Zero F*cks: a standalone novel

by LK Collins

  “You’re clear to descend,” Guy says.

  “Ready?”

  He nods once and gets in position, and I don’t hesitate pushing the button that lowers him to the water. Looking down, it is a calm day. Squinting my eyes, I calculate how close he is to the ocean. He waves his arm signaling me to stop, but I can’t. Holding the button down all the way, it slams him into the Atlantic.

  “What the fuck, Cam?” Luke hollers at me, looking down at Nixon soaking wet in the water.

  “Sorry, my finger slipped.”

  “Your finger has never slipped, Cameron,” Guy scolds me.

  “What, you think I did that on purpose? I don’t usually run this thing; it seems a bit jerky.” Guy and Luke look at each other and I ask them, “What?”

  “You okay? You’ve seemed a little off today.”

  “No, I haven’t,” I argue back. “I’m fine.”

  “Whatever, bring him back up,” Guy says.

  Nixon is holding on to the life ring, and as I press the button to pull him back up, Luke asks me, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, why would you think I’m not?”

  “You don’t seem like yourself.”

  “I’m a little out of my element without Seth here. Things are harder than I thought they’d be.”

  “Who’s Seth?” Nixon asks me.

  I forgot all about Nixon for a moment and as I look out the helicopter, he’s at the door. “He’s the guy who used to work with us.”

  “What, did you date him?” Nixon asks me, like he has a right to know and Luke winks at me, reminding me of the other night and what’s important—it’s not Nixon. I smile, remembering the way Luke’s lips felt on mine.

  “No, we just worked together for a long time.”

  “That’s cool,” Nixon responds, and I notice his jaw is clenched.

  “You dating anyone now?” he asks me, and I ignore him, not wanting to talk about my personal life. Plus, I don’t know what Luke and I are, if anything, and we didn’t tell Guy. Not that it’s a secret, but for now…it seems to be for the best. Nixon has no right to ask me anything. He lost that right when he left me, turning his back on me and taking away the future we were meant to have. He had no right to make those choices for me, regardless of his reasons. I deserved a say in it all.

  Chapter 4

  Nixon

  “You coming out with us, brother?” Guy asks me.

  I look at Cameron and can see how bothered she is by me. “Nah, I’m good. I’ve got other plans.”

  “Come on,” Luke says, “Just one drink, man. You kicked ass in training today—let’s celebrate.”

  Cameron puts her shoes on and I blink a few times contemplating what to do. “Come on, Cameron, tell him you want him to come.”

  “He’s a grown man,” she tells Luke. “Let him make his own damn decisions. He seems pretty capable to me.”

  Damn, what a jab. Did I really hurt her that bad? I mean, we were so young and I never told her I loved her or anything. She can’t still be holding on to the shit from the past…can she? I mean, I did it for her own good. I saw what losing my dad did to my mom, I couldn’t ask her to put her life on hold for me, in hopes I’d return and not be fucked up. “Where are you guys going?” I ask, considering one drink, just to get under her skin a little bit more.

  They both look at Cameron, like she’s their fuckin’ boss, and she shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t care.”

  “There’s a bar called Willy’s Oceanside,” Guy tells me.

  I’ve been there before, so I’m familiar with where it’s at. “You headed there now?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool, I’ll swing by and knock a few down with you guys.”

  Cameron sighs like the news of me joining is going to kill her. It’s the same sound she’s been giving me all goddamn day. Maybe she doesn’t want to be around me because she still can’t let me go, which is no way to live, in my opinion. But it’s not my fucking life…it’s hers. Reaching down, I grab my bag from the bench next to her and whisper in her ear, “Were you really that hung up on my dick?”

  “Fuck you,” she mutters back, and I turn around, loving how easily I can get to her. I’ve always been able to push her buttons and clearly still can. It’s one of the reasons I finally crossed the line with her. We’d always banter back and forth, most of which would turn into wrestling, until one night when it led to more. The second I was inside her tight pussy, it was as if she’d cast a fuckin’ spell over me. Nothing else mattered for the better part of the next year, except her. All I wanted to do was be around her, to be inside her. She consumed me, but it couldn’t stop fate from knocking at my door.

  Saying goodbye to Luke and Guy, I leave and go straight to the bar. I really don’t have anything else to do tonight. I could text back any of the chicks that are blowing up my phone, but I’d rather get a jumpstart on drinking and find someone new to bang.

  Sitting on the rooftop deck at Willy’s Oceanside, I can see the Atlantic from my seat.

  “Here you go, Nixon,” the sexy blonde waitress says, setting down a pitcher of beer and two shots. I knock one back, noticing that she’s still standing there watching me. As I set the glass down, I look up at her and she says, “You don’t remember me, do you?”

  The feeling of mortification no longer exists, as this happens more often than not. First step, I look for a nametag, which is not there. But she has a nice rack.

  “Of course, I remember you,” I lie to her, knowing she’ll give in and tell me all about what we did, now that I’ve claimed to remember her.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, absolutely.”

  “Then why didn’t you text me back?”

  “I had to get a new phone, dropped my other one on the job.” I shake my phone in front of her and she smiles at me.

  “So you started?” she asks me, and the fuzzy recollection starts to come back…I was drunk and rambling about my Coast Guard training.

  “Yeah, I’m actually meeting my crew here tonight.”

  “Nixon!” Luke shouts, walking up the stairs with Cameron and Guy behind him.

  “What’s up, brother?” I shake his hand and do the same to Guy, then awkwardly give Cameron a hug. Damn, she smells the same—that fucking smell of coconut and the ocean always got my cock excited.

  “I was just gonna order for you guys,” I tell them and the waitress says, “Hi, I’m Lucy. What can I get you all to drink?” Lucy, fuck, how could I forget her name was Lucy?

  “We’ll take a pitcher also. Stella’s good and four shots of tequila please,” Guy orders for them and passes her his card.

  “Keep em’ coming,” I tell Lucy, happy to take advantage of Guy’s card. I knock my other shot back since there is a third on its way. As she walks off, we all three stare at her, and Cameron clears her throat pulling us back to reality.

  “So, you guys come here often, or what?” I ask them, quickly recovering.

  “Sometimes,” Guys says, and I notice that Cameron is resting her head on her hand, looking out at the water. The guys don’t seem to notice her disconnect, so I ignore it too.

  “We go out occasionally, when we don’t have to work the next day,” Luke says. “But it really depends where we feel like going. There are so many cool spots here.”

  “Really? How do you not get sick and tired of each other?”

  They look back and forth, and Cameron sighs…again. Lucy sets the shots, pitcher, and a stack of cups down. I can barely hear Cameron ordering something else from her. “To Nixon!” Luke exclaims, and Guy responds, “Here, here!” I slam my shot on the table and watch Cameron as she swallows hers without even raising her glass, then ask her, “Could I holler at you, alone, real quick?” I’m done with her bullshit.

  She shakes her head and goes back to staring out at the water. Lucy passes her whatever concoction she ordered and Guy asks her, “Cam, what’s going on?�
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  “Nothing, I told you guys, I miss Seth. That’s all.” Luke pulls her against his chest and she hugs him closely. Seeing his hands on her lights a fire inside me. She’s not mine, I’m not fucking stupid, but I still don’t like the thought of anyone else touching her. She looks up at him and then closes her eyes, like he has some fucking power over her. Holy shit…she likes him.

  “Is that really all?” I ask her point blank, tired of her stupid games and hoping it’ll get her out of his arms.

  She ignores me and I flick her arm, forcing her to turn and look at me. “Don’t fucking touch me!” she snarls, overreacting to a little flick. I can sense the guys are shocked by her reaction, not sure what to do.

  “Is that really all?” I ask her again and finally Luke lets her go.

  “Just let her be, man,” Luke says, sticking up for her, and I sit back in my chair downing my beer, wishing she’d stop being such a bitch.

  “So sorry,” I respond with a sarcastic tone as an awkward void fills the air. I should tell them about us, but I sense it could complicate things even more, and possibly make the guys not like me. I need them on my side if I want this assignment to work out. And I really do— being in the air today was awesome. I loved it, and I can’t lie…I need the money.

  “I didn’t mean to touch you,” I tell her, as she still ignores me. “I only wanted to know what I did to upset you.” I can see the back of her head shake a little. She doesn’t want to discuss things or tell the guys about us.

  “You two good?” Luke asks us, as Guy is on his phone.

  “I am, if you are?” She nods and sets her empty drink down. Guy passes her his phone and says, “It’s Seth.”

  She smiles more than I’ve seen from her as she brings it to her ear and walks away to the railing to talk to him.

  “So they were really that close?” I ask.

  “Oh, yeah, and you’ll get there with her too. Give it a little time and go easy on her. She’s been through a lot in her life.”

  “Yeah? Like what?” I ask, curious as to what she’s told them.

  “Her parents left her when she was seventeen to sail around the world and right after, her brother joined the Navy. He was her best friend and has only been home twice since he left,” Guy says.

  “Damn, that sucks.”

  “Yeah, so we’re all she’s got. Go easy on her, would ya?”

  “Sure thing.” I finish my beer and refill my glass from the pitcher, not able to help myself from staring at Cameron’s ass. Damn, she was hot back then, but she’s at a new fuckin’ level now!

  “So what’s your story, man?” Luke asks me. I told them a little earlier how I was a Navy SEAL, but I didn’t elaborate as I sensed Cameron tense the moment I brought it up.

  “Not much of a story. I’m laidback. I’m a work hard, play hard kinda guy. I’m addicted to surfing and women…really, that’s it. I’m pretty close with my family. They all live inland a bit.”

  “No steady woman in your life?” Luke asks.

  “Nah, but I did hit our waitress the other night,” I say with a grin. “You?”

  He shakes his head and they both chuckle as Guy says, “I have a girlfriend, Macey, been together for about a year now.”

  “She doesn’t mind you working with a girl and going out with her on your free nights?”

  “Nah, the girls are tight. Macey is a nurse so she works the night shift. Doesn’t leave much for me at home most evenings when I’m off.”

  Luke’s phone buzzes and he glances at it, then he says, “Hey, man, you ever been skydiving?”

  “Fuck yeah! Why?”

  “Tomorrow’s my birthday and we booked this big skydiving trip a while back. I totally forgot to tell them that Seth wasn’t coming now that he’s gone. Do you want to take his spot?”

  “You sure, bro? Cameron wouldn’t mind?”

  “No way, she’ll be fine with it.”

  “Fine with what?” she asks passing Guy back his cell phone.

  “I invited Nixon to jump with us tomorrow.”

  “Cool,” she responds, like it’s no big deal and waves Lucy back over. How did she go from not being able to stand me, to accepting the fact that I’m coming with them tomorrow? I mean, not that I’m complaining. I was getting pretty exhausted of her bitchy attitude. If she’s gonna be cool, then so am I.

  Lucy walks off, my eyes all over her ass, and she glances back at me, nodding that I follow her. “You guys excuse me real quick?” I ask.

  “Sure,” the guys respond and Cameron looks like she could be sick as I follow Lucy, smacking her ass and rushing her into the bathroom. She licks her lips and I make sure that I don’t forget her name, ‘cause I’m not only taking her home tonight, but I’m gonna snag a quick blow job before we go.

  Chapter 5

  Cameron

  “Cam?” my head is pounding as someone is banging on my front door. Getting up, I’m still wobbly. Goddammit, I drank way too much.

  “Coming!” I holler and stumble across the room.

  Opening the door, it’s Guy. He’s got a coffee in each hand, and I gladly accept it then gesture him inside. “How are you not hungover?” I ask as he looks like he’s ready for work.

  “I didn’t drink a dozen long island iced teas.”

  “I didn’t either,” I argue back, squinting up at him, the sun so bright coming through the windows it hurts. “Yeah, you did,” he reminds me.

  Dammit…I did and I pounded them hard after Nixon disappeared with our waitress. Who is he? I’m still disgusted thinking about it.

  “Where’s Macey?”

  “She’s not coming.”

  “Oh, come on. Not even to watch us jump?”

  “No, you know she hates it when we do this type of shit. She got the night off though, so she’ll be here later, for the barbecue.

  “I gotta take a few aspirin.” I head into my bathroom, hoping it’ll clear my headache, and yell out to him, “Did you see Luke’s gift? I put it on the counter?” My head pounds from talking so loudly.

  I hear Guy get it out of the bag. He and I went halfers on a sick ass Archimede 42 automatic watch, and I can’t wait for Luke to see it. I know how much he’s been wanting a new one; it’s the only thing he seemed to want. I was considering giving him a good fucking…but that was before Nixon came back. Now my whole head is fucked up regarding how I feel about taking things further with Luke. Not that it should matter, Nixon has clearly moved on, so I should too.

  Guy yells out, “So when were you gonna tell us that Nixon is your ex?”

  I blink a few times, stunned, staring at my flushed expression. Luke is gonna be pissed I didn’t tell him myself. Goddamn Seth! “That motherfucker told you guys?”

  “Come on, Cam, you know the rules. Seth might not be working with us anymore, but we don’t keep secrets from each other. Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “Because…it was a long time ago and…” I trail off, not even sure what to say to him. I should’ve told them, especially since I told Seth when I talked to him last night. But I needed his unbiased advice, and he said he wouldn’t tell Guy or Luke. He’d let me do it when I was ready, but clearly he lied to me, like all men do.

  “It doesn’t matter, Guy. We dated when we were really young and now so much has changed.”

  “Clearly, not a lot has,” he jives back. “It all makes sense now, why you don’t like him.”

  “What else did Seth tell you?” I ask walking back into the living room.

  “Nothing, he said he was your ex and wanted us to know, so you didn’t end up hurt…again.”

  Walking up to my fridge, I grab a picture off of it. It’s of Conner, Nixon, and me. Passing it to Guy, I take a seat next to him as he studies it and says, “I knew he looked familiar.”

  “Was he in the Navy with Conner?” Guy asks me and I take the picture back, sipping on my coffee.

  “Yeah, they enlisted together.”r />
  “Is that why you hate Nixon?”

  “I don’t hate him. It’s a long story.”

  “I’m sure they had their reasons for joining.”

  “Oh what, like needing to live out a call to patriotism without even telling the ones you love? Then Nixon broke things off with me, ‘cause he didn’t want me to end up hurt, all while hurting me, leaving me sobbing on my hands and knees? Those are valid reasons?” He shakes his head, my outrage clearly a little dramatic, but I need him to understand that Nixon isn’t innocent in all of this and that my anger for him stems from his actions. “Exactly,” I tell him, “It wasn’t his choice to make, whether I stuck by him or not…it was mine. And then to convince my brother to go with him, it killed me.”

  “I couldn’t even imagine what you went through, Cam. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. I’ve tried to let it go…but seeing him again has brought back so many fucking memories and emotions and things I just want to forget.”

  “Are you gonna be able to work with him?”

  “I just don’t know right now, Guy.”

  Guy’s phone rings and he checks to see who’s calling. Shit, it’s Luke. We gotta go. I run into my bedroom and quickly change, then brush my teeth and hair, not sure how I feel about spending the day with both Luke and Nixon. Searching within myself for the strength to get through it, I can do this. It’s Luke’s birthday. I can’t let anything ruin his day. As much as I hate Nixon, I have to put that behind me, for Luke.

  ***

  “Are you excited?” I ask Luke, so thankful that my head has stopped hurting, and he gives me a tight hug. He hasn’t brought up a word about Nixon, or whatever Seth told him, so I’m not either, not on his birthday.

  “You know it,” he says looking down at me, staring at my lips, and Guy asks us, ruining the moment, “What jump is this for us?”

  “Thirty-two,” Luke says and loosens his hold.

  “That’s insane. Best birthday ever,” Guy says.