Zero F*cks: a standalone novel

by LK Collins

  “Oh,” she responds and looks at me, as he drapes his arm meaningfully over the back of my chair. I let him do what he wants as I don’t really know what to do.

  “Do you mind?” he asks her and she jives back, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

  “No, I don’t even know your name.”

  I giggle and she places her hands on her hips and glares at him, “I’m Amy, remember? I wrote my name on your mirror. You texted me to come over last night and then weren’t here.”

  So this is lipstick Amy.

  “Yeah, it’s not ringing a bell, sweetie,” he tells her and removes his hand from behind my body, grabbing his beer and taking a huge swig of it.

  “Well…whatever. I left my earrings inside the other night, so I’ll just run in and look for them.” She’s got a nasty scowl on her face and I can’t help but smirk at her. What was she thinking coming here? That he’d fuck her? And maybe he would, if I wasn’t here. She said he texted her last night and then wasn’t home; maybe it was when he was with me. Even though he’s not mine, imagining him with someone else makes me sick.

  I remind myself of what Nixon and I shared, the security and trust of our relationship was like nothing else, and spending today with him has shown me that deep beneath those layers lives the man I used to love.

  “Trust me, sweetheart, you didn’t leave anything inside my house. So why don’t you go on?”

  Her mouth is gaping open and she flips him off, then turns and stumbles away.

  “Well, that was unexpected.”

  “Right, sorry about that,” he says and I place the spout of my beer to my lips. As I swallow a sip, I look over him and ask, “So that’s lipstick Amy?”

  “Apparently…you know how I am with names though.”

  We both laugh out loud. He is terrible with them. He always has been and I’m sure he always will be. “Do a lot of random girls come over here?”

  He shakes his head smiling and sits back in his chair, draping his arm behind me again. The simple touch of his fingers behind me is too much to handle.

  “I should get going,” I tell him.

  “Stay the night?” he asks, and kisses my shoulder, the same way he used to years ago.

  Leaning my head to the side as his lips then touch my neck, I contemplate his question and what the consequences of staying with him could be. As I look into his eyes, hidden far behind their exterior is the old Nixon, my Nixon, and I want to bring him back. So I nod my head, I’ll stay. Because if I go, I’ll always regret it.

  Chapter 14

  Nixon

  “Do you want like a t-shirt or something to wear?” I ask Cam as she uses my toothbrush before we get into bed.

  “Sure, thanks.”

  Heading into my closet. I grab her the softest one I own and change into some sweat shorts. As I turn around, she is standing in the doorway, naked. The moonlight is casting a shadow around her. She’s so fucking beautiful. I’m not sure what to do, so I don’t do anything.

  “I promise, I’m not drunk,” she says as she closes the distance.

  Standing in front of me, she takes my hand and guides it up her body. I watch what she’s doing, my heart pounding, and I tell her. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up again and hurt you.”

  “Okay,” she responds, accepting my answer.

  “And I can’t give you more than sex.”

  “Okay.”

  “Doesn’t that bother you?” I ask her, throwing every warning sign out I can.

  “Nixon, you asked me to stay for a reason,” her voice crackles. “As much as you try and push me away, I won’t let you do it again.”

  “But I can’t give you more.”

  “You could, if you tried. The guy I fell in love with is still inside you. I’ve seen bits and pieces of him all day. You just have to find him and bring him back. All it takes is one day at a time…starting right now.”

  She guides my hand down her body, my fingers sliding into her slit, and I take my other hand gripping her tit as she nudges herself against me. Leaning into my neck, she kisses me, her soft lips hardening my cock. The heat of her pussy entices me, and I do it. I slide two fingers inside her. She moans, throwing her head back, and I work her pussy. The tension from her muscles guiding me.

  My cock is dripping for her as I hold her in my arms, fingering her, controlling her, pleasing her the way she deserves. The way only I can. Her noises pitch, and I know she’s already close. Her body is red and clammy in my hold, and I whisper into her ear, “Are you gonna come for me?”

  “Mmmhhh,” she whines, and I add a third finger, stretching her, knowing that tonight, I will fuck her hard, I will claim her, I will have my way with her until the sun comes up. “Yes, Nixon,” she screams, shaking in my arms as I watch her come again, satisfied that this time she truly wants it and wants me.

  Carrying her to my bed, I throw her down. “On your hands and knees,” I tell her, which is her favorite, if I remember right, and yank my shorts down, rolling on a condom. She looks back at me so beautifully, and I tightly hold on to each of her ass cheeks, gently entering her heavenly cunt. My balls tighten from the pressure, my cock harder than it’s been in years, and I begin to thrust in and out of her.

  “Yes,” she moans as I watch my shaft going in and out of her. Her cheeks are spread wide taking every inch of me. Her pussy is wrapped around me like a fucking cloak, and my body is on fire. As I pump her pussy, I get going so fast that my balls slap the front of her clit. “Oh God,” she cries out and I don’t want to come, I don’t want to let go. Fucking her is the best thing I’ve ever experienced. We could go all night and I want to.

  Spanking her ass hard, she yelps and pulls away from me. Gripping her by the thighs, I pull her back to me and slam back into her, burying my cock inside of my favorite place.

  “Fuck, yes!” She’s so vocal and I love it. I hold on to her, loving the sound of her voice as she coaxes me on. Pumping my hips as she looks back at me. Her eyes, sparkle in the moonlight, and I can’t help myself. We get carried away, being back together like this, losing our grasp on time. I’m not sure if it’s been hours or minutes, but she’s got me close to letting go. I keep going for as long as possible, then suddenly my balls explode. I shut my eyes tightly, grunting, letting my cum go. Heat spreads through my body and a few seconds later, we both fall forward, her sweaty body trembling as another intense orgasm rolls out of her. I fuck her hard, loving how she trembles and owns the moment.

  Once she settles, I pull out of her and look down at my dick to remove the condom, but it’s gone. “Fuck!” I mutter and she asks me, “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I lie not sure how to tell her, but she senses it.

  “Did it fall off?”

  “Yeah, it must’ve.” I lift the dry condom from the bed and show it to her.

  “How?”

  “Probably, when I spanked you and slipped out.”

  “And you didn’t notice?” she screeches at me.

  “No, you didn’t either.”

  “Goddammit, Nixon.”

  “What’s the big deal? Aren’t you on the pill or something?”

  “Yeah, but that’s not the point.”

  “What is the point?” I ask her, defensive.

  She sits up on the edge of the bed silent, and I don’t like how she’s closing herself off to me about this. “Talk to me.” I pull her back against my chest and she says, “How do I know you’re clean?”

  “How do I know you are?” I jive back, not appreciating that she’s accusing me of such a thing.

  “I always use protection,” she says.

  “And so do I.”

  “So this has never happened? Your fucking cock’s huge; I’m sure you’ve had a condom break.”

  “What, this little old thing?” I tease her, but she’s not having it as she glares at me. “No way, and if I did, I’d go and get tested. Plus, the
Coast Guard made me go through one hell of a physical.”

  Kissing the top of her shoulder like she likes, I hope this conversation is over. What a shitty thing to have to talk about.

  She nods and slips out of my hold, leaving me sitting all alone in my bed. I watch her walk off to the bathroom and give her some space. I check my phone on my nightstand and see a message from my mom, Don’t forget about GG’s birthday party, tomorrow at eleven.

  I’ll be there, Ma.

  Cameron comes out of the bathroom wearing one of my t-shirts. “No, don’t do that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t cover your body up. I want to fuck you again.”

  She takes it off and gets into my bed, laying her head against my chest. I close my eyes and she runs her fingers over my skin. As a wave of worries creep up on me, I hold it back, reminding myself to stay in the moment with her as her words resound in my head. “Just one day at a time.”

  I’m not even sure what that means, but I’m trusting that she knows better than I do. “Do you have plans tomorrow?”

  She shakes her head in response, and I tell her, “GG recently turned ninety-six. Would you come with me to her party?”

  Looking up at me she cups my cheek and says, “Oh, Nixon, I don’t know about that.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to see your family.”

  “Why not? My family loves you, Cam. They miss you…trust me.”

  She doesn’t respond and I let the subject go. I don’t want to push her. I enjoy being around her; I enjoy us.

  “If I go, what will we tell them?”

  “Nothing,” I respond, “They aren’t gonna ask questions, you know that. Please come for GG. It would make her day.”

  ***

  “Do I look okay?” Cameron asks me as we walk up to my mom’s house.

  “Yeah, you look sexy as fuck.”

  She stops on the front stairs before we go in and looks at me; a cloud of uncertainty darkens her eyes. “Nixon, can I ask you something before we do this?”

  My palms get sweaty and I worry she’s having second thoughts again. “Of course.”

  “Promise me that you won’t leave me alone with your creepy Uncle Mic?”

  I grab her ass, squeezing it hard in my grip and she laughs. “Don’t fucking scare me like that, I thought something was wrong.”

  She stands on her tippy toes and kisses me. Wrapping both my arms behind her, I’m enjoying this moment with her, but it is cut short. My cousin walks up behind us and says, “Get a room you two, would ya?”

  Cameron and I separate, looking over at my cousin Rhonda’s familiar face. “How are you?” I ask giving her a hug.

  She hugs me back and then Cameron, and says, “I’m good—fat and pregnant. How are you?” We both look down at her stomach, she’s not that big, but I know better than to ever talk about a woman’s figure.

  “I’m great and you look beautiful,” Cameron tells her as I open the front door.

  “How’s Conner?” she asks.

  “He’s good. I’ll tell him you asked about him.”

  Rhonda smiles and we go inside my mom’s house. “Ma?” I yell out as we round the corner and are bombarded by all of my family, with their mouths all hung open as Cameron and I walk in hand in hand. Then we get lost in a barrage of hugs and hellos. Cameron gets pulled away from me by my mom who completely forgets about me and embraces her, tears glossing her eyes as the two of them reunite. “What am I, chopped liver?”

  She reaches for me, pulling me into her arms too, and as the three of us stand there together, my mom whispers, “Thank you, God.” Then as we pull away, the two of them are crying, and I feel terrible for breaking the bond they had. My mom was a second mom to Cameron, since her parents were always sailing. She and Conner grew up with me. My mom holds on to Cameron’s cheeks, and she looks at me out of the corner of her eye, “Don’t fuck this up again, Nixon!”

  “I’ll try,” I tell my mom, and she glares at me. Pulling Cameron out of her hold, I ask, excited to see her, “Where’s GG?”

  “I’m in here,” she responds, her voice crackling, and we walk in the direction that we heard her. She is sitting on my mom’s leather sofa.

  “Hi, GG!” She smiles up at me with her tired eyes, and still to this day, every time I look at her, I can see my dad. As much as it pains me that he is gone, I can only hope he’d be proud of the ways I tried to follow in his footsteps. Even though I’ve fucked up along the way, I’m trying to make those mistakes right.

  “Happy birthday! How are you, GG?” Cameron asks, leaning over and embracing my grandma.

  “Thank you, dear, I’m good. Christ almighty, don’t you look stunning, even more gorgeous than I remember.”

  “Ahh, thank you.”

  “Happy birthday,” I tell her and embrace her tightly.

  Then we sit on the couch next to her, the two of them getting lost in conversation, and I sit back, observing everyone and everything around me. Especially Cameron. The regret I have over hurting her is so great. I’m not sure why she forgave me, or is being so good to me. Especially after everything I’ve put her through. I broke her heart and let her down, and I’m scared I’ll do it again. It’s bound to happen. And when it does…I’m not sure if I’d be able to live with myself.

  Chapter 15

  Cameron

  Sitting down in the conference room for our weekly debriefing, I look around for Nixon and don’t see him yet. He was so strange after his grandma’s party last night. We got back to his place, and he said he was tired and gonna sleep, not giving me the option to stay with him again. So I gave him space. I mean, what was I supposed to do? He’s not mine.

  Luke and Guy come in and sit next to me. “What’s up?” Guy asks me, and I check my phone, seeing if Nixon texted me at all. It’s not like him to be late…in fact, he hates it.

  “Not much, how are you guys?” They both nod in response and I ask them, “Have you seen Nixon yet today?” They shake their heads and Mack begins the meeting.

  “Good morning, thank you all for coming in. I’m going to get started, even though everyone isn’t here yet, as we’ve got some important things to cover.” Sitting back in the chair, I prepare for what I’m sure will turn into an hour of talking and overanalyzing. “I’m sure you all are aware it’s officially the beginning of hurricane season and we have already had three storms out in the Atlantic, one of which made landfall in the Miami region. The aftermath of the storm isn’t pretty; they are dealing with a tremendous amount of flooding, and the crews down there have been bombarded with calls from stranded boaters. Thankfully, we didn’t lose any crewmembers, but they weren’t able to rescue two fishermen onboard a capsized watercraft. Both are still missing. When you are out on your calls or surveying areas today and going forward, please keep your eyes out for anyone in the water. Obviously, you already do that, but these men could still be out at sea and anywhere with the strong currents. We will be sending a few crews out to just search today. With that said, we all know that these storms can literally pop up out of nowhere and can also dissipate at the same rate. Let me remind you of our first rule—no one ever gets left behind. Your crew is your priority; you must keep each other safe at all costs. Any questions?”

  “Was the boat ever recovered that belongs to the missing fishermen?”

  “No, it wasn’t. Anyone else?” No one answers him and he says, “All right, be safe out there today.”

  As we all begin to exit the room, Mack stops Luke, Guy, and me. “Where’s Nixon?” he asks us.

  “Uh, he’s not feeling well today, he called me this morning. I’m not sure if he’ll make it in or not,” I lie for him and sense Luke and Guy stare at me as they know I am lying. Moments before I’d asked them if they’d seen him.

  “Well, he needs to call me,” Mack orders. “Please tell him that if any of you talk to him.”

&nb
sp; “We’ll tell him. I don’t think he knew.”

  “Okay. And if he doesn’t make it in today, you guys can’t go out.”

  “Not even to help look for the missing boaters?” Guy asks, pissed off.

  “No, you need a full crew, you know that. So, you’re probably done for the day.”

  Mack walks off and Guy throws his arms in the air. “What the fuck is going on?”

  “I don’t know,” I try and cover my ass, and Luke says, “Why are you sticking up for him?”

  “Because we are a team. I’d expect you guys to do the same thing for me. Isn’t that what we do?”

  They both nod their heads in agreement. Checking my phone again, he still hasn’t responded to my text. “Why are you so worried about your phone all of a sudden?” Luke questions me, and I walk off, not liking the way that both he and Guy are acting. I have to get ahold of Nixon…something is going on with him and I don’t like it.

  “Oh, come on, Cam, I was joking.”

  Leaving the building I step outside and call him, but his phone rings and rings. “Hey, it’s me, is everything okay? I’m worried, call me…please?” I leave him a message and walk back inside.

  “So what? We’re done for the day?” the guys ask me.

  “I guess so. Doesn’t seem like Nixon is gonna show.”

  “Fuck this, I’m out of here.” Guy leaves and Luke jogs after him. Looking around at everyone else in the shop, they all have something to do, so I leave too.

  Driving to Nixon’s house, it is a hot day. I spot his truck in the driveway, telling me he’s here. Walking to the front door, I knock, but he doesn’t answer. It’s locked, so I stroll around to the back and find his bedroom door unlocked. As I walk inside, there is a bottle of tequila on his nightstand. “Nixon?” I call out and go in search of him, but don’t get a response or see him. There’s only one other place he could be. Looking outside, I spot him on his surfboard. On his bed is my swimming suit from the day before. I change out of my clothes and into it. Walking along the sand ‘til I reach the shoreline, I watch him gazing out at the water and worry about what’s really going on with him. He’s sitting on his board, looking out at the ocean with his back to me. It’s a really calm day, there are not enough waves to surf, but this is where he’s happiest.