Here and Now

by T. Renee Fike

  “Evan,” I say, turning to look at him as he drives, “You can’t seriously blame yourself. Owen would never blame you for any of this and you cannot blame yourself.”

  “I know; it’s just something that crosses my mind sometimes.”

  “Don’t let it, because he has never once blamed you and he wouldn’t, because you couldn’t have prevented it, no matter how you look at it.”

  “I guess,” he says as he glances my way before looking back towards the highway. “I’ll come in and see him.”

  “Good,” I say, smiling bigger than before.

  Evan has been checking up on me here and there, but not like before. I think he’s starting to get back to life before Owen’s accident, which is good, don’t get me wrong, I just sometimes miss talking and hanging out.

  When we finally get to my house, Evan parks the car and we both get out. I grab my bag and pillow before leading us up the stairs. Heading inside, the house is eerily quiet, which is normal.

  “Hello,” I yell, waiting for a response.

  “In here,” Owen shouts, letting me know he’s in the living room. I drop my stuff at the door and walk towards his voice. In the living room sits my brother in a wheelchair, a sight I haven’t exactly prepared myself for. I stare in shock, realizing the reality, though I’ve known it, it’s difficult to see. “Welcome home,” he says with a smile, sounding like his normal self.

  Evan jumps right in, rushing over and sitting in a chair and starts talking to Owen like nothing happened and that no time has passed.

  I sit on the couch and look at the two of them, talking about hanging out and making plans this week. I want to join in, but not even sure where to start. Am I being selfish? I want to hang out with Owen all week, but I bet he wants to get out of this house.

  “How’s it going?” I ask, finally chiming in when there’s a break in the conversation.

  “It’s going good,” he says with a smile. “Mom’s got me working with some really great people. I am going to walk again Bay,” he says, sounding more positive than ever.

  “I know you are,” I say, agreeing, because he’s that strong and determined he will do anything he wants.

  “How’s school going?” he asks, as I fill him in on the last week. I’ve been keeping him up-to-date, so there isn’t too much to tell him.

  I head upstairs to give Owen and Evan some time to hang out as I unpack and then grab a bite to eat.

  Evan leaves a few hours later and then Owen and I hang out in the living room, catching up. He finally fills me in on the treatment plan and how therapy is going.

  Owen wants a rigorous workout plan, but mom won’t let him yet, and I can’t blame her; he just woke up and is back at home. As much as he wants to push, you can only push so hard before you break.

  “Is there anything I can help you with this week with your therapy?” I ask, hoping I can do something.

  “Not really, just hang out and be normal, can you do that Bay?” he asks with a look.

  “Of course,” I say like it’s no big deal, though I know and he knows it is.

  He smiles and starts to shake his head, “It’s just a wheelchair; and I’m still the same guy, still your brother.”

  “I know, which is why everything is going to be normal,” I state proudly.

  “I’m going to hold you to that Bay.”

  We end up watching movies and talking before calling it a night. I head up the stairs to my bedroom; Owen has a new bedroom set up on the first floor so he doesn’t have to worry about trying to make it up or around the stairs. Mom really went all out to make sure everything works at home for him and is an easy transition.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The week flies by and before I know it, I’m packing my bag to head back to school.

  “Don’t look so sad,” Owen says as I come down the stairs.

  “I don’t want to go back yet,” I whine.

  “You need to; you got to take your classes.”

  “I could stay a few more days, help you some more,” I say, hoping he sees it from my point of view.

  Owen’s progress is improving and he’s truly pushing himself to walk again, so therapy is a struggle, but I’ve seen progress just this week alone.

  “NO,” he scolds, “You can’t, Evan’s going to be here soon to pick you up. I need to get back to my schedule, just like you do.”

  I shrug, knowing he’s right, but wishing he was wrong. This week has been fantastic, we’ve hung out, caught up, and it felt like old times. Evan came over a few days and so did some of Owen’s other friends. I couldn’t have been happier with how his friends treated him. They treated him exactly the same like they did before, which is all any of us could have asked for.

  About ten minutes later Evan shows up, he seems to be in a great mood. He ends up talking to Owen for a good twenty minutes before we hit the road. I hug my brother goodbye and tell him I expect updates, he agrees, of course, and we head out the door.

  “He seems to be in a great mood,” Evan says with a smile.

  “Yeah,” I say, feeling the complete opposite.

  “You okay?” he asks, as he opens the driver side door.

  “I’m fine,” I say as I open my door and throw my bag in before sliding in myself.

  “Are you sure?” he asks, as he sits and stares at me.

  I shrug, “I was thinking of staying a few more days, but Owen doesn’t want me to,” I say, feeling somewhat hurt.

  “He has a schedule, just like you, he wants you to continue with that. It’s nothing against you Baylee,” he says, hardly ever calling me by my full name.

  “I know, it’s just that this past week went great and I could even see progress; I just want to be there for a him for a few more days.”

  “You’re going to come back to visit, but this is something that he needs to do on his own,” he says, sounding just like Owen now.

  “You sound like Owen,” I mutter.

  He starts to chuckle, “I talked to him, I see where he’s coming from with what he wants, you have to respect his wishes.”

  “I know,” I say, before turning and looking out the window. I don’t want to talk, I just feel left out right now, because that’s what I am. Am I being selfish? Yes and I know it, but I don’t seem to care.

  An hour into the drive, I finally get out of my funk and start conversing with Evan, and we continue to talk the entire way home. At least I can enjoy this small amount of time with Evan and enjoy his friendship.

  He drops me off at my dorm and I head inside, filling Dani in on how my week went. We didn’t get a chance to talk all week because we kept missing one another, so now we can catch up.

  “So, I need to tell you something,” she says hesitantly.

  “What’s up?” I ask from my bed, sitting Indian style.

  “I’m dating someone,” she says with a slight smile on her face.

  “Who?” I ask immediately.

  “Seth,” she says like I know him.

  “Seth who? Do I know him?” I ask.

  She starts shaking her head immediately, “No, he’s actually a guy from home, which isn’t far from here, but I want you to meet him.”

  “Absolutely, just let me know when and where,” I say, excitedly. I’m happy for my best friend.

  “Possibly this coming weekend,” she says, looking hopeful.

  “Sure thing, I’m here and I wouldn’t miss it,” I squeal. “How long has this been going on?”

  “Not long, like two weeks, but when we went to the party and you were talking to Jon, I got filled in through mutual friends about Seth,” she smirks.

  “Jon, oh my gosh, I completely forgot about him,” I say, feeling horrible. I was supposed to meet him months ago for lunch.

  She starts laughing and shaking her head, “No worries, I filled him in and he completely understands.”

  “Thank you, I can’t believe I completely forgot, I never even responded to his text,” I say, feeling bad.

/>   “Don’t feel bad, he’s actually dating someone now, so it all works out in different ways.”

  “Oh,” I say, surprised.

  “He’s not your type anyway,” she says, catching me off guard.

  “I thought you said we would have been great together,” I question.

  “No, he’s not Evan, so he wouldn’t make the cut.”

  “I’m not with Evan, we are just friends and that’s all we will ever be,” I say. As close as we’ve become because of Owen’s accident, he would never date me and I’m not going to hold out waiting for him. I see how Lily turned out doing that and I will not end up the same way.

  “You mean to tell me in all the car rides back and forth, the two of you haven’t spoken about a possibility for a future with the two of you?” she questions, looking at me suspiciously.

  “No, we haven’t, there isn’t an us and never will be. I’ll only ever be his best friend’s little sister,” I point out.

  “Wow Bay, I’m really sorry. I thought you two would have actually had a chance to talk about the possibility.”

  “We didn’t and we won’t, but it’s alright, I’m okay with how things are,” I explain.

  She looks at me for a good minute without saying anything, and then changes the topic. We end up spending the rest of the night talking about Seth, her explaining him to me before calling it a night.

  Halfway through the week, I get a text from Evan, checking in on me and asking if I want to hang out and talk about a few things. I respond saying sure, having no clue what he’s talking about.

  Deciding to meet at the local pizza shop, I head inside after class on Wednesday, grabbing a table, while I wait for Evan to show up.

  He arrives about five minutes later.

  “Hey,” he says as he slides into the booth seat across from me.

  “Hey,” I say, unsure of why he wants to meet.

  “Did you order yet?” he asks, looking down at my filled soda.

  “No, just got a drink,” I say as I look down at my menu.

  “Okay, good,” he says as he starts looking through the menu.

  “Why did you want to meet?” I ask, wanting to know why I’m here.

  “I wanted to check on you, see how you’re doing,” he says, like it’s no big deal.

  “I’m good, Owen’s been giving me updates, schools going okay, and life’s well okay,” I answer.

  “Are you doing okay, though?” he asks, looking slightly concerned.

  “I’m good; look Evan, you don’t have to keep tabs on me, is that what this is? Did Owen put you up to this?” I ask, calling him out.

  “No, I mean he’s always asked for me to watch out for you, that hasn’t changed. I know when we came back you weren’t okay so I just wanted to see for myself if you’re good now or not,” he says with an intense look.

  I can’t help but stare at his sexy blue eyes; it’s easy to get lost in them. “I’m good, I always am,” I inform him.

  He continues to look at me, looking like he’s trying to solve some type of puzzle. “Look Bay, we’ve talked a lot, especially spending so much time in the car, I’d like to continue to hang out, talk. I want you to keep me posted on how life’s going for you, and if you need me for anything to let me know,” he says, sounding genuine.

  “We can talk whenever, but I promise you I’m good, I don’t need you to check in on me, you can tell Owen I’m just fine,” I say, before grabbing my drink.

  “For now, just think about it, don’t say no just yet.”

  “I’m not saying no, but you don’t need to feel obligated to talk to me.”

  “I actually enjoyed talking to you and asking for your advice on shit, I’d like to continue to do that, if not for you, for me,” he says with a smirk.

  I can’t help but laugh and shake my head, how can I possibly say no, when he’s looking so sexy at me.

  “Okay,” I say, shaking my head, “We can hang out whenever you want,” I say, giving in. I do enjoy hanging out with Evan, even if it means as only friends. He’s talked and listened, giving me advice when I needed it; the least I can do is continue to do that with him.

  “Good, how about Friday night?” he asks, catching me off guard.

  My head snaps up, looking at him, “Don’t you have plans to go to a party or something?” I ask.

  “No, I’m not going out as much, well not drinking as much,” he informs me. I don’t bother to ask why, I already know the answer.

  “Okay, Friday works,” I say, agreeing to hang out.

  “Good,” he says with a smile. Just then the waitress comes and we both place our orders, both of us ordering subs, just different kinds.

  We continue to make small talk while we wait for our food, and once it comes, we eat in comfortable silence.

  As we leave, Evan lets me know he will text me for the exact time, he’s not completely sure, because he needs to write a paper. I agree and head towards my dorm.

  “What’s the smile for?” Dani asks as I enter our room.

  “Just had a fun time,” I admit.

  “So there is something brewing,” she states proudly.

  “No, but we are friends so we are going to be friends. I did talk and trust him with a lot of information, and he did the same with me, so we are going to continue to hang out here and there. He told me he likes my input on some things and would like to continue having me give him some advice on things,” I say, shutting down any thoughts she may have of us actually dating.

  “I think he likes you,” she says, not holding back.

  “Well, you’re wrong and I can’t go in thinking that because then I would just get my heart broken. This way, knowing we are friends, is good enough for me.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” she says, knowing damn well I am. Evan has never had an interest in me and that hasn’t changed overnight.

  Friday comes and class after class, I can’t wait to go home and relax. I still haven’t heard from Evan, thinking maybe he has other plans or forgot. Who knows?

  “Hey, so when’s the big date?” Dani asks as soon as I open the door. I head inside.

  “I haven’t heard from him.”

  “What?” she shrieks, sounding utterly surprised.

  “He may have forgotten or maybe he has other plans,” I inform her.

  “No, he isn’t the type of guy to make plans then fall through on them. He’ll text,” she says, sounding so sure.

  “I wouldn’t bank on it,” I say as I set my book bag down, pulling a book out, deciding I should start on a paper I have due next week.

  “If he doesn’t, we are going out tonight,” she says, not giving me an option.

  “Sounds good,” I say, wanting to have a night out.

  Two hours later, my phone goes off; Dani stares at me with a smile, like she knows something I don’t.

  Evan- “Hey, still available to hang out tonight?”

  Me- “Sure, what did you have in mind?”

  Evan- “Hang out and watch a movie?”

  “What’s he saying?” Dani asks eagerly.

  “He wants to hang out and watch a movie,” I inform her, before sending a response.

  “Eeee,” she squeals, “I knew it, I told you he’d text,” she says way too excitedly.

  I can’t help but smile.

  Me- “Sounds good, what time?”

  Evan- “Pick you up at 7?”

  Me- “Ok”

  I glance at the clock and see it’s already six-thirty. “Shit,” I mutter as I stand up and rush towards my closet.

  “What time are you meeting him?” she asks.

  “He’s picking me up at 7,” I say, causing her to look at the clock.

  “Dress comfortable, you guys are staying in anyway, so no need to go crazy,” she says.

  “You’re right,” I say, settling on a pair of yoga pants with a tee-shirt, throwing a hoodie overtop.

  “You look hot in that,” she informs me, causing me to laugh.

 
“This, I look like a bum,” I say, as I look down at my outfit.

  “No, guys love girls who don’t always dress up or overdo it. You look great,” she says, giving me thumbs up.

  For the next twenty minutes Dani and I talk about the possibilities of tonight. She thinks it’s promising; I don’t, so I’m trying not to get my hopes up.

  “So you hang out tonight, and he asks to do it again, will you?” she asks.

  “Of course, we are friends. I think he told Owen that he’d keep an eye out for me and this is his way of keeping that promise.”

  “But to hang out on a Friday night, that’s serious.”

  “Not really, it’s one Friday night, plus it’s a weekend night, it’s not like he asked me to hang out during the week.”

  She looks at me for a moment, “So you think it would mean more if he asked you to hang out during the week instead of the weekend?” she asks, looking slightly confused.

  “Yeah, if you hang out during the week then it looks like something serious. Anyone can hang out on the weekend, which is when most people go out, but I think it means more if it’s during the week,” I explain.

  “I think you’re crazy,” she says shaking her head.

  “I’d bet you I’m right,” I say, as my phone goes off. I glance down, reading his message that he’s here. “He’s here,” I say as I slip into my boots before grabbing my wristlet and keys.

  I head down the stairs and out the door, Evan looks like he’s on his phone, so I walk to the passenger side, open the door and slide in, not saying a word. He continues his conversation and holds his finger up to signal for me to wait a moment.

  He hangs his phone up, “Sorry about that. Are you ready to go?” he asks, clearly noticing my yoga pants and sweatshirt.

  “Yeah, am I dressed okay? You said something about watching a movie, so I figured I’d settle on comfortable.”

  “Absolutely,” he says before backing out of the parking spot and heading back towards his house. His house isn’t far, but the weather is still chilly, considering it’s only March, that’s not all surprising.

  He parks and we get out, heading inside.

  “No party here tonight?” I ask, noticing the place looks deserted.