A Safe Place to Fall (Places Book 1)

by Barbara Doyle

  Tears dripped onto the carpet, and Nate kneeled down in front of me. He tipped my head up to meet my eyes. I let out a short, shaky breath.

  “I’m a lot like you,” I whispered. “There are things I never told anybody…things that I just want to forget happened. I can’t though.”

  He wiped his thumbs across my damp cheeks. “Tell me what it is, B. I can’t do anything unless I know how I can help. That’s all I want to do. I want to make you happy. I want to keep you happy. What did you do that is so bad you can’t forget?”

  Tell him.

  “I…”

  The pain worsened in my stomach.

  I clenched it like the pressure from my hand would help, but it just made the memory stronger. I tried forgetting, but something that big was impossible to let go of. I knew that my choice back then was going to haunt me, but it was doing worse than that. It was like every single day was that day all over again. There was no escaping it, and no way I could let myself move on after dealing with it the way I did.

  I killed someone.

  “Back when I was dating Zach, we…” I looked at him hoping he would fill in the blank. He looked at me for a long moment before it settled. His expression grew dark.

  “Okay…” he said cautiously.

  “We didn’t…” I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. “Use anything. We were stupid and something happened. He didn’t like it, so he pushed me down the stairs. That’s when I broke my arm. He thought that he took care of the issue, but he didn’t.”

  My voice broke and more tears fell down my cheeks. Nate got up and sat down next to me, setting the flower down on the coffee table. He took both of my hands in his, and waited for me to finish.

  The truth hurt. Remembering what I did was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but maybe finally telling somebody would help. Maybe my conscience would let me sleep better at night knowing that I could admit what happened all of those years ago. It needed to be done.

  If I wanted to be with Nate, he needed to know everything. I couldn’t risk ruining what we could have had because I held something so important back from him. It would affect him too.

  “When I was fifteen, I had an abortion.”

  10

  He stared at me, but it was hard to read his reaction when my eyes felt like two broken mirrors that were shattered into a million pieces. That described my whole life; shattered, with eternity of bad luck without a slim chance of ever escaping it. All of those pieces stayed scattered around me, waiting for me to step on them until I bled out. My grandparents used to tell me that I would live a happy life because of all the bad that had happened, but I was trapped in some sort of realistic purgatory. The worst part was, I was trapping myself there.

  When Nate moved, I let out a small breath. He ran his hands through his hair and looked away from me. I tried not to take it personally, but it was hard not to when I just wanted him to tell me everything was okay. Usually, I hated when people told me that. It was cliché, and it was never okay when they told you it was. Now was the right time for him to assure me, because the silence was more deafening than my admission.

  “Say something,” I pleaded. I sniffed back tears. “I can’t have you be angry with me. I hate myself enough for killing it…”

  Nate’s eyes shot to mine. “I don’t hate you, Blair. God, it’s the exact opposite. I just didn’t expect you to say something that…big. How could I not have noticed that you were…”

  “Pregnant,” I whispered.

  He shook his head once. “Yeah, that. You should have come to me. I would have killed the mother fucker for doing that to you, but I could have been there. I could have helped you.”

  I looked down. “Nobody knew if it makes you feel better. You know how I am about getting help. On a normal day I couldn’t accept any, but on the day I had the procedure done? Nobody could know. I didn’t even want to do it, but I couldn’t raise a child. I was one myself at the time, and my grandparents would have been so disappointed in me. Aaron would too.”

  I took a deep breath to try calming myself down, but it didn’t work. As soon as I thought about my brother, it was all over. He was always going to be the one person I needed to keep in my life. If he knew what I had really gone through with Zach then he would never look at me the same way again.

  “And you…” I looked him in the eyes. “I didn’t want you to see me as some idiotic teenager who was stupid enough to get pregnant. I just wanted you to…look at me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I wiped my face off with my shirt sleeve. “When I was with Zach I still liked you. I was just using him as a distraction. I thought I could pretend I moved on, even though there was nothing to move on from. I felt like when I was with him you looked at me more. I thought maybe you were jealous. That’s why I thought if I had sex with Zach that I would be on the same level as you. That maybe there was a better chance that I’d get your attention.”

  I could feel my cheeks reddening.

  He closed his eyes for a long moment, which left us in maddening silence.

  I gnawed nervously on my bottom lip.

  “You’re right,” he finally said. “I was jealous seeing you with him, but you were still young. All I felt like I could do was look, because there was no way I going to cross that line with you. Blair, I wasn’t that stable back then. You know what I went through with my family…with all of those girls. You shouldn’t have had to feel like you needed to get on my level just to get my attention. Clearly, bad things could happen if you rush into things like I did.”

  More tears fell down my cheeks.

  “And I am so sorry that you thought you had to do that in order to get my attention,” he added.

  His voice cracked a little, making me look at his glazed over eyes.

  “Because you’ve had my attention all along.”

  A small, wavering smile grew on my face. He put his hand on my cheek, caressing me with his thumb. I put my hand on his and watched as he inched closed to my face.

  “Blair,” he whispered, his lips dangerously close to mine. “You know I’m not the type to show up at a girl’s doorstep with flowers, but you’ve always been the one who changed me.”

  I put my other hand on his cheek, mimicking the soft movements he made. “Did I change you in a good way or bad?”

  He rested his forehead against mine. “You could only ever make me a better person.” He brushed his lips against my forehead. “Why else would I be here? I couldn’t stand knowing that I would have to see you with another guy again. This time I’m taking what’s mine.”

  I pulled away and looked at him.

  “What’s yours?” I repeated quietly.

  He smirked. “You’re mine, Blair. I think it’s time that I stopped making us wait. What’s the point? I don’t want you with anybody else. I just want you all to myself. You should never have to do anything you don’t want to do, or be somebody you don’t want to be. You deserve getting what you want, and I want to be that guy to give that to you.”

  I bit my lip.

  His lips trailed down the side of my face, and stopped at the corner of my lips. He pulled away and looked at my flushed face.

  “I want you to be that person, too,” I admitted, fidgeting with my hands in my lap.

  “Look at me,” he commanded quietly.

  I did as he told me.

  “I came here to prove that I’m ready to step up. I’m the right man for you, and I know it’ll be difficult, but I don’t care. Not anymore. Nobody can say anything to make me any less addicted to you.”

  My lip trembled, and more tears threatened to spill over my cheeks. The only difference was these tears were good ones…happy ones.

  “Blair,” he continued, “I love you. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. That has never changed, and that never will. I know that I’ve been an asshole, but I can’t help it. I get jealous and angry, but I’m only human. I shut people out and refuse
to let anybody see my feelings, because I can’t stand trusting anybody. I trust you though, and I always have. You’re the one person I can trust.”

  “What about Aaron?”

  “He’s not as pretty as you,” he said, winking.

  That made me laugh. “I’m serious, Nate. I know Aaron isn’t going to like this, but he’s always been there for you when you were impossible to comfort. I was there too, I would know.”

  “He warned me off, Blair.”

  “That was years ago.”

  “And the day he punched me?”

  “Does it matter?” I questioned. “If you really love me, then what other people think shouldn’t matter.”

  “You’re a lot braver than I am then.”

  I shook my head, because that wasn’t true at all.

  “I’m not brave,” I informed him. “In fact, I’m terrified that Aaron will never talk to me again. You know how close we are. I just hope that he really cares about my happiness, because that’s what I’ll be if this happens. If…we happen.”

  His eyes searched mine. “Your brother will never stop talking to you. He loves you too much. He’d be stupid to lock out the one person he has left. I can’t be there for him like you can. I haven’t been through the same things you two have.”

  “That doesn’t mean he’ll understand.”

  “He’s going to have to,” Nate stated, leaning toward me again. “Because I’m not going to let you go again. I can’t afford to lose the one person who can keep me sane. I need you, Blair.”

  Before I could answer, his lips claimed mine. He gently pushed me against the back of the couch, with his arm wrapped around my waist. He hovered over me, pulling me up so our bodies meshed together. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he picked me up.

  I was pretty sure I was purring again, which made me certain my spirit animal was a cat. I was just more like those creepy hairless cats that my grandmother used to be obsessed with.

  Nate pushed me against the wall and ground his hips into mine. I bit his lip, making him moan and roll his hips into me again. The kiss deepened as our tongues twisted together and his hands traveled underneath my shirt. My skin heated every place his hands touched me, and if my clothes didn’t come off soon I knew I would sweat out of them.

  He stopped as he got to my bra, cupping my breasts in his hands. I tightened my legs around him, feeling like I was going to combust if he moved any slower.

  I kissed him back, nipping his lips and tasting him in every possible direction I could. I dug my fingertips into his shoulders when he pulled his face away from me. I almost groaned in complaint, but I held back to see why he stopped.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked breathlessly.

  “We can’t do this here.”

  “Why not?”

  “If I’m going to make love to you, it’s not going to be against a wall. What kind of man do you think I am?”

  One with a dick…

  “Please don’t stop,” I whimpered.

  He gave me a peck on the lips and let me down.

  “Believe me,” he promised in a deep voice. “I’m going to make love to you like you never knew possible. When that happens, it’ll be in my own bed, in my own apartment. Not here. Not now.”

  I frowned.

  “Plus,” he added, “I’m supposed to be at the parlor for another hour. I just needed to see you so you could know that I want to fight for us. Without you, I’m just an empty human being searching for something…more.”

  Sounds a lot like Howl’s Moving Castle…

  “I’ll see you at the diner,” he promised, kissing my forehead and brushing my hair behind my ear.

  “We’re still going?”

  He chuckled. “Just think about the desert you’ll get after the main course.”

  My eyes widened. “You’re not playing fairly.”

  He smirked. “Do I ever play fairly?”

  Good point.

  I let myself calm down as I watched him slowly back away. He gave me his heartbreaking, award winning smile as he turned the doorknob to the front door. He wasn’t making this easy.

  “Are you trying to torture me?” I questioned, crossing my arms across my chest.

  “I’m just trying to make you understand that all of this built up sexual tension will feel ten times better when I relieve it tonight. Remember that.”

  My mouth watered.

  How can I forget a promise like that?

  “Until tonight?”

  “See you at seven?”

  He nodded once and then closed the door behind him, leaving me with wet panties and a yearning for the night to pass by quickly. Why did he do that to me?

  Think about the best part. He loves you.

  Nate Evans loved me. He actually loved me. This was a moment I’d dreamt about in high school when I was scratching those doodle hearts into my binders during study hall. This was reality. Something that I desperately wanted was actually happening.

  The door opened, which made my heart spike.

  I turned around, saying, “Did you change your mind?”

  My body froze in fear when I saw the same men I’d met at the bus station enter the apartment. If I hadn’t just gone to the bathroom earlier I probably would have peed myself, because I’d watched enough movies to know what happened next.

  “Hello again, Blair,” the blond one greeted.

  “How did you…?”

  “You know how,” he answered, smiling like this was some sort of game to him.

  They’ve been watching me…following me.

  I gulped. “I don’t know where Sam is and I don’t have whatever you’re looking for. I think it’s best if you leave, because I don’t want any trouble.”

  “Neither do we,” the brunette assured me. I was less than assured though. They didn’t look like they were here to talk, which meant whatever they were going to do next was probably leading to trouble.

  “The boss though,” the blond continued. “He does want to cause some trouble. He’s not particularly impressed with you or your little friend. He wants to have a chat. To…catch up, if you will.”

  Oh God, this is like the Godfather.

  Then it hit me. “Catch up?” I repeated.

  They both grinned.

  “I don’t know who…”

  “You will,” Blondie promised.

  My stomach twisted.

  The only person that could be wrapped up in this that I would know was in prison. There was no way he was behind any of this, and Sam would never get caught up with him. Not after knowing what a complete tool bag he was.

  But what if…?

  “Who is the boss?”

  “Guess you’ll have to find out.”

  I clenched my fists together. “I am not leaving this room until you tell me who the hell I’m going to talk to. Don’t think I won’t call the cops.”

  Blondie moved his sweatshirt to reveal a gun tucked into the belt of his pants.

  I paled.

  “I don’t think you’re stupid enough to call the cops, Blair. The boss wouldn’t be so interested if you were a risk to his operation.”

  Operation?

  “I’m not involved in any operation,” I stated coldly.

  I was never even involved in any clubs while I was at college! There was no operation that I could risk, because there was none I was participating in. If this was some call to go and be part of a drug smuggling ring, they did not know who they were dealing with!

  Or worse…maybe they did.

  I wasn’t the fighting type. I had no muscles or any way to fight off a potential attacker. There was nothing I owned that could do any damage on them either. They probably knew exactly who they were dealing with. They knew I wasn’t a threat, because I was as weak as ever.

  “Plus,” the brunette said, “We don’t think you’d be stupid enough to get your friend killed.”

  Just as he said that, Sam walked in with duct tape tied around her wrists. Her lip was
split, swollen and bloody, and it looked like she’d been crawling in dirt for hours. How did nobody notice her?

  “What happened to you?” I asked, staying where I was across the room. I was in no mood to be nurturing to somebody who put me in this situation. Not to mention the men she was associated with had guns. That wasn’t a fair fight.

  Sam looked down. “I’m so sorry.”

  I looked at the two men staring me down. “I don’t want anybody to get hurt.”

  I couldn’t risk Ashley or Tara being pulled into this. It wasn’t fair of me to stay here and put them in jeopardy of getting hurt. We had to move, but I had to stay where I could get help if I needed it.

  Something told me Sam wouldn’t be any help to me in whatever state she was locked in.

  “We don’t want to involve anybody that doesn’t have to be,” the brunette one told me. “That would bring negative attention to us, and we don’t want that.”

  I pointed toward Sam. “She looks like she’s been beaten, and you bound her hands. Won’t that bring you negative attention?”

  Blondie glared at me. “One more remark like that and I use this,” he told me, gesturing toward his gun.

  I shut up quickly.

  Sam looked up at me with sad eyes. “This never should have happened.”

  I always joked about how I wanted my life to be like a movie, but apparently I needed to specify which movie I wanted it to reflect. I was more of a rom-com kind of girl, not an action-mobster fan. Why was I shocked that I’d end up kidnapped instead of in some romantic relationship? If there was a god, he hated me.

  Reality had always been rough, but now it was a big bitch slap to the face. I knew that I could have avoided this if I had just said something to Aaron about the men at the bus station. Sure, he would have been even more protective than normal, but I wouldn’t be sitting in an empty room with Sam crying in the corner. All of this time I wanted some freedom. I wanted to prove to everybody that I could make good decisions that wouldn’t get me in trouble. Maybe I needed Aaron and Nate more than I wanted to admit. Maybe I wasn’t ready to get a taste of freedom.

  I finally looked over at Sam after soaking in my self-pity for a while.