A Safe Place to Fall (Places Book 1)

by Barbara Doyle

  He didn’t answer.

  I kept the rant going, saying, “You stopped talking to me for a month. A frigging month because of that no good, white trash ho. I tried warning you about her when she started shit with me, but you were too ‘in love’ to listen to me.”

  “I get your point.”

  “Do you? I don’t think you really do.”

  “I should have listened—”

  “Damn right you should have!” I agreed, finally taking him off guard and closing the door. “That isn’t my point though. The point is that you should stop being so overprotective over me. You act like I’m the only one who dated a loser, but look at you. You have no right to keep treating me like I’m fifteen again. I’m twenty-one and much smarter than I was. So are you. So stop judging everything I do. I’m your little sister, not some kid you need to babysit.”

  I started up the car.

  “Blair, I’m—”

  “Sorry,” I finished for him. “You’re always sorry, but it never changes anything. You say that you’re going to stop being so controlling, but you never keep your word.”

  He leaned forward so his head was in the window.

  “I’m just afraid of you getting hurt again.”

  I gave him a small, empty smile. “I appreciate that, Aaron. I’m old enough to make my own decisions now though. I’m in a better place now, and my judgement is way better than it was when I was a teenager. It’s not your obligation to take care of me anymore.”

  He backed up to give me space to leave. “I know that you’re grown up now, but there are some things that I don’t like to let go of.”

  “You’ve got Katie now. Take care of her.”

  He smiled, and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I plan to, B. I just want to make sure that you’ll be okay no matter who you end up with.”

  When he acted like the caring brother it was hard to stay mad at him. I knew he just wanted what was best for me, but did he have to be sweet right after our fight? He wasn’t playing fair and he knew it.

  “I expect to meet this guy,” he informed me.

  You’re practically brothers already.

  “You guys will love each other,” I said in the calmest way possible. “I can almost picture you having a bro-mance already.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I doubt that, Blair.”

  “You never know…”

  4

  The house was dark from the storm that knocked out the electricity. The blankets were the only things that hid my ten-year-old self from the lightning flashes that raged outside my bedroom window. There was more than just thunder that clapped close to home. There was screaming, arguing and crying.

  I knew it was Mom again. Aaron told me that she wasn’t feeling well, and her condition was getting worse. He told me when she was having a breakdown I needed to stay in my room, so I went upstairs and hid under my comforter as soon as I heard them start yelling at each other downstairs.

  Then the storm started.

  The rain was crashing against the roof, and the thunder was getting closer. Every time it clapped, I cringed and held tighter to my stuffed bear that my dad won me at the fair. He told me whenever I was scared Teddy would help. Teddy couldn’t help with the woman that Mom had become.

  My door swung open the same time the next clap of thunder shook the house. I cried out when somebody grabbed me from under the covers and pulled me toward the edge of the bed.

  “Blair!”

  “Blair!”

  “Blair wake up,” Nate said quietly, shaking my shoulder. My eyes opened quickly when a loud clap of thunder sounded above us.

  I yelped loudly and grabbed onto Nate for dear life.

  He rubbed my back, making circular motions with his hands just like my mother used to do when I was scared. My arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, and my head rested on his shoulder. I kept my eyes closed from seeing the bright lightning flash in the midnight sky.

  “Hey,” he whispered into my ear.

  His fingers found their way to my hair, combing it out gently. I melted into him each time he combed through the thick strands.

  “It was just a dream, Blair,” he promised, keeping the same circular movement on my back with his other hand.

  I pulled back. “I’m sorry.”

  It wasn’t until then that I realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt. You’d think I would have noticed after wrapping myself around him, but my brain was still set in the nightmare I’d been having. It was the same one every time. The worst part was knowing it really happened. I was just thankful that he woke me up before I remembered more.

  He took a strand of my hair and brushed it behind my ear. It was hard seeing his face in the dark room, but the outline of his perfectly sculpted jawline showed every time lightning struck.

  “You never have to apologize to me,” he said sincerely.

  He dropped his hands into his lap and studied my stricken face.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I pressed my lips together and looked away.

  “It was the same one, wasn’t it?”

  I stayed silent.

  He sighed. “Blair, I want to help. You need to tell me what you dreamt so I can do that. Talking about it always helped before, right?”

  “You mean the counseling?” I questioned. My tone was harsher than I intended, but he knew it was a touchy subject for me. I always complained to him about how my therapist never said anything helpful. I didn’t even tell Aaron that, because I wanted Aaron to believe I was getting better.

  “I know that you didn’t like it at first—”

  Was he kidding? “I hated it the whole time you guys forced me to go, Nate! Nothing about what she made me talk about helped. It just makes me relive it all over again.”

  “Talking about it is better than seeing it every time you go to sleep, isn’t it? I’m worried about you. I feel bad every time I can’t help you forget about it.”

  Nobody can make me forget.

  I shook my head and fought back the tears that threatened to escape my eyes. Everybody wanted to help me, but I was helpless. Everything that happened in the past still haunted me, and I came to terms with it probably always being a part of me. Forgetting was never an option.

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you think you can get back to sleep with this storm going? I know how much you hate them.”

  I moved my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Lying was probably the best thing to do, or else Nate would be up all night with me. I knew he had to work early in the morning, so keeping him up wasn’t right.

  “I’ll be fine.”

  He saw right through me. “Don’t lie to me. I can whip up some hot chocolate like we used to do when we were younger. Would that help?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not really in the mood for hot chocolate. Honestly, Nate I’ll be fine. I just need to get comfortable and block out the storm.”

  He grabbed a pillow and placed it next to where I sat.

  “What are you doing?” I asked cautiously.

  “I know you won’t sleep, so I’ll stay with you until you do,” he replied, laying down on his side. I was tempted to lay down too, but he was facing me and the bed wasn’t that big.

  “Nate…”

  He looked up at me.

  “The last time we slept in the same bed we…”

  “We what?” he pressed casually.

  “Well when I woke up you were…” Just spit it out already!

  “I was awake, Blair.”

  I stared at him. “What?”

  “I told you that I answered the door that morning,” he explained quietly. “I know that I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself. Boundaries aren’t really my thing.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.

  My heart spiked. “But—”

  “Don’t worry,” he promised. “I won’t make a habit of anything. I’ll just stay until you fall asleep and leave. Nothing will happen.”

&nb
sp; “But Nate—”

  “Good night, Blair.”

  Why was he dismissing me? He just admitted that he knew he felt me up that morning! Was I not supposed to question that?

  Let it go.

  I couldn’t though.

  “No,” I returned, crossing my arms on my chest.

  He sat up, putting his weight on his elbow. “It was a week ago. It doesn’t matter now.”

  “You were…touching me.”

  He cringed. “You make it sound dirty, and not the good kind of dirty. Listen, I wasn’t thinking. I knew that you were awake too if it makes you feel better. Your breathing changed.”

  My face heated up. “I…”

  “Liked it,” he finished for me.

  “I was going to say that I didn’t know what to do.”

  He stayed silent.

  “Nate, we should talk about that.”

  “We shouldn’t,” he disagreed, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over his body. It was a shame he was covering his toned stomach. The guy had six packs for crying out loud!

  It was hard to ogle his drool-worthy body when he was being so dismissive though. He knew what buttons to push when it came to me, and quite frankly it pissed me off. I didn’t like leaving things unsaid.

  “You’re giving me mixed signals!” I accused.

  He stared at me. “And you’re giving me a headache. I’m tired, can’t we just save this conversation for later? I get out at work at five tonight.”

  “If we don’t talk about it now you’ll just make excuses tomorrow to hold off. You were feeling me up that morning at the hotel and then you pull away every time you want to do it again. That’s screwed up!”

  “You know what’s screwed up?” he asked, getting out of the bed. “When you’re best friend’s sister decides to throw herself at you like she knows what she’s doing. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t put out, especially to my friend’s sister.”

  Ouch.

  “So now we’re not friends again?” I whispered.

  His jaw was clenched closed for a moment.

  “I didn’t say that,” he ground out. “I’m just saying that it’s…hard to keep having to say no. What kind of person would I be if I gave you what you wanted?”

  A good one…

  “You act like I’m the only one who’s interested.”

  “Interested,” he repeated quietly. “You can’t be interested, Blair. We both know that I’m not the guy for you.”

  “You were the one who felt me up!” I reminded him, standing up angrily.

  “Oh please,” he groaned. “You were practically begging for it the night before!”

  “It’s not like I’m asking for a relationship!”

  There. The words were out now.

  And he didn’t look happy.

  “So what do you want?” he blasted. “Sex? Do you want me to treat you like one of my whores?”

  He walked over to me and backed me against the wall. My heart was speeding in my chest, and my palms got clammy. The anger in his eyes flared like a burning fire.

  This is bad. This is so, so bad.

  “Answer me, Blair.”

  I gulped. “Y-yes.”

  He put his hands on my hips and looked at me through his thick lashes. I wanted him to look hungry like he did the night at the hotel. Instead, he looked like I just kicked him in the goods.

  “You really want to be a whore?”

  “No, but—”

  “Then what do you want?”

  “I want…” I closed my eyes, and let out a shaky breath. “You know what I want, Nate.”

  “Say it,” he demanded.

  “You,” I whispered.

  I kept my eyes closed and felt his lips touch my ear.

  “Don’t you see that you deserve better?”

  I cracked my eyes open when he pulled away.

  “You don’t deserve what I do. Who I am.”

  “Nate—”

  “Do you think all you deserve are assholes?” he demanded. His eyebrows were drawn together and his fists were clenched tightly at his sides.

  I opened my mouth, but nothing passed my lips.

  “You don’t deserve to be with a guy who isn’t going to cherish you,” he continued. “You don’t deserve to settle for a douchebag who is going to break promises every chance he gets. That’s who I am, Blair. I’m not the right guy for you. I’m more like Zach than I want to admit.”

  “That’s not true!” I argued quickly.

  “We both cheat. We both lie. We’re the same guy.”

  “You don’t hurt me though,” I said before I could stop myself.

  He stared at me speechless.

  I looked down. He didn’t know about all of the bruises because I always hid them with makeup or clothes. Zach had a lot of other qualities that people hated. Adding to the list of faults was just embarrassing on my part.

  “He…hurt you?”

  Silence.

  “Did he fucking lay a hand on you?”

  “Nate, please—”

  “Answer the fucking question damnit!”

  I cringed against the wall.

  He looked at me with empty eyes. The anger that once drowned his insides disappeared from his expression. His face was a blank canvas that I couldn’t read, which was scarier than seeing him angry.

  “He…” I shook my head. “It only happened a couple of times, okay?”

  “No!” he blasted. “It’s not okay! He hurt you and you didn’t tell anybody? What did he do to you, Blair? I want to know.”

  “No you don’t—”

  “Your broken arm,” he growled. “Was that him?”

  I pressed my lips together.

  “Sam covered for you,” he yelled. “Why would she help you lie and not tell anybody about what he was doing? How is that helping you?”

  “She didn’t know the truth! I lied just like I did with you and my brother. I had to, Nate. If anybody knew the truth you’d all ask me what I was thinking.”

  “You stayed with him for months after you broke your arm,” he noted through clenched teeth. “Did he threaten you if you ended it with him?”

  I shook my head.

  “Then what compelled you to stay with him?”

  Tears were running down my face now. There were only a few times in my life where I felt like I was suffocating, and now was one of them. My lungs stopped working and I felt like my body was caving in from the horrible memories that were resurfacing.

  Breathe, Blair.

  I gasped for air and balled like a baby. “I-I can’t tell you. Please don’t make say anything. It was supposed to end after…”

  He stepped toward me and gently grabbed my arms. From the sharp look in his eyes he was worried. The memories from when I was fifteen resurfaced and no matter how hard I tried shoving them to the back of my brain they came back.

  It was like a broken record in my mind; one that constantly kept replaying itself to the point of insanity. All records could only be played so many times before they were no good anymore. The way I was starting to remember that night quickly chipped away a piece of me every single time.

  “Blair, breathe.” He brushed away my tears with the pad of his thumbs, but they kept coming. I was like a waterfall, without the vibrant appearance.

  I grabbed my stomach and clenched my eyes closed.

  I remembered the fight. The tears. The argument. We were at the top of the stairs when I told him, and as soon as he found out, the craziest look had flashed in his eyes. I had never seen somebody look so taken in the moment. I remembered trying to calm him down when his face got red. When his fists started shaking I knew I needed to leave, but I was too late.

  His hands forcefully pushing against my shoulders would always be a permanent feeling I’d never forget. The amount of pressure he put behind the blow was something that I would ever be able to forget. My arm still ached every time my mind flashed to the moment I slammed into each wood step down that narrow s
tairway. Every time my body hit something I could recall the stinging pain. Every time he screamed my name as I made my way toward the bottom still echoed in my head.

  He had pushed me to get rid of the problem, but it didn’t work. The broken arm was what I walked away with that day, and I thought the reason behind his action would somehow lift me up. But he took that away from me too.

  The pain of everything I was stupid enough to live with for that whole year I dated him was excruciating. I was a stupid, naive teenager back then. Aaron and Nate had a great reason to look out for me as closely as they did. They never knew the whole story, and I was never going to tell them.

  They never forgave Zach, and I never forgave myself.

  “Speak to me,” he pleaded.

  I grabbed my right wrist and squeezed, knowing that enough pressure would send pain shocks through my arm. It was the only way I could regain my sanity back from the dark pit of I was trapped in my mind.

  “Please,” I whispered through my pain. “Just go.”

  He didn’t budge.

  “I need to be alone,” I told him coolly.

  “I’m not leaving you alone!”

  “You don’t have the right to play the good guy!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

  That sent him back a few steps to try avoiding the crazy that was spewing past my lips.

  “You can’t keep pretending like I mean something to you and then tell me nothing can happen,” I cried sourly. I knew how I insane I probably looked, but the pure hurt that shredded my skin wasn’t controllable.

  “I’m trying to protect you.”

  “From who?”

  “Me.”

  I shook my head and pushed him away from me. “I was stupid to think that I could count on you. You’ve been screwing with my emotions for years now, and lately it’s like you’re playing some game with me. First you’re interested than you shut me down. Then you do it again and warn me off. Every single time you do that a piece of me dies, Nate! The fact that you care so much about protecting me should give you plenty of reason to do what you really want.”