Libera Me (Requiem Series)

by Fonseca, Christine

  Not tonight.

  I flip on the TV, hoping to fade into emptiness. But every person on the screen ignites my craving. I want what I shouldn’t; I want their souls, their death. I walk into the other room, attempting to stem the well of anguish gnawing away at me.

  “This isn’t real,” I say to the growing threat.

  But I know better. The Beast is real.

  Too real.

  And it’s wakening in me.

  Maybe I’m the danger I fear, the danger to Nessa.

  “No!”

  My voice rattles the pictures of us that adorn the walls. I can’t be a threat to her.

  Never her.

  Only to Azza.

  Azza.

  I’ve avoided thinking about him over the last several months, afraid that allowing his essence back into my head is like allowing him back into me.

  Into my soul.

  That is, until now. Now I can’t prevent these thoughts flooding through me, can’t avoid the fire and ash that clings to me.

  Or ignore the marks that continually burn.

  Chapter 16 – Mythos

  Zane

  I rush through time and space, swirling in a vortex toward home. The girl’s words stay in my thoughts, feeding my apprehension.

  Find her. Find her soon.

  The warning is clear; Nesy is in danger. But from whom?

  I think of Azza. The smoke. Both have reason to harm her and Aydan. Unless I can stop them.

  How?

  I close my eyes and direct my thoughts to Mikayel. He’ll know what to do. He has to. The portal opens abruptly. But it isn’t Mikayel I find at the door.

  It’s Gabriel.

  Clocked in his emerald garbs, his arms cross over his chest revealing an uncharacteristic tension. His auburn hair hangs in waves down his shoulders as he clenches his jaw. There is nothing calm about him now.

  “Zanethios,” he says as I walk from the portal into my chambers. “I have been waiting for you.”

  He looks more like Mikayel now, stoic and threatening.

  “Sir?”

  “Cassiel told us about the girl, Vanessa. She told us of your encounter.”

  “Oh.” There are no other words I can say. I violated his wishes and put myself in danger. My actions will not go unpunished.

  Nor should they.

  “You are not in trouble with the Council, Zanethios. Only me.”

  Somehow that’s worse. So much worse.

  “Tell me, why did you not trust me enough to speak your concerns?”

  “I do trust you, Master. Completely.”

  “Then why did you not speak with me? Why risk your position in the order? Your existence?”

  “I wanted to be certain first, sir; certain that my musings had substance. That they were not trivial.”

  “Your concerns are far from trivial if they’re motivating you to violate orders. Or risk your life. This isn’t like you, Zanethios. You don’t take risks like this, not since Nesayiel left us.”

  He pauses for a moment and his face starts to relax.

  “Ah, so that’s it,” he says. “This is about Nesayiel. You believe that girl to be her.”

  “I do.”

  “There’s more.” It was not a question.

  “Yes. She’s more than human, Master. I think she is a Seer. Like Lorelei.”

  “Interesting.”

  “Or…” I can’t bring myself to speak my fears.

  “Or?”

  “Or she’s something else. Something dangerous.”

  “Speak plainly, Zanethios. What is it you know?”

  I consider the question as doubt seeps into my thoughts. He’s going to think I’m crazy.

  Maybe I am.

  “Master, I went into the girl’s thoughts. Nesy’s thoughts.”

  “And?”

  “They were too vacant for a human. There were no memories. Nothing of her past.”

  “You mean nothing of Nesy’s history.”

  “No. Nothing at all. No recent memories of any form. No past thoughts. Nothing. Just a blank slate. And yet, she fought like a Sentinal against her human attackers. She would have killed them if given the chance.”

  Gabriel pinned me with his stare as I felt his mind touch mine. “Is there more?”

  “She spoke the ancient prayers, sir. And she could see me in angelic form. Really see me.”

  “Anything else?” he asks, still staring through me.

  “No.” I hesitate on the last word, drawing it out longer than I should.

  “No?” Gabriel’s mind lingers in mine

  “I don’t know. There’s just something wrong. Very wrong. That’s why I came back, to ask Mikayel—”

  “About the demonic smoke. The deal you struck.” Gabriel retreats from my thoughts.

  “Yes.” I look down, shame flooding through me. I never should have obeyed Mikayel’s orders without consulting Gabriel. Never should have…

  “The past cannot be undone, Zanethios. But we must determine if our future is now at risk.”

  Gabriel releases a heavy sigh. “Come. We must find Mikayel.”

  The Sentinal’s tower feels empty now that Nesy’s gone. There’s no life in the chamber, no familiar scent of vanilla and sunshine, no laughter. I want to turn and run away, pretend that Nesy is on a mission and not gone from this place.

  But a fantasy will not help me now.

  I swallow back the longing that rises through me and tuck away my thoughts. Gabriel shoots a glance in my direction, smiles and nods.

  I hate that he knows everything about me.

  We approach Mikayel’s study at the end of the corridor.

  “Mikayel, brother? May we have a word?”

  The room is as cold as it ever is. Unchanging, just like everything in Celestium. I walk in, anger clouding through my thoughts. It’s as if Nesy’s life meant nothing to them.

  It meant everything to me.

  Mikayel stands by the window, his back to us. He’s dressed in armor that reflects the gold of his skin. Nothing about him is at peace. Nothing about him is relaxed.

  I approach slowly as a strange memory teases up through the maze of my thoughts. Me and Nesy, here, bargaining for her life. A chill spreads across my arms and wings. I thought the smoke took these memories away. But this one feels fresh and new, as though I am living it now.

  I hear the sound of her voice, the strange melancholy tones that mix with a palpable desperation. I feel her hand in mine as I try to control her emotions. Anxiety washes over me as I recall the moments that passed when Mikayel decided her fate, remembering the relief that coated the air when he allowed her to return to Aydan.

  And then I remember how she died.

  I draw a stiff breath as anger tenses my wings and back.

  Anger for Aydan and all that he is.

  Anger for Mikayel and what he’s forced me to become.

  Anger for Nesy and the price of her love.

  “Your contempt is not welcome here.” Mikayel’s voice chases the memory away. “Best you learn to manage your emotions better.”

  “Cut him some slack, Mikayel. His frustration is born of your task.”

  Mikayel stiffens in response to Gabriel's admonishment.

  “Why are you here?” Mikayel asks.

  I swallow back my reply, attempting to control my anger. Gabriel places a hand on my shoulder, instantly calming my thoughts.

  “Zanethios has some questions about the demonic smoke. Things he should have asked before doing your bidding.” Gabriel shoots me a stern look. “But better late than never, yes?”

  Again Mikayel stiffens. He balls his fists at his sides, his jaw clenched. “What do you wish to know?” he asks through gritted teeth.

  Gabriel nudges me forward. The words refuse to form. I center my thoughts, forcing the letters to gel. “The demonic smoke,” I manage to say. “It isn’t part of Azzaziel’s realm, is it?”

  “That is correct. As I told you before, it is nei
ther part of this realm, nor is it part of Azzaziel.” Mikayel’s gaze bores into me. “Is there more?”

  “Yes. One more.” I swallow hard. “What is it, the smoke? Where did it come from? Why did it owe you a favor?”

  The questions come out too fast, each one robbing something from Mikayel. His face shifts from stoic to angry to defeated within a single heartbeat.

  “That is three questions.” There is more than words in his reply.

  Accusations and distrust cling to my skin.

  “Zanethios requires answers to each one, Mikayel. He has done your task and now he requires your help. It is fair.”

  Mikayel glares at Gabriel, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “Fine. I will answer them. But before I can, how much did Nesy tell you about my history with Azzaziel?”

  “I know that you were both friends, that you were both Guardians. And I know that he killed many angels, including a member of the Council. And someone you loved.”

  “Yes,” he whispers, his voice suddenly weak. He lowers his head and sighs.

  “I know that his actions caused the War That Has No End.”

  A silence engulfs the distance between us. I’m compelled to shatter it, desperate for a truth he refuses to acknowledge.

  “And,” I say. “I know that your hatred of each other nearly killed Nesy.”

  Mikayel’s head snaps up. He glares are me.

  “Careful you remember your place, Zanethios.” Gabriel’s words exude an uninvited calm.

  “Yes, Master.”

  “Go on Mikayel. Tell the boy about the demonic smoke.” Gabriel smiles at Mikayel, reaching into his thoughts, I’m certain.

  “Yes, fine. Azzaziel and I were friends once. And yes, our battle has cost many lives.”

  “Tell me about the smoke,” I say. “What is it? And why did it owe you a favor?”

  “The demonic smoke is like nothing you’ve ever encountered. It is part of a race long since gone.”

  “Gone? There were more entities like the smoke?”

  “Not exactly; it is the only one, special even amongst its own race.”

  “Its own race? I don’t understand.”

  “A long time ago, in the ancient times, our battle was not with the UnHoly, but with the Jinn.” Mikayel’s gaze grows distant. “Azzaziel…he is to blame for the extinction of that species. All but the smoke.” His eyes dampen as he swallows back the tide of emotions surfacing in his eyes. “The smoke, alone, holds the essence of its race within its mind. It is all that remains.”

  “He annihilated an entire race?” I ask in shock. I knew that Azzaziel’s powers were strong; heard that he fancied himself the demolisher of lesser species. But I never really thought it was true—never believed that he would, he could, commit such an act.

  “He wanted their power,” Mikayel continued. “He needed it to survive. Theirs were the first souls he drank when the Beast was awakened in him. They nourished him.” He turns away. “I was young then and newly commissioned to the Council. While I trained a new army to take on Azzaziel, he killed the species that gave him life. By the time Sariel and the Guardians discovered the truth, it was too late. The Jinn were destroyed; all but the keeper of the archives.”

  “The demonic smoke,” I whisper.

  “Yes.”

  Mikayel turns back toward us, his expression hard once more. “It is a vile creature, just as the Jinn were; committed to nothing but deception. Power. But it is a sentient being, and as such, it did not deserve its fate.”

  This history is not in the lessons I learned when I was young.

  “I saved the smoke from Azza and brought it here.”

  “Here? The smoke lived in Celestium?” I ask.

  “Yes,” Mikayel says. “But it wasn’t compatible with our way of life. It wasn’t willing to endure the scrutiny of the Council. So, it left, choosing to exist alongside the one that destroyed its people.”

  “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “None of us understood why the smoke left,” Gabriel says. “We offered it asylum in exchange for honesty.”

  “Something too foreign for it to understand,” Mikayel added. “It said it longed for the peace of Azzaziel’s labyrinth.”

  I shake my head, still not understanding.

  “I don't believe Azzaziel knows that any of the Jinn survived.” Mikayel paces across the room.

  “How is that possible?” I ask.

  “The smoke can assume many forms. The way you encountered it, the swirling black emptiness? That is only one of its forms. When Azza attacked it, it looked different.”

  “What did it look like?”

  “It looked like the rest of its people; tall with yellow skin and black eyes. It looked like the Jinn.”

  “Wait, let me get this right. The smoke has lived next to its mortal enemy in disguise and Azzaziel has no idea about its true identity.”

  “That’s what we think,” Gabriel said.

  “I promised never to reveal its other forms to anyone,” Mikayel said. “Not even my brethren on the Council.”

  I look to Gabriel, my pulse racing. “Is this true? Are there things a Council member can keep hidden?”

  “It is rare,” Gabriel says. “But yes. There are times when such agreements are needed. And honored.”

  Too many thoughts weave through my mind, too many worries.

  “You said it can assume other forms, yes?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  “What forms?”

  “We aren’t certain. But we suspect it can become nearly anything.”

  “Humans? Angels.”

  “Yes, but we would know. We would sense it.”

  Not all of us.

  My body tenses as I consider everything:

  Nesy and her abilities.

  The Beast within Aydan.

  The green-eyed girl and her warnings.

  A chill runs down my spine. “So, you saved its life, Mikayel? The smoke.”

  “Yes.”

  “And it repaid the debt by saving Nesy.”

  “Yes.”

  “But how can you trust it?” I ask

  “We can’t.” Gabriel’s face is grim.

  More chills explode against my skin.

  “It’ll keep its word. It always has.” Mikayel clenches his jaw.

  “And if it doesn’t? What then?”

  Gabriel looks at Mikayel, tilting his head slightly. “The boy brings up a good point. It seems we have been down this road before, yes? Trusting those who should not be trusted?”

  Mikayel releases a heavy sigh, balling his hands into fists. “Yes, we have.”

  Gabriel turns to me, nodding. “Caimael will be given this new information. He can determine whether or not we can trust the girl. And whether or not the smoke is interfering in any way.”

  “Agreed.” Mikayel says before I can protest.

  “So then you believe me about the girl? That it’s Nesy?”

  Gabriel released a stilted breath. “The identity of the girl is uncertain. As is her true purpose in all of this. But, whomever she is, whatever she is, it is clear that she needs protection. At least for now, until we know more.”

  “I want to go with Caim,” I say too fast. “I have to.”

  “No. It’s not safe.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Zanethios. You will not go to the girl. Not until we have more information. Is that understood?”

  I clench my jaw as my wings ripple behind me. It isn’t okay. Not at all.

  “Zanethios?” Gabriel’s voice slaps me to attention.

  “Fine,” I unwillingly agree. “But I want Caim to check in with me directly.”

  “That is not your call,” Mikayel says, an amused look on his face.

  “Gabriel?” I open my thoughts to my master and allow him to see every doubt, every fear.

  “You need to trust him, Zanethios. He is a Guardian.”

  I will never trust him. I close off my thoughts, burying my doubt.
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  “Yes sir,” I say, hoping they don’t sense the depth of my distrust.

  “I will ask him to check in with you regularly.”

  “Thank you,” I say as I nod, thinking only of another way to protect Nesy.

  Without Caim.

  Or the Council.

  Chapter 17 – Suspicion

  Zane

  My mind swims in confusion as I meander back to my chamber. The sun reflects off of my wings, sending shards of emerald light dancing on the walls. I pace, unable to contain my apprehension. I don’t trust Caim. I can’t.

  Won’t.

  I replay every moment of my time with the demonic smoke, every promise made, every memory stolen. Nothing hints of the torment I felt in Nesy’s mind, nothing to indicate the entity’s true intent. Only the feeling of desperation I can’t shake, and a fear lodged just under my skin, fusing to me.

  “I heard you were back.” Cass leans on the door, concern etched on her face.

  “And I heard you spoke with Gabriel.” The words are harsher than they should be.

  “I told you before, I won’t let you self-destruct, no matter how much you try.”

  “Refusing to trust the person responsible for Lori’s death is not being self-destructive, it’s being smart. Cautious.” I walk away from her, my muscles stiff.

  “You need to stop thinking like him, before you’re lost completely.”

  “Him?” I ask.

  “Azzaziel.”

  Anger fills my thoughts.

  “He deals in absolutes. Vengeance.” Cass walks to me, pinning me with her glare. “Not you.”

  Cass lays a hand over my heart. At once, my emotions flood forward. Images of Nesy and her death. Aydan, the Beast. And Azza. Too many feelings weave through the scenes splayed across my vision, emotions I’ve refused to purge.

  My throat constricts as the movie scrolls forward. I release a gasp and the air leaves my lungs.

  More pictures of Nesy rush forward.

  “You have to let go of her, Zane. It’s killing you.”

  “No!” I swallow back the pain lingering on my tongue. “I can’t.”

  “You must.”

  “She’s in pain, Cass. Because of me.”

  So much pain.