Misjudged

by Sarah Elizabeth

***

  After saying goodbye to James, I arrive back at the dorm just before five, and as I’m putting my manuscripts away, I hear the front door closing. I’m hoping it’s Alyssa so she can try and help me decide on what I should do.

  When I step out of my room, I see Neil jumping over the back of the couch as he takes his usual seat in front of the widescreen.

  “Hey, Alex!” He greets me as I walk over to him, and taps his hand on the space beside him. That’s his way of saying he wants me to go and join him, and I think now might be a smart time to probe him about Brandon.

  He and Brandon have been friends much longer than he and I have, but I feel as though I’ve made a lifelong friend in Neil, so I know he’ll be honest and upfront with me.

  “Can I ask you something, Neil?” My voice sounds raspy and hesitant as I take a seat beside him. “How well do you know Brandon?”

  He takes his gaze away from the screen, and focuses his attention wholly on me with confusion spreading over his features. “What do you mean?”

  “After you and Ryan finished high school, and you both travelled the world before starting college …” I hesitate because I’m feeling awkward for asking Neil about him. “I just wondered if you still kept in touch with Brandon while you were away, that’s all.”

  He’s eyeing me speculatively, and I’m wondering if I’ve approached this the right way, “Not so much. I guess you just lose touch when you go and do different things. Why do you ask?”

  “I heard something today,” I look away from the fixed gaze he has on me before asking my next question. If he confirms that what Matt said was true, then it’s obvious he’s still selling drugs, and to be honest I don’t think I’ll be able to hide my disappointment when he answers me. “Is it true he went to jail for dealing?”

  He inhales a sharp breath, and when I turn back to face him, I see the lines of his brow creasing from my question. The answer I’ve been dreading to hear doesn’t seem so far away if the look on Neil’s face is anything to go by.

  “Yeah, it’s true,” he answers with a sigh, as he sits a little straighter in his seat and turns himself around, until he’s fully facing me. “He got out about a month ago.”

  I feel my heart almost jumping into my throat, and a knot forming again in my lower abdomen when he confirms that Matt was right.

  “I saw something,” I hadn’t realized how fast I’d spoken the words or how breathy I’d become. “Is he a user as well?”

  He appears to be somewhat intrigued now, “Wait, backtrack a little bit,” his voice hints surprise, and he never mutes the TV for any topic of conversation, well until now, apparently. “You said you saw something?”

  “I saw him with two guys. They exchanged something with Brandon and then sped away in a car right afterward,” I can see his eyes narrowing, and he appears to be thinking about something as a frown crosses over his lips. “Could he still be dealing?”

  Neil’s expression is guarded, and I see his jaw tensing. The brightness within his eyes is beginning to fade. I’m not surprised by his reaction, though. I didn’t feel too enthusiastic when I heard what Brandon was up to either.

  “What are you guys talking about?” I hadn’t even heard the front door open, so when I hear Ryan’s voice behind me, I jump a little.

  “Brandon,” I sigh my reply, and then hear Neil’s cell phone ringing. I don’t say anything else, and watch Neil as he concentrates on his cell, before placing it back into his shirt pocket a few moments later.

  He leans over and gives me a peck on the cheek, “Listen, I’ve got a few things to do before our upcoming gig. I’ll catch you in a little while, okay?” He says his goodbyes and then makes his way out of the dorm.

  Ryan leans on the couch opposite of me and furrows his eyebrows, “What were you guys discussing? He didn’t make a pass at you, did he?” He asks as he narrows his eyes on me. I wasn’t expecting the conversation to turn in an entirely different direction.

  “No!” My voice is a little higher than it usually is, and I can feel my cheeks heating up at his question. He shakes his head and leans back into his seat.

  “Thank fuck for that,” he mutters with what sounds like a huge sigh of relief, and I notice his face beginning to relax.

  I’d like to find out a little more as to why it would be such a concern. He did far more than just make a pass at me, but I don’t think it would be such a fantastic idea to reveal such information at the moment. “Would it be so bad if he did?”

  “No,” he shakes his head, and his lips stretch into a grim line. “It would be a whole lot worse than just bad, trust me,” he leans over and grabs the TV remote, before focusing his attention on the screen.

  “Hey, guys!” I hear Alyssa bellow as she walks in through the main door. “What’s goin’ on?” She smiles while placing her shopping bags by the side of the couch, before taking a seat beside me.

  Ryan looks over at her with a small smile before landing his eyes back on me. “Alex and I were just talking about Brandon.”

  “You told him?” A look of surprise crosses into her eyes as she glances between the two of us. “So are you going to meet with him?”

  I shoot her a scowl when I see she has gained Ryan’s full attention, and the worry that has washed over his face doesn’t go unnoticed either.

  “I think you should, I mean, it’s obvious he likes you, too, and …” She hesitates when she sees Ryan’s face filling with fury.

  I glower at Alyssa, and see her grimace when she realizes that this wasn’t what Ryan and I had been talking about. I close my eyes and wait for the interrogation to begin.

  “He was the guy from the ball,” I tell him quietly. When I open my eyes and risk a glimpse at him, I find him studying me with his face turning bleak. “We’re not seeing each other. He made it clear that he’s not interested,” I can’t help the disappointment in my voice when I speak the words out loud, and I notice how Ryan’s face has started to relax at hearing the last part.

  Ryan tilts his head to the side, and the worry in his eyes is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. “You and Brandon?”

  “Hell, Ryan! They only kissed and …” Alyssa pipes up in my defense, and I suppose it’s best to get it all out in the open. Neil and Ryan would probably pick up on the tension between me and Brandon eventually anyway.

  He looks deep in thought, and his lips are pressed in a tight line before he answers, “That’s what concerns me the most.”

  “I don’t get it. Why are you so down on the idea? He’s supposed to be your friend, too, isn’t he?” In no way did I expect him to be overly thrilled by this, but I didn’t think his reaction would be quite so severe.

  When we first started sharing the dorm, we all agreed on one rule. That one rule was to never get involved with anyone else’s friends, or each other, because it would cause too much conflict in the group if things didn’t work out. I can see why now.

  “If you and Brandon had met a couple of years ago, then I would have been all for you guys, I honestly would. In fact, you two would have been perfectly suited back then, and I would’ve been really stoked for you both,” he’s sitting forward in his seat, and I can see he’s only trying to be a good friend. “But, he’s not the same guy now. You’re my friend too, and I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “Brandon said he’s not the same person he once was,” I state flatly. I guess Brandon was being honest with me in what he’d said.

  Ryan looks angry as he appears to be reminiscing over something, “That poor guy has been dealt the shittiest fucking hand for someone our age. Everything that’s happened has changed him, and not in a good way.”

  “In what way?” I still feel like he’s holding something back, and I wonder if it’s got something to do with a girl. Maybe someone hurt him in the past, and that’s why he doesn’t do the relationship thing. I’m glad to be finally getting some answers.

  “Alex, it’s really not my place to say anything. If he want
s you know, then he’ll tell you himself.” I see him tapping his fingers on the table. “Just try and forget about what happened between the two of you. It’ll be for the best in the long run.” With that, he stands and heads into his room.

  “Are you going to meet with him?” Alyssa speaks up when we see Ryan closing his bedroom door behind him. “Alex, I thought that’s what you guys were talking about, I’m sorry.”

  I shrug at her, “It’s fine. They were bound to figure something out eventually.”

  Although I found out that Brandon was in jail, I have a feeling there’s more to this than how people are perceiving it. Ryan pretty much just confirmed that himself.

  ***

  It’s almost seven o’clock, and as I approach the small opening that leads to the lake, I pause and take a couple of deep breaths. I’m feeling nervous, excited, and anxious. My heart is hammering in my chest almost as fast as it was the last time I was here.

  I decided that it would be a good idea to meet with him. There are so many things I want to know about him, and I’m intrigued as to why he wanted to meet with me.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  I walk hesitantly through the opening and look around. I blush when my eyes land on the small, grassy area we were both laying on last week, and then I see him. I don’t know why but earlier I had a feeling that he wouldn’t show up.

  Stopping myself from walking any further, I watch him for a few moments. He has his back to me, and he’s crossed his arms on top of the stone brick wall in front of him. He’s resting his head on top of them and looking out over the lake.

  The lake doesn’t look quite as spectacular as it did under the moonlight, although it may have something to do with the sky being overcast, and the slight rain that has just begun to fall.

  Taking a couple of steps closer, I see him turn his head to the side, before turning back towards the water again, “I wasn’t sure if you’d come,” his voice is calm, as he keeps his focus straight ahead of him.

  “I wasn’t sure if I was going to either, until about thirty minutes ago,” I answer as I take slow steps towards him. Once I’m standing beside him, I notice he takes a deep breath and looks up into the sky, before turning around to face me.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re here, Alexis,” his voice is shaky as his eyes meet with mine. “Here, I got you this,” he hands me a takeout cup, and my eyes widen in surprise as he places it into my hand. It’s a caramel macchiato.

  He knows they’re my favorite? Okay, I think I’m starting to like him more already. “How did you know I like these?” I question while raising my eyebrows at him.

  “You had one in your hand yesterday when I asked to talk to you. It’s a kind of peace offering,” he gives me a small smile while placing his hands into the front of his pants’ pockets. “For not being able to beat the shit outta that asshole for the things he said to you yesterday.”

  “You were angry with Matt for the things he said about me?” I throw him a perplexed look, before taking a sip of my drink. It’s still warm and I let out a sound of satisfaction when I taste it.

  He raises his eyebrows and grins in amusement, “Good?” My God, he’s beautiful. I roam my eyes over him, and notice my pulse quicken when we make eye contact. His eyes look saddened, and I notice his lips drawing into a small frown.

  “Why did you ask me to come?” The rain is getting heavier, and the wind is picking up, which makes me shiver slightly. I really wish I’d worn my jacket.

  He eyes me warily, “I saw the look on your face before I walked away yesterday, and I didn’t want you to judge me on what other people are saying.”

  “Why does it matter what I think anyway?” My voice is serious and I’m starting to feel confused again. I refuse to leave here before I know more. “Do you ask all the girls you—?”

  “This is different,” his lips have formed into a tight line, and I see the brightness in his eyes beginning to fade. “You know, I almost didn’t come here, either.” He lets out a sigh, and then walks over to the little building on the bank of the lake.

  I go to sit beside him, and shiver when the wind and rain pick up. I notice from the corner of my eye that he’s shaking his head, and when I face him, he’s already shrugged out of his jacket and is trying to wrap it around my shoulders.

  “No, I’m fine,” I shake my head as I try to hand it back, but the stern look he is giving me reminds me of Alyssa’s when she’s determined to have her way on something, and so I accept it. “Thanks,” I say quietly, and he nods once before looking away.

  “Alexis, I saw you and James kissing earlier today,” his voice is flat, as he keeps from looking at me. “You looked really into it, and I …”

  I lean forward, and try to read his expression as he lets breathes out a deep sigh, “What?” I ask him.

  He shakes his head and rakes his hands through his already disheveled hair. “Shit! This wasn’t supposed to fucking happen!” He sounds pissed, stands up, and starts pacing the small pathway in front of me. “You looked the same as you did when you and I—”

  “We were practicing for our upcoming audition. It wasn’t like we were kissing for real or anything,” I tell him, and I’m beginning to wonder why it’s even bothering him.

  “Look, forget it … I shouldn’t have asked you to come,” I see his eyes turning glassy, before he begins to walk away.

  “Brandon, it didn’t mean anything,” I try to explain. He looks angry, and I just don’t get it.

  “And there are those words again …” He mutters to himself. I don’t think I was supposed to hear him, but I did.

  I jump to my feet and start to follow him. I’m not done here even if he thinks he is. “What wasn’t supposed to happen?” He stills just before the opening and turns back around. He looks physically and emotionally drained.

  “This!” He snaps with a cold voice, while waving his left hand between the two of us. “I wanted us to be friends, but, I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea now.” He sounds defeated and his shoulders have slumped down low again.

  Walking cautiously towards him, I see him swallow and a guarded look taking over his features. The white V-neck tee he’s wearing is soaked through, and I can’t stop my eyes from drifting over him. The tee is clinging to his skin, and I can see his perfectly toned six-pack through the fabric.

  “Have you finished checking me out yet?” His voice is softer now, but his facial features remain hard. “I should go—”

  “But I’m not done yet,” I tell him as I move forward. I stand right in front of him, and tilt my head up so that I can see into his eyes. “How was this different?” He hasn’t answered anything yet, and I’m determined to get to know him better. I’m curious as to why he isn’t the same person anymore.

  He closes his eyes, and I watch his chest rise and fall as he breathes. After a few seconds he reopens them, and I see the very same burning glint that I saw on Friday.

  “I almost lost James as my partner today.” Oh hell, am I really going to tell him this? “He wanted to ditch me because I lacked passion.” He’s watching me and looks somewhat astonished.

  His jaw is clenched again, and his eyes are turning cold, “You looked like you had plenty of passion when you kissed him,” he mumbles through his gritted teeth.

  “That’s because I was thinking of you the whole time,” I lean up and whisper softly into his ear. Yeah, I just said it.

  Congratulations, Alex. It looks like you just scared the shit out of him.

  He gulps as his eyes roam over my body again, “You … telling me this … it makes this entire situation a whole lot harder, Alexis,” he stops talking, and his eyes half close when I trace his jaw lightly with my index finger. “I wish that—”

  “You felt it too, didn’t you?” Where the hell did that come from? I was going to tell him I just wanted to be friends with him!

  He squeezes his eyes shut and frowns, while lifting his hands to rest on his
hips. He doesn’t say anything, but when he opens his eyes again, they look haunted. He nods and I feel warmth spreading through my stomach at his confirmation, as a smile sweeps over my lips.

  “Fine. I felt it. Is that what you wanted to hear?” He looks conflicted again, and his voice sounds weak. “Do you feel better now, Alexis? To know that I want you, but I can never fucking have you!” The sudden anger startles me and I find myself flinching away from him.

  “Why can’t you have me?” I don’t know what possesses me to push for more. I haven’t even gotten to the bottom of the whole jail thing. I realize now how stupid I’m being, and that it’s just his closeness that’s making me forget myself.

  “Fine!” He lets out, before picking me up by my waist and carrying me back over to the building, before placing me up against the outside wall.

  He puts me back onto my feet but keeps his body encased around mine. He pins both of my arms above my head with one hand, while leaning the other on the wall behind me. I can feel his chest lightly pressing into mine. My breathing becomes light when our bodies touch, but this just doesn’t feel how I’d expected it to. Something doesn’t feel right.

  “Do you want me, Alexis?” He seems different. He sounds and looks both angry and tormented.

  “Brandon,” I can feel my whole body shaking and hear my voice crack when I speak. “You’re scaring me.” His face falls when I speak the words, and his eyes begin to look lifeless.

  He releases my arms and steps away, but keeps watching me as I struggle to catch my breath.

  “Then now you know how I feel,” he answers solemnly, before turning and walking away. This time, I don’t stop him from leaving.

  6.

  Breaking Point.

  Is that Neil I hear shouting?

  I wipe my eyes, sit myself up, and look over at my alarm clock. It’s one in the morning, and the sound of loud voices echoing from the main room has just woken me from my sleep. I can’t quite make out what’s going on. All I can hear is Ryan and Neil’s voices traveling through the walls, and they certainly don’t sound too happy. I jump out of bed, run to my door, and when I open it up, I see a furious Ryan with an even more furious looking Neil standing beside him.