Will to Love

by Miranda P. Charles

  Finally, Will saw Rob arrive. He had to hand it to him, even with a supposedly serious hangover, he still managed to turn the heads of the two good-looking females that were walking out the door.

  When they were in high school, the two of them were always competing for the same girls. From memory, the score was a tie. Some girls preferred Rob's tall, dark and handsome look and some preferred him. Once, they were both approached by a man who said he was a scout for a modelling agency and asked if they were interested in modelling. They laughed their asses off at the offer right there in the middle of Pitt Street Mall and the man left, pissed off with their rudeness. Will's annoyance lessened as he remembered those fun times he shared with his friend.

  "Will, I am so sorry. Here's your phone and let me make it up to you by buying you lunch."

  "Thanks, Rob, but I really have to go back to my room. I have a 1:30 phone meeting and I better head back. Sorry, to leave you like this. I will see you Friday night though?"

  "I'm the one who's sorry. And yes, Friday night at 7."

  They shook hands, patted each other on the back and Will went back to his room.

  In the elevator, he checked his phone. He had four messages. One from his PA, two from his mother and one from Clarise. He opened Clarise's one first and gaped in surprise as he read her message. His heart beat wildly and he couldn't help but be aware of that telltale warmth that was spreading all over him again. The elevator reached his floor and he hurried to his room.

  He sat on the chair by the study table and read her message again. He felt like a schoolboy who couldn't get enough of a short text message. He noticed the time she sent it and frowned. Of course, he hadn't had a chance to reply back yet.

  Another thought occurred to him. What exactly did she mean? Did she miss him for their very satisfactory sex encounters or did she mean something of a more emotional nature? He didn't have time to analyse it. He had a phone meeting in a few minutes.

  He tapped a reply.

  * Hi C. Just saw your text from last night. Sorry for late response. Left my phone with a friend overnight and just got it back. Talk later. Have a meeting in 1 minute. W *

  He hit 'send' then his phone rang and it was time for his meeting.

  ~~

  Clarise heard the 'ting-ting' of an incoming message. Her fingers stilled on her keyboard and she looked at her phone on the edge of her desk. She sighed, as she moved to pick it up. For all she knew, it could just be from Faye or Megan or her mum.

  It's from Will!

  Her heart started pounding as she read his message. Then she read it again, frowning. She tried to read the tone of his text, wanting to know if he was happy or annoyed at her message. It certainly didn't have any emotional tone to it except for the 'sorry' for replying late. With her emotions already frayed from his non-response until now, she convinced herself not to think about it too much until he contacted her again. Surely, he'd meant it when he said they'd talk later.

  She went back to work, resolutely pushing aside thoughts of Will and what he might be thinking and feeling. It was exhausting having to guess and not really knowing.

  ~~

  'Ting-ting!' Clarise ran from her kitchen to her coffee table where her phone was. So Will finally made contact again. It was now 8pm and she'd been waiting for hours for his call. She was more than disappointed that it was only a text and not a phone call but she decided it was better than nothing.

  * Hi. How's your day been? Mine was very busy. Had non-stop meetings since 1:30pm. My throat is sore - maybe from talking all day. *

  Clarise felt her mood lift. This text wasn't as impersonal as his previous ones. She thought for a bit about what she'd text back to him.

  * Hi. Been very busy too - and distracted with thoughts of... ;-). Hope you're not coming down with something. *

  * Distracted with what? I'd love to know ;-). Can't afford to get sick so I also hope I'm not coming down with something. *

  Aha, he's flirting with me, too.

  * Distracted with...I'll tell you later. If I was there with you I'll give you warm cuddles to make you feel better. x *

  * Thanks. Gotta go and have some rest now. Good night. *

  Clarise frowned. Was it just her imagination or did Will shut down all of a sudden? Or was he really coming down with something and not feeling too well? She didn't know what to think. She didn't want to think. She tapped him a short response:

  * Good night *

  ~~

  Will cursed himself after reading Clarise's last text. He knew he was blowing hot and cold but he was just so confused. He enjoyed text flirting with her. Damn it, he enjoyed anything to do with Clarise. Even when he was distracted as hell during his meetings because thoughts of her kept on creeping in his consciousness, he enjoyed those uninvited thoughts.

  But he didn't enjoy the consequences of being preoccupied with her. His meetings weren't as successful as he had hoped. In fact, he had more work to do now because he wasn't as mentally prepared as he needed to be. He exhaled heavily. He'd have to get his PA, Liz, to do a few things for him that he would have normally done himself. He had no choice. He had deadlines to meet. He just hoped that Liz would be up to the task.

  He scrolled back to the series of texts he exchanged with Clarise. He missed her. He wanted to call her and hear her voice. But he reminded himself he had to slow it down or his business dreams could fall in a heap all around him. He had invested a lot of time and money for his Melbourne branch. If he didn't meet his deadlines, he would be putting at risk what he had already built - and the future financial security and lifestyle of his parents.

  No, there's no need to hurry when it comes to relationships. I can't afford it right now.

  It was too hard to keep on seeing Clarise and keep it casual. She affected him too much. He realised he may have to stop seeing her altogether. There was so much at stake that he couldn't afford to indulge himself.

  He pushed away the gnawing ache he felt in his heart and instead called to mind the memories of his dad deep in depression, his mum full of fear for their future and his screaming fights with Karen when she demanded she should be his number one priority or else.

  ~~

  Will was startled by his ringing phone. He'd deliberately avoided contacting Clarise for the last couple of days and instead kept himself busy with work. And now, here she was, ringing him. His heart started to beat wildly and convinced himself it was from surprise that she was calling.

  Keep it cool, Will. If you're going to stop seeing her, you might as well start giving her hints now.

  "Hello?"

  Clarise frowned at his greeting. It was like he didn't know who was calling. Surely he could tell from the caller ID it was her.

  "Hi, Will. It's me, Clarise."

  "Oh, hi, Clarise. What's up?" Will knew he was being callous but believed it would be easier for both of them this way.

  Pain clutched Clarise's heart at his very impersonal response but she pushed on.

  "How are you feeling? The last time I heard from you, you said you had a sore throat. Are you well?"

  "Oh, yeah. It was nothing. Just too much talking that day. I feel fine, thanks." Will kept his tone dismissive and indifferent.

  "That's good. I've been worried about you. How has work been?"

  "Good! The first few days have been disruptive but the last couple of days have gone very smoothly, thank God."

  Clarise didn't miss the fact that the last couple of days were when they didn't have any communication. She swallowed the lump that appeared on her throat and fought to stop the sob that threatened to escape her.

  Will continued, "I'm actually just about to go to a birthday party. You caught me just as I was about to walk out the door."

  Clarise forced herself to speak, her pride not wanting Will to know she was hurt. "Oh, whose birthday is it?"

  "The sister of my friend Rob's girlfriend. It's her 30th. Those sisters are so outgoing, not to mention very attractive, and they a
re so well connected with so many people. I'm a little late but I can't miss it."

  Clarise felt deeply jealous of this birthday girl, whoever she was. Outgoing and very attractive? Fuck! So he was having fun with some girl there?

  There was silence for a long moment.

  Will took a deep, audible breath and continued in a much subdued, serious voice. "Clarise, we need to talk when I get back to Sydney tomorrow."

  Clarise sensed the meaning behind his words and it put cold fear in her heart. She knew he was going to end things with her. She clenched her fist, digging her nails into her palm to control the tears that started to fall.

  "Okay. Hope everything there is going according to your plans." She tried to keep her tone light but wavered.

  Will heard the wobble in her voice and knew she was tearful. He squeezed his eyes shut as unexpected pain lanced through him at the fact that she was hurting.

  "Bye, Will," he heard her whisper before she hung up.

  Clarise stared at her phone and let her tears fall unrestrained. "Okay. I get it," she whispered as she fell on her bed and sobbed and sobbed until sleep came from exhaustion.

  ~~

  What have I done?

  Will put his head on his hands, taking deep breaths as he tried to contain his emotions.

  He'd been very insensitive. Cruel even. He'd hurt Clarise. A new wave of pain washed over him. His heart broke at the thought of not seeing her again, of not making love to her again, of simply not being with her again. What were all these feelings? He certainly haven't felt them before. The pain was just intense.

  Like a bolt of lighting, it hit him. He was already in love with her.

  He still didn't understand how he fell in love so fast - and so deep. Could he fall out of it? Does he really want to?

  At that moment, he felt lost. So lost. He didn't know what to do.

  His phone rang and for a fraction of a second, hope flared that it could be Clarise again. It was Rob.

  "Where are you, man? The party's in full swing and there are already people here asking to meet you."

  "Who?"

  "Potential clients of yours who love to travel in luxury. I told you I know the fun way for you to meet new clients. Just keep partying with us and you'll find them," Rob said with a laugh.

  "I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Thanks, Rob."

  "Don't mention it. See you soon."

  Will dragged himself out of his hotel room. His heart was heavy and for the first time since he established his business, he didn't get excited at the possibility of acquiring new clients.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  "So will you be available that day to help me?"

  "Sure, I'd love to help." Clarise wasn't surprised at Megan's plan to hold a mini fund-raising event for the Rehab Through Sports Foundation, a charitable organisation helping teenagers get their lives back together after their drug addiction through sports. Rick's parents were long-time patrons of the charity and she could understand why Megan wanted to become actively involved in supporting them.

  "So what exactly do you want me to do?"

  "Well, if you could write the invitation for it, and maybe ask Victor to help you out with the design, that would be great. Also, I'll need some help with planning some of the activities for the day and source donations that we could auction. We only have three weeks to put it together as that is the day we could use Rick's parents' place for the event. We'll only be inviting around thirty to forty people. It's my first time to do this so it'll be like a test run for me."

  Megan was indeed serious in becoming involved with the charity and was keen to put together her first fund-raising event, albeit a small and low-key one. But what she wouldn't tell Clarise was that she also meant to put in place her matchmaking plans for her and Jared Brigden. She hoped to be killing two birds with one stone that day.

  "I'm more than happy to help. And I'll ask Victor. I'm sure he'll say yes, too," Clarise assured Megan. She was glad for a worthwhile activity that would take her mind off Will.

  She decided to work on the invitation straight away. Will was due to come back from Melbourne that afternoon and she was desperate for a distraction. She didn't know if, or when, he would contact her to 'formalise' their break-up - if she could even call it that as she wasn't even sure he was ever her boyfriend. But until then, she had to focus on something else or she'd fall apart.

  Victor was eager to help out. They decided to get together at Clarise's place that afternoon to work on it together. When she told Megan about her plans with Victor, Megan decided to join them.

  There were lots of good humour and jokes when Megan and Victor saw each other again. This time Victor was free to be his gay self and Megan was intrigued by the fact that he was dating Evan.

  The three of them were busy discussing their various ideas for the invitation when Clarise heard her phone ring from her bedroom. She went there to check who the caller was, and as she guessed, it was Will.

  Okay, just get it over and done with.

  Clarise steeled herself, knowing she needed to be strong and unwavering in this conversation. It was cowardly, she knew, but she'd rather do it over the phone than face him. She picked up the call.

  "Hi, Will." Clarise's tone was polite but distant. At least I don't pretend I don't know who the caller is.

  "Hi, Clarise," Will said softly.

  Clarise closed her eyes and tried to push away the jumble of emotions she felt from hearing his voice. She took a deep breath to steady herself before she said quietly, "I can't talk for long, Will. I'm in the middle of something. But... I just want to let you know I understand what you want."

  She heard him take a sharp intake of breath.

  Her heart ached but she continued, "And our...relationship is not working for me either. So, it's - "

  "Clarise, no, no, please." Will interrupted hastily. "Can we talk about this in person? Can I come over now, please?" he pleaded.

  Clarise's own emotions shrouded the meaning of Will's supplication. She thought he sounded distressed but decided she was wrong. He couldn't be. He wanted to end things with her. It's probably guilt.

  "No, sorry,Will. Now's not really a good time. Megan and Victor are here. We're working on -"

  "Victor?" Will interrupted again, his tone sharp. What the fuck is he doing there?

  "Yes, Victor. And Megan. We're helping Megan with a very urgent project so I can't really see you today."

  Will's heart twisted in agony and jealousy at the thought of Clarise spending her weekend with her ex-boyfriend. A guy she used to have feelings for. A guy she saw everyday at work. "What project is that?"

  Clarise sighed, just wanting this conversation to be over. She didn't know how much more her heart can take.

  "Megan is putting together a fund-raising event for a charity in three weeks."

  "Clarise? Where are you, darling?" Victor called loudly and clearly from outside her bedroom.

  "I'm on the phone, Victor. I'll be out in a tick."

  "I have to go, Will. Maybe we can talk la -"

  "Fine," he interrupted again, brusquely this time, and hung up.

  Clarise scowled at her phone. Well, he had the nerve! Well, 'fine' to you too!

  ~~

  "Who was that?" Megan asked as she walked back out to the dining area where they were working.

  "Someone who wanted me to do a review for his business."

  "On a Sunday afternoon? No wonder you looked pissed off."

  Clarise shrugged. "Some of them run a seven-day a week business and forget that other people do have weekends off."

  "I think that's rude," Megan declared.

  "Yeah."

  ~~

  Will was fuming. How dare he call Clarise 'darling'! And how could she allow him to call her that! And why is he even there today of all days?

  Will felt hurt and anger course through him. Then he remembered his own hurtful words the night before. Did she turn to her ex-boyfriend for comfort?

>   It's my own fucking fault then. My own fucking fault.

  He buried his face in his hands, not knowing what to do.

  ~~

  Clarise, Megan and Victor finished the fund-raising invitation. Megan couldn't believe she could already email it to invitees the next day.

  "Guys, thank you so very much for your help. You are both fantastic," Megan said as she hugged and kissed them goodbye. "Now, Victor. Don't forget to come to join us at our parents' place for lunch on Saturday, okay? And Clarise, don't forget to invite Jessa and Faye. I'll ask Mary Jane too. I really need all the help I can get with the short lead time I stupidly gave myself."