Here and Now

by T. Renee Fike

  “How come you never invite them to visit us at school?” I ask and watch her tense up a little.

  “It’s not a good fit,” is all she says.

  “Why not?”

  “Because the people that we know from high school that go to school with us are assholes,” she points out.

  “So, we can avoid them,” I point out, thinking it’s not that hard, the campus is pretty big.

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “What am I missing?” I ask, confused.

  I hear Dani sigh, “I hate talking about this,” she says as we continue on our drive.

  “You can tell me anything,” I assure her.

  She looks at me first before continuing. “I did some stupid shit in high school, hung out with the wrong people and messed around with drugs.”

  “Okay, a lot of people do that.”

  She starts shaking her head, “No, I would get pretty messed up and then sleep around, it wasn’t cute or sexy,” she says sternly. “I started hanging out with the group you met tonight, they helped me get clean and change my ways, I owe those guys so much.”

  “That’s great, but I don’t get why they can’t come visit.”

  “They were labeled as the freaks in high school. They got picked on so they just avoid social gatherings; especially our school because so many people from our high school go there.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t want to go somewhere far, far away.”

  “I did, but I can’t afford it, I have to be able to pay for my education and that I got accepted here, it just worked out this way.”

  “Did you apply at other schools?” I ask.

  “Of course, some I got into, some I didn’t, but with the cost of room and board, I couldn’t afford it. I’m a local here, so if I couldn’t have afforded the room and board, I would have lived off campus and drove, but it worked out because I earned a scholarship which helps to cover everything.”

  “Well, I’m glad you came here, because I think you’re an amazing friend,” I say happily.

  “Thanks,” she smiles, “I wasn’t always this way, I did some dumb shit, but I learned my lesson and I grew up.”

  “That happens,” I joke.

  “Yeah, at least I figured shit out and was able to have friends that could help me, if not, God only knows where I would be right now,” she says solemnly.

  “I’m glad things worked out for you. I want you to know that you can tell me anything, you don’t have to feel like you have to hide things,” I say, wanting her to know she can trust me.

  “I know, which is why I’m telling you this. At some point you will hear things about me, if you haven’t already, and I want you to know the truth about me, from me,” she says as she glances in my direction.

  “I’m glad, I wouldn’t believe anything I hear because I know how people are, but I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me the truth.”

  “I do, and I hope you know that you can trust me,” she says as we get closer to home.

  “Yes, I know I can trust you.”

  “Then there’s something else I think you should know,” she says in almost a whisper.

  “What’s that?” I ask.

  “Lily has been on drugs for quite some time, and not just weed,” she says, surprising me.

  “Oh,” is all I say.

  “I know you don’t really know what to look for because clearly; you weren’t around it or never really did them, but I’d say her choice of drug is cocaine.”

  “What makes you think that?”

  “Her energy, she’s different when she’s on coke versus smoking weed.”

  “Do you think it’s a daily thing for her?”

  “No, which is why you have her flip out on you the way she does. When she’s coming down or without for a few days, she snaps at you. When she’s high as a kite, she’s fun and friendly,” she points out, letting me know something I obviously didn’t know.

  “She was high as fuck the other night and was a complete bitch to me,” I inform her.

  “That’s probably because she wasn’t on coke, just weed.”

  “If that’s the case, then I don’t need her in my life. I want people to respect me and obviously, she cares more about her habit than her friends,” I say, starting to feel annoyed.

  “It’s an addiction, it’s not like she always has a choice,” Dani says, defending her.

  “I know that, but if she wants help, all she has to do is say something and I think she’d rather get high and go through shit, than get better.”

  “I agree with you there,” she says as she pulls into the parking lot.

  We head inside and let the conversation go, I change and crawl into bed, ready for sleep.

  Tomorrow is a new day and I’m planning to spend it with Austin. I’m hoping we can start to take things to the next level, because things have been going amazing and I’m ready, way past ready.

  Waking up in the morning, I go through my normal routine before finishing up some homework to meet up with Austin.

  Around six I head towards Austin’s house. His last message was a little weird, and I didn’t quite understand it. It said something about stopping over and screwing my brains out, which is odd, because we haven’t done that.

  Standing outside his frat house, I see one of his roommates comes outside, “Hi Steven,” I say, as he looks completely surprised to see me.

  “Hey Baylee, what’s up?” he asks.

  “Not much, just meeting up with Austin to hang out, is he inside?” I ask as I walk up the steps to the door.

  “Yeah,” he says before walking away briskly.

  I head inside and the place is pretty quiet, which is surprising considering it’s a Sunday evening. I don’t see anyone, so I head towards the stairs to go to Austin’s bedroom.

  The closer I get to his bedroom the more sounds I start to hear. Not even thinking I open the door and receive the shock of my life.

  “What the fuck,” I shout, not believing my eyes. The two of them turn and look at me; both have the deer in headlights look. “How the fuck could you do this to me?” I shout, waiting for one of them to respond.

  “I’m so sorry,” Lily says, as her eyes fill up with tears. She climbs off of Austin’s lap, trying to cover herself as quickly as possible.

  “You’re fucking my boyfriend,” I scream, not caring who hears me, “How long has this been going on?”

  “Not long,” she pleads, tears now streaming down her face; Austin has still yet to say a word.

  “Why did you continue to date me?” I ask, wanting Austin to say something.

  “Because I care about you,” he says, as he adjusts himself before getting out of bed and slipping some pants on.

  “You care about me, what part of fucking another girl shows you care about me?” I snap.

  “I do care about you, it’s just sex with her, she doesn’t mean anything to me,” he says as he steps closer to me. That’s when I see the lines of white power on the dresser.

  I take a step back, wanting him nowhere near me, “I see what this is, you guys snort coke then fuck, then what?”

  “It’s not like that,” he says as he looks over at the lines already cut. “Baby, it’s not what it seems,” he says, walking towards me again.

  “Don’t come near me, I want nothing to do with you. The two of you can snort all the fucking coke you want and fuck each other’s brains out. I hope you both are fucking happy,” I scream before walking out and slamming the door shut.

  Anger builds up as I briskly walk home; I want to punch them both in the face. How could Lily do that to me; and Austin, since when did he snort coke? How did I miss all of this happening? Am I truly that naïve?

  I head inside my dorm building and run up the four flights of stairs before hitting my room. Unlocking the door, I open the door and slam it shut, still pissed off.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Dani asks with a look.

  “I just walked in on Austin
fucking Lily,” I snap.

  “Seriously?” she asks, looking completely confused.

  “That fucking bitch, ugh I hate her,” I say as I plop myself on my bed. “How could I be so stupid?”

  “You aren’t, she’s just a selfish bitch who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. I’m just surprised because Austin seemed like he really liked you.”

  “They’re coke buddies.”

  “What?” she shrieks.

  “There were lines of it on his dresser, so I’m only assuming he does it too.”

  “That makes sense now, on why he seemed weird lately. Maybe this is a good thing for you, you don’t want to be mixed up with people like that,” she says as she sits up on her bed, facing me.

  “How did I miss all the signs?”

  “You weren’t looking for them, plus she was your friend, you wouldn’t expect her to do that to you.”

  “I mean, yeah we’ve been at odds lately, but to go out and go for Austin that’s just rude, especially when she’s the one that introduced me to him in the first place.”

  “She’s jealous of you, that’s what it comes down to,” Dani says hastily.

  “She has no reason to be, she gets what she wants, so I don’t understand it at all. I’m just done, done with her, done with Austin, I’m over this bullshit,” I say, feeling angry and defeated.

  “Just be glad you didn’t sleep with him,” she points out.

  “I was ready to, hell, I’ve been ready, but I guess there was no rush or point when he was already getting it from somewhere else.”

  “I’d stay away from her.”

  “That’s my plan, you should have seen her, pleading, almost in fucking tears, like she didn’t mean to do it, but this clearly wasn’t the first time.”

  Thirty minutes later, there’s a knock on the door, “Who is it?” Dani yells.

  “It’s Lily, can I talk to Baylee, please?” she asks.

  “Fuck off,” I yell, not daring to open the door.

  “Please Bay, let me explain,” she pleads.

  “There’s nothing to explain, go away,” I yell. Lily eventually leaves.

  “She’s going to keep coming back until you hear her out, though she’s going to give you a bunch of bullshit lies.”

  “I have nothing to say to her.”

  “I know, but she won’t stop until you hear her out, so at some point I’d say just listen to her. Tell her how you feel and move on,” she says as she grabs one of her textbooks.

  “Ugh, we will see, I can’t promise anything.”

  “Just think about it. I’m heading to the library, so I will see you later,” she says before leaving.

  My phone starts going off a few minutes later with text after text messages from Lily, asking for me to please hear her out. I don’t bother to respond, because I honestly just don’t care right now.

  A few hours later there’s a knock at the door and after asking who it is, Austin informs me it’s him.

  I rip open the door, “What do you want?” I ask, angrily.

  “Can I talk to you?” he asks, looking somewhat sad. I usher him in, not caring what he has to say, but between him and Lily, they are going to drive me nuts. “Thanks,” he says as he walks into the room.

  “Why are you here?”

  “I need to apologize, what happened with Lily wasn’t supposed to happen and I’m so sorry babe,” he says, as he takes a step closer to me.

  I back up, “You think an apology that you fucked my friend is going to make everything alright?”

  “No, but I was hoping we could talk and figure some things out,” he says, looking almost hopeful for some reason.

  I sit on the end of my bed, “What’s to figure out?”

  “Baylee, I’m in love with you. What happened with her was only because I was high, if I wasn’t, I would never have done something so stupid. I don’t cheat.”

  “But you did cheat, with Lily no less. You can’t use drugs as an excuse, that doesn’t make it okay,” I snap as I cross my arms over my chest in a defensive way.

  “She brought some coke over for me to try, she kissed me, and I wasn’t thinking,” he says, blaming Lily.

  “I can guarantee that wasn’t the first time,” I say, catching him off guard. He looks at me with a deer in headlights look, similar to the one he had when I walked in on him and Lily. “I’m not stupid Austin, what you did was fucked up and I can’t forget it.”

  “Babe we can fix this, we can make us work,” he says, pleading.

  “For what? There’s no point, I’ll never trust you, so you might as well go, there’s nothing else to say,” I state as I stand up, walking towards the door.

  “Yes there is,” he says as he jumps in front of me and grabs my arm, “I want us to work.”

  “Then you should have thought about that before sleeping with someone else,” I yell as I rip my arm out of his grasp. “You need to leave.”

  “I’m going to win you back,” he says as I open the door.

  “No Austin, you aren’t. You should have no problem finding another girlfriend though, so good luck, hopefully, you don’t cheat on the next girl,” I say as soon as he steps outside my door, before slamming the door in his face.

  He mumbles something, but I don’t waste my time listening. I walk back over to my bed and continue doing some homework, wanting to make sure I stay on track.

  Owen ends up calling and I talk to him for about an hour, filling him in on what’s happened. He’s more than happy to come to campus and kick Austin’s ass, but I tell him there’s no point. I just want to move forward and forget both him and Lily.

  It’s going on eight when there’s more pounding on my door. Feeling agitated, I yank the door open to see a tear stricken Lily in the doorway.

  “Please let me explain,” she cries.

  “You have two minutes,” I say, giving her a few minutes because I did let Austin say a few words earlier.

  “There’s nothing going on between Austin and me,” she says as she wipes her eyes.

  “So it wasn’t you straddling him, completely naked?” I quip.

  “It was, but I wasn’t thinking.”

  “I guess drugs will do that to you?” I state, knowing damn well that’s what she’s about to say next.

  “I was high, really high and I shouldn’t have done anything, especially not with Austin.”

  “But you did, and now what…I’m supposed to just excuse it because you both were high as kites?” I ask, feeling my blood pressure rise.

  “Don’t shut me out, please, we can work through this and be friends, best friends like we’ve been,” she says as she sits on my bed.

  “We will never be friends like we once were. You want your drugs and you want things to be the way you want them to be; where the world revolves around you, well not anymore. I’m done; I’m over you and your bullshit. I want nothing to do with you. You want Austin you can have him, I told him to get lost earlier, and I mean it. I’m through with the both of you.”

  “You don’t mean that,” she cries harder.

  “Yes, yes I do. Who the hell needs enemies with so called friends like you?” I snap, getting angrier by the moment. “I think you need to leave.”

  “Bay, you need to forgive me, I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen, I don’t even like him like that,” she says, still not moving from my bed.

  “Lily, you and I both know that wasn’t the first time you two screwed each other, so there’s no point in you being here, trying to ask forgiveness.”

  “It happened a few times, that’s it, and it was always because we were high, you have to believe that,” she says with a look of worry.

  “It honestly doesn’t matter how many times or about being high, the fact is you both lied and cheated and I don’t need it, nor do I want it. Now, I want you to leave,” I say as I open the door, hoping she takes the hint.

  “I’m really sorry,” she says as she finally stands up.

  “Your
apology doesn’t mean shit to me anymore,” I say as she walks out the door. She turns around, towards me, looking like she wants to say more, “Save it for someone who cares Lily,” I say before closing the door in her face.

  Snapping on two people today and slamming doors isn’t something that I do, but it feels somewhat invigorating. I feel relieved and yes, I may have lost a friend, but Lily and I were having issue after issue, so it was just a matter of time before something happened. No, I didn’t expect her to sleep with Austin, but she did and that made me realize the kind of person he is, and I don’t need him either.

  Life can only get better from here.

  Around ten there’s a knock on the door, I’m surprised because it’s getting late and I’m not expecting anyone. Dani isn’t back yet, and I’m thinking there’s no way she’s still at the library. I hop up and go to the door, opening it; I’m surprised to see Evan standing there.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I ask, confused to see him.

  “Owen called me, so I figured I’d better check in with you,” he says, looking genuinely worried.

  “I’m fine,” I say as I take a step back, allowing him to enter the room.

  “Are you sure?” he asks, looking me up and down, trying to make sure.

  “I’m good Evan. You can tell my brother that I’m fine, because obviously, he isn’t listening to me.”

  “He’s worried, he was ready to drive here and beat Austin’s ass,” he chuckles.

  “I know, he told me, but there’s no point. I’m just glad I found out when I did,” I admit.

  “Is it true, it was with Lily?” he asks, looking a bit angry himself.

  “Sure was.”

  “She really doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself. I’m really sorry Bay.”

  “Don’t be, you didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m okay.”

  “You seem alright and I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of surprised.”

  “What did you expect to find?” I ask.

  “You, crying your eyes out, upset. I knew how much you liked him, so I figured you would take this pretty hard, but you aren’t,” he says, looking shocked.

  “No, things have been getting weird lately and I guess a part of me just knew something was going on,” I say as I sit down, patting the spot beside me so he can take a seat too, which he does.