Here and Now

by T. Renee Fike

  “Word gets around Bay. I just thought you should know.”

  “I doubt that’s the case,” I retort. It has me thinking though, because out of nowhere Dani strongly dislikes Austin and I can’t figure out why, but to go after him when she’s one of my really good friends, one of my best friends, is weird and wrong on so many levels. I’ll have to talk to her when I get back to campus and see if I can figure out what the hell is going on and what Lily is talking about. “Are you ready to go?” I ask, hoping to change the subject and get out of here for the night.

  “Sure,” she says as she checks herself out in the mirror one last time.

  We head down the hall and stairs before walking out the front door. I don’t bother to say goodbye to anyone because Owen isn’t home and my parents haven’t been home practically all week long.

  After our informational dinner, neither one has been in the house when the other is. Both of them have been quiet around us. Mom talked to me one time, but that’s it, other than that, it’s like it always is. I guess some things never change.

  I hop in my car and start it up, hoping the engine heats up fast because it’s cold out. Lily’s right behind me as she slides in the passenger seat, practically shivering.

  I’m not surprised considering she’s in leggings that are super light-weight, they aren’t going to keep anything warm.

  “You should have worn something warmer,” I advise.

  “Its fine, the party’s inside anyway,” she says as she rubs her legs.

  I have jeans with a sweater on, not particularly caring how I look. I have a boyfriend, why should I care to impress someone anyway?

  The party is only ten minutes away at a guy’s house that graduated a year ahead of us. By the time I pull in to park the place is swamped with cars. I park the car near the end, so I don’t have to worry about so many drunken people parking around me.

  “It’s freezing out, why are you parking so far away?” Lily whines.

  “So I’m not near all the drunken idiots,” I say as I turn the car off.

  “Ugh, you are so strange sometimes,” she complains as she gets out of the car.

  “Maybe if you wore warmer clothes, you wouldn’t be so cold,” I remind her as I slam my door shut and lock it. She doesn’t say anything, just gives me a slight glare as we walk briskly down the lane to the house.

  “Holy shit you made it,” Jenni a girl from our class says, as she opens the door, looking directly at Lily.

  Some of the girls always wanted to be Lily, she was the popular one, I was included, but mainly all thanks to Owen.

  “What took you so long?” Owen asks.

  “Nothing, I wasn’t in a hurry,” I say as I take my coat off. “Anyone exciting here?” I ask him, noticing that Lily is listening intently to our conversation.

  “Brock, but that’s about it.”

  I shrug, I’ve never been the biggest fan of Brock, he was one of the jocks too and best friends with Evan and Owen, but he just always rubbed me the wrong way. I can’t quite put my finger on it though.

  “I don’t care about him,” I say, not caring that I said that out loud.

  Owen starts to chuckle, “I know, you never have.”

  “I’m going to see who’s here,” Lily says before she walks off on her own. I’m not worried or planning to babysit her tonight.

  “How are things going with her?” Owen asks once Lily’s out of earshot.

  “Better, she’s back to normal and has been since I got sick.”

  “I still wouldn’t trust her, she’s not a good person Bay,” he says with a concerned look.

  “I hear you, but she’s never crossed me, and she’s always been there for me, you have to know that,” I say, defending her.

  “Can we talk about something else?” I ask, hating that everyone feels they need to bash Lily when she’s been nothing but a friend to me.

  “Sure, what time are you leaving on Saturday?” he asks.

  “Sometime in the afternoon,” I say, feeling in no rush to get back to school.

  “Same with me,” he says, answering the question I had yet to ask.

  We head in and grab some drinks; I opt for water, not really in the mood to drink tonight. Owen cracks open a beer and chugs half of it, before looking at me. “Water, really Bay?” he says as he eyes my water bottle.

  “Not in the mood to drink.”

  “Well, you won’t see me argue with that; you should wait until you’re twenty-one anyway.”

  “Oh because you did?” I laugh.

  “I’m a guy, it’s different,” he says, like that makes complete sense.

  The rest of the evening is spent hanging out with friends from high school and hanging out a little more with Owen before we go our separate ways.

  I haven’t seen Lily all evening and I’m surprised, because the house isn’t all that big.

  “Hey, have you seen Lily?” I ask Rebecca, a girl that we graduated with.

  “She was talking to Seth a little while ago, that’s the last I’ve seen her,” she says, looking apologetically.

  Walking around searching, ready to go, I run into my brother. “Hey, I’m getting ready to leave, have you seen Lily?” I ask him.

  “No, I haven’t,” he says, looking completely sober.

  “Are you sober?” I ask bluntly.

  “Yeah, I stopped drinking a few hours ago when I heard there were checkpoints,” he says, being smart.

  “Okay, well if you see Lily can you tell her I’m looking for her?” I ask.

  “Sure,” he says as he continues a conversation that I apparently interrupted and didn’t even realize.

  I continue searching the house, deciding to check the basement out, walking down the stairs I can smell the pot already. I walk the rest of the way down, surprised I can see anything with the amount of smoke in the air, but that’s when I somehow see Lily, taking a hit, looking like she’s enjoying herself.

  I walk over to her, not caring what she’s doing, but wanting to leave, I’m tired and bored.

  “Hey,” I say as I approach, causing the group to turn and all look at me, shocked and nervous.

  “There you are,” she purrs, sounding drunk.

  “I’m ready to go, how soon are you ready?” I ask quickly.

  “Like five minutes,” she says before taking another hit.

  “Okay, I’m going to say bye to a few people, so I will meet you upstairs in five,” I say before turning around and heading up the stairs.

  Again, I don’t care who does what drugs, but I just found out something new about Lily. Never once has she ever mentioned liking weed or that she enjoys smoking it, but apparently she does.

  I head upstairs and say my farewells to a few people before grabbing my coat and waiting for Lily to get here. Ten minutes later I’m still waiting and getting more irritated by the minute. Finally, I see her and I grab my keys ready to walk out the door.

  “Let’s go,” I say as soon as she approaches me. I don’t bother to wait for a response as I open the front door and walk out into the cold dark air.

  “What’s wrong with you?” she snaps as I walk down the lane briskly.

  “I’m just ready to go home.”

  “You need to lighten up Bay, live life a little.”

  “I live life just fine, thanks,” I defend, not exactly sure what she’s talking about.

  “You live in this bubble where you’re perfect; why don’t you let go a little and have some fun?” she says, obviously trying to get at something.

  “I don’t live in any bubble and what exactly are you getting at?” I ask as I stop right behind my car.

  “It’s a little pot Bay, it’s not crack or cocaine,” she says as she walks to the passenger side door.

  “I don’t care about the pot Lily, I’m just ready to go home,” I snap as I open my door and climb in.

  “Have you ever even tried it?” she asks with a look.

  I can’t help but stare at her, dumbfoun
ded, “Yeah, last year, with you,” I say, not quite sure how she could forget when she bugged me for twenty minutes before I finally gave in.

  “Oh shit, I forgot about that,” she says laughing, “Have you smoked any since then?” she asks, looking hopeful for some reason.

  “No, I don’t want to.”

  “You’re such a goody-goody,” she says as she turns towards the front, not happy with my answer.

  “Why do you say that?” I ask, feeling myself getting more annoyed by the moment.

  “Because you won’t ever try anything new and exciting,” she complains.

  “Drugs aren’t new and exciting. I’m sorry if I prefer to live life the way I have; I drink at times, I go out, I hang out with you and my friends, what’s the big deal?”

  “You’re just boring,” she says, like it’s no big deal.

  “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was such an inconvenience to you,” I snap. I pull out and drive her home, wanting to get as far away from her as possible. She was originally going to spend the night at my house, but that’s definitely not happening now.

  I take the road to get to her house, “Where are you going?” she asks, obviously noticing that I’m not on the road to my house.

  “Taking you home.”

  “What?” she shouts, “I can’t go home like this, my parents will flip.”

  “Your parents will be in bed, plus there’s no reason to spend the night at my house when I’m such an inconvenience,” I state hastily, not caring anymore.

  “Bay, come on,” she says in a pleading voice.

  “No, there’s absolutely no reason to come to my house anymore. You can go home and hang out with people who are more outgoing and fun than I am,” I snap, increasing my speed, because I want to get away from her as soon as possible.

  It only takes a few minutes and I’m pulling up her driveway and she looks beyond pissed, but so am I, so I don’t care. I park and wait for her to get out. She doesn’t bother saying a word, so as soon as the door is shut I drive off; there are plenty of other things I need to worry about anyway.

  I drive home, which doesn’t take long considering we don’t live that far from one another and as I’m pulling in the driveway, I pull in behind Owen. I guess he decided to leave when I did.

  “You’re home early,” I say as I get out of the car.

  “Yeah, sucks being sober,” he says as he slams his car door shut.

  “It’s not that bad,” I say following him up the steps to the front door.

  “Where’s Lily?” he asks, looking around.

  “I took her home.”

  He looks at me for a minute before opening the front door, “She doesn’t usually go home when she’s high,” he says, catching me off guard.

  “How did you know she was high?”

  “It’s easy to tell when she smokes, because she gets so paranoid and she doesn’t go home,” he says, sounding slightly worried.

  “Well, she told me I wasn’t any fun because I didn’t want to get high, so I figured there was no reason for her to come here. She can find other people that are fun to hang with,” I say, pushing past him and opening the door. I walk inside, “How do you know she stays here when she’s high?” I ask, as I stop and turn around directly in front of him.

  “She always has, even when you don’t know she’s on anything.”

  “Oh,” is all I say. How did I not realize that she gets high a lot more than I ever knew? Where the hell was I?

  “It’s not your problem, so I wouldn’t worry about it,” he says as he walks towards the kitchen.

  “I’m going to bed, night,” I say before heading up the stairs to my bedroom.

  Leaving to go back to school in a few days sucks, I’m having fun at home and not in the mood to sit in a car with Lily for hours. She’s definitely not the same person she used to be and I’m not sure what’s changed, but a lot has.

  Saturday rolls around and I’m packed and loaded. Lily sent me a text this morning, asking if I was still planning to take her back to school or if she needs to find another ride, I responded saying I’d take her back. That would just be rude of me to bring her home and not take her back to school.

  I let her know I’ll be there around one. I spend the morning talking to Owen and my mom, figuring some things out. Mom informs us that the house is going to be hers, that this is home and always will be for us. I’m glad because I love this house, but also saddened that my parents couldn’t make it work. It shouldn’t be a surprise though because they haven’t been married for years, at least they never acted like it. They acted like friends, sometimes even best friends, but nothing romantic between the two of them.

  “How soon are you leaving sweetie?” mom asks.

  “I told Lily I’d pick her up around one.”

  “We’re leaving around the same time then,” Owen chimes in.

  “If you need help with anything, let me know,” I say to my mom. “I can come home and help.”

  “Yeah, keep us posted on the divorce and if you need us or need us to do anything,” Owen says, stepping in like the big brother he is.

  “I will, but it will be fine, your father and I are adults and can handle this like one,” Mom says.

  The times goes fast and before I know it, I’m hugging my mom and Owen before heading out the door and throwing my pillow and purse into the car before heading to pick up Lily.

  “I’ll see you both soon,” I say, as I climb in the car.

  “Drive carefully,” mom says. “Let me know you guys both get to school okay.”

  “Will do,” I shout before pulling out of the driveway. Owen is right behind me, but when I turn right to head to Lily’s house, he turns left to head toward the highway.

  I pick her up and the road is eerily quiet the entire way back to school. We end up not talking and just listening to music, well I listen to music, while Lily reads her book.

  Chapter Eleven

  For two weeks since being back at school, things seem to be back in order. I haven’t spoken to Lily and I’m not going to. If she wants to be different or only hang out with people who are fun because they do drugs, then that is her business, I don’t need that.

  “What’s going on with Austin?” Dani says from her bed.

  “He’s been acting normal,” I state. Since coming back from break two weeks ago, I sat down and talked to Austin. We talked about what was going on and why things seemed like they were getting weird. He said he wasn’t sure if his feelings for me were changing, but me being gone for the week made him realize just how much he missed me and wants us to work things out. I decided to give it a try, so we will see how it goes.

  “I think you can do better than him,” she says coldly.

  “Am I missing something?” I ask, knowing what Lily said to me, but I chose to never bring it up to Dani.

  “He’s a douchebag and I think he isn’t as sincere as he makes himself out to be.”

  “He’s been better since we decided to give us another shot. I know how he feels and how I feel, so I figure why not see what happens. If we don’t work out, then we don’t work out,” I state matter of fact.

  “Good luck with it. Have you heard from Lily?” she asks, changing the subject.

  “Nope, not a word.”

  “That girl is fucking weird, one minute she wants to be your best friend, the next minute she’s trying to tell you what’s wrong with you, it makes no sense,” she says as she shakes her head.

  “I know, I don’t quite understand it, but I’m not going to dwell over it either. What are your plans tonight?” I ask, not wanting to talk about Lily or Austin anymore.

  “I’m thinking of going to a party off campus, did you want to come?” she asks.

  “Sure,” I say, wanting a night out.

  “Awesome, it’s different than the normal parties here on campus, but it’s a lot of fun,” she beams.

  “Sounds good to me, what time are you thinking?” I ask.

/>   “We can leave around eight; it’s going to take about twenty minutes to get to the house.”

  “Okay, I’m going to grab a quick shower then,” I say as I get up off my bed and grab my shower caddy and towel.

  Getting dressed, I slip into a pair of skinny jeans and a low cut green sweater and pair them with my heeled boots.

  Dani is wearing a pair of black leggings with a long v-cut sweater; the sweater is gray which she matches with a pair of gray boots.

  We head out around eight and she’s right, it takes about twenty minutes to get to the party she was talking about. She drove us and I’m thinking I may go light on drinking tonight in case she decides to drink a lot and I need to drive us home.

  “You’re going to meet some of my friends from high school,” she informs me, as I get out of the car.

  “That sounds like fun,” I say, optimistically.

  “Some are assholes, so don’t mind them, I’ll point out the ones to ignore when we get inside,” she says as she locks her car.

  We head inside and I watch as people walk up and hug and talk to Dani excited to see her. It’s like they haven’t seen her in months, which is weird, considering they are only twenty minutes away.

  I say hello’s when introduced and I stand back and watch Dani, who seems completely different than when we are at school. She seems happier and more herself around these people. I’m wondering why we haven’t come here before, or why she hasn’t invited any of these people to visit us.

  For the next hour we hang out, joke, and laugh constantly. Dani’s friends are pretty awesome and definitely a lot of fun to hang out with. When Dani goes to talk to a guy named Max, I stay back and hang out with Kari, who has been best friends with Dani for years, or so I’m told. I’ve heard Dani talk about her before and it’s great to have a face to the name now.

  A few hours later it’s late and the majority of people are leaving or passing out so we decide to head back home. Climbing into the car, I can’t wait to find out why she never invites them to school.

  She barely gets out of the driveway before I start in on a conversation.

  “Your friends are pretty cool.”

  “I like them,” she says with a huge smile before turning her eyes back onto the road.