A Wallflower at the Highland Court: A Slow Burn Highlander Romance

by Barclay, Celeste

  “And I was fine with that until I met someone. Mother, I would’ve had final say no matter who you presented to me. I’m laird, not a lad.”

  “Who is she?” Adeline demanded. “Is she at least from a good family?”

  “She is. Maude Sutherland is the earl’s older daughter.” He waited for the fall out, and it came a heartbeat later.

  “The Sutherlands? The treacherous bastards who attacked our people only sennights ago? You’d get into bed with our enemy?” Adeline sneered.

  “Mother, I’d already expressed my interest before the incident. I’ve met with Laird Sutherland many times since he made his way there, too. I have settled both the resolution of the conflict and my courtship. This isn’t up for discussion. It’s my intention that upon my next return, my bride shall be with me. Arrangements may keep me away for a couple more moons, but then I should be home indefinitely, with only patrols taking me away.”

  “What’s her dowry?”

  Kieran studied his mother before responding. “Untouchable by you.”

  Adeline’s eyes widened before her lips pinched together. She knew Kieran was aware of just how much she and Abigail spent in his absence.

  “That isn’t a response,” she snarled.

  “But it is, Mother. I will invest the coin she brings into the clan’s business, and the land will remain in her name as her dower lands while it secures our border with the Sutherlands in Assynt. In other words, it’s not your pin money. You can’t spend it as you have the massive amounts of the whisky and wool profits.” Kieran looked around as the Great Hall filled with people arriving for the evening meal. “We will speak of this after the meal in my solar. I’m going to my chamber to bathe and prepare for the meal.”

  “We are not done yet,” his mother threw down the gauntlet.

  Kieran stepped close to his mother, so only she and Abigail heard.

  “We are done when I say so. You may be my mother, but I am your laird. Never disagree with me, or command me like that in front of our people again. You will find yourself with none of your luxuries if you test me. You know where Madeline is. Would you care to join her?” Kieran stalked away before he lost his temper and couldn’t retract what he said.

  * * *

  The evening meal grew tense with little said among Adeline, Abigail, and Kieran. Kieran focused his attention on his second-in-command, Kyle. They’d grown up together and were second cousins. Kyle was Kieran’s most trusted advisor and warrior. When Kieran had to be away, he remained confident that Kyle would ensure the clan’s safekeeping. They’d fought at each other’s backs since they entered the lists as adolescents. They had an easy comradery that Kieran appreciated as his mother fumed and his sister babbled incessantly to no one in particular. Abigail sensed the tension and tried to ease it; instead, the sound grated on Kieran’s frayed nerves.

  “How have things been?” Kieran asked around a mouthful of roast duck.

  “Quiet. Blessedly quiet. At least outside the keep.” Kyle grinned at Kieran as he looked past his commander and cocked an eyebrow at Adeline and Abigail. “The weather hasnae been on our side the last fortnight, but we finished refortifying the northern wall. The repairs you ordered on the mill are underway, and another lot of lambs are aboot to drop. All in all, things have been running smoothly.”

  Kieran sighed as he sat back and sipped from his chalice. He’d filled his with whisky that night rather than the wine and ale served. He was still chilled despite the hot bath, and he needed the liquid courage to go another round with his mother.

  “Remember the woman I told you aboot?” Kieran was careful that his hushed tones didn’t float down to his mother who was only a few chairs over to his left.

  “Aye. The Sutherland lass.”

  “I’m leaving again as soon as I can. I’m going back to Stirling and will return with her as my wife.”

  “You really are going to marry her.”

  “That’s my goal. She’s unlike any woman I’ve ever met. I just worry aboot how Mother and Abigail will treat her. This latest disaster with the accounts, and how Mother responded to my intention to wed someone other than her choosing, now has me concerned that they won’t be much better than Madeline was. I’m second guessing whether it would be right to bring her here. I don’t know if I should break things off.”

  “Can she nae manage without a warm welcome?”

  Kieran glared at Kyle, who put his hands up.

  “She can manage better than anyone I know. She’s had to far too often. She’s survived my sister and serving at court for almost a year. She has a backbone of steel, but she’s reserved. People underestimate her because of it. She’s bonnie as the day is long, but she’s not what most would consider beautiful, or at least not what most women would. Men, on the other hand, are entirely too appreciative of what they can guess lurks beneath her kirtle.”

  “And have you sampled that?” Kyle leaned away as he asked.

  Kieran’s hand made a fist on the table. If anyone else had asked, Kieran would have driven that fist through his face. He forced himself to unfurl his hand and place his palm on the table.

  “She’s a maiden and will remain such until we wed. But aye, I’m attracted to her. More so than any other woman I’ve ever seen. It’s as though she’s in my blood. I crave her like some men do whisky. I trust her council, and I’m certain she’d manage this keep a far sight better than my mother. The clan will like her, but only if Mother and Abigail approve. The others won’t go against them, so I fear they’ll snub her. Madeline made her life difficult, but she’s overlooked my sister’s sins and judged me for who I am, not to whom I’m related. Mother’s outburst when she learned Maude is a Sutherland leads me to believe she won’t be so openminded. Kyle, I love her.”

  “Love? That’s a rather soft thing to say.”

  “I’ll watch you tell that to your father. I can see him from here, and I believe he has his arm wrapped around your mother’s waist.” Kieran strained to see over the heads at several tables before grinning at Kyle. “And I believe he’s feeding her a bite of cheese.”

  Kyle pretended to grimace but couldn’t help but smile. Unlike Kieran’s parents’ arranged marriage, Kyle’s parents had married for love. It showed in everything they did, including how they raised their children. Kyle was courting a woman from the village as they spoke.

  “As long as you dinna tell Glynnis, I should survive. How soon will you leave?”

  “I’d go tomorrow, if I could just to escape Mother, but I have too much to do here before I can. It may be close to a fortnight.”

  “And you dinna worry aboot leaving her behind at court?”

  “No.” It was an easy answer to give since he trusted Maude implicitly, but he also recognized she was uncomfortable with the attention she’d garnered of late. He suspected with him away, she would wear more practical hairstyles and return to being a wallflower. “Maude can be rather shy. People mistake it for timidity, but she would rather observe and take everyone’s measure before joining in.”

  “So, she’s untrusting of others? What caused that? She’s still young, isn’t she?”

  “Aye. Nine-and-ten. She was teased without mercy when she was younger, and my sister opened old wounds.”

  “What was wrong with her?” Kyle snapped his mouth shut and scooted his chair away, anticipating the fist that would surely fly his way this time. Instead, he looked at Kieran and found his friend and laird was gripping the edge of the table so tightly that his knuckles were white. Kieran’s jaw ticked as he turned his head toward Kyle.

  “Naught is wrong with her. There never has been. I told you, she’s bonny but not in the way most women see it. She’s fit and sturdy but lean after years of chasing after her brother. She rides and shoots as well as most men and is strong. She’s not a rail like most women. She was teased by boys when she grew into womanhood, and then by my sister and her friends at court.” Kieran measured his next words, since he hated saying them to any man,
as though he was spilling a secret. “She’s well-endowed on top, so men often make comments better suited to a tavern wench. She’s self-conscious and with good reason, after what she’s had to put up with.”

  “I suppose it boils down to this: you say you love her, but do you think she will make you a good wife?” Kieran’s nod was immediate. “Do you think she’d be a good lady of the clan?”

  “Without a doubt.”

  “Then marry her and bring her home. Abigail will leave to marry soon enough. Madeline won’t be returning, at least not for a few years. Your mother can move to her dower lands or retire to a convent if she’s that opposed to your marriage. You deserve happiness after what you’ve sacrificed for this clan, and if that’s with Maude, then so be it. If you believe she’ll be good for the clan, then all the more reason to bring her here, because we’re in need of a woman who can do her share of leading.”

  Kieran considered Kyle’s words and felt better for hearing the affirmation. But his relief was cut short when his mother rose and signaled to Abigail that they would retire. Kieran wasn’t about to allow his mother to disobey him again. He nodded to Kyle and rose to step in front of Adeline and Abigail.

  “Well timed. I was just aboot to summon you to my solar.” Kieran didn’t wait for their response before moving to the dais steps. He led them to his solar on the ground floor and experienced a moment of calm as he entered his sanctuary. While he conducted clan business here, it was one of the few places where he could close the door, reassured no one would bother him short of an emergency. His mother’s voice shattered the feeling.

  “This shall have to wait. It grows late, and I wish to retire. We can discuss whatever it is in the morning,” Adeline’s expression was cold and off-putting.

  “You do not get to decide that, Mother. I decide where and when I conduct clan business.” He moved to the seat behind his desk and took it without waiting for either of the women sit. He pulled forward the ledger that Adam, the steward, had left on top. He already anticipated what he would find since Adam copied the columns and included it in one of his missives. “Sit, Mother. Now.”

  Adeline huffed but took a seat, with Abigail following suit. Her eyes darted between the two, nervous about the standoff taking place. She’d never seen Kieran address their mother with such cold efficiency, even when their mother pushed back against his authority. Abigail feared she and their mother had gone too far this time with their spending, but she didn’t understand how it could be of much consequence since they were wealthy.

  “I didn’t appreciate learning of how depleted our coffers are while I was at court to resolve taxation complaints. Neither of you seem to understand that our funds are not for our personal disposal. They are for the safekeeping and well-being of our clan. I still need to pay the masons who worked on the north wall. I need to pay the drovers who will take our sheep to market. I need to ensure we make repairs to crofts that suffered during the snows. I need funds to buy grain and barley for our food and our livestock. All of that comes from the accounts you raided to buy cloth for your own gowns. It’s not as though you did it to acquire material to make clothes for our poorer families. You did it to flaunt wealth you’re pissing away. I told you before I left that you were not to spend any more money on items for your own comfort. The only approved expenses are ones for the keep. I return to a home that’s not being run by its chatelaine.”

  “Are you saying I’m inept as lady of the keep?” His mother’s tone was frigid.

  “I’m saying your entitlement and disinterest in being a respectable lady of the keep will drown us in debt.”

  “You’ve always been one for exaggeration, Kieran. There isn’t the catastrophe afoot that you’re making this out to be. You’re selfish and miserly. I didn’t raise you that way,” Adeline sniffed.

  “No, you didn’t because Agatha is the one who raised me when I wasn’t at Da’s side. He indulged you to placate you and buy himself peace. I am not my father, and I will not continue to condone this behavior. You have a choice, the two of you: amend your spending habits and indifference toward your duties here, or I will send you to your dower lands, Mother, and marry you off, Abigail. Make your choice. I will hear from you in the morning. Goodnight.” Kieran turned his attention back to the ledgers, dismissing his mother and sister. He couldn’t bring himself to look at either of them lest he cave. He loathed threatening either of them, but neither showed any remorse or intention to change on their own.

  “Kieran?” Abigail’s nervous voice forced him to look up. “Who are you going to marry me off to? Is he old and fat and ugly?”

  Kieran’s mouth thinned. No apology was forthcoming from his sister, and her greatest worry about her potential husband was his appearance.

  “I haven’t decided which offer to accept.” Kieran lied. There had been few serious offers for Abigail’s hand since Madeline was still unwed. He had considered brokering a marriage for Abigail with the Matheson’s son, but that bridge had already crumbled. He hadn’t intended to marry his younger sister off yet, and he feared she was ill-equipped to marry a laird or heir, but he realized it might be the only way for her to mature and escape their mother’s influence. Finding her a suitable husband was one more thing to add to his growing list of tasks. He doubted he would resolve that before he returned to Stirling.

  Once he was alone, he pulled a piece of vellum out and wrote his first missive to Maude.

  Bc,

  I’ve arrived safely, if not later than I expected. For the sake of your safety and health, I am glad you didn’t accompany me. The weather was atrocious, and we suffered several setbacks that drew the journey out an additional three days. Nonetheless, I miss you. I long to see your smile and hear your voice. It’s been only a sennight, and I feel adrift without you. How have you come to mean so much to me in such a short time? I believe we agreed it was fate.

  I’ve had the first showdown with my mother. I’m certain it won’t be the only one before I leave. I’ve given her the choice to stop spending and fulfill her duties more effectively, or she can retire to her dower lands. That was after the evening meal, only moments ago. I admit I lost my temper within minutes of seeing her and threatened to send her to Inchcailleoch Priory to join Madeline. Part of me wishes she would choose the dower lands. That’s wretched of me, isn’t it? What type of son says such a thing? I dislike sharing this with you as I fear it’s inevitable that you will form a poor impression of my mother and sister. They aren’t all bad. It’s their inability to see how their spending affects the clan that bothers me most. They only see the comfort and wealth and not the effort and monies spent to maintain it. I blame my father for spoiling my mother and sisters, but I’m as much to blame for perpetuating it.

  What do you think I should do, bc? What would you do in my position? I wish for your council and hope you understand that I ask in earnest. I hope this missive finds you well and enjoying your father’s extended visit. What have you and Arabella been doing during my absence? I miss our walks tremendously and have already thought of the route I plan to take when we go for our first walk here.

  Please be reassured that my intention to marry you hasn’t changed, but if you find that while I am gone, you prefer not to pursue our courtship, you have but to tell me. However, I can’t guarantee that I will bow out gracefully. I realize I’m not painting a splendid picture of what you may find upon your arrival here, but I find I can’t lie to you whether it be by word or omission.

  I look forward to your response, bc.

  Yours always,

  Td

  Kieran sealed the missive and took it with him. His solar was supposed to be private, but he didn’t trust his mother that night. Intuition told him she would delight in nothing more than to interfere with Maude. He carried the ledgers with him, not trusting their safekeeping after his confrontation with Adeline.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Maude read Kieran’s missive for the second time. It arrived that morning, and M
aude slipped away to her chamber to read it in private. As she came to the end, she was uncertain of her reaction. Her heart ached for Kieran’s dilemma, but part of her feared making a home among his family. She was certain even without meeting Adeline or Abigail that she wouldn’t be welcome. She considered whether her feelings for Kieran were strong enough to withstand the inevitable tests the other two women would present. She wondered if she would grow to resent Kieran or if she would put him in the middle. Would he side with her or would blood win out? She closed her eyes as she let the concerns run through her head. She moved the pieces around in her mind until she heard what her heart was trying to say. She was certain she loved Kieran. It hadn’t taken long, but she was certain. Her father had commented on it, and so had Blair and Arabella. While she might not have confessed it to Kieran, she was honest with herself. She didn’t anticipate moving to Stornoway with eagerness, knowing a cold reception awaited her, but she had dealt with such before and came out the other side. For Kieran’s sake and for the chance to have a loving marriage, she would bear the difficulties with as much grace as she could muster. She picked up the quill to put her decision to paper.

  Td,

  I am much relieved to learn of your safe arrival. The weather here has been little better, so hearing from you eases my worry. I miss you too, td. I wish we were together, wherever that might be. I’m sorry you had such an unpleasant reunion with your family, but it seems rather unavoidable from what you shared. I wish for everyone involved that you can come to an agreement and make amends. It pains me to think of you at odds with more members of your family. You may not wish to hear this, but I think you may have to follow through with your ultimatum. Ask yourself what is best for your clan, not for your family. It’s the price paid by all lairds. Sometimes what one wants for their loved ones can’t be easily reconciled with one’s duties. I’d venture to say King Robert experiences that daily. There is much he would have liked to grant my cousins during their trials and tribulations at court, and certainly what he must have wished to do for his brother and Lady Elizabeth. Leadership comes with quite expensive costs.