Libera Me (Requiem Series)

by Fonseca, Christine

  —the Beast has returned.

  Azza. Always Azza.

  —Have you come for me again?

  I never left you.

  The words form too fast in my thoughts. Nessa, Azza, the Beast. They overlap, leaving me breathless. Nothing is as I expected it to be. I can’t outrun who I am anymore, can’t fight my essence.

  My mind cracks open. Chaos sweeps over me. I will never be more than Azza’s slave. Not in any life.

  A blur catches my eye and I spin, seeing the old worn journal fall to the floor and open. I stumble over to the book, reading the page…

  I can’t serve him anymore. Won’t. And if this means I need to die, so be it.

  The death wish ensnares me, trapping every fear. I turn the pages and read every entry. The moments of joy when Nessa first came into my life. The confusion over her memories that refuse to return. The anger as the unwelcomed feelings surface—lust and vengeance, the hallmarks of the Beast.

  I close my eyes, unwilling to read more about my life, my weakness. But the pages continue to turn, and I am compelled again to read them all.

  I flip another page, my eyes focusing on one entry…

  Who are you, Nessa? Did Azza send you? Do you serve him? Maybe it doesn’t matter, maybe I want to die at your hands. So kill me Nessa, kill me.

  My heart stops. I don’t remember writing this. In fact, I don’t remember writing most of these pages.

  But I remember nearly killing Nesy. I remember the sweet taste of her soul in my mouth, igniting a need I can’t resist. I remember the rush as the Beast awakened through me.

  And I know a horrible truth…

  I am powerless against it.

  I close my eyes. My minds folds in on itself and I am thrown into dreams almost immediately.

  There is no peace in these dreams. Only endless nightmares reminiscent of the life I tried to forget. The life I tried to undo.

  But it’s not possible to escape your destiny. There is no way to run from your true nature. I know now what I am, what I’ve always been with or without my marks…

  The Beast.

  My mind twists on the thought, morphing into a familiar scene. The battle. Nesy’s death. I’ve relived this moment so many times.

  I thought she would revive me, transform my life. I thought I could protect her from the evil I’d become.

  Instead I killed her.

  Then.

  Now.

  There’s no amount of penance I can pay for everything I’ve become, no way to right the wrongs of my existence.

  The landscape of my thoughts echoes in agreement, flashing scenes of every one of my horrific offenses. The endless litany of crimes: feasting from the innocent, luring them to me with my voice and a kiss, promising anything just so I could drink their souls.

  You are more than this, Aydan. Remember.

  Nesy’s voice filters through the images. Tempting me.

  You are so much more.

  Centuries of deaths at my hands. A lifetime committed to Azza. Infernum.

  You promised me you’d remember.

  New images take hold of my thoughts. Mikayel and the Council, dead by my blade.

  You promised.

  The fall of Celestium.

  The rise of Azza.

  More laughter emanates from the chambers of my thoughts. I toss and turn, desperate to outrun a future I cannot allow.

  The skeletal frame of Azza’s face fills my thoughts, fading into a thick black smoke. It swirls and moves, taking on new shapes. First Azza. Then me. And finally,

  Nesy.

  The sight of her makes my body quiver. Same golden hair, same blue eyes. I watch as the image rearranges itself, her hair darkening into a deep brown and her eyes, navy.

  She opens her mouth and smoke flows from her into me.

  The Beast stirs. My stomach clenches. Every thought, every emotion begins to fade until the only thing left is my basal need to feed.

  Smoke-Nesy tosses her head back and laughs. She leans forward, cupping my face in her hands.

  “I’m yours now,” she whispers through my thoughts. “Take me.”

  Her lips brush against mine and the Beast roars. I take her mouth in a fierce kiss. And feed…

  “No!” I scream. The sound rips from my throat, dragging me up from the depths of my nightmare.

  My brow is covered in sweat, my pulse, roaring in my ears. I sit up, panting. The nightmare felt real. Too real.

  I walk to the bathroom and splash water on my face. Gripping the sink, I force my breathing to slow.

  It was a dream.

  Just a dream.

  I look at my reflection. Nothing’s changed. My eyes are still amber, my markings nothing more than a tangled mass on my neck.

  I click through my memories of the last few days, looking for the proof that I’ve dreamed it all up. But try as I may, I know this is real. Azza is back. He’s hunting me.

  Hunting Nesy.

  And I can’t protect us.

  I drop my head, allowing the anguish to filter through me. I have no way to prevent the future I foresee. No way to avoid this fate.

  “I see you’re back to wallowing.” Caim appears behind me, his wings tucked tightly to his body in the cramped space. “I can help you with that. Tell you the truth about what’s happening. If you’re ready to hear it, that is.”

  I spin around. Nothing but empty space greets me. I turn and look back in the mirror.

  Caim cocks his head, amused. “So, are you ready to know the truth about Nesy? About everything?”

  I need to know if my suspicions are correct, but can I trust him? “Yes,” fills my mind before I can refuse.

  “By now you know that Nessa is not human. Nor is she the Nesy you remember.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Caim ignores my words. “And the monster inside of you awakens more and more each day.”

  Shame fills me with his words.

  “What you don’t know is why.” Caim smiles.

  “And I suppose you’re going to tell me now?”

  I stare at the image of Caim in the mirror, noting how his skin reflects the ruby hues in his wings, giving him an ominous air. His jaw is set like Nesy’s, firm and unyielding. He looks more like a Sentinal than one of Sariel’s Guardians.

  “You have a right to know the truth about that girl before you sacrifice yourself for her.”

  I lower my head. I thought I did know the truth.

  “Go on,” I whisper, unable to look at Caim.

  “Haven’t you ever wondered how Nesy managed to survive Azza’s sword? I mean, no one survives an injury such as hers. Not even a protégé of Mikayel.”

  Caim had a point.

  “I’ve never thought about it,” I mumble. And I hadn’t. Not once.

  “Mikayel and Zane made a deal with the devil.”

  My head shoots up. “What? They went to Azza?”

  “Not Azza,” Caim says. “Something else. Something just as powerful.”

  I think of the creatures in Infernum. There is none more powerful than Azza. He has dominion over that realm; only he.

  “What? Who?” I ask.

  “A creature that lives in the catacombs. One indebted to Mikayel.”

  I search my memories, looking for someone, anyone, who could wield the power to heal Nesy. There is no one. I would know.

  “No. You lie. There is none that would help Celestium, none powerful enough to heal Nesy. None but Azza, and he would never save her.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “Are you saying that Azza’s behind this? Is that what the Council thinks, that Nessa is some pawn for Azza?”

  “All we know, all they have told me, is that Zane struck a deal with a creature from Infernum. A deal that allowed Nesy to live.”

  Caim’s image grows in the mirror, coming closer and closer.

  “And I believe that Nessa is the human embodiment of Nesy.”

  Just as I’ve always thought.<
br />
  “And Azza? He’s hunting us now?” I ask.

  “I think Nesy’s being used to draw out the Beast. Like a conduit of sorts.”

  “What? Why would Azza do that when he can just kill me? Kill us both?”

  “Because, he wants you, he wants the Beast. Just as he always has.”

  Caim’s words resonate deep within me.

  “So what now? I’m supposed to just stay away from Nessa? Let him use her and do nothing?”

  “What do you think you can do, Aydan?” Caim says, almost laughing. “Fight him off? No. You must stay away from Nessa and let me take of care her.”

  “No! I won’t abandon her.” I turn away and walk to the door.

  Caim appears in front of me, blocking my exit. I take a step back.

  “I won’t risk her life, her soul, for mine.”

  “You’re risking a lot more than your life or soul, and you know it. Besides, you didn’t let me finish the story.”

  I don’t want to hear anything more from him. Not now.

  “I didn’t explain to you the terms of the deal Zanethios made.”

  “Terms?”

  “Yes. The creature does nothing for free.”

  “What, then? Tell me about these terms,” I whisper.

  “Memories. Her mortality, her life, was bought with memories.”

  My brow furrows. “Whose?” I know the answer before the question leaves my mouth.

  “Hers. Zane's. I can’t be certain. But it does explain why she remembers nothing, doesn’t it?”

  Yes. It does.

  “Her memories give the creature access—to you, to her. Maybe to Celestium. She is not to be trusted. She’s a pawn now, whether she knows it or not.”

  Chills spread down my spine.

  “Are you saying—?”

  “I’m saying that I am here to protect you and Celestium from all enemies. Even mortal ones.”

  “I won’t let you hurt her.”

  “You can’t stop me. And I think you need to worry more about her hurting you.”

  My heart stops for a moment as my brain catches up with his words. Nessa—Nesy—is a pawn for Azza. Nothing more.

  Thoughts weave and spin as every dream, every nightmare, plays forward. The puzzle pieces fit together perfectly. Everything makes sense now.

  Nesy is my life,

  My death.

  Chapter 25 – ULTIMATUM

  Aydan

  This can’t be the end; not now, after everything we’ve been through. Azza or not, Nesy would never kill me. Not now.

  Not ever.

  I walk through Caim, heading toward the bedroom. My skin prickles with electricity as I pass through him, raising the hair on my arms. Shaking off the feeling, I get dressed. The sooner I get to Nessa, the better. I only hope I’m not too late; that somehow she’ll forget about last night.

  “Stay away from her Aydan. One way or another she’ll kill you.”

  “Better me than her.”

  “And if she unleashes the Beast? What then? You know what it means if you can’t control it.”

  Oh yes, I know. And it’s a risk I gladly take if it means there’s a chance to save Nessa from all of this.

  “I won’t let you interfere, Caim. I know the rules, same as you. You can’t do anything if I won’t allow it. Free choice and all that.”

  “Don’t be stupid.”

  I ignore his words. I have to get to Nessa and talk to her. I have to save us both.

  The ride to her house takes too long, images of my murderous intent are still too fresh in my mind. How can I explain everything that’s happening? How can I make her see?

  I walk up to the door. My hand shakes as I raise it. Closing my eyes, I settle my thoughts. She has to see me. This has to work.

  I knock once.

  Twice.

  Three…

  “Yes?” An older woman answers the door, her jaw stiff. “May I help you?”

  Everything about her is stern, from the wrinkles that cross her brow, to the way her arms are folded over her chest. Nessa said her aunt was tough, but nothing prepared me for the person standing before me.

  “Um,” I say, the words suddenly gone. I swallow hard, willing my mouth to work. “Is Nessa here?” I ask.

  “Who’s asking?” The woman’s mouth forms a straight line.

  Again I swallow, the apprehension bitter on my tongue.

  “I’m Aydan. A friend from school. I just need to talk to her—”

  The woman bristles. “I thought it might be you. She doesn’t want to see you,” she says before closing the door.

  I shove my foot between the door and the jam. “Please,” I say. “I really need to speak with her.”

  “I think you’ve done more than enough.”

  What did Nessa tell her?

  “But ma’am—”

  “No. Leave. Leave now.” Nessa’s aunt stands taller, daring me to proceed. In this moment, she is more formidable than any of the demons from Infernum. I’m willing to bet even Azza would stumble in the presence of this woman.

  I glance over the woman’s shoulder. Nessa stands behind her aunt, cloaked in shadow. She closes her eyes and turns.

  “Okay. But tell her I need to speak with her. It’s very important. She’ll understand.” I move my foot and the door slams in my face.

  My eyes begin to well. My breathing grows erratic.

  This isn’t how I wanted this to go.

  Not even close.

  Walking back to my bike, I consider my options. I don’t know what to do now, where to go, how to get Nessa to talk with me.

  It’s better this way. Caim’s voice wafts through me. She’ll destroy you if you persist.

  I refuse to accept his words.

  Shaking my head, I pull down on the throttle. The bike roars to life beneath me.

  “Wait.”

  Her voice is nearly lost in the roar of the engine.

  “Aydan!” Nessa runs down the stairs of the old porch.

  I cut the engine and she slows, stopping just out of my reach.

  “About last night,” I start.

  “It’s my fault, Aydan. All my fault. I shouldn’t have forced myself on you.”

  “You?” My mind swims as she apologizes for things that never happened.

  There is no trace of the truth in her words, no indication that she remembers what actually occurred.

  She starts to cry, tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry I don’t remember who I am anymore. Sorry, that I can’t be who you remember me to be.”

  I take her in my arms. “Shh,” I whisper into her hair. “You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s me.”

  Always me.

  I take a sharp breath and she tightens her hold on me. My senses fill with her scent, sending a chill down my spine.

  “I just wish—”

  “Shh,” I say, cutting off her words. She will not beat herself up because of me and what I’ve done. I won’t let her.

  I run my thumb across her cheek, catching the last tears. “We’ll figure this out. I know we will.” The words leave my lips before I can catch them.

  She leans in, her lips erasing my shame.

  I know I should pull away, know that I can’t trust myself with her.

  Her mouth opens and I taste her soul again.

  She’ll be your end, Aydan.

  I push against her, ending the kiss. “What are you doing to me?” I ask, more to myself than to her.

  The Beast roars, urging me to strike.

  She kisses me again, offering herself, her soul, for the taking.

  Take me now. Her voice echoes through my body. The Beast growls, ready to obey her command.

  I shove myself back, stumbling.

  A grin forms in her eyes, making its way to her lips. “I thought you wanted me to be more like this,” she purrs as she takes a step towards me. Her eyes grow dark as a heady smoke scent fills the air.

  “Stop,” I manage to force out befo
re she again embraces me.

  My body shakes as she leans in, her body flush against mine. I can’t control the urges cresting through me and my knees start to wobble.

  “Kiss me,” she whispers in my ear. “The way you used to. The way you want to now.”

  I swallow hard, barely able to keep myself from her.

  Her mouth traces my earlobe and my resolve crumbles.

  I cover her mouth in a ravenous kiss. Her soul dances on my tongue, teasing me. I should resist her, I know I should.

  But in truth, I don’t know if I can. Or if I even want to anymore.

  My eyes roll back and I allow her to flow into me, giving in to the craving that will not leave.

  The world spins under my feet as too many things happen at once.

  Nessa pulls away.

  Screams.

  I open my eyes and see the fresh horror etched in her expression.

  My mind swims. I am out of control

  Because of her.

  “You!” I yell at her. “You’re doing this somehow.”

  She laughs, her voice morphing and changing into Azza’s. “What? Don’t like what I’ve done with Nesy?”

  I watch as her face changes from the golden skin and sharp angles of Nessa to Azza’s demonic skeletal frame and back.

  Laughter swirls around me as the ground is engulfed in smoke.

  I take a step back.

  And another.

  “What are you doing to her?” I scream at the apparition in front of me.

  “What makes you think it was ever her?” Azza asks.

  “Leave her alone!”

  “You’ve tried that one before, Aydan. How’d it work out for you then?” Azza’s voice swirls around me.

  His words tease up a rage from the depths of me. A deep sound releases from somewhere deep within, a feral growl that sounds more like an animal than anything human.

  I lunge forward, my fingers fastening tightly around Azza’s neck.

  But not Azza…

  Nessa.

  She screams again and I release my hands.

  “What are you doing to me?” I yell.

  Nessa’s image thins until it is nothing but smoke. I stare, stunned. Was this nothing but an apparition, a hoax?

  “You can’t have her Azza!” I yell to the world, anger seething through the words. “She’s not yours.”