by Anne Malcom
I got the chicken out of the oven, turning my head away from the smell. Morning sickness my ass. I had thrown up twice this afternoon, which didn’t bode well for the rest of my pregnancy. Figures Cade’s child would be a handful, even in the womb. My stomach dropped for a different kind of reason, hearing the telltale sound of Harley pipes coming down the driveway. My nerves were interrupted by my cellphone ringing. I picked it up, intending to ignore the call until I saw who it was.
“Matt! How the heck are you stranger?” I greeted warmly.
“Hey sweetheart.” Matt returned, tone unusual.
Matt was the officer who found me after my attack. He had taken me to the hospital and stayed with me until Amy had arrived. He also visited me the day I woke up. He was sweet, and caring and helped me get through my therapy. We had become great friends, although I hadn’t heard from him since I moved.
“I am so sorry to do this, I have missed talking to you and all but this isn’t the best time. Can I call you back?” I asked him, hearing Cade’s bike stop.
“Not really Gwen, I’ve got some news.” This pulled my attention away from the door, which I knew Cade would be walking through any second.
“What is it Matt? Finally popped the question to Misty?” I joked, still unable to read his strange tone. It wasn’t urgent, but he sounded like it was something important.
“No love, it’s about O’Fallen.” He told me quietly.
I braced myself against the counter, my knees threatening to buckle. Oh no, please tell me this fucker wasn’t messing with my life again. Not again, not with me and my child.
“He hasn’t escaped has he?” I whispered into the phone, praying for the answer to be good.
“No Gwen. He’s dead. He was found in his cell early this morning, stabbed.”
My breath left me in a whoosh at this news. I barely registered Cade walking through the door, concerned eyes already reading my distress.
“Dead?” I repeated. Cade heard this, strode towards me and yanked me into his arms, eyes locked on mine.
“Yeah honey. Usually I’m not the kind of man that relishes delivering this type of information. Shit, I never thought I’d be glad at the news of someone being murdered. But I am, after what he did to you, countless others. I can sleep easy knowing the world is rid of that maggot.” He declared fiercely.
I listened to his words, but barely heard them. Cade was staring down at me, worry clear in his expression. I could tell he wanted to yank the phone out of my grasp but I had a death grip on it.
“Gwen? It’s over honey, he can never hurt you again.” Matt told me softly.
“Um, thanks for telling me Matty.” I said quietly, “I’m glad I heard it from you. Can I call you back? Kind of a lot to deal with.” And I had the small problem of Cade, who was squeezing me so hard my baby was in danger of popping out seriously early.
“Yeah of course Gwen. Call me if you need anything, I’m always here.”
“Thanks Matty, give my love to Misty.”
“Will do Gwen, bye.” He said before hanging up.
I took the phone from my ear and stared down at it blankly.
“Baby.” Cade called, lifting my chin to look at him gently.
“Jimmy is dead.” I told him, my voice flat.
Cade looked at me carefully and stroked my face, gathering me deeper into his arms. I relaxed into them letting his strong body and manly scent comfort me.
“I don’t feel anything.” I said, turning my gaze up. “Nothing. Not sad, not happy, just detachment. It just feels like news.” Maybe it was the fact I was going to be a mother and a child to think about, or the fact that my life was amazing. Nothing could taint it.
Cade was rubbing my shoulders, his eyes burning into mine, searching for the truth in my words, no doubt worrying for me. Seriously I loved this man.
“That’s good baby.” He said evenly, calmly.
I was surprised. I expected him to have more of a reaction. One thing about my man was that he didn’t hide his emotions, well, anger at least. All of a sudden a thought turned my blood to ice.
“You don’t seem surprised.” I whispered, trying to step out of his arms. They tightened around me. He was silent for a beat, face blank.
“No Gwen I’m not.” His voice was flat.
“You knew about this?” I stepped back fully, Cade let me. “Please tell me it’s because you have some kind of Google alert on his name or friends at the prison.”
Cade pulled at his neck, muscles bulging as he did so. “Yeah baby I’ve got friends at the prison.” He replied softly, his meaning clear.
“You had something to do with this?” I asked, wishing him to tell me otherwise.
He continued watching me, stepping towards me, freezing as I flinched away.
“I couldn’t let him go on breathing after what he did to you Gwen. He needed to be taken care of. I didn’t want any more chances of him hurting you again.” His voice was void of emotion, matter of fact, like we are discussing what to have for dinner, not him ordering a hit on someone.
“He couldn’t hurt me again!” I yelled at him, “He was locked up for life. He was paying for his crimes, for every single person he hurt.”
Cade stiffened, his fists clenched. “That wasn’t enough for me Gwen. I couldn’t sleep at night knowing someone who hurt the most precious thing in my life was still in this world.”
“And how do you think I’m going to sleep at night knowing the man I love ordered a hit on someone?” I all but screeched, “It isn’t up to you to play judge, jury and executioner! How am I going to keep on living like this? Am I going to have to worry whether you are going to off someone for stealing my parking spot, or getting the last pair of shoes I wanted?” My voice was still loud, maybe bordering on hysterical.
“Jesus Gwen! This was different and you know it. I’m not a fucking monster. I’m not like him!” Cade exploded, temper flaring.
My temper was threatening to match his, which may or may not be due to pregnancy hormones.
“Maybe not yet Cade! But when human life means so little to you, when it’s so easy to end it with just a phone call, who knows where that will take you. I’m not living like that my…” I cut myself off from saying ‘my child will not live like that.’
The look of rage and hurt on Cade’s face cut through me like a knife.
“Fuck this!” he roared. “Fine Gwen if you don’t want to live with a monster, then I’m gone, I won’t be a part of tainting your life anymore!” He pushed past me, slamming the front door. I heard the roar of Harley pipes as he hurtled down the driveway.
“Shit.” I muttered to myself. I sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face, my hand lightly cradling my stomach.
Chapter 17
I woke up early the next morning, to a rolling stomach. I quickly pulled back the covers to Cade’s bed and made it to the bathroom in time. After divesting my stomach of last nights chicken I placed my head against the cold porcelain, a feeling of dread washing over me remembering the disaster of last night. After I had a little breakdown on the floor, I finished making dinner, made Cade a plate and put it in the fridge. I went to bed early, hoping to wake up to Cade so we could sort things out. It was morning and the bed was empty. He hadn’t come home. I didn’t know what to think about the fact that he was the one who was responsible for Jimmy’s death. I did know I really hurt him, basically calling him a monster. There was no way I could agree with ending someone’s life even if he was a scumbug of epic proportions. But I couldn’t say I was sorry that Jimmy was dead. It was like a weight gone from my shoulders. That also scared me. I was telling the truth when I said those things to Cade last night, if you have someone who loves you enough to kill for you, where do they draw the line? What justifies ending someone’s life in the name of someone else? I shook my head, this was all to much to handle on top on an unplanned pregnancy. I knew I had to talk to Cade. He would be at the clubhouse, and I could only hope the big mouths over
there hadn’t uttered a word about my little bun. I swear they were worse than women. My phone started ringing, I jumped hoping it would be Cade, but looking down at the display it was my mother. I frowned and let it ring. I couldn’t deal with talking to her just now, I needed to sort things out with my man first before informing her she would be a grandmother.
I pulled up to the clubhouse feeling nervous and nauseous. The words from our fight last night rang in my ears, Cade’s parting shots still causing me pain. I knew it was just because he was hurting, we could fix it. I walked through the door and my heels crunched on an empty beer can.
“Whoa.” I whispered.
They had definitely had a party last night. People were passed out on every available surface, booze bottles littered the floor and the room stank. I didn’t want to look at anything too closely even though I had become a bit more hardened to these kinds of things since becoming an Old Lady. I made it to the hallway to see Bull emerging from his room and weirdly a look of panic crossed over his face before he quickly masked it.
“Hey big man,” I chirped, trying to sound cheerful. “Looks like a big night, how’s the head? Cade sleeping it off?” I smiled at him putting one foot on the stairs.
The look crossed his face again and he ran a hand through his hair.
“Sweetheart, Cades not here, he left out on a run early this morning, I’ll have him call you as soon as he gets back k?” His voice was strange and he kept glancing up at Cade’s closed door. I frowned at him, something was wrong. Oh god. He was up there with someone. I tasted bile. No. Cade wouldn’t do that.
“That’s okay, I’ll just wait in his room.” I told him firmly, needing to make sure.
Bull grabbed my arm lightly. “You don’t want to do that Gwen.” He said softly.
Shit, that sick feeling came back, I struggled not to throw up on his shoes. I yanked my arm from his and raced up the stairs.
“Gwen!” He yelled after me, but I was already pulling the door open, preparing for my heart to shatter.
Cade sat up in bed slightly, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
“Baby?” He asked, voice husky.
I breathed a sigh of relief. He was alone, in his stupid messy bed. I moved to sit gingerly on the bed.
“I came to say I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things last night.” Cade opened his mouth but I held up my hand to silence him.
“Let me talk. You see we’ve still got a lot to talk about, but I overreacted and said some nasty things I didn’t mean. The reason I blew up so much is because of hormones. You know those nasty ones you get when you’re pregnant? The freaking things magnify every emotion I’m feeling and may or may not turn me into a psychotic mess. And also make me crave Oreo sandwiches. So as long as you keep us in constant supply of Oreos for the next seven months or so, I may be able to stop you from having me committed.” I took a deep breath from my babbling and peeked through my lashes at my man sitting statue still, with unreadable expression on his face.
“I’m having your baby Cade.” I told him quietly.
He gazed at me in shock and for a split second I was worried. That was until he grinned so wide I thought his mouth might split open. I had never seen a look like the one of pure joy he was wearing at this moment. He reached for me but froze when the door to his bathroom opened. My head turned and my stomach dropped, Ginger leaned against the doorjam, wearing Cade’s tee, and a nasty grin on her face.
“Well this is awkward.” She spat out of her vile mouth, smirking.
I looked between her and Cade, horrified and heartbroken. I ran to the door, hoping I didn’t vomit on the way out.
“Gwen!” I heard Cade roar.
I was already halfway down the stairs, tears rolling down my face. I stumbled at the last few and almost fell but Bull was there to catch me.
“Whoa Gwennie, it’s okay.” He told me with pity and fury in his eyes.
I yanked myself away from him, stumbling, surprised I was even still upright. I turned away from Bull and ran towards the exit, focusing on getting away from this place before Cade caught me, before I had to look at him. The father of my baby. The love of my life. The man who fucked someone else on the same night he told me he killed Jimmy. The pain of betrayal and my heart breaking was sharp and almost caused me to double over. I heard Cade crashing down the stairs and struggling with Bull. The ringtone of my phone pierced my emotional fog, I retrieved it from my purse. It was Mum, again. She had tried to call me about three times since this morning.
I picked it up, “Mum I can’t talk right now, I’m trying not to commit double homicide…” I grit out, deciding anger might work best for me as I stumbled into the parking lot.
I heard Cade yelling behind me. I intended to run for my car until my mother’s choked voice on the other end phone, saturated in grief brought me to a standstill.
“Gwen its Ian. Ian’s dead.” She cried into the phone.
She might have continued speaking, but I couldn’t hear through the roar in my ears.
“No.” I whispered.
This couldn’t be happening, this wasn’t real. There is no way Ian could be dead. That was impossible. The sobs at the end of the phone told me different.
“NO!” I screamed, jerking the phone from my ear and hurling it at the wall in front of me. I didn’t react as it smashed against the brick. Pain, like nothing I’d ever felt before slashed through every fiber of my being. I thought I knew about pain, having been as close to death as I had. But I knew nothing. Nothing. Jimmy breaking my ribs with his steel cap boots? A feather touch. My skull being broken when it hit concrete floor? A gentle kiss. My cheek opening when a ring tore through the skin? A cool breeze. They were nothing compared to the agony I was going through at this moment. I heard people calling my name around me but I couldn’t see through the pain, I couldn’t breathe through the pain. I collapsed just as strong arms caught me. Nothing registered.
“No, no, no no.” I chanted. This isn’t happening, this isn’t real, someone made some sort of mistake.
I clung to the delusion, the desperate hope that this wasn’t real. But the pain was real. The agony of my soul being ripped apart, of my heart shattering into a million different pieces, that was real. Suddenly real pain, physical, in my stomach caused me to double over.
“Gwen!” Someone screamed my name in desperation.
I felt wetness between my legs. My baby is all I thought before I blacked out.
Cade
Cade heaved back the covers yelling Gwen’s name as she ran out the door. He put on some jeans, glaring at the whore walking towards him. Any other bitch with half a brain would catch the look on his face and run a mile. Not this cunt.
“Let her go baby, she needs to understand…” He cut the bitch short with his hand on her neck, he pushed her roughly against the wall. He relished the sound of her choking.
“Shut your fucking mouth bitch. I didn’t go fucking near you last night. Didn’t touch your disease ridden body. I went to sleep alone. Now whatever the fuck you thought when you skulked in here is something you will regret for the rest of you life.” He slammed her against the wall then roughly dropped her, following Gwen. When he reached the bottom of the stairs Bull seized him by the shoulders, slamming him against the wall, a lot rougher than he had Ginger.
“What the fuck brother? You have a woman like Gwen, a woman pregnant with your child and you fuck around on her with that skank? You are one sick fucker.” He snarled, his voice vibrating with fury.
Cade shoved him back just as roughly. “I didn’t fuck around on her! Let me the fuck go so I can tell her that!” He bellowed, ready to kill his brother if he stopped him getting to Gwen. Bull looked at him a beat then stepped aside.
Cade ran through the carnage of the night before, ignoring the groans as he trampled the people passed out on the floor.
“Gwen!” He roared again, seeing her stumble out the door and into the parking lot, phone to her ear.
He got t
o the door, not slowing his pace, but relieved when he realized he would reach her as she stopped dead. He tried to bury the fury at what that slut Ginger had done. It was hard, the flames of anger were burning at his throat, but they were quelled at the thought of Gwen pregnant with his child. Gwen growing his baby inside her creating their family. He couldn’t help but smile on the inside, despite the fact he had a fuck ton of explaining to do. Gwen would believe him. She had to. She knew he would never do that to her.
His thoughts froze as a tortured “NO!” filled the air. There was so much pain in that one word he broke into a sprint, watching Gwen throw her phone then double over in pain. He made it to her just in time to catch her in his arms.
“Gwen baby, talk to me what is it?” He stroked her head struggling to keep the panic out of his voice. His concern for her, for the baby almost crippled him.
“Gwen!” he asked again, frantic, running his hands over her, searching for an injury, a cause for the horrible sounds coming out of her. Tears streamed down her face, a grimace of such raw pain covered it he flinched.
“No, No, No, No,” she whispered over and over, her voice anguished.
“Baby tell me...” Cade was almost over the edge when her cry of pain interrupted him, she clutched her stomach and fear ran ice cold through his veins. At that moment, Lucky and Steg came sprinting over, faces grim.
“What is it Cade, what’s wrong with Gwen?” Lucky bit out eyes frantic.
“Call a fucking ambulance, NOW!” Cade screamed and he watched in horror as blood trickled down her legs.
Gwen
I woke to that beeping again. That all too familiar hospital beeping. Great. I creaked one of my eyes open, expecting to see Ian curled up in the corner. Then the horror of it all washed over me. The phone call, Mum’s tortured voice, Ian. He was dead. My brother was dead. I vaguely noticed the beeping beside me getting louder as the pain ripped through me once more. How could this be real? This couldn’t be real. Ian wasn’t dead. No someone else was, they just thought it was Ian. It’s just a big mistake. Yes it had to be, a mistake.