Broken Politics

by Janae Keyes

  This was the last thing I expected. I should have known though. It was all there and made perfect sense, but I ignored it and followed my heart.

  Damn heart making me... fall in love.

  Chapter Seven

  Kayla

  IT WAS DIFFICULT to force myself to not cry as I left the White House. I got in my car and held my tears all the way home. The moment I unlocked my door and walked into my apartment it all hit me. I dropped to the cold floor and cried. I’d known that I needed to tell him and I had planned on doing so. I’d allowed him to find out rather than have me be honest with him. That was purely my mistake.

  I didn’t think it all through. It was my fault and I knew that, but it didn’t stop the pain. I was physically hurting. My heart seemed to ache and burn. I’d for sure lost him. I could only wonder how we could be together at this point. He was President Von Hansen whom I’d spent a good amount of time picking apart. Though he was still Matthew the man that I’d found myself falling for.

  There was no mistaking that the feelings I had for him were those of love, but it was too late. I didn’t know where we could even go from here. He hated K and now he hated me. I was now no longer his lover, but his enemy.

  I eagerly searched through my bag for my cell phone and pulled it out. I dialed a number that I knew by heart. I let it ring and there was a voice that made me start crying once more.

  “Mommy.” I weeped trying to sniff back my tears so I could talk. I called the one person I knew I needed to call. What girl doesn’t instantly ring her mom when her heart is literally breaking?

  “Kayla what’s wrong?” she asked me. I could hear her concern.

  “He found out about Broken Politics on his own. He hates me. I’m sure it’s over between us.” I whimpered.

  “Oh Kayla.” She said with a sigh.

  “I screwed it up. He hates me and...and... I love him so much mom... I love him so much it hurts. I know he wants nothing to do with me now.” My tears were flowing as I spoke. I could remember his face in that moment and the mixture of anger and hurt in his voice. Just the memories of that moment made me shudder.

  “Give him time. If he loves you then you can work this out.” She said to me in her calming voice trying to reason with me, but I couldn’t see reason. I couldn’t see any hope for us at this point. I’d ruined it.

  “He hates me. I could see it in his eyes. He won’t want anything to do with me.” I said trying to wipe my tears away. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Kayla, you need to run yourself a hot bath and relax. Try to not think about it. Give him space for a bit.” She said. I nodded though she couldn’t see me. “Don’t beat yourself up too much. I know you and I know you are blaming yourself. It’s alright.” My mom had a way with words. I think it is where I found my way of putting words on paper. “Get some rest okay.”

  “Ok.” I sniffed. I had to keep going forward. I’d had my heart broken before, but I’d never broken someone else’s heart and that made it worse for me. I knew it hurt beyond anything and I felt so much shame and guilt for that.

  SPENDING THE ENTIRE weekend in my apartment was easy to do because I spent the entire time crying. As Monday arrived I felt dread flow through my veins. I was going to have to face Matthew. Normally I’d avoid him and spend all my time in the Press Corp offices, but today I had to spend time with him. Today he was having a luncheon with Saudi Arabia’s Ambassador to the United States and for the article I was going to be covering it. There was no way I could weasel out of it as much as I wanted to.

  I’d dressed much more conservatively than normal today because of whom I would be around. I wanted to respect the culture of the guest. I wore black slacks with a white button up shirt and a blush colored cardigan. My hair was pulled into a low bun. My heart was pounding at the thought of seeing Matthew. I still hated myself for not being brave enough to tell him about Broken Politics. I was sure he wanted nothing to do with me because of it. Just thinking of his face and the way he looked at me that night made everything inside of me shatter.

  I left my apartment in a ball of nerves. I was going to see him soon. I detested knowing that my words had cut him so deep. I could only wonder if there was a possibility of us being together again. Would he even forgive me? I shook my head knowing that my thoughts were impossible. I was never going to be with him again. I would never feel his kiss nor his soft touch on my skin again.

  WALKING INTO THE Oval Office my heart was beating out of my chest. Matthew sat at his desk. He barely gave me a glance before looking back down at his desk. He didn’t even acknowledge me, and the pain of that sliced straight through my heart. I took a deep breath and let it go slowly as I tried to find my words.

  “Good morning…Matt.” I said. “Mr. President.” I quickly corrected myself. He said nothing to me. I took another breath. I wanted to talk to him. I needed to explain myself to him. “Matt…I owe you an explanation.”

  “You don’t owe me anything Ms. Johnson.” His tone was sharp. “We will be heading down to meet the Ambassador in a few minutes. Until then I’d like to get some work done.”

  “Okay.” I answered as I sat down at my normal seat on the couch. I peered at Matthew who seemed to not even attempt to look at me. I felt tears burning in my eyes. I mistakenly allowed them to start falling. I wiped them away as fast as I could without him noticing.

  The door to the office opened. There was Victor standing there looking smug as always. That man got on my nerves just by being in the room. He didn’t have to say anything and he irked my nerves. There was something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on, but it bothered me whenever I was around him.

  “The Ambassador is arriving sir.” Victor announced to Matthew.

  “Thank you Victor.” Matthew said as he stood from his desk. I also stood, but stayed in place. Matthew walked past me without even a look. I inhaled and smelled his scent. I wanted to cry standing there, but I simply took a breath and followed behind both Matthew and Victor.

  We went downstairs and out to where the motorcade of the Ambassador was arriving. I stood behind Matthew and Victor as the motorcade stopped and the door of a black limo was opened. Stepping out was a tall Saudi Arabian man. He wore a navy blue suit with a white shirt and dark green tie. I was surprised at how young he appeared to be in person.

  “Mr. Ambassador it is a pleasure to welcome you here.” Matthew greeted the Ambassador as he extended his hand. The Ambassador shook his hand.

  “The pleasure is all mine Mr. President.” He said in a thick accent.

  “Good Afternoon Ambassador El-Fayyad.” Victor said as he shook the Ambassador’s hand. The Ambassador greeted Victor, but his eyes instantly went to me as I stood back in my corner.

  “And who is this pretty lady?” he inquired.

  “That is the reporter we told your people about. She will just be in the background working on a piece on the President, but if her presence is unwelcome we can have her removed.” Victor sneered as he shot me a look of disapproval. Matthew didn’t even bother to glance my way.

  “No it is fine. I was told.” The Ambassador said to Victor in a joyful tone. The Ambassador then looked back at me. “It is a pleasure to meet you Miss…” he trailed off not knowing my name.

  “Kayla Johnson from MetroGirl magazine.” I said timidly. “It is very nice to make your acquaintance Ambassador El-Fayyad.”

  “Please just call me Nassim.” He said giving me a kind smile. I nodded.

  I WAS HAPPY to be out of the White House. I hated having to be in the same room with Matthew who refused to acknowledge my presence. I hated sitting there as my heart broke. I just wanted to be done with this final installment so I didn’t have to be around him.

  Trepidation hit me when I realized that I still had at least a few more weeks with him. In about two and a half weeks there was a State Visit coming up to Paris and Kizzy insisted that I go with the Press Corp and I use the Paris trip as an end to my article. I just wanted
the torture to be over. I’d ruined a good thing.

  I changed my clothes when I went home. Simone insisted that we go out for a drink to help me get my mind off everything. I didn’t know if I would be able to forget at least this soon. I felt like I would never forget. I’d given myself to Matthew and I wanted to be with him. There was something about being with him that there was no explanation to.

  At the bar Simone waved me over to the table she’d managed to get for us. I made my way to her and sat down. She already had a cosmopolitan waiting for me. My best friend knew me well.

  “Thanks.” I said before I took a nice sip of the pink drink.

  “How are you?” she asked me. I’d called her the day after and told her everything. She’d insisted on coming over with ice cream and wine, but I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone in my sorrow.

  “I feel terrible. I had to be there today. He barely acknowledged me there. It was so hard to not cry. And for the moment that he did say something to me he kept it so formal as if we were never together. I just know he hates me. I could feel it. I just have to accept that it’s my fault. I ruined what I had with him. I should have told him early on.” I explained. I could feel my tears again. I was tired of crying, but no matter how tired I was the tears kept coming. I did my best to sniff them back.

  “Kay.” Simone said. I looked at her and frowned. “Maybe things can work out. Maybe you guys can talk it over.”

  “I tried to talk to him. He refused. He wants nothing to do with me.” I said as tears started to flow from my eyes. “It’s so hard. I have to see him and think about how we were and that I love him.”

  “Tell him. Maybe he will listen. Maybe you guys can find some compromise. A little give and take when it comes to the blog. You can’t tear apart the man you love, but you can still passionately disagree. Give him space for now and then apologize and try.” She said to me.

  In the moment I couldn’t see him even allowing me to speak to him. I wanted to let him to know that the blog was never personal. I wanted him to know that he was amazing and not a failure. Getting to know him I knew he wasn’t this terrible figurehead, but he was a real man.

  Matthew

  THE BURNING OF the alcohol felt good in the moment to eliminate the pain in my heart, but only for those small moments. Today has been beyond difficult. I had to see Kayla. I had to smell her lavender scent, I had to see her face, and I had to feel the emotions radiating from her. I hated treating her the way I did, but I felt like I had to. There was so much anger that I held over the weekend, but the moment I saw her I wanted to hold her. I craved the feeling of her skin under my fingers and and touch of her lips on mine.

  I sat on my bed with a book. I wanted to escape from this existence, but whenever I read a page my mind would wander and there was Kayla. I thought of the last time I saw her in here. The moment I realized that she was the K. I’d gone from one extreme to another.. I was lustful in the moment wanting to take all of her and then I hated the very deep interior of her soul in the blink of an eye.

  There was then a knock on the door. I let out a groan. I only wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to think though all I could do was think. I got out of bed and opened the door to see Victor with an arm full of folders.

  “Sorry to disturb you, but you have a busy day tomorrow.” Victor said. I sighed knowing what tomorrow was. Tomorrow the Deliverance Bill would be introduced to Congress. I’d been anticipating this day, but now I just wanted it to be over so I could be alone once more. I cursed the fact that she’d gotten to my heart.

  “Yeah Victor it’s fine.” I murmured as I walked from my bedroom and into the sitting room with Victor. I took a seat on a couch. This was where she would normally sit when she came.

  It seemed everything made me think of her. Everything made me miss her. Everything made me want her touch. Was there a path to forgiveness? Could I even forgive her? My mind was filled with thoughts of Kayla. Concentration was impossible when she was the only thing I could think about.

  “Sir?” questioned Victor. I shook my head to shake the thoughts away before looking up at him.

  “Sorry Victor.” I mumbled.

  “As I was saying at 9AM you will address Congress and introduce the bill. Then at 10:15 you will make a statement on the south lawn. You have some meetings with the leaders of both parties around lunch.” Victor explained.

  “Anything after lunch?” I asked him.

  “No sir your day is open once your meetings conclude.” Victor explained. I was grateful for that. “Is something wrong sir?”

  “Just a bit apprehensive about tomorrow.” I lied as I stood up. “If nothing else, I’m going to relax.”

  “Nothing else sir. I will leave a copy of your speech here.” Victor said leaving a folder on the coffee table. He then stood. “I will see you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow.” I said. Tomorrow seemed too far away in the moment. I had decisions to make and I wanted to do them soon.

  THINGS DIDN’T GO as bad as I expected. I introduced the bill to Congress bright and early before heading back to the White House and the South Lawn. I walked to the podium and I could hear the flickers of the cameras. I just wanted to make this speech and be done with it. I gave all of the cameras a nod and that is when I saw her.

  She was standing with Julie, which was typical for her. Julie had become her closest friend here at the White House. I watched her stand with her notepad and pen. She looked up at me for the smallest part of a second. That second was all I needed. I could see the sadness in her eyes. Though she wasn’t close to me I could feel her emotions, the heartbreak seemed to radiate from her. I inhaled sharply.

  “My fellow Americans. Today I introduced a bill on the floor of Congress. This bill is a bipartisan effort to help those families struggling in America, families that need assistance from the government. The bill introduced today, The Deliverance Bill, will assist those families in a whole new way. This bill introduces a program to help families’ transition from assistance to deliverance and full self-sufficiency. Through job training and jobs we can end the struggle of those living in poverty.” I spoke clearly and deliberately. I wanted the people of this country to believe me. I wanted to show that I had strength. I wanted to show Kayla that I believed in this bill. I wanted to show Kayla that I wasn’t a failure.

  After giving details on the bill I left the podium and made my way back to the Oval. I sat at my desk and just thought of Kayla’s face. I thought of the pain I saw in her eyes. I thought of how my body just wanted her body close. There was a knock at the door and I sighed. I knew it was time for my meetings to start.

  “Sir they are ready.” Ray announced at the door.

  “I’m coming.” I said as I stood from my desk. “Ray can you come in here for a moment?” I asked. I knew this needs to be done. I knew I had to do it.

  “Yes sir.” Ray answered dutifully as he fully came into my office.

  “Close the door behind you.” I said. Ray did as I told him before turning back to face me. “I need you to tell Kayla to be at the residence at 3. My meetings should be over then. Can you do that for me?”

  “I can sir.” Ray answered.

  RETURNING FROM MY meetings I walked into the residence. I loosened my tie as I sauntered in. I was anticipating seeing Kayla’s face, but she wasn’t there. I looked at the clock. It was just after 3pm. I cursed myself for actually believing she would be here. I walked into my room and unbuttoned in my shirt. At least I could relax after such a busy day though I knew I really wouldn’t be able to relax. I’d be thinking once more of Kayla.

  As I took my shirt off I heard the doors of the residence open. I walked from the bedroom and standing in the sitting room was Kayla. She looked timid and confused. She looked beautiful, but that was always with her long curls delicately sitting on her shoulders and her dress hugging her curves in all the right places. I walked slowly in her direction.

  “Umm Ray told me to be here for 3. I was busy. S
orry I’m late.” She said her grey eyes keeping contact with mine.

  “It’s fine. It is.” I assured her. I was now standing right in front of her. I wanted to instantly pull her close, but I resisted. I wanted her to tell me her side. I wanted to hear her out. “Want to sit?”

  “Er- I guess.” She said seeming unsure. I moved and allowed her to move to the couch where she sat, She looked at me. I sat next to her. Her eyes looked pained and it looked as if she hadn’t slept with dark bags forming just under her eyes. I hadn’t slept either. I’d spent my nights tossing and turning since that night. “Matthew.” She said looking at me. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you and I know it should have happened earlier. I was afraid of what you might think. Truthfully I didn’t like you, but that was because I was on the outside looking in. When I got to know you it was different. I know who you are now. I found myself being able to separate President Matthew Von Hansen from Matthew the man who’d swept me off my feet.” I listened to her words and I could see the truth in her eyes with every word she spoke.

  “Kayla.” I whispered as I placed my hand on her knee.

  “Matthew I never knew that my words had hurt you in that way and I want to tell you that I am truthfully sorry. I am. I hate that you had to find out rather than have me tell you.” Her voice was spiked with remorse. I couldn’t take it anymore. I took her face into my hands and bound my lips to hers. I’d missed this feeling. I missed the simple sparks that flew through me when I was connected with her.

  I broke away and looked her in the eyes. It was vital that she knew what I was feeling. I needed her to know that I felt so strongly. It was imperative to reveal my heart to her. I needed her to know that she’d stolen my heart in every way possible.