Incarcerated: Letters From Inmate 92510

by Inger Iversen

  She put her hand out, trying to halt his movements, but Logan stalked closer. “Logan—” He slammed his lips against hers, and his tongue filled her mouth before she had a chance to finish. She tried to push him away, but Logan was this colossal unwavering brick wall, leaning into her and suffocating her with his sweet breath and needy hands. Her body leaned into him as her brain withdrew. It was so hard to think rationally with Logan so close. Every part of him touched her in some way, confusing her yet heating her to her very core.

  Logan reached down and yanked Katie’s skirt up, the fabric cutting against her skin. She gasped at his roughness, but he kept her mouth occupied with his lips and tongue as he abruptly yanked down her tights. She threw her arms around Logan’s neck and her nails scored his skin, causing him to shudder in her arms. When he pulled away to unbutton his jeans, Katie fought to catch her breath. She still wanted to scream at him, to punch him in the face—anything. Instead, like a fool, she kicked off her heels and stepped out of her tights.

  Logan’s jeans were down around his ankles in seconds. He hadn’t bothered taking anything else off, and his erection in his hand made Katie tremble with need, but she needed more time. Logan normally prepared her for this part, but this time he wasn’t waiting. Yanking her panties to the side, he spit in his hand, but it was far from enough.

  Katie cried out when he entered her rough and deep. Her pleasure from pain had never felt so great; they mingled together and pulled her away from her rage to a pleasure induced haze.

  As Logan pressed deeper with each thrust, Katie fought to match his intensity. Wrapping her legs up around his waist, her body screamed in sweet agony and he thrust her into the wall. Her back ached and her body burned for more. She whispered things—dark things—in his ear, surprising herself with the dirty words escaping her mouth.

  The angry monster he had been in the car was gone, and in his place was the man who made her scream and beg for more. He was back, the man she loved, and while she still had a smidgen of fear tucked away in the back of her mind, Katie came apart in Logan’s arms.

  She was a screaming, shivering bundle of nerves, so sensitive and needy, that as Logan came, Katie felt her stomach quiver and her body break into pieces once again. When Logan’s body stilled, Katie unwrapped her legs from his waist and settled on to the ground.

  His breathing slowed and evened out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take you that rough.” She wasn’t sorry one bit, but his voice was so small that Katie’s heart shattered.

  She placed a hand on his chest; his heart was still thundering even though his breathing had slowed. Logan placed a hand over hers and moved it directly over his heart. “I know.”

  She wasn’t worried about how he’d fucked her against the wall half clothed like an animal—that she could get used to—but there was another problem. Katie knew there was so much for him to overcome. Yes, he was wrong, and yes, he needed help, but she’d known that from the start. She said she’d be there and she wasn’t holding up her end of the bargain.

  Katie’s legs wobbled a bit, so she used the wall to hold herself up. To her dismay, warm liquid seeped from her settling on her thighs. “Oh my God, Logan.” She gently pushed him away and placed her fingers between her legs. His eyes widened when he saw the creamy substance on her fingertips.

  He moved away, nearly tripping over his pants, which were twisted around his ankles. “Shit . . . fuck . . . shit.” He pulled them up and buttoned his pants. He faced her, his eyes wide and bright. “Please tell me you are still on birth control.” Katie nodded her head, and the color that had drained from his face returned. He placed a hand over his chest and exhaled.

  Katie wasn’t upset that he was relieved. A baby in this situation would only serve as a problem, and while she wanted kids, she couldn’t see having one anytime soon. Picking up her tights, she wiped her fingers. She was more concerned with something else than a baby at the moment. “Yeah, but that’s not the only thing we have to worry about.” She eyed him. STDs were real and deadly.

  When he got her drift, he said, “Oh, I’m clean. I got tested in prison.” Logan moved to Katie, kneeling down to help her right her clothes. He placed a kiss on her thigh and stood. Looking her in the eyes, he added, “And I think that since you’re on birth control, we should both get checked again and then maybe we won’t need condoms at all?” It was a good suggestion, one she’d think about—well, getting tested was a definite yes—they were both getting tested as soon as possible.

  Katie pushed that thought away and wondered if she and Logan would even last that long. It pained her to think that. She wanted him more than he’d ever know, but his past was threatening to ruin their future, and as much as Katie wanted to believe they were strong enough to prevail, a small voice questioned her strength and Logan’s ability to change.

  In a relationship, forgiveness wasn’t guaranteed, and love in the real world didn’t always last forever. Logan knew that, he’d seen it and lived it. At thirty-five, Logan had been in what he thought was love a few times, but later realized as those women walked out of his life that he was actually happy to see them go. The stress left with them, leaving him feeling free and alive.

  Katie came out of the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy white towel, with another wrapped around her head. Water clung to her brown skin, causing it to glisten. He was sure those russet colored ringlets were soft, springy, and damp under the towel she wore on her head. She was always complaining about her hair frizzing, but Logan loved it. Especially after he’d made love to her and it looked as if she’d narrowly survived a tornado.

  Logan could smell her vanilla and lavender body wash all the way from the other side of the room, and a part of him was upset she’d washed his scent off her as he sat in the chair in the corner, still smelling of her body and perfume. He watched as she dried herself off and dressed in a shirt that barely covered her bottom, and hung from one shoulder. She kept the towel on her head and walked over to the bed.

  Katie pulled the covers back and sat down. “You coming over?” she asked as she pulled a bottle of lotion from the nightstand. Logan silently stood and removed all of his clothes, heading to the side of the bed she was sitting on. He removed the lotion from her hands and motioned for her to sit back in the bed. When she did, he squirted some of the lotion in his hands and rubbed them together.

  “What are we going to do, Logan?” Katie’s eyes held a sadness he’d never seen in them before.

  He sat on the bed and placed her leg over his, gently rubbing the cream into her velvety skin. How did he tell her that he wasn’t sure he’d ever trust black men? Common sense told him they weren’t all bad, but personal experience from the past kept him right there—in the past. Logan had been confronted with plenty of stare downs or whatever they were called by plenty of men, and no matter what Katie thought, the man who’d stared at them had more on his mind than just thinking he was a client. The man had watched as Logan held Katie, touched her, and his eyes had narrowed as Logan kissed her, which had pissed Logan off. He wasn’t imagining things; Katie was just too kindhearted to notice.

  Still silent, he rubbed the lotion into her skin until it gleamed brighter than before. Katie reached out and stilled his hand. “Baby, look at me,” she whispered, but Logan couldn’t.

  He hated letting her down, and she’d never know how it tore him up inside, how he literally felt as if he was being ripped in two. His past held him by the neck while Katie’s love wrapped gently around his heart, begging him to follow her. Logan was a strong man. He’d taken beatings, seen death, and dealt with men in prison determined to fuck him, yet he’d always prevailed.

  However, tonight he felt so fucking weak and completely lost. He was supposed to be her guiding light. In addition to that, he was supposed to be more than his past . . . yet, for some reason he held on to yesterday when his future was right there in front of him.

  Her hand was firm over his, anchoring him to her in the here and now. “How do
I make this right without falling apart in the process?” he asked. Never had he felt so lost, but when Katie reached out to him with her other hand, her touch stopped the spinning and pulled him back to her. “I love you, but this is . . . I am—” Katie placed her fingers over his mouth.

  “We can do this, I know we can.” She leaned forward and placed her head on his shoulder. “Together we can fix this.”

  Logan wasn’t so sure. For the first time in a while, he was afraid. Losing Katie would kill him.

  Warmer weather brought new night sounds, and they were currently keeping Katie awake. She slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen. She needed time to think, and what better way to think than over some ice cream, wrapped up in an afghan? Normally, she’d call Teal, who’d actually stopped all of the texts, emails, and phone calls, but in Katie’s mind they were still on bad terms. Still, she picked up her phone and then glanced at the time. It was well past three in the morning and Teal was asleep. No, that was an excuse, Teal would answer the phone for Katie no matter what time she called.

  Katie dialed the number she knew by heart, but didn’t press send. She placed the phone on the counter and scooped out a big scoop of coffee flavored ice cream. Placing the top back on the tub, she used the spoon as a makeshift cone by licking the large glob of ice cream. She and Teal had been friends for so long, but right now she felt like she was a stranger. Katie completely understood the concern, but that had turned to interference when Teal changed the letter from her to Logan. Katie’s heart hurt at the thought, but more so at the idea of losing Teal.

  She cleared out the phone and went to her messages. Selecting the first one she found from Teal, she responded. Fighting tears, she left a message she was sure might cause more problems, but what Katie said needed to be said. No one else had any issue telling Katie how he or she felt about her actions, so she thought she’d try the same thing.

  I love you, but I no longer trust you and I don’t

  know how to deal with that. I need time and space.

  I love you, Teal, but what you did was wrong. Not

  unforgivable, but wrong. I miss you. –Kay

  Katie read the message again before pressing send. She knew there might be backlash, but in this case, honesty was in fact the best policy. If she wanted her dad and Teal to treat her like the twenty-five-year-old woman she was, she needed to demand it, but she also needed to be able to handle her issues without running to them for help. Katie powered down her phone and pushed it away. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Logan cleared his throat.

  His warm chuckle echoed in the room. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said as he moved further into the kitchen.

  Katie rolled her eyes at her jumpiness. “You want some ice cream?”

  Logan picked up the container and read the ingredients on the back. After he placed it down, he pulled the spoon from her hand and took a large bite. “What are you doing up eating ice cream?” he asked softly.

  Katie wondered if her feelings were tattooed on her face as he eyed her. Taking a bite of the ice cream, she smirked. “I was thinking about Teal and my dad.”

  Logan nodded and pulled a chair up to the bar.

  “Maybe the reason that they treat me like a kid is because I let them.” She handed him the spoon and watched as he ate some more.

  “Maybe, Katie. I can only assume your father is nervous about losing his only daughter. I’m not what he expected you to—” He paused and shook his head. “This isn’t about me. You’ve felt this way about them before me, right?”

  Katie nodded.

  “Then it’s your past you need to delve through. Maybe it was when you were left out as a kid because you weren’t white or black enough for the other kids.” Logan took another bite of ice cream.

  Katie pulled her legs up in the chair and wrapped her arms around them.

  “I’m here for you. Just tell me what you need.” Logan placed the ice cream in front of her face and Katie took the final bite.

  “I know you are.” She smiled, leaned forward, and reached for the spoon.

  Logan snatched it away. “Enough of this, let’s go back to bed.” He stood and threw the spoon in the sink, and then placed the ice cream back in the freezer.

  Katie stood and wrapped her arms around his back.

  “Ready?” he asked, turning in her arms.

  Maybe his words had a hidden meaning, or maybe he was just talking about going to bed, Katie didn’t know. She was worn-out and grief-stricken, but still, she took Logan’s hand, followed him to the bedroom, and snuggled close to his side. Katie closed her eyes and tucked her head into his chest. She could no longer think of the day’s events or her past; as Logan caressed her hip, she was lulled into a deep sleep.

  For a first date, Katie thought Logan would take her to a movie and then to dinner, but when they pulled up to the Country Western bar she was confused. Logan may have been a Southern man, but she knew for a fact that he didn’t listen to country music. One, he’d told her so, and two, whenever they drove in the car, he blasted mostly classic rock. He was surprised that Katie knew the bands he liked. Though she steered more toward bands like Pink Floyd and The Beatles, she could also appreciate some of the metal bands he listened to.

  Looking over at a smiling Logan, she asked, “What are we doing here?”

  He pointed to the sign on the moniker. “There’s a live band playing tonight. I thought since you’d never been to a concert, it’d be a great stepping stone to getting you more comfortable with crowds.”

  Katie took a deep breath. She didn’t want to go into the bar with loud, obnoxious drunks. She’d enjoyed the last few days with Logan cooped up at home. As the frost of winter thawed and May’s warm weather brought out flowers and singing birds, she couldn’t keep Logan inside any longer. They’d gone on picnics in the park, the Pascal Timbre Sports at the Botanical Gardens, and they’d eaten at every restaurant in Woodbury. Now Logan was starting to ask about the neighboring town and its cuisine.

  Katie placed her hand on the door and turned to Logan. “I don’t love crowds, but if I’m with you it’ll be fun.” She opened the door and hopped out. Walking around the car, he grasped her hand.

  “It’s some female singer. I read about it online last week. Looked her up and she sounds like that girl you blast when you’re writing. Lela something.”

  Katie walked to the door at Logan’s side. “Lela? No, Lana Del Ray. You think she sounded like her?” She entered through the door when Logan opened it.

  He gently pulled her inside. “Yeah, I guess. At least they sounded the same to me.” Katie looked around for a seat by the stage. Either they were late, or the singer was just popular. She scanned the room for two seats that were at least together.

  Next to the stage, in the corner, Katie spotted a small table with a tea candle burning dimly in the corner. There weren’t any drunks or fools wandering around the bar. Light music played from the speakers in the corners of the room, a waitress offered them a friendly smile as she hustled past them to the drink station, and a few couples sat at the bar holding hands. Katie smiled and pointed at the two seats in the corner. “How about there?”

  Logan led her over and pulled a chair out for her. Soon after she and Logan sat down, a waiter came over and they placed their order; a beer for Logan and sweet tea for Katie. The lights dimmed, and Katie was excited that they’d gotten there just in time. Logan wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close as a small woman stepped on the stage. She spoke her hellos, introducing herself as L.E. Banks, and she sat down with her guitar and started singing. This woman sounded nothing like Lana Del Ray, but she was great. The singer had a genre-crossing mix with indie rock, electronica, and hip hop beats and Katie felt herself moving to the music.

  Logan whispered in Katie’s ear, “I think I know her.” He leaned forward. Katie watched as Logan eyed the woman. His green eyes sparkled. “Yeah, that’s the woman I sat next to on the plane over here.

  Kati
e smiled. “No freaking way.” She looked to the stage as the woman sang. She was pale, small, and beautiful with fragile features

  “No kiddin’. She was writing in this little journal and she asked me where I was heading and—” He looked at her. “And I told her ‘home to see my girl.’”

  Katie’s smile widened and her heart warmed. She was his girl and always would be.

  “You want to dance?”

  She stilled and almost burst into laughter, until she glanced up at the seriousness in his eyes. Katie looked around. The empty dance floor made her stomach drop. There was no one there for her to hide behind, and she and Logan would be exposed to the crowd and any other onlookers.

  “There’s no one on the dance floor right now,” she squeaked, but that didn’t stop Logan from standing and holding his hand out to her. Katie’s heart thundered in her chest. It wasn’t that she couldn’t dance, just that she was nervous to be the only couple dancing. Logan didn’t seem to mind, and she didn’t have the heart to tell him no. Still, Katie took Logan’s hand and he led her out onto the dance floor in the middle of the tables and in front of the stage.

  Her face burned in embarrassment as other couples watched her with Logan. “Logan, I . . . I . . .”

  He ignored her hesitancy and wrapped his arms around her waist. Sliding his hands over Katie’s ass, he pulled her close until she could feel his warmth through her clothes.

  She reached up and bound her arms around Logan’s neck. He looked down at her with such devotion, Katie decided to ignore the crowd and focus on his warm embrace. When the chorus hit, Logan slowly started to sway with the music and Katie rocked with him.

  Keeping her body close to his, she softly threaded her fingers through his hair. Logan shuddered when Katie’s fingers moved over the soft skin on the back of his neck; she could feel the gooseflesh that’d broken out over his skin and she grinned. She loved when her touch affected him that way because the same thing happened to her with even his gentlest caress.