him enter.

  “You could’ve called me and told me you were here. I would have helped you bring shit in.”

  “I got it,” he grunts as he walks down the hall.

  “It’s the one on the left,” Brea yells, shouting out directions to Graham’s room.

  As soon as he’s out of the room, Brea swings her head up with her eyebrow raised expectantly.

  “I thought he wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, I thought so, too.”

  I’m still shocked to hell that I could convince him to move here with us. It damn sure wasn’t easy. When Graham got the call three months ago that his mom’s health wasn’t going so well, he put his stubborn pride aside and finally agreed it was time to go back to Arbor Creek.

  Since then, he and Dean have decided to open a security business together. Their plans are well under way. Craig has agreed to help them both, as a silent partner, under the condition that they open locations in Des Moines and Chicago. He certainly has the experience with overseeing the security at Velvet and Hard Stop. Craig even agreed to hire them on as their first client.

  The sound of his heavy booted feet down the hallway ceases the conversation as Brea turns back to the box and begins unloading items onto the table.

  “Will you help me carry in the big stuff? There’s not much. We should be able to get it in a few trips.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be right down,” I confirm as Graham stalks past me out the door.

  “You still think it was a good idea he moved with us?” Brea asks, looking up at me.

  “Of course, I do. Sandy needs him home right now. He may not want to be here, but give it time and he’ll come around. Sometimes you have to let people heal on their own terms, right?” I say, leaning back, winking at her. She laughs as she tilts her head up to me.