As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4)

by Jaime Russell

  “But all my memories of the kids as babies, toddlers, and all of their firsts are in that house. Can I just walk away from that?” I start to get defensive.

  “Those are memories and will go with you but this gives you a chance to start fresh with your one true love. The kids adore her and now you have a baby together. I remember how emotional I was with all three births. Every decision I made, I always second guessed myself. Jensen, you leaving her crying was your way of letting her know that you are not in it for the long haul.” Michelle tenderly says as she squeezes my hand.

  “How do I fix it?” I look to Michelle and Darren for answers as they look at each other and smile.

  “Follow her lead. Talk things out together. Listen to her and remind her that you want to be with her for the long haul.” Darren spoke up first. “Michelle went through postpartum depression with the two kids. I think it had a lot to do with not being in Jana and Bennett’s lives. We fought a lot but then I started to follow her lead. If I thought it was too crazy, I would try to steer her into another direction and it worked 95% of the time.”

  “Thank you. This lunch has been very eye opening and it’s nice to sit down with you and hash out the past. Michelle, I loved you, but not the way you deserved and I’m sorry.” I smile at her.

  “Hey, we both made mistakes in our marriage, I loved you too but it was more of a best friend kind of love. Darren, cover your ears.” Michelle laughs as Darren followed the directions but removed them.

  “You say what you need to say, we don’t keep secrets.” I sigh nervously waiting in anticipation for the rest of this conversation.

  “We only said I love you when we had sex. There was no romance between us.”

  “I know and I took you for granted. I can’t wait for the kids to sit down with you this weekend. I know they are making their ‘talking points’ but there are a few topics that are rough even for me to read so prepare yourself. Want to meet here on Saturday for lunch? Will you be joining her Darren?” I figured I find out so I can let the kids know what’s going on.

  “No, this is for Michelle and when things get comfortable then I will be introduced.”

  “Okay, I didn’t know if I needed to prepare the kids for it or not.” The remainder of the meal is getting to know the new Michelle and her life with Darren. We laughed a lot and I can see us being one big happy family together. I hope the kids can see it.

  “Well I need to go see my two girls.” I say as I slide out of the booth. The waitress was coming to hand us the check. Darren grabs it before I can.

  “Next time it’s on you. Jensen, I’m going to be honest with you. I felt threatened when she showed me the text. I didn’t know how you felt about Michelle or if I should be concerned about you wanting her back. After my wife died, I gave up on love then I ran into Michelle with my cart and I had to be with her. I didn’t want to lose her.”

  “Darren, I’ll be honest with you, Michelle will always be a special woman to me and she has a place in my heart. I love her like a sister and nothing more. She gave me a gift of two beautiful children and I will be forever grateful for her.” We shake hands and I give Michelle a hug and thank her. I walk out to my car and sit in it for a few minutes. I dial Sarah’s number and it rings a couple of times before she answers.

  “Jensen?” Sarah whispers.

  “Yes. Why are you whispering?”

  “I just put Ella down for a nap. I want to try to keep her on a schedule.” I hear her shuffling around. “Okay I can talk now. I’m in the game room slash my new office.”

  “I thought your office was in your bedroom.” My voice sounded confused.

  “My parents took it upon themselves to repaint the room and move in to take care of Ella. So, Ella’s stuff is in my room with me.” Sarah’s voice sounded sad.

  “I want to talk to you but if this isn’t an appropriate time to come over, I can do it later.” I didn’t want to sound too hopeful.

  “Jensen, you are welcome here whenever you want. Ella is your daughter and I would never keep her from you. We love you.” Sarah says with a smile. I love how her voice calms me.

  “Okay I’m like ten minutes from your place. I’m coming over now.”

  “Sounds great. The door is unlocked so walk right in. I’ll sit in the living room waiting for you.” Sarah hangs up.

  I run up the stairs and I’m face to face with the red door. I turn the knob to hear arguing.

  “Mom knock it off. She is napping. She is my child not yours. Why don’t you go back to the hotel and work?” Sarah’s frustration rings through her voice.

  “I can’t believe I came home to check on you to find out that he is coming over.” The way she says he in that disgusted tone of hers makes me want to ring her neck but the next words shock the hell out of me.

  “He is Ella’s father and the love of my life. We are a family and we are going to be living together. If you can’t respect my decisions, then you can deal with it.”

  “What if he isn’t the father?”

  “I don’t care if he wasn’t the father, I’m in love with him and I want to be with him. I know 100% that Jensen is the father in fact, I just got the mail and oh the DNA results are in. Jensen Causer is 99.9999999% the baby’s father. I’ll give you this letter so you can read it and let it sink in because you will not treat Jensen the way you have been. He is a good man and a good father.” I clear my throat as I walk in.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” I feel the tension in the room and it’s almost suffocating.

  “Yes.” Elizabeth says while Sarah says “No.” Elizabeth walks past me without a word.

  “I’m sorry about her. Do you want to see Ella?”

  “Actually, I would love to kiss my girlfriend.” I say with a smile on my face.

  “Oh, you have a girlfriend?” Sarah teases.

  “Only if she accepts my apologies for being an idiot. I never looked at it from your point of view. I had lunch with Michelle and her husband. When you left last night, I couldn’t remember if I begged you to stay. I needed her to clear a few things up. Who better to tell me what an asshole I am than my ex-wife.” Sarah starts to walk away from me. “Don’t do that. Get out of your head. She told me such harsh truths but the one thing she did have to say is that she’s never seen me happier. We never loved each other because I didn’t even feel a 1/3 of what I feel when you are around. I can’t stop thinking about you and I decided to sell the house. I want to make new memories with the five of being a family.” Sarah turns around. “You talked to Michelle about us but you wouldn’t talk to me?”

  “Sarah, come sit down with me.” She sits into the recliner and I grab the ottoman to sit in front of her. “I met with Michelle to ask her for forgiveness because I needed that closure. Sarah, I don’t know how to be a good husband, partner and I need you to be willing to be patient with me.”

  “Jensen, I don’t know how to be a wife, mother, stepmother, or a partner. You’ve met my parents. I am willing to try if you are. I hated not sleeping next to you. I missed you so much.” Sarah gets out of the recliner to sit on my lap as she wraps her arms around me and kisses me. When we finally break apart trying to catch our breath.

  “Does this make me your boyfriend now?” Sarah laughs and shakes her head.

  “I love you Jensen Causer.”

  “I love you Sarah Edwards.”

  Sarah shows me around the apartment and I look at her office slash game room.

  “These designs are amazing. New project?”

  “Not really. I was looking around at houses because I want Ella to grow up with grass, a swing set and I didn’t know if we could live together or not. I found a house I like that is big enough for all five of us plus a room for an office for me and one for you. I ended up playing around with how to design it.”

  “I like what I see. You kept the same designs for Jana and Bennett’s room. Our room changed a little, but love the bigger closet.”

  “I have a t-shirt and
shoe addiction. I wanted to keep the nursery the same that I had here before my parents.” Sarah rolls her eyes and I couldn’t help but laugh. The baby monitor has our little one crying so we go check on her.

  Jensen walks into my bedroom when I pointed where it was. I still have the baby monitor with me so I hear what Jensen says to Ella while I get the bottle ready since the warmer is in the kitchen.

  “Hello babycakes. What has you so fussy? Are you hungry or did you make a mess in your diaper? Girl what did you eat that makes your butt so bad?” I giggle. “Let’s get you changed before mommy comes in with your bottle. Ella how would you like it if you and mommy moved in with me so we never have to spend time apart? I bet you would but your mommy is a stubborn one. She is going to fight me on everything.” I listen closely to what he’s saying.

  “I’m not good at relationships. I was married before and I didn’t love her like I love your mom. Your mom is new to relationships so we don’t know how to do this and we keep saying and doing the wrong things. I drive her crazy and she drives me crazy. You will always know what true love looks like and feels. You will have your parents to look up to besides all your aunts and uncles and grandparents. I will always tell you about my grandparent’s love. You will never need for anything. Ella, you came into my life when I least expected it and I’m so thankful for you. I searched everywhere for your mom and to find out she was the one that my kids had chosen to be their stepmother. Your mommy is an incredible woman. She welcomed your sister and brother into her life and gave them something they needed their entire lives and I can never thank her enough. We are going to make mistakes because you kids don’t come with a damn manual but we will always have your best interests in our minds.” I’m standing in the kitchen crying as I hear the words he is telling Ella. Jensen is an amazing man but can we live together? I know in my heart that he is the one for me. I’m staring off into space when I hear my name being called. I look up to see Jensen holding Ella and walking around the living room.

  “Did you hear what I said?”

  “No, sorry. I was inside my head. What did you say?”

  “I was saying do you want to go out on a date with me in few days? “I see his smile that lights up the room and seeing him cradling our child makes my knees weak even more than normal.

  “I would love that. I’ll get my parents to watch her. They would love the one on one time but I’ll make sure Max is here.”

  “What’s the deal with your parents?” I go into detail of the story I heard from my mother at Thanksgiving time and them the suing me. Jensen whistles and I yawn.

  “Sorry, I didn’t sleep well. I was in a lot of pain from getting up with Ella all night. I knew I was going to be alone today so I haven’t taken any of my pills.”

  “Why don’t you get some sleep while I am here. I’ll text my mom to let her know that I am here with you. I can text the kids and see about them spending the weekend here. I won’t be leaving you until you are healthy.” Jensen kisses me tenderly and my body melts into him. This man has me addicted already. I sigh when we break apart.

  “Well I guess I didn’t need to come check on you and Ella.” Abby is standing in the doorway with that smirk on her face of I told you so especially after I called her to complain about Jensen.

  “Abby,” I sob into the phone, “what am I going to do?”

  “Honey I don’t understand what the problem is, he won’t sell his house?” Abby’s not understanding me is making me upset.

  “That’s not just it. He was so quick to go from loving to grunting at me because he didn’t take the time to understand where I am coming from before completely dismissing me. Why would he walk away from me instead of talking to me?”

  “Sarah, he’s been a single dad for twelve years, give the man a chance to process everything. His kids are so attached to you already there is more than his heart at stake here.”

  “I didn’t think of it that way but he walked away from me when I was crying!” My voice squeaks, “What if this is how he handles things? I can’t walk on eggshells for the rest of my life.”

  “Let him come to you. Don’t keep Ella from him and don’t give up on him yet. Look at Max, he will be planning his wedding soon. I love you Sarah and if it’s meant to be, it will be. I promise.” I sniffle we talk a few more minutes about the kids and we have a lunch date in a couple of days for Ethan and Ella to meet.

  “Abby, have you met Jensen?” I nervously say.

  “No, I haven’t had the pleasure. I’m Abby, godmother to Ella and best friend to Sarah.” I can see from Jensen’s expression that she is squeezing a little bit hard to prove a point.

  “So, you ready to lecture me too?” Too? Who lectured him.

  “Max came to see me last night and we had a nice talk. He is scary when he is protecting his family.” Jensen must have read my thoughts and I couldn’t help but smile. “Abby, I have heard so much about you from the kids and Sarah. The kids love Ethan. They can’t wait to babysit.”

  “Your kids are great. I brought up some lunch for you so you didn’t have to worry about cooking. I’ll leave it on the counter. Oh, and Joan and Shawn are cooking up some dinners for you so you don’t have to worry about anything. “Abby kisses Ella on the head and takes a breath. “I love the smell of babies. I told Cash I want to have a lot of them so I can smell them but then he reminded that I would be stuck with them for the next 70 years.” We all laugh as Abby and I hug each other bye.

  “Don’t forget we have a lunch date soon.”

  “I won’t be forgetting it.” Abby’s tone of excitement wasn’t lost on me.

  I shake my head as I chuckle.

  “You light up when Abby and Max are around.” We walk into my room since Ella’s bottle was ready. I decided to keep bottle feeding her because it’s easier for me, I’m having trouble breast feeding with my anxiety and the pain.

  “Growing up it was just Abby and I since we were born a couple weeks apart. Then her parents started taking kids in who needed a home, that’s when Max came. Max hated everyone and everything but Abby got through that exterior. The three of us were inseparable. We lived together when we went to college until we moved here. I lived with Abby for a little but then she got pregnant and I wanted to give her and Cash some private family time. I was staying upstairs when I fell and broke my leg. I thought I had the flu but turned out that Miss Ella was here.” I smile down at her while I feed her. “Max has been amazing to me. He is the big brother I always wanted. Reagan, we fought or rather I should say that I fought with her. I was jealous of her relationship with my best friends but she didn’t give up on me and truth be told, I think I’m closer to her than I am with Abby. I love Abby and she is my soulmate.”

  “Soulmate?” Jensen looks confused.

  “A long time ago when Abby finally dumped her abusive ex. She kept going on and on about never finding her soulmate so I looked at her told that we could be each other’s soulmates and the men we do end up with will be our one true love.”

  “Interesting; I’m not sure I get it but.” Jensen shrugs.

  “You know the saying bros before hoes? It’s like that but on a deeper level. It’s probably a girl thing that you wouldn’t understand.” Jensen laughs. He stands up from my bed and starts looking around the room at my stuff. I watch him as he looks at my pictures.

  As I was watching Sarah feed Ella and talk about her life before me, it got me thinking. Sarah is amazing which I already knew but we also don’t know each other. I start looking at her pictures with an older woman who I can assume is her grandmother, silly pictures with Abby and Max, a group photo from the ball at the Hawthorne Hotel with Cash, Shawn, Nicarra and the Pennsylvania crew. I see a picture of the ultrasound and a picture of her stomach and cast on her foot.

  “That was the day that I found out that I was pregnant. Reagan thought we should document it.” Sarah wraps her arms around me waist. I look at her and smile.

  “You are so beautiful. I’m sorr
y that I’ve been an ass about things. We need to talk but I don’t know how to-do it.”

  “You said earlier about having lunch and getting some hard truths, want to start there?”

  “No, you need to take your pills and rest. I’m here and I can lay with you, if you will have me.” I smile and bat my eye lashes; which makes Sarah laugh loudly. She grabs her stomach in pain and I point her to the bed.

  “Jana does the same thing to me and I can’t resist that face.” Sarah grabs my face and kisses me. I pull her into me and it is taking everything in me not to rip her clothes off and make love to her the right way. Eight weeks, I can wait. I keep repeating to myself. Sarah moaning into my mouth as her body is close to me. I push her away, “Sarah, go to bed.” I walk into the bathroom to adjust myself. “Lots of cold showers in my future.”

  “Oh, really and why is that?” Sarah stands there in just a t-shirt.

  “You are not playing fair my dear. We have eight weeks before I can be inside you again.”

  “Do we really need to wait on that time table?” Sarah’s beautiful eyes look up to me.

  “Yes. I would never bring you any physical pain. Please get to bed and take your pill.” Sarah nods. As she walks away she overly swings her hips so I must stare and see that she’s not wearing any underwear. I groan and Sarah laughs. I climb into bed with her but stay on the top of the blankets. She is a hard woman to say no to since it’s been nine months since our one and only physical contact besides our kissing. I grab my phone to let my mom what’s going on.

  ME:

  I had lunch with Michelle and her husband today. We talked about what kind of husband I was and how to be better for Sarah. I got the closure I needed. I’m at Sarah’s now. She’s by herself and didn’t take her pain pills so I need to be here.