Should Have Been Her Child

by Stella Bagwell

  With a gentle smile, Victoria attempted to reassure the child. “Your daddy will be here soon.”

  Awkwardly, Katrina scrubbed her tearful eyes with both fists and pushed out her lower lip. “I want Daddy,” she mumbled.

  Victoria was amazed that a child who was only a few months past two years old could have such an inner radar about her father. As soon as late evening began to approach, Katrina was convinced it was time for her daddy to come home.

  “Would you like to go look out the window to see if he’s coming?” Victoria asked, hoping the action would pacify the child for a few minutes.

  For an answer Katrina eagerly bobbed her little head up and down.

  Victoria rose from the rocker and, with the child carefully cradled in her arms, walked out to the living room, where a large picture window gave a bird’s-eye view of the long winding driveway leading up to the ranch house. However, dusk had already fallen to shroud the road with long shadows. If Jess did appear soon, all that Katrina would be able to see would be headlights.

  But that didn’t seem to matter to Katrina. Her whines stopped instantly the moment Victoria eased them both down in a big armchair facing the window.

  “Daddy come home?” Katrina repeated the question, only this time her round gray eyes were filled with excitement instead of tears.

  “Yes, little angel, I’m sure he’ll be home soon. So we’ll sit right here and wait on him.” And hopefully he’d show up before midnight, Victoria added silently.

  Years ago, Victoria had seen firsthand that Jess’s job as a peace officer was just as unpredictable as a doctor’s. Unexpected emergencies and heavy case-loads made his workdays long and exhausting. But she’d learned something new these past evenings as she’d sat with Katrina and waited for Jess to appear. She was just as eager as his daughter to see the man.

  Which was crazy. Jess hated her. He still blamed her for their breakup. And after four long years, it was pretty clear he wasn’t going to have a change of heart about her. Yet, none of that seemed to matter. When he walked through the door, the sight of him filled Victoria with a joy she could hardly contain.

  Sighing wistfully, she gently ran her fingers over Katrina’s red-gold curls. The baby was already becoming a part of her. Which was a mistake, she knew. Yet try as she might, she’d not been able to keep her emotions separated from the child. And it wasn’t because Katrina was a patient, she silently reasoned. Victoria had treated endearing little patients before and managed to keep her heart from overtaking her head.

  No, this time Victoria had to face the fact that Katrina wasn’t an ordinary patient. She was Jess’s child and that was all it had taken to steal her heart.

  Two hours later, at the sheriff’s office in Aztec, Jess leaned back in the desk chair and flexed his stiff shoulders. A glance at the clock on the wall told him he’d worked far longer than he’d intended. But at least the overtime had enabled him to catch up on all the paperwork he’d been putting off for the past several days.

  Rolling his shoulders again, he raked a hand through his hair. Victoria had probably been expecting him to show up at the ranch hours ago. By now she was probably worrying why he wasn’t home yet. He’d called much earlier to let her know he’d be late but Marina had answered the phone and he couldn’t be sure the cook had passed his message on to Victoria.

  Jess’s lips twisted as he gathered the papers he’d been working on and shuffled them into one neat pile. Who was he kidding with that kind of thinking, he wondered. The T Bar K was the last place that would ever be his home. And as for Victoria, she’d quit waiting and worrying about him years ago.

  A light knock suddenly interrupted Jess’s thoughts and he looked toward the open doorway to see Chief Deputy Daniel Redwing, his shoulder resting casually against the doorjamb. The younger man had changed out of his uniform and into civilian clothing and was obviously headed home for the night.

  “You’re burning the midnight oil, aren’t you, boss?”

  Jess shrugged. “I could say the same for you. I didn’t know you were still here.”

  Daniel pushed away from the doorway and stepped into the room. “We just finished working that break-in down at the tire shop.”

  “Any suspects?”

  “No one definite. But we’ve got some good prints.” Daniel inclined his head toward the papers on Jess’s desk. “Have you gotten the coroner’s report back on the T Bar K case?”

  Jess shook his head. “Not yet.”

  “I wondered if you still wanted me to do that interview with Maggie Ketchum? Or have you already done it yourself?”

  Sighing, Jess wearily pinched the bridge of his nose. “Since Katrina and I have been staying on the ranch, I haven’t questioned anyone out there. I—I didn’t think it would be…playing fair, so to speak. But that doesn’t mean that the investigation is off by any means. Once I take my daughter home, I intend to pick it right up again.”

  The deputy’s brows lifted. “You sound as though you expect this thing to turn into something more than just an unidentified corpse.”

  Jess frowned. “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to,” Daniel replied. “I could hear it in your voice.”

  With a wry smile, Jess rose to his feet. “Then I guess I’m going to have to watch how I say things. I didn’t realize I was getting transparent.”

  He reached for the Stetson hanging on a peg by the door and jammed the brown felt hat onto his head. Daniel stepped back and waited for him to shut the office door, then the two men walked together down a short corridor leading to a back exit of the building.

  “You’re not transparent, Jess. I just happen to know you pretty well. And I know how your mind works.”

  Victoria knew him pretty well, too, Jess thought. He hoped to hell she hadn’t been reading his thoughts. Otherwise she would know these past three days his thoughts had been consumed with her and wanting to get her into his bed.

  “Well, just between me and you,” Jess said, “I have an uneasy feeling about this John Doe. Nothing adds up to where the body was found.”

  “I don’t suppose you’ve implied such a thing to Victoria,” Daniel said sagely.

  Jess snorted with mocking disbelief. “She already believes I’m biased against the Ketchums.”

  The two men stepped outside to a small parking lot used only by employees of the sheriff’s department. At the bottom of a small set of steps, Daniel paused and glanced over at Jess.

  “Well, you are, aren’t you?” he asked. “Biased, that is.”

  Surprise arched Jess’s brows as he studied the younger man. “Hell, Redwing, you know I’d never tamper with evidence. One way or the other.”

  Daniel chuckled. “I didn’t mean you were biased as a lawman. I meant personally. You never liked the Ketchums. Or has that changed these past few days?”

  Jess frowned. It wasn’t like Deputy Redwing to bring up personal things. But the two men had been friends for a long time and no doubt the other man was probably surprised that Jess had swallowed his pride and asked Victoria for help.

  “If you’re wondering about Victoria and me, then quit. The only reason I’m staying out at the T Bar K is to get my daughter well.”

  Daniel’s expression turned serious. “That’s too bad. I was hoping you two could put the past behind you.”

  Daniel Redwing was not a family man. Nor was he a romantic. In fact, Jess had long ago quit trying to figure why the younger man avoided women. So it was surprising indeed to hear the deputy make such a comment about Jess’s love life or lack of it.

  Starting toward his truck, Jess tossed over his shoulder, “You’d better stick to investigating crime, Redwing. And as for Maggie Ketchum, I’ll let you know when I want you to question her.”

  A half hour later, Jess stepped wearily into the dimly lit ranch house. Instantly his gaze zeroed in on the sleeping woman and child in the armchair. Victoria’s head had tilted toward her right shoulder. A thick curtain of bl
ack hair had slipped to cover one eye and cheek. Even in sleep her hands were cradling Katrina’s back, keeping the child cuddled safely to her breasts.

  For long moments he continued to stare at the picture of his daughter and the woman he’d once loved. The two of them shouldn’t look so right together, he thought. Victoria wasn’t Katrina’s mother. She never would be. Yet looking at them now, he could only wonder how different their lives might have been if Victoria had given birth to his daughter.

  Don’t think about it, he told himself. Tucker Ketchum would have never let them be happy. He would have done his best to have total control over his daughter and granddaughter. The old man would have caused a war between Jess and Victoria and ruined their marriage before it even got started.

  No, Jess fiercely told himself, he’d done the right thing by leaving New Mexico. Yet, as his footsteps slipped quietly toward the woman holding his baby, there was an empty ache snaking its way through the middle of his chest.

  The moment he touched Victoria’s shoulders, she stirred and looked up at him. As her eyes focused on his face, her lips formed a soft smile that went straight to his heart.

  “So you finally made it home,” she said.

  Surprised by the sudden thickness in his throat, Jess glanced away from her drowsy green eyes and swallowed. “Yeah. I had a lot of paperwork to catch up on. I hope Katrina hasn’t been giving you a lot of trouble.”

  “Not really. She watched for you until she couldn’t stay awake any longer.”

  He glanced back at Victoria, then down at his daughter. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here earlier. But I’d put off a stack of paperwork for as long as I could.” His eyes softened with fatherly love as they slipped over Katrina bundled in her favorite pink pajamas. “She’s okay, isn’t she? She hasn’t taken a setback?”

  Victoria shot him a censured look. “You called three times today and each time I assured you she was improving. You know I would have called you if anything with her had changed.”

  She was right, of course. He’d put Katrina’s health into Victoria’s hands. It only stood to reason that she wouldn’t keep him in the dark about something so important.

  “Yeah, I know you would,” he admitted. “It’s just that I can’t help being worried.”

  A look of understanding crossed Victoria’s face. “Katrina is still improving. The antibiotics are doing their job and her fever is low-grade. I expect by tomorrow it will be gone completely.”

  “Then she’ll be ready to go back home?”

  The eagerness in his voice cut her. Which was silly. Just because she’d been enjoying his company, didn’t mean he’d been liking his stay here on the T Bar K.

  Drawing in a deep breath, she tried to push away the dark thought. “Not so quick,” she told him. “Your daughter will still need a few days of recuperation.”

  Jess wanted to argue and tell her he needed to be out of this house and away from her. But he couldn’t. To do so would be a slap in the face after all the wonderful care she’d given Katrina. Plus, it would reveal to her just how much being around her was affecting him. And dear Lord, it was affecting him. In all the wrong ways.

  “Well, whatever it takes to make her well,” he said, then reached to take the sleeping child from her arms. “I’ll carry her back to the crib for you.”

  Victoria placed Katrina in his outstretched arms, then followed him down the hallway to her bedroom. When he placed Katrina in the crib, the little girl squirmed, but after a few moments settled back into a sound sleep.

  “Has she eaten and taken her medicine?” Jess asked as he tucked a light blanket around Katrina’s shoulders.

  Victoria watched his fingers touch his daughter’s forehead, then brush at the curls surrounding her face. The same fingers that had once touched her with such passion. And at the time, Victoria had believed he’d been touching her with the same sort of love he was bestowing upon his daughter. But she’d been wrong about that. And so many other things, she thought sadly.

  “She ate with me earlier. And she’s already had her medication for the day. She’ll probably sleep all night now.”

  Jess nodded. “Good. I’ll be up in the morning to spend some time with her before I leave for work.”

  He turned away from the crib and Victoria dimmed the small lamp on the nightstand at the head of her bed. As the two of them left the room, Victoria said, “There’s not many men as devoted to being a father as you are, Jess.”

  He arched a cynical brow at her. “Is that a compliment coming from you, Tori?”

  Heat seeped into her cheeks, forcing her to glance away from him. She didn’t know why he came out with that nickname from time to time. She’d told him not to use it. Surely he understood it made her think of all those occasions when they’d made love, when he’d whispered the shortened name in her ear. Or maybe that was exactly why he continued to use it, she thought wryly. Maybe he was trying to make her remember and hurt.

  “Just stating the obvious, Jess. If you want to take it as a compliment, then you’re welcome to.”

  By now they’d reached the end of the hallway and she gestured toward the entrance to the kitchen. “Have you eaten anything?”

  “No. But I can find myself a sandwich or something.”

  She flashed him a compliant smile. “I’m sure you can. But I left the remains of our supper on the cookstove and since it was venison steak I figured you might be interested.”

  “Last night pot roast, tonight venison steak. Marina’s outdoing herself for me,” he joked, knowing full well the woman had only half-forgiven him for leaving Victoria behind and going to Texas to become a border patrol agent.

  “Marina loves to cook. Even when there’s not a man around,” Victoria assured him.

  Inside the kitchen, Jess unbuckled the holstered .45 revolver from around his hips and placed the weapon in a safe spot atop the refrigerator. Beside the pistol, he rested his worn Stetson. At the same time, Victoria pulled a clean plate from the cabinet and began to fill it from the pots and pans on the stove.

  “Don’t worry,” Jess replied with amused acceptance. “I know Marina’s efforts aren’t for my benefit. If she thought she could get away with it, she’d probably take pleasure in poisoning me.”

  Victoria placed the plate of food in the microwave and punched in a short amount of time. Once the steak and vegetables were heating, she turned to look at him.

  “Marina doesn’t hate you. And she could never harm anyone. She’s a loving woman.”

  His expression turned serious as he walked over to where she stood waiting by the microwave. “Marina serves me because she considers it her job,” he said. “But I hardly expect you to wait on me, Victoria. Go sit down.”

  He was standing so close she could smell the lingering scent of cologne on his clothes, see the faint lines fanning from the corners of his gray eyes, the red-gold highlights threaded through his hair and all the other little things about his face that she’d once fallen in love with.

  Suddenly her heart was beating wildly and the urge to reach out and touch him was taking over her thoughts. Quickly, before she made a fool of herself, she murmured, “I’ll go make coffee.”

  “I can do that, too,” he said as his gaze fell from her eyes to her lips. The house was too quiet, he thought. Marina had obviously retired to her own living quarters and Katrina was out for the night. Ross was still away on a business trip. Jess and Victoria were alone. And the last thing he needed was for her to be treating him like a husband who deserved the attention of a devoted wife.

  “No doubt you can,” she said abruptly as she headed to the cabinet counter. “But this way I can make it the way I like it.”

  The bell on the microwave sounded and Jess turned his attention to retrieving the warm plate of food. Once he was seated at the table, he picked up his fork and began to eat, but it was only a matter of moments before he was glancing over at Victoria, watching her movements as she went about putting the coffee maki
ngs together.

  Tonight she was dressed casually in worn jeans and a peach-colored cotton sweater. The sleeves were short and the neckline scooped low in the front and the back. Her pale skin gleamed like soft satin in the muted light of the kitchen. Her midnight dark hair was piled in a messy knot atop her head and the stray tendrils curling against her neck, tempted him, reminded him what it was like to put his hands in all that silky hair and hold her head fast as he kissed her lips.

  What in hell was wrong with him, he wondered. Why did his thinking go so haywire whenever he was around Victoria? Four long years had passed since he’d touched her. Really touched her. Any sane man would have already gotten over the woman. But in spite of the passing time and a marriage that had failed from the get-go, he’d not been able to erase Victoria completely from his mind.

  Needing to break the grip on his thoughts, he forced himself to speak. “I suppose staying home…away from your medical practice has been boring for you this week.”

  She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Not in the least. I’ve had Katrina to keep me busy. And I’m never bored here on the ranch.”

  He focused his gaze on the food in front of him rather than on her. For a long time before he’d ever met Victoria, he’d known about the beautiful Ketchum girl. From time to time, he’d seen her at a distance around town and each time her grace and beauty had quietly bowled him over. In his mind, she’d been an unattainable princess, who’d never look sideways at someone of Jess’s caliber.

  Yet when he did finally meet her, he’d been surprised to learn she wasn’t the stereotypical “rich girl.” She wasn’t a party person, or a big shopper or a globe-trotter. She had simple tastes and a love of ranching life. Her only ambition was to help people. All those things had led Jess to believe the two of them were compatible, that she really could love someone like him. But then he hadn’t counted on Tucker’s interference. Not at first.

  “Pa said you didn’t start your medical practice until after Tucker died. He said you stayed here on the ranch and cared for the old man. Is that true?”