Should Have Been Her Child

by Stella Bagwell

  “This isn’t about Jess and me,” Victoria said bluntly. “His daughter is ill. That’s all there is to it.”

  Maggie rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “So you say. But I can’t remember you bringing home any patients in the past.”

  Frowning at the other woman, Victoria tried to defend her actions. “I didn’t bring this patient home. She was brought to me.”

  With a knowing smile, Maggie began to search through a stack of colored sheets. “That’s true,” she blithely agreed. “But you could have sent her to a hospital.”

  “I could have. But you wouldn’t want Aaron to be hospitalized unless it was absolutely necessary. Jess feels the same way about Katrina.”

  “He has family, Victoria,” Maggie pointed out.

  The only thing keeping Victoria from getting angry with her sister-in-law was that she knew Maggie wasn’t protesting her decision to care for Katrina here at the ranch. She was only trying to prove the point that Victoria was doing a special favor for Jess. And in Maggie’s eyes that could only mean Victoria still cared for the man. Well, that was okay if Maggie wanted to think that way, just as long as Jess knew the truth.

  “He has grandparents,” Victoria granted. “But they have their hands full taking care of the Hastings ranch. They don’t need the stress of taking care of a sick baby.”

  Tilting her head back, Maggie surveyed the shelf above her head, then stepped back out of the way. “You’re taller than me. Take a look on the top shelf.”

  Rising on tiptoe, Victoria thumbed through the stacks of linen until she reached a printed fabric that looked as though it belonged in a little boy’s nursery. “Here’s something with teddy bears on it,” she announced. “And another with dogs.”

  “That’s the crib sheets,” Maggie said with a wan smile. “I kept all of Aaron’s baby things because Hugh and I planned to have more children. But then…well after he was killed I gave most everything away. I guess I hung on to the crib for sentimental reasons.” Her little laugh was full of sadness. “Apparently I forgot about having the sheets. That tells you how often I clean out this closet.”

  With the sheets safely down from the shelf and tucked under one arm, Victoria turned to her sister-in-law and gently scolded, “You sound like your life is over, Maggie. You’re still a young woman. You’ll have more children some day.”

  Shaking her head with firmness, Maggie closed the closet door and motioned for Victoria to precede her down the hallway. As the two women walked, she said, “I can’t imagine letting myself get that intimate with another man, Victoria. Just the idea—” pausing, she shuddered, “—leaves me cold.”

  “That’s only because you haven’t met the right one,” Victoria insisted.

  Maggie shot her a fatalistic smile. “And I always believed Jess was the right one for you. Maybe we’re both destined to live alone.”

  Victoria’s eyes darkened with sadness. “I hope not, Maggie. Life is too short to live it without love.” Trouble was, the only love she wanted was Jess’s.

  Once the two women reached the door leading out to the garage, Victoria swiftly pecked a kiss on Maggie’s cheek.

  “Thanks for letting me use these things,” she told Maggie. “Once Katrina goes home, I’ll get them back to you.”

  “No hurry. Like I said, I won’t be having any need for baby supplies. Maybe you will,” she added slyly.

  A hollow pain pierced a spot between Victoria’s breasts. At one time she’d needed the baby things. But the little life growing inside her had been lost. For over four years now, she’d carried the secret of her miscarriage without any of her family or friends knowing. And the thought of it never failed to cut her swift and deep. She could only wonder what, if anything, Jess might have done back then if he’d known she’d been carrying his child.

  With a mental shake, she reminded herself that was all over and in the past. It was useless to agonize over what might have been.

  “I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for that to happen,” Victoria tried to joke, then with a wave of her hand she left the house and hurried to Jess’s waiting truck.

  Later that night, Jess woke with his heart pounding and a sense of foreboding smothered him like a heavy blanket of smoke.

  Jerking upright, his eyes searched the shadows dancing across the strange walls. Where the hell was he? Something was wrong.

  Adrenaline surged through him, instantly clearing his mind of sleep. Katrina. She was ill. But she was getting better. Victoria was taking care of her.

  With a ragged sigh of relief, he reached up to rake the tousled hair off his forehead. As his hand came in contact with damp skin, he realized he was sweating. From his dreams, he supposed. The temperature in the room was comfortable.

  Tossing back the cover, he slipped quietly to the bathroom where he splashed cold water onto his face and chest, then dried off with one of the thick towels Victoria had supplied for him earlier.

  A glance at his wristwatch told him he’d been asleep three hours. He’d not expected to sleep at all. In fact, he’d only gone to bed because Victoria had insisted. And once she’d taken Katrina to her bedroom, there’d not been much sense in staying up alone. But now the need to see his daughter and reassure himself that she was all right had him reaching for his jeans.

  Victoria’s room was across the hallway at a slight angle from his. He walked the short distance quietly, then paused on the threshold as he took in the sight of Victoria sitting on the side of the bed.

  Wearing only a thin white nightgown, she had Katrina cradled in her arms. He could hear her humming a lullaby as she rocked his daughter in a gentle, soothing motion.

  Jess’s first intention had been to knock and make Victoria aware of his presence. But that plan was swiftly forgotten. There was something about the heavy swath of dark hair falling against her cheek, the glow of the night-light on her face and the image of his daughter cradled against her breast that touched something deep inside Jess.

  He didn’t want to feel it. Or even admit that there was such a place inside him. And he fought to push the unwanted emotions away as he stepped into the room.

  Spotting him, Victoria put a shushing finger to her lips, then rising from the bed, she placed Katrina back in the crib.

  After pulling a light cover over the toddler, she moved away from the crib to meet Jess in the middle of the room.

  “How is she?” he whispered.

  Victoria gestured toward the open doorway. “Let’s step out in the hall so we won’t disturb her.”

  Jess inclined his head in a motion for her to precede him. Brushing past him, Victoria paused at the foot of the bed long enough to grab her robe.

  Out in the hallway, she pulled on the silky white garment while Jess watched, a mocking twist to his lips.

  “I don’t know why you’re bothering with that thing,” he said while eyeing the clinging robe. “You were already covered.”

  Victoria shot a brief glare over his naked chest. He’d always had the fit body of an athlete and the sight of his hard muscled flesh decorated with a diamond-shaped pattern of curly brown hair made her feel like she was sinning just by looking.

  “Well, you’re certainly not,” she snapped.

  He shrugged as though her accusation meant little to him. “So? We’ve seen each other with much less on than this.”

  Unable to meet his gaze, she drew in a shaky breath and crossed her arms over her breasts.

  “I’ve been trying hard to forget that, Jess. I was hoping you already had.”

  If there’d been even the slightest hint of sarcasm in her voice Jess would have found it easy to give her a brash retort. But there was none. The only thing he heard in her words was a lost, quavering sound that twisted the cords in his throat to tangled knots.

  Soberly, he said, “I can’t forget something that beautiful, Victoria. Not as long as I’m alive.”

  Stunned by his admission, her gaze jerked up to his face. And a strange, terrifying thri
ll rushed through her as she realized he was speaking the truth.

  Her hands began to shake and her mouth went dry as the strong urge to reach out and touch him fought with the rationality of keeping her distance. It wouldn’t do for her to start wanting Jess Hastings again. But then, had she ever really stopped, she wondered wildly.

  Clearing her throat, she said, “Katrina woke a few minutes ago and began to whimper for you.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?” he asked anxiously.

  “Because I thought you needed to rest,” she answered simply. “And she didn’t fuss for long. I managed to get her to use the potty and drink a whole cup of water, so that’s encouraging. Along with the fact that her fever is minimal.”

  She was changing the subject to Katrina, Jess noticed. But that was okay with him. He needed to be reminded of why he was here on the T Bar K. Rather than remembering the past and this woman he’d once loved.

  “You don’t know how much of a relief it is to hear you say she’s improving.”

  A faint smile curved Victoria’s soft lips. “Oh yes. I think I do.”

  He released a long, pent-up breath, then pushed a hand through his hair. Victoria watched a short sandy lock fall carelessly over his forehead. Maggie was right, she thought, Jess hadn’t changed. He was still just as potently masculine as the first day she’d met him. And judging from her weak-kneed reaction to him, maybe even more so.

  His gray eyes flickered over her face, then moved completely away to a spot in the darkened hallway. “Uh—I managed to get a little sleep,” he said. “I can sit up with her now, while you get some sleep.”

  Victoria shook her head at his offer. “I expect Katrina to sleep for several hours now. Besides, I’m a doctor, remember. I’m used to getting only snatches of sleep.”

  “And I’m a lawman,” he pointed out wryly. “I’m used to having my sleep interrupted.”

  “Well, there’s no sense in either of us losing sleep while your daughter is resting,” Victoria reasoned.

  And there was no sense in him standing here aching to put his hands on her, Jess thought with a measure of self-disgust.

  “You’re right,” he said brusquely. “I think I’ll get a drink and head back to bed. That is, if it’s okay to prowl in Marina’s kitchen after hours.”

  Her dark brows drew together at his notion that they lived so formally here on the T Bar K. “Of course it’s okay. Help yourself to anything in the refrigerator or pantry. On second thought,” she added, motioning him to follow her down the hallway. “I’ll come with you and show you where everything is kept.”

  To be in Victoria’s company any longer than necessary was like tempting a person on a diet with a hunk of apple pie. Especially with the two of them secluded in a quiet house, in the middle of the night and no one around except his sleeping daughter. But he could hardly refuse to join her without making himself look like a fool.

  The long hallway was dimly lit at regular intervals with muted night-lights. Without speaking, Jess walked alongside her until they reached the kitchen. Then he waited in the middle of the darkened room until Victoria flipped on a light over the range and another over the table. As his eyes adjusted to the brightness, he tried to look at anything and everything but Victoria.

  Walking to the huge refrigerator, she said, “Marina usually keeps the place stocked with juices, milk and soft drinks. Or if you need caffeine I can make coffee or tea.”

  He hardly needed caffeine. The sight of her in thin, silky lingerie was more than enough to set Jess’s heart to pounding.

  “Plain water is all I need,” he told her.

  With her back to him, she pulled out a jug of orange juice. “I would say you’re an easy man to please. But I happen to know better.”

  He walked over to where she stood by the cabinet counter. Stopping a few inches from her left shoulder, he realized too late that he was close enough to catch the alluring scent of her hair and skin.

  “Show me where the glasses are,” he muttered. “That’s all I need to please me right now.”

  Pointing to the cabinet door directly in front of him, she said, “You’ll find a glass there. And bottled water in the fridge, if you’d rather have it.”

  Scowling now, he jammed the glass under the tap. “Do I look like the bottled water type?”

  No, Victoria thought, as she fought to keep her eyes off the naked expanse of his chest. He looked like a man who wanted everything raw and in its natural form. Especially women.

  “Just offering,” she said.

  Pouring herself a glass of juice, she carried it to the pine table and sank onto one of the long benches that served as seating. Before she’d taken two sips of her drink, her eyes began to betray her. As they dwelled on his broad shoulders and lean waist, her thoughts wandered back to the time when it would have been natural to go to him and put her arms around him, to kiss his lips and whisper how much she wanted him. But all of that had ended between them and she needed to forget.

  “You know,” she said quietly, “it’s been a very long time since you’ve been here in the house like this.”

  Swallowing most of the water, he turned to look at her. “What do you mean ‘like this’? I was here a couple of weeks ago.”

  Her nose wrinkled. “That was in the capacity of undersheriff. You’re not a working lawman now. At least, not at the moment.”

  His eyes fell to the squat glass in his hand. One thing about Victoria, she’d always respected his job and his desire to be a lawman. She’d never tried to take that away from him. He had to give her credit for that.

  “No. I’m not working as undersheriff right at this moment. Nor will I be while I’m here on the T Bar K.”

  The faint lift of her brows was barely discernible. “Exactly what are you trying to say?”

  His gray eyes zeroed in directly on hers and Victoria’s heart thumped at the intimate connection.

  “I’m trying to say that as long as I’m here with Katrina I won’t take advantage of your hospitality to gather information on your family members or ranch hands.”

  That he thought it might even be necessary to gather information on the people closest to her was a chilling reminder that he was a peace officer first and foremost.

  Closing her eyes, she shook her head. “I guess I should be thankful for that much.”

  Seeing the anguish on her face, he moved around the table and took a seat opposite her. “Look Victoria, I’m not saying that this is only a pause and that once Katrina is well I’ll be back here on the ranch deliberately digging for clues. It might be as you said the other day. The man simply fell and the whole thing was an accident. For everyone’s sake, I’m hoping that’s what the coroner’s report will state.”

  She opened her eyes to search his face and was shocked to find no mockery or sarcasm behind his words. It was the first time since the body had been discovered on the ranch that she’d heard him talk this way. “You sound as if you really mean that.”

  He shrugged. “Why shouldn’t I? Just because I’m a lawman doesn’t mean I want a case to turn out to be foul play. In fact, the opposite always makes my job easier.”

  A troubled sigh slipped past her lips. “Yes. But in this case we’re talking about the Ketchums. And I…know how you feel about us.”

  Jess suddenly found it was easier to study the scars on the pine tabletop than to face the faint accusation in Victoria’s eyes. It was true, he’d always disliked Tucker, but he didn’t have anything against the rest of the Ketchums. Except her and the fact that she’d broken his heart.

  “Do you honestly think I would be here with my daughter if I thought that badly of you?”

  Moments passed without a reply from her. Jess lifted a questioning gaze to her face. She pressed moist lips together and thrust a hand through the heavy swath of hair dipping over her eye. As he watched the silken strands slide against her neck, he thought about all the times he’d seen those dark waves fanned out on a pillow, all the times
he’d thrust his fingers into the shiny mass as he’d kissed her lips.

  “I’m not sure what to think anymore, Jess. Why did you bring Katrina to me?” she asked softly.

  Her blunt questions caused him to shift in the chair and clear his throat. There were several logical reasons he could point out to her, but none of them really described his motive for bringing Katrina to the T Bar K, he silently reasoned. In truth, he wasn’t sure what had prompted his sudden decision to grab up his daughter and head straight to Victoria. The moment he’d laid eyes on his feverish daughter, he’d been gripped with fear. All he could think was that Victoria would know exactly what to do to make his baby girl all right again.

  The idea that he still needed this woman, even in the capacity of a doctor, thinned his lips to a hard, uncompromising line. “Look, Victoria,” he said finally. “If you’re expecting some sort of admission from me, forget it.”

  Disgusted with his hot-and-cold attitude, she rolled her eyes. “The question I asked you is very simple. It doesn’t require a confession from you.”

  “Confession,” he repeated with sarcasm, then mouthed a curse word for good measure. “I’m not harboring any thoughts about you that you don’t already know about. As for bringing Katrina here, I—” He let out a rough breath, then rubbed a hand over both sides of his jaws. “I wanted her to have the best care. And I knew you were the one to give it to her.”

  Once the words were out, he felt like a fool. Especially when she continued to stare at him for long moments. But then suddenly a soft smile tilted her lips and her hand slid across the tabletop until her fingers were touching his.

  “That’s all the reason I need to know, Jess.”

  Chapter Seven

  “Daddy come home?”

  Victoria gazed down at the golden-haired toddler in her arms. Three nights had passed since Jess had brought the sick little girl to the ranch. Since then the antibiotics had worked wonders. Katrina’s temperature was now nearing normal and the red rash, which had covered two-thirds of her body, was beginning to fade and disappear.