No Love Lost (Masters and Mercenaries: The Forgotten Book 5)

by Lexi Blake

  And he himself had done a lot of damage, too.

  “She didn’t know his real name, of course, and everything they did was online.” Hutch seemed to force himself to go slower. “But after the job was done some scary stuff started to happen, and lucky for us like many hackers, Reva’s completely paranoid. So to put it plainly, Levi hired a hacker to get into Kronberg’s systems and upload material he wanted there. At the time Reva needed the cash, and it didn’t seem to be such a crazy thing to put a couple of names in a pharmaceutical company’s backlog of investors. She admitted she didn’t read a lot of it. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she considered it to be rich people fucking each other over.”

  “When did she figure out it was something more?” Ezra asked.

  “Is she safe?” Kim asked at the same time. “You said she had kids.”

  “Answer Kim first, please.” Hutch would likely answer the question that interested him first, but Beck wanted Kim to be comfortable.

  Hutch stopped and looked Kim’s way. “Reva’s good. I don’t even know where she is. She’s changed her name, moved, and she told me she feels comfortable that whoever hired her back then doesn’t know where she is.”

  “Then why is she willing to come forward?” Kim asked. “She would have to testify.”

  “Ah, but she won’t,” Hutch said. “Because she’s got this, and she’s still got the original.”

  “And what is that?” Beck was pretty good with computers, but even he didn’t quite understand all the tech stuff Hutch and Jax and Adam had spewed in the first frenzied moments after they’d walked into the conference room.

  “She basically took a snapshot of Kronberg’s systems before she touched them. She’s got everything. It’s a beautiful job,” Hutch said with excitement. “She didn’t leave anything behind. It proves what she put in and what was real. This was as much a cover-up as it was a reveal.”

  Damn, he’d worried about that. “If he could prove some of it was true, he could slip the lies in and no one would question it. That’s what he was trying to do with Kim. The question is how we use it.”

  “We use it to fuck Levi over,” Tag announced with a shit-eating grin. “This is what our Berlin guy was telling us. Do you understand how close we are to another election? How this could bring down his soon-to-be father-in-law? He’s running and he’s probably going to be his party’s candidate. If the Agency has to pick between a potential president and a man who could bring them all down, I know who they’ll choose.”

  They would choose the candidate who was ahead in the polls, and then hold it over his head and serve themselves.

  “Or we could expose them all,” Kim said.

  “If we expose them all, we expose McDonald’s drug.” Charlotte got to the point of the problem. “If we do that, none of us is safe. I understand the impulse. In a perfect world we could do it and justice would be done.”

  “In the world we live in, it puts targets on the Lost Boys.” He had to be honest. There was a reason they hadn’t taken the whole thing to the press in the beginning. McDonald’s work had to stay in the dark. “There would be agencies who would think experimentation might lead to discovery.”

  He didn’t want to state it blatantly since Jax was sitting right there. There might be people out there who would take a chance that the Lost Boys themselves held the secrets of McDonald’s drugs. And those experiments would be painful and lead to the death of the patient. He couldn’t let it happen.

  “I think I can speak for all of us when I say we would prefer our names didn’t get leaked,” Jax said solemnly. “We’ve talked about this over the years. It might be braver to put it all out there, but it would also open doors none of us could close again.”

  Kim’s eyes had gone wide. “We can’t let anyone know. They could come after their families, too.”

  Now he did what came naturally. He reached out and offered his hand. She clutched it like a lifeline.

  “But we can send this intel to someone in the Agency. We can let them know someone has to be held accountable,” Ian explained. “I have a friend who handles oversight at a very high level. He’ll take care of it. They’ll do one of two things.”

  Beck knew exactly what Tag was talking about. “They’ll take care of the problem or they’ll interrogate him, find out everything he’s ever done, and then they’ll take care of the problem. Either way, they won’t put McDonald’s research out there and we’ll be safe.”

  Kim’s hand came out of his and she sat back. “All right. We do this and then we hope they arrest Levi in order to cover their own crimes, and then we all go back to our corners and the mutually assured destruction sets the balance again.”

  He understood her frustration, but this wasn’t an easy situation. This wasn’t something they could simply shine a light on and the problem would burn away in the sun. Unfortunately this problem would burn a lot of people they cared about if it was put in the light.

  It would lurk in the background. It would be something they would all have to live with the rest of their lives. He missed the comfort of her hand in his.

  “All right. I’d like to take a look at the data.” Kim seemed to pull herself together and Solo was back in the house. He’d come to think of her as essentially two people—his Kim and the Agency’s Solo.

  She’d had to compartmentalize to do her job, to survive in the harsh world they’d lived in for so long. Even here at McKay-Taggart there were hard calls to make.

  Had she found a softness in Malta that she missed? This was the first time since he’d seen her again that Solo had come out. How hard was it to bring back her cast-iron persona?

  “I can walk you through it all,” Jax promised. “It really is good news, Solo. If Levi’s out of power, there’s not much he can do to you. Given the fact that we can prove he manipulated this data, I can’t imagine a scenario where he keeps his job. Not only did he threaten to point a finger at some people who did support McDonald, he implicated people who didn’t. And he hid the actions of people who could help him, including his future father-in-law. The current VP not only had stock in Kronberg, he met several times with McDonald herself and had a close relationship with McDonald’s father. He’ll dump Levi like a hot potato.”

  Kim got quiet. “He’ll dump Levi and move on with his life. In the end, Levi was nothing to him.”

  “He made his choices,” Ian said softly.

  “Of course he did. He deserves every fucking thing he gets. And more. When you think about it, he’s getting off easy.” A bit of his old anger bubbled up. They were still here. She still had some kind of feelings for the bastard even after all this fucking time. His old insecurities welled inside. “Do you even want to pursue this? I guess I should have asked. Maybe you want…” Fuck. He wasn’t doing this. He wasn’t falling back into this pattern. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

  She stood. “Oh, but you did. I assume what you were going to say was maybe I want it. Maybe I want Levi to continue to come after me. Maybe I’ll miss having a sick stalker coming after me. Who knows? Maybe I’m some pathetic creature who craves his attention.” She sighed and turned to Jax. “Can we do this downstairs?”

  “Kim, I’m sorry.” He knew he’d been an ass, but he didn’t understand what she’d meant. She’d looked like she felt sorry for the bastard. “Let’s go to my office and talk. Please.”

  She was already at the door. “No need. I’ll see you later. After all, we’re still going to Sanctum tonight. Or maybe I should ask Levi.”

  Damn it. He’d fucked up. “We’re still going unless you want out. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

  “I made a deal. I keep my deals. I don’t break them when I get my feelings hurt,” she said and strode out the door.

  Every word felt like a kick.

  Jax gathered up his papers. “I’ll go and show Solo what we found. Adam, you can handle walking the rest of them through it, right?”

 
“Sure,” Adam offered. “Though if I’d known I was getting a show, I would have popped some corn.”

  “Why don’t we take a break before Adam starts his presentation?” Charlotte stood up and sent her husband a look.

  Ian sighed. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

  Adam shook his head, but he was already out of his chair. “You guys are no fun. Anyway, I should go and make sure we’ve got eyes on Levi if we’re doing this today.”

  “As long as Solo and Beck are good, we’re a go,” Tag replied. “I say the sooner we get Operation Summer’s Eve underway, the better.”

  “We’re not calling it that,” Charlotte said with a groan.

  “It’s because he’s a douche, baby,” Tag replied.

  Ezra stood up and moved close to him. “You want to take a walk?”

  He stared up at his brother. So much had gone wrong, but it might have started with him. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me. I don’t know how I would have reacted back then, but I know I would have still loved you.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you, and then I let too much time pass. I’m sorry I had a part in what happened between you and Kim,” Ezra said softly. “She doesn’t care about Levi. She loves you. She always has. Maybe you should go downstairs and try to talk to her.”

  Before he could answer, Ian was leaning forward. “I need a word with Beck, Father. If you don’t mind.”

  Ezra put a hand on Beck’s shoulder and nodded Tag’s way. “Sure. I’ll go check on Roman.”

  It had felt good to say those things to his brother. Why couldn’t he and Kim do the same?

  They all filed out and he was left with Tag. He knew exactly what was coming. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

  “And yet you did. I thought you were past this.”

  He felt sick but he forced himself to breathe. “I did, too.”

  Tag sat back with a sigh. “Thank god you’re not, man. For a while there I’d thought you’d become some weird perfect therapy patient. Kai was walking around like he’s some guru because he fixed you. I always knew deep down that you were as fucked up as the rest of us. All you needed was one specific trigger.”

  He didn’t like the sound of that. “Kim is not a trigger.”

  “She is totally a trigger for all that anger festering inside you,” Tag insisted. “See, you have to fix that. Me, I got a million triggers for my rage. Assholes who don’t drive the speed limit. Assholes who go way over the speed limit. Assholes on skateboards, unless they’re falling off their skateboards and then I think they’re hilarious. Asshole hipsters who say they won’t listen to anything but vinyl. Asshole…”

  He held up a hand. “You don’t like assholes. Got it.”

  Tag sobered. “The point is I’m angry all the time.”

  Beck knew how that felt. “I’ve learned to control mine. It was a slip.”

  “No, it was a trigger, and she needs to be the opposite of a trigger,” Tag countered. “She needs to be the button you push when you need to calm down. She needs to be the one thing in the world that can wash away all the bad shit. She and your son.”

  He would have said she was, but once again their relationship had proven to be complex. “You know it’s not that simple.”

  “It’s not simple for her either. She’s at a serious crossroads, and you need to help her make a choice that’s good for her and Roman and not that’s simply a reaction to you being an asshole.”

  He didn’t want to push her away again, but he hadn’t imagined what had happened. “She was feeling sympathy for that bastard.”

  Ian’s head shook. “No, she was feeling empathy because she could easily have become Levi Green. Any of us could. Why do you think I got out? I got out because I met my Charlie and even though I thought she was dead, I knew I couldn’t become the raging pit of darkness that I would become if I stayed in. Some people can do it. Some people can compartmentalize so well they can have a family and feel love and compassion and still walk into that office and move people around like chess pieces. I couldn’t. But if I hadn’t met Charlie, I think I would have. It’s so tempting to be in control every second of the day, to know you don’t have to be afraid because you’re the monster.”

  “You’re saying you feel bad for Green?” It was hard to comprehend.

  “My ability to see the hows and whys of Green won’t make me gut him with any less enthusiasm,” Tag promised. “Do I understand him? Yes. Do I understand that he had no one growing up, that he was a pawn to his parents? They threw money at him, and then there wasn’t any more money and he was totally on his own. With the exception of the money being gone, who does that sound like?”

  He sighed because he knew where Tag was going with this. “I know it sounds like Kim.”

  “She knows damn straight that she could be in Levi Green’s place,” Tag replied.

  “That’s bullshit.” She wasn’t like that. Yes, she’d made some hard calls, but she wouldn’t have sold her soul.

  “No, it’s not.” Tag obviously wasn’t backing down. “In this, I understand her far better than you can. You’re one of those people who can’t be moved. It’s not in you to do the wrong thing. You’ve proven that time and time again.”

  “I’m not freaking Captain America. I’ve got blood on my hands, too.”

  “When killing a person meant saving others, yes, you did,” Tag agreed. “You put your job on the line to take out someone who was killing his own people when you were ordered to work with him because it was in the best interests of the United States. You’re the guy who can’t stand by when someone is being hurt. Not for any reason. It’s why you should always have been on the civilian side.”

  He sat back, a lot of what Tag was saying settling in. Had he not spent so much time with Kai, he might have dismissed it all and hung on to his anger. “So what you’re saying is Kim sees herself in what’s going on with Levi. There’s a part of her that understands why he did the things he did. He wanted to belong. He wanted to be important. He did everything his bosses wanted him to and more, and they are going to ruin him for it. But she wouldn’t have done any of it.”

  Tag pointed his way. “That’s your righteous self doing the talking. You don’t know that. She’s chosen her job over you before.”

  “Because I pushed her away.”

  Tag sat back. “I do think you’re the difference, but Solo knows she could have gone down that path given the right circumstances. And just for a second, she felt bad for him. It doesn’t mean she loves the asshole. It means she knows what it feels like to be left adrift. And the part at the end about going to Sanctum was about you being a whiny man bitch who didn’t honor your marriage vows.”

  “I never cheated on her.” He hadn’t even thought of another woman when he’d been with Kim. Hell, even when he wasn’t with her, he barely seemed to think of anyone but her.

  “No, but you left her,” Tag pointed out. “For better or worse, my man. If you can’t honor that, let her go and find someone who can because that woman could have found you with a gun in your hand standing over a dead body, and all she would have asked was how she could help. Maybe you need someone a little less dark than Solo.” Tag started to stand.

  He didn’t want to leave things like this, and if there was one person who knew how to handle some darkness it was Tag. “I love her. She’s the only woman I’ll ever love, and I worry that the minute she’s safe, she’s going to leave me again. I’m worried she won’t let me back in and the only connection we’re going to have for the rest of our lives will be Roman. I love my son. I didn’t even know I could love someone the way I love that kid, but I want to be a family. I want my wife back. What do I do to get her back? How do I prove to her that I’ve changed and I won’t leave her alone again?”

  It had been the worst thing he’d done in his life. He’d abandoned her when she’d needed him. Maybe if he’d stayed with her she would have trusted him enough to tell him about his brother. Maybe th
ey wouldn’t have wasted all those years.

  Tag stopped. “You really want her? You have to stop the bullshit with Levi. He’s the bad guy. He’s on the other side and she’s not in the middle, man. She never was. For years you treated this like a love triangle. She can’t be in a love triangle with her fucking stalker, and she can’t trust anyone who thinks she would. So let that go.”

  He felt a bit weary. Why had he opened his stupid mouth? He knew her deep down. “I have. I know I had a moment of weakness, but I see it now. I can be dumb.”

  “It’s good that you acknowledge that. The second thing you have to do is all about anger.”

  Beck shook his head. “I’m not mad at her.”

  “No, but she’s furious with you. I don’t think she knows how angry she is with you. She won’t acknowledge it.”

  “I know.” He felt it every day. The only time she’d truly softened had been when they’d made love the night before. “She needs to let it out. She needs to yell at me and call me every name in the book and tell me how much I fucked up.”

  Tag nodded. “Yeah. Until she does, it’s going to eat her up inside.”

  “She doesn’t want to talk about it.” Every time he tried to gently broach the subject, she shut him down.

  “She doesn’t feel safe talking about it. So make her feel safe. Give her what she needs to let it out.” Tag tapped the desk with the folders in his hands. “Sanctum is the sight of many a primal scream, my man. If you need to game plan, I’ll be in my office this afternoon.”

  If he could get her to open up, they might have a chance. He sat back and played out the possibilities in his head.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The mood in the ladies’ locker room at Sanctum was jubilant. It was a stark contrast to the quiet that had fallen over her the minute they’d dropped off Roman in the building next door. She’d been told it was owned by Beck’s therapist, Kai Ferguson, who allowed a couple of conference rooms to be used as kids’ care when Sanctum was open. This evening Kai and his wife Kori had been there to greet them along with two women and a man who were working as caregivers that night. It had been explained to her that Doms and subs who couldn’t afford the cost of a Sanctum membership could still gain access by working one night a week.