Here and Now

by T. Renee Fike

  “7:30 a.m.”

  “Why did you set your alarm?” I ask, knowing she doesn’t plan to go home and if she does, it’s only ten minutes away.

  “I forgot to turn it off, go back to sleep,” she says, sounding half-asleep herself.

  It doesn’t take long and I’m out, waking up when my own alarm goes off a few hours later.

  “Damn it,” I mumble trying to reach the damn clock to turn it off. I hear Dani chuckle. I finally find the damn clock and turn it off, knowing its 9:00 a.m. I look over at Dani and she’s already dressed for the day. “What time did you get up?” I ask, hating that she’s such an early bird.

  “8:20 a.m.,” she says like it’s no big deal.

  “Ugh, why? You seriously need to learn how to sleep in,” I mumble as I sit up.

  “Then you waste your day,” she says quickly.

  “So,” I state, not caring if I waste part of my day.

  “There’s so much to get done if you get up earlier,” she says a bright eyed.

  “Good for you,” I say as I climb out of bed, grabbing my bathroom shower caddy and towel before heading out the door.

  When I get back to the room, Dani is nowhere in sight. I throw on a pair of jeans, a tee-shirt and a hoodie, before slipping my boots on. I go light on my make-up and throw my hair up in a messy bun, not caring who sees me. Just as I finish my hair, Dani walks in the door holding a bag.

  “Breakfast is served,” she says as she hands me a sandwich. The smell of McDonald’s has my taste buds going, I’m starving.

  “Thank you,” I practically sing before I devour the sandwich.

  “Here’s your hash brown and orange juice too,” she says as she sets them on my desk.

  “You are the best roommate ever,” I say as I take a swig of the nice cold orange juice. I don’t say anything else as I eat the rest of my food and drink my juice, Dani doing the same with hers.

  “You ready to load your car?” she asks.

  “Yeah,” I say as I grab a bag. I’m not taking much home, just a bag and my pillow, I can’t leave without that. We walk down the stairs to the lobby and see a bunch of people already packing and heading out for the week.

  I throw my bag in my car before texting Lily to make sure she’s awake. I probably should have done that as soon as I woke up, but oh well, hopefully, she doesn’t take forever.

  I send Lily three more messages before she finally responds, saying she’s up and is going to grab a quick shower. I don’t bother replying because I know how this goes; we definitely aren’t getting out of here at ten.

  “Don’t look so annoyed,” Dani says with a look.

  “She can never be on time,” I groan.

  “Just look at it as you get to spend some extra time with me,” she snickers.

  I can’t help but laugh, she’s right. “I’m really glad I got you as a roommate this year,” I state happily.

  “Me too, you are pretty kickass, even if you do date douchebags.”

  “I thought you liked him?” I ask, wanting to know where this is coming from.

  “I did, but he doesn’t seem like he’s that same guy anymore, so I’d just make sure to get answers when you come back.”

  “I don’t understand what changed, but I do agree; I need some answers.”

  “Take this week and enjoy your break from him, see how you feel, in case you guys don’t work out,” she says solemnly.

  “I really like him though Dani, I don’t want us to not work out,” I admit.

  “I know, but if he’s not the same guy, at least you found it out now and not three years from now when you could possibly be planning a wedding.”

  “Whoa,” I say as I throw my hands up, “I never said I was ready to get married, that’s not on my list of things until after I graduate college, and hopefully have a steady career going.”

  “Plans change Bay, you need to accept things as they come, don’t try to plan so far ahead, live in the moment,” she says with a serious face.

  “Where’s this all coming from?” I ask, knowing I’m clearly missing something.

  “Nowhere, I’m just saying,” she says as she sits on her bed.

  “No, because this isn’t the first time you’ve said something like that, what happened?” I ask, knowing I have time to hear her story.

  She looks to the ground before looking back up at me, “I lost my best friend three years ago, you two are similar in some ways,” she says with a weak smile.

  How is this the first time I’m hearing about her friend that died? God, what kind of friend or roommate am I?

  “I’m so sorry Dani, I didn’t know,” I say, feeling like crap.

  “No need to apologize,” she says as she shakes her head, “but you both plan your futures, when you should be living in the moment. She didn’t live in the moment and she missed so many things because of it, I don’t want you to do the same.”

  “Okay,” I say, feeling like I should live in the moment and try not to plan so much of my life out. “When I come back from break I’m going to live in the moment, we both are,” I say excitedly.

  “That sounds like an awesome plan,” she beams.

  Just then there’s a knock at the door, I jump up and answer it, to find Lily standing there with her bag and a pair of sunglasses on.

  “You ready to go?” she asks, sounding completely annoyed.

  “Yeah,” I say as I walk over to grab my purse and keys.

  “Let me know when you guys make it home safely,” Dani says as I give her a hug goodbye.

  “Definitely will. You keep me posted if I miss anything exciting here,” I state with a smile.

  She laughs and shakes her head, “This place is going to be deserted.”

  “No shit, it looks like it already is,” Lily chimes in.

  Ignoring her attitude this early in the morning, I head out of the room and down the hall to the stairs; she’s following, but never says a word.

  I unlock my car; Lily throws her bag in the backseat before climbing into the passenger side. I slide into the driver side and start us on our journey home.

  About ten minutes into the ride, I finally decide to talk and figure out what’s wrong with her. “Is everything okay?”

  “I’m never drinking that much again,” she says as she stares out the window, her sunglasses still blocking her face.

  “Did you take anything for the hangover?” I ask, making conversation.

  “Water and aspirin, but it doesn’t seem like it’s kicked in yet,” she says as she starts to rub her forehead.

  “You can try to sleep, maybe that will help,” I suggest.

  “That sounds like a plan, let me see if that helps,” she says as she adjusts her seat back and uses her coat as a pillow. It doesn’t take long for her to pass out as I continue to drive us home.

  A few hours later I wake Lily up to let her know I’m at her house; she slept the entire way home. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad because we didn’t talk at all because of it. Hopefully, this week will be better.

  “Thanks so much,” she says as she jumps out of the car, grabs her bag and heads inside.

  “Weird,” I mumble to myself. I back out of the driveway and head towards my house, ready to be home.

  It only takes a few minutes before I’m pulling into my driveway, excited to be home, to an empty house none-the-less, but it’s still home.

  I park and grab my bag and pillow and head inside. The house is like it always is, spotless, everything in its rightful spot. It feels more like an asylum than a house, but Owen and I made it our own, we had to.

  Heading up to my bedroom, I toss my bag on the floor before flopping onto the bed. I send a quick text to Dani letting her know I made it home safely. It takes seconds before I get a response saying to have an awesome time at home and to keep her up-to-date on everything that happens, if anything even does.

  I then send a text to Owen letting him know I’m home and to see how far away he is. His res
ponse comes a little later, saying he’s leaving soon to come home, so he will be home later this afternoon.

  I’m looking forward to spending some quality time with him and catching up on school and everything else that is going on with him.

  Most of the day I lounge around; make myself something to eat, while I wait for Owen. Not realizing the time, I hear the door open and close. Excitedly, I run out of my room and down the hall, down the stairs happy to see Owen, when I see my mom.

  “Hey,” I say, surprised, I didn’t expect her for hours

  “Hey sweetheart, what time did you get in?” she asks as she takes her coat off to hang it up.

  “A few hours ago.”

  “Is Owen home too?”

  “Not yet,” I say.

  My mom has never been one for small talk, she gets right to the point and that’s about it, no bullshit with her.

  “Your father should be home soon, we decided to have a family meal tonight,” she says, surprising the hell out of me. We haven’t had a family sit down for years.

  “Oh yeah, what’s the occasion?” I ask, hoping I don’t sound rude.

  “It’s way past due,” she says before walking towards the kitchen. I follow her, wondering what she has in mind.

  “It sounds nice.”

  “I’m going to make lasagna, did you want to help?” she asks, as I now notice the bag in her hand.

  “Sure,” I say, wanting to spend some time with my mom.

  We begin the process of making the sauce from scratch and get things in order and have dinner in the oven before Owen and my dad even get there.

  Owen gets home first, “What is that smell?” he asks as he finds us in the living room talking, looking as surprised as I was.

  “Dinner,” mom says, like it’s no big deal.

  “It smells delicious,” he says, as he gives me a confused look.

  “Mom and I made it,” I say beaming with pride. I feel like a little girl who just won the best prize in a competition. It’s been so long since my family all sat down together and I’m happy and excited, and I’m sure it’s written all over my face.

  Owen drops his bag on the floor and sits on the couch beside me, before jumping right into conversation with my mom, trying to obviously understand what’s happening and why things are all of a sudden changing.

  When dad gets home, it’s only a few minutes before the oven goes off, letting us know that dinner is ready.

  I head into the kitchen and get dinner before bringing it to the table, that’s already been set up.

  We sit around the table, looking like a normal family for once in a very long time. I can’t help but smile at Owen, excited that things may be changing for the better.

  “Did you tell them?” Dad asks mom, causing Owen and I to look at one another.

  “No,” she says bluntly.

  “Tell us what?” Owen asks, jumping right in.

  “Your mother and I are getting a divorce,” Dad says hastily.

  “What?” Owen and I practically shout in unison.

  “Things just don’t always work out the way we plan,” Dad says.

  “Of course that happens when someone cheats,” mom says, not holding back.

  “Vivian, we agreed not to discuss this in front of the kids,” Dad argues.

  “They aren’t kids anymore Robert, they can handle the truth,” she fires back.

  The perfect dinner, it makes complete sense. I didn’t even get to take a bite of this delicious meal and now I’ve lost my appetite.

  “Say something,” Owen says, looking at me.

  “I’m going to my room,” I say as I stand and walk out of the room, not caring that my mom and dad are calling after me.

  “You couldn’t even wait until after we ate?” mom snaps at dad.

  “They need to know,” he argues.

  “Who gives a shit,” Owen yells as I hit the stairs. “We never have a family dinner together and the first time we do in years is so you can deliver bad news, what the hell is wrong with you two?”

  I don’t bother to listen to the rest of the conversation. I should have known something was up, we never eat together, but divorce, I didn’t see that one coming.

  Sitting on my bed, I stare at the wall, looking at pictures from last year, when everyone looked happy and things were normal; gosh how quickly things can change.

  “Hey,” Owen says as he opens my door, holding my plate of lasagna in his hands, “You need to eat,” he says as he brings my dinner over to me.

  “I can’t stand them,” I snap, not caring who hears me anymore.

  “I know, that was definitely not the way to tell us, but should we really be surprised?” he asks with a straight face.

  “No, I guess not, they are never here and don’t do anything together anyway, but still, I thought for once we were going to have a family dinner and be normal, almost.”

  “Normal and our family will never go together, but I’m here for you, remember that,” he says as he takes a seat beside me on my bed.

  “Thanks Bro, I appreciate it,” I say before taking a bite of my delicious lasagna.

  “You and mom made a hell of a dinner, it was great,” he says with a genuine smile.

  “Thanks. It would have been nice if we could have enjoyed one meal together, even if it would have been the last one as a family,” I say, before shoving another forkful into my mouth. The taste is amazing. I love home cooked meals.

  “Well, it’s good we get to hang out all week, regardless of what they do,” he says kindly.

  “True, so do you have any plans for tonight? Oh, and Evan said he will call you soon,” I informed him.

  “Sounds good, and no, I’m staying in tonight, I need a break away from people,” he says, sounding how I feel.

  “Me too,” I say as I finish stuffing my face. I set my bowl on my nightstand before lying back on my bed.

  “How are you and Austin doing?” he asks out of the blue.

  “Okay I guess,” I say honestly.

  “What happened?” he asks, as he lies down on the bottom of my bed, staring at my ceiling.

  “He’s been acting weird ever since I got sick, well I guess more so, since I came back with Evan from visiting you.”

  “Do you seriously see yourself with him, long-term?”

  “I thought so, but now I’m not so sure,” I admit.

  “Then break up with him and find someone else. You have four years to meet the right person, and who knows, maybe you won’t even find him in college.”

  “Maybe I will,” I state bluntly.

  “You could, but don’t base your college experience on finding the right guy.”

  “I’m not; I swear I’m not going to do that. I want to enjoy college, meeting Austin was just a bonus, or at least I thought it was.”

  “Who knows, maybe you should end it and then see what happens and how things go. Maybe it’s just bad timing or maybe, he isn’t the right guy for you after all.”

  “I’ll see how things go with him once I get back to school. Unless, there’s something you know that you aren’t telling me,” I say as I turn to look at him.

  He looks at me, “I don’t know the guy and definitely don’t know anything about him other than what Evan has told me.”

  “Has he told you anything that you think I should know?” I ask, wanting to find out something, anything to tell me why Austin is acting the way he’s been.

  “Sorry sis, he didn’t tell me anything that you should know,” he says, looking apologetic.

  The rest of the evening is spent catching up with Owen and watching television. Mom comes up to check on us, but doesn’t really say much before she scurries off.

  Chapter Ten

  The week flies by and before I know it, Thursday is here and I’m going to a party with Lily. She’s been her normal self and inviting herself over like she used to always do, which has been great to see the girl whom I’ve known for so long.

  “Is Owen co
ming tonight?” she asks as I finish getting dressed.

  “He said he may show up,” I tell her.

  “Okay, I wonder if Evan’s back yet?” she asks, sounding like her old self again.

  “No, they have a basketball tournament, he won’t be home for break at all,” I say, surprised she didn’t already know that.

  “Oh,” she says, looking confused.

  “I doubt he would come home on Thursday to head back to school on Saturday anyway, what would be the point of that?” I ask.

  “Good point, that wouldn’t make much sense. I guess I’ll just talk to him when I get back to school.”

  “What about?” I ask, curiously.

  “I want our friendship to be how it used to be; I miss him being one of my best friends,” she says, looking sorrowful.

  “Then talk to him, who knows, maybe you guys can be how you used to be, though, what changed?” I ask, being nosey.

  “Me,” she says, looking towards the ground, “I knew he wasn’t interested in me, but I tried anyway and it made things weird between the two of us.”

  “Then talk to him,” I say again, though how Evan talked; I wouldn’t have thought they were ever as close as she makes it seem.

  “I will. Oh, hey,” she says looking directly at me, “Did you hear about Dani?”

  “Hear what?” I ask, with a confused look.

  “Rumor around campus is she used to be the biggest whore in high school.”

  “How did you hear that?” I ask, knowing I never heard that and Dani hardly dates or talks to many guys, so I don’t see that being true.

  “A bunch of guys were talking about it, I guess they went to high school with her and they all fucked her,” she says like it’s no big deal.

  “Maybe she was, I don’t know, but she’s definitely not that way now,” I defend.

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yeah, why?” I say, feeling myself getting angry.

  “I also heard she tried hitting on Austin,” she says, shocking the hell out of me.

  “No, she wouldn’t do that, plus she doesn’t even care for him.”

  “Yeah, because apparently he turned her down and threatened to tell you about it,” she says straight faced.

  “How do you know this?” I ask, feeling frustrated.